Hi,
I have the most spirited, sweet and mischievous boy. He is my first and is 2 1/2. I love him so much. He is passionate about everything he does. Playdates, however, are tough- especially when they are at our home. He totally freaks out when his little friends come over and doesn't want to play with them. He pushes them around when they play with his toys. Most of my friends have little girls and they seem to be sweet and compliant (even at 2 1/2) so it just amazes me that they can be so different. I just wanted some perspective from people who can relate and some reassurance that this is a stage for him and that it will pass. It's very frustrating to see my child act in a way that doesn't really reflect who he is and it bummed me out to see that there's a piece of me that feels self-conscious when he acts out. I have been a really successful salesperson and just quit my job to be home. I love it but parenting has brought out some insecurities that I never knew were there. Thanks everyone.
Thank you all for the encouragement. Some had suggested putting him into classes, etc. and I didn't mention that he has been in an in-home daycare since he was 5 months old. I keep him there 3 days a week still to keep him with his friends. He does awesome there. Also, he does really well in the church nursery. The nursery staff tell me he is always well behaved. We will just continue to parent him with love and discipline and watch his personality unfold as he gets older. Thank you again for encouraging me! I needed it.
I don't know if you got the advice that you were looking for I just read this. You may want to go to my website www.proactiveparenting.net.
There you will find the seminars that will help you let him know what is okay and what isn't without yelling.
I would suggest seminars 2 & 8.
Good Luck,
____@____.com Parenting dot net
Congratulations on becoming a SATH! I went through the same thing after successfully running a large restaurant- what a difficult and mentally challenging, but rewarding, change!
Regarding your son, regardless of what other people may say about sharing, it is VERY important to allow your son to have his special toys that he never has to share with anyone for any reason. If you set up a play date at your house, before the other children / child arrives, make a special point to ask your son to pick out the toys he does not want the other children to play with and explain to him that when the other children arrive they will play with his toys (except for the special toys you put away). Let him see you put his special toys away so he knows they are safe. His special toys might change from play sate to play date- the important thing is to allow him to feel safe about not having to share his special toys and if he doesn't want to share when playing somewhere else, ask if there is another toy he would like to share or ask him to leave his special toy at home or in the car. A great book to read is Naomi Aldort's Raising Our Children, Rasinmg Ourselves. Have a great time at home but don't forget to take time for YOURSELF!
Hi J.,
How does he respond when you go to someone else's house? Is it that he's uncomfortable with kids his age or just doesn't want to share his house/mom/toys?
E.
Hi,
I am not sure this is a boy-girl thing. My little boys do not behave like that during playdates; and I have seen girls act like that. So it just depends on personality, age, if they have siblings, how they are disciplined, etc; not boy-girl. (my opinion,my experince).
Your son is only 2 1/2 and if he is the oldest, he is not used to sharing his stuff (your second child is only 5 months old). As your second child gets older and you keep encouraging sharing, he will learn to do so.
Some kids are also more strong-willed then others and some have a harding time sharing. Some kids its natural to share and others it's not, some take longer to learn to do so. Developmentally kids do not understand other peoples feelings until 3 years. Meaning, they are usually somewhat selfish and all about themselves because they of their age and around 3 that starts to change. They can empathize and start to learn not to be "all about them".
I would really stand your ground and enforce sharing. Keep doing what you are doing and it will sink in. It may take a while (until after 3) and a lot of effort on your part but your son will change how he behaves.
Also, leave a message or go see your pedicatrician. Mine always gives great advice. And I am sure some other mamasource moms will have great advice.
Best of luck.
:)
I can't really offer advice I can tell you I am currently going through the same thing with my son who is also 2 1/2 son and I know how frustrating it is. I do have a couple theories I can share with you one is boys and girls are inherently different not just physically. Boys especially ones that are outgoing by nature seem to have underdeveloped impulse control so acting out is how they respond to frustration were as girls go to there emotions crying or backing off and sulking. I have seen that at playdates my son does better at the other childs house because he is not the "top dog" and is more willing to follow the other childs lead but this is not always 100%.
I have a baby girl who is 3 weeks old so my sons behavior is off the charts right now but we have been dealing with this since he could walk around 15 months. If this is a recent change with your child it could be him acting out with his new sibling and one on one time with you and him may help. The worst for me is most of my "friends" now don't even call because they are tired of his behavior which I understand but is frustrating and hurtful to me because there kids can be equally annoying but in different ways. Hang in there I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, worse case we could get our boys together and they can go at it like a toddler WWE match!! Just kidding, good luck. K.
My boy is 4 now, and didn't really start to show an interest in playing with other kids until the last year or so. My girl is 2 and is much more social, but still not quite playing "with" others. At the daycare they go to, I've noticed when I pick them up, that in the two youngest rooms, the kids play more solitary, and then at about 3 years old you see way more kids actually playing together.
I can't help but see the difference between the girls and boys. At music time, the girls are way more interested in dancing, where most of the boys are off fiddling with toys.
I have a very spirited energetic 2.5 year old boy as well. I also have a very compliant and sweet 4 year old girl. They are as different as night and day. I go through the same thing with my son as you experience. I know a lot of it is gender and a lot is personality. Even though he can be more difficult when it comes to play dates and sharing etc..I wouldn't change his fun loving and energetic personality. Don't worry, this is a hard age when it comes to sharing. They are still learning but I know it will get better and easier. My son is just like his dad, a go getter, loves attention and fun to be around. I think their personalities will serve them well as they get older.
My son has always been in day care so at 2 1/2 they are probably quite different. Have you thought of putting him in some sort of classes, pre-school or Little Gym, etc. to help him socialize? If that is not an option maybe you can try to have more play dates so he is around more kids? My son is a little more "protective" of his own stuff so I think that is perfectly normal. Don't be self-concious about it, boys/kids will be boys/kids ;) and all you can do is try to redirect his behavior and try to help him realize he has to share :)
*sidenote* I took my son to a friend's house the other day, she has 3 1/2 year old twin boys and they were oh so willing to get off their mini quads to let my son have a turn. She said that was one thing she has never had a problem with!
First off J., don't feel insecure about them acting up....this is only the beginning! with boys, you can never say "not my son...he would NEVER do that" because boys always "do that" on a dare! =-) I've had 4 of them, one is out of the house the other 3 are 14, 15,& 17 and I have a daughter 13. One of the things that worked for us was having toys that were JUST for playing with other kids. Not his toys or my toys, but special toys that only came out to share with others.
Congratulations on the mom job! I know you don't get the accolades and praise of others, but your job is so important. After all, if they raise themselves and become monsters, you have no one else to blame. If you raise brilliant well adjusted human beings that love life and love each other, you've done one heck of a job! keep up the good work!
I have 4 kids and each of my children (and myself) have gone through what you are going through! Parenting is very HUMBLING! My latest example is this...My 3 year old daughter is in a playgroup with 1 other girl and 2 boys. We have been meeting every other week as a group for a year now and (still!) after every meeting I feel like my child is the roughest/most strong-willed/won't share/defiant one in the group. If she were my first, I would have quit the group a long time ago and gone home crying....but now I know that each child has his/her temperment that is God-given and it is our job as a parent to steer them through this life with patience/kindness/and a strong discipline required for their personality. I've talked to the other playgroup moms and they have each felt the same thing about their child....only children or one of many....kids have their bad & good days. By the way, all the playgroup moms have noticed that going to neutral play areas (like a park) instead of our houses has helped with the sharing issues! It will get better, I have 10 & 8 year old girls that are turning into lovely young women (praise God) that at one time or another I thought would end up alone and friendless because of their personalities at 2 & 3 years old :) God Bless you!
It sounds like he wants to be in charge of his toys. How about, in preparation for someone coming over, while playing with him, suggest or ask - which toy should we let (Sarah) play with when she comes tomorrow? If he gets defensive, tell him to think about it and tell you later. Then later you can suggest that it would be fun for him to play with his blue truck while Sarah plays with the red car. Maybe you could draw a little "map" of streets on a large poster and put it on the ground. Have them go to the hospital, the police station, the grocery store, the doctor, etc. Or you could draw two of them and have them each use their cars to get to a certain place. When they both get to the doctor's office, you could give them suckers or an apple, etc. (then he would be rewarded for letting her play and do what he is doing). Good luck!
I understand how you feel. My friends have girls too, those sweet compliant girls, like you described. My son has little interest in following directions, especially if they involve cleaning up after himself. My son is very sweet, loving, and funny so it's hard when others don't get to see that part of him. For me, parenting also brings out new insecurities, so I really understand what you mean. In talking with other parents of boys, the non-compliance seems to be pretty common. My son's preschool teacher has two sons who are older (2nd and 4th grade) and by his description they still don't follow directions regularly. They are good kids - especially at school and other public settings - following parental instructions is just not as important to them as their parents wish it would be.
Not wanting to share, especially his own toys, is normal toddler behavior and he will learn to do it eventually. The key for many kids is to let them have some things that they never have to share with anyone, so that may help some if you haven't tried that yet. It is a stage and with the loving guidance you are giving him, he will move past it.
What everyone has said is true! 2 year olds are more interested in self-play, often alongside peers, but not actually WITH them. I wonder if you made it a not big deal that the friend was coming - if you already had your son playing with a toy, and his friend quietly joined him playing with something else, if that would work. Otherwise, playdates at a park sound like a great idea! Usually, when we're in big crowds (My kids have about 50 cousins, so they're always around kids) - if the kids won't share a toy, I actually put them in time out (naughty stair) or remove them from the situation. They have lots of chances with so many kids, so they usually learn quick.
When my kids are being stubborn or something I try to remember that the bad parts and good parts are usually the same quality. I'm glad that he'll be able to stand his ground and won't give up on things when he's older. Just tr y to remember that not everybody can be sweet and compliant (although it sure seems nice when it's somebody else's kid!) In any case, good luck!
