Moms of Only Kids! What Do You Say....

In my neighborhood we have families with 1 child, 2 kids like me, some with 3 and a few with 4 and 5 kids.

One day as all the kids were outside playing, the Moms and I were in a circle talking when I said I had to get going to get my daughter to swimming and would see them later. That was all I said. My friend who has only 1 child said she had to get going too. Her son had baseball.

That prompted the other Mom of 2 kids to say something about how her weekdays are really busy with sports and music and how tired she is all the time with 2 kids!

Then the Mom of 3 kids said something about how that Mom “couldn’t talk”…. Try getting 3 kids to their sports and get dinner ready, homework etc!

Now the Mom of 4 started in with how no one had room to complain!! We should see her weekdays/weekends and she started giving us the blow by blow.

Oh boy did this get the Mom with 5 kids started!!!!

I couldn’t wait to leave! LOL!

OK you get my point. Everyone wants to feel like “they are the busiest and has the most to complain about”. Every time one Mom says something the next will try to one up! It’s so silly really!

Next time a Mom says something like that just say “Oh but I’m SO glad I only had 1! I am definitely a lot saner than the rest of you!” Than laugh, laugh, laugh!

Hi,
I was very tired with one child too. You don't need to explain to anyone. My son had autism and I did not know it at the time. He was hard work. No one knows what any mom goes through on a daily basis. 3 kids does not mean 3 times as much work. When you have 3 kids you do things in a group kind of way. That lady is looking for sympathy. Maybe even being a bit of a martyr. Maybe a reply like, "well it is differnt for each of us" may quiet overly critical comments. when you have one child they know that they have no competition for you and then monopolise you even more.

I have one son (5). I do not complain to anyone but DH about how hard it is too get him out the door on time. So it's not a problem.

Everything is relative. Be careful who you are complaining to is all... I have two kids, ages 7 & 4, and when I had one, it WAS so easy! But I didn't think it was SO easy until I had a second. So, everything is relative. However, you wouldn't find me complaining to someone with triplets how my life is just so hard... and expect them to sympathize with me... please!!! That's pretty unrealistic.

In the scheme of things, she was rude, but you probably shouldn't have complained to a Mom of three kids that your morning was so hard with one.

I think it's crazy to think you SHOULDN:T complain to a mom with 3, sure at times one is easier. I have one, and thats a lot fo the reason why...one is easier to get in the car, to school, ake on vacation,...My cousin has 3 under 3...would I still complain about my one if I had a bad day with her? Sure...why not...everyone has hard days...but would I obviously realize her day is harder typically..yea...everyone should be able to vent without being judged...now if you told her, my day is harder than yours with only one, then I could see her saying something, but you weren't comparing, simply venting....sorry you had a hard day!

When you want sympathy, be sure of your audience.
Some women hate it when anyone complains and then they feel they have to one-up-you so everyone knows how much worse they have it.
It turns into a sick kind of brag fest.
Just do your best to ignore her.
She's not worth wasting a minute worrying about.
And if she ever does complain about the chaos of three, just smile and be glad of your one.

My girlfriend has only one child, and she's in the same boat at you. I don't think it's fair at ALL. I give mom's credit for the hard work they do no matter how many kids they have. If anything, me with 3 kids, it's easier to get them ready and out the door because they can help me!! I wouldn't survive some days without the help of my 5 and 7 year olds!! If my 16 month old son was an only child, I'd be lost without my little helpers :)

The comments are rude, but YOU know they're untrue. I'd either brush it off or tell her to mind HER kids... not yours ;)

If you complain to someone you don't know well, you do open yourself up to their judgement. Sure, she shouldn't judge you but maybe you shouldn't be complaining to her. She was rude but you have no idea what's going on in her house just like she has no idea what's going on in your house. So in a way, it's a risk you take. Of course there are times that 1 child is just as hard as more than 1. I think generally entertaining them must be harder as I have 2 and they play together which I love. I often tell that to parents of single children in terms of trying to be supportive of the challenges they face. But typically, getting one child out of the house should be easier than more than one. I think if you'd said how you had something else that made it unusually difficult, she'd have been more sympathetic. If you presented it like you always have this problem, life is so hard, I can see her at least wondering why it's so hard for you when she does have more to cope with on an absolute level. Of course, not sure she should complain either since she made the decision to have 3 kids... I try to put in context my complaining unless it's to an old, close friend. ie: if I do complain to someone w/ more kids, I at least mention that I admire they can handle even more than I do. Or since I work full time but have a nanny while a friend doesn't, I tend not to complain to her about how hard it is. She does have it harder... And I"m not sure if she works while you stay home etc so she thinks how much more time you have. A mom in my neighborhood has one child and doens't work and when she complains to me, which she does a fair amount about how hectic it all is, she seems a bit ridiculous. It is easier to get one school project done than 2 or 3... So I think this is a mixed bag. She was rude but since you don't know her well at all and she typically does have a bigger load mornings, she probably wasn't the right person to complain to.

I have one daughter. I have recieved that " you have it easy" " I am better than you" phrases.

My daughters college tuition is already paid...how about your FOUR?

I get soooooo tired about how I have it EASY....its not easy....its SMART. People these days seem to have kids because that is what society TELLS them to do...you know, the whole, "2.5" kids to go along with the pickett fence and golden labrador retriever?
People like to attribute the economy crashing with the housing market...thats fine....I also think its because people are reproducing at an alarming rate. Too many people...only one planet.

People live in their own world...they don't ever know what it's like in someone else's shoes, and don't care what it's like in someone elses shoe, therefore when you make a comment like that (I make those comments also as I only have one child to) people can't understand that you would ever have a problem with anything since ALL YOU HAVE is one child.
This lady was very rude with her comment...I get comments like that also when I complain, so when I do I make a remark about how God only allowed me one because He knew that is all I can handle...that usually shuts them up and makes them feel like they they are special somehow...
People need to quit being so sensitive about things!

I have only one child too. I guess it doesn't bother me when people say that to me, actually until now I never even thought of it as someone actually telling me I can't complain, just that they are having a rough time too. Anyway if I was in a catty mood I would probably have laughed and said, "Yeah, but I bet you felt the same way I do now when you only had one kid." then leave it at that.

I have 3 kids and this woman is probably jealous of you because she thinks your life should be easier with only one. My very good friend has one child and every morning she picks my 2 older boys up for school so I don't have to take my youngest out and she is late 3 out of 5 mornings a week. So I am not sure what her hold up is but I don't run to the car and yell that it's 3 minuts to 8 what the heck could you two have been doing all morning you only have one and I have all my boys up dressed and fed waiting for the last 15 minutes and it only takes you 5 minutes to get to my house. I also don't find it hard to get out of the house with all 3 either so these women that complain obviously have no kind of system. I know exactly how long it will take each of my kids to get dressed and how long I need to get me and the baby ready to go and it's usually smooth sailing but not always kids are kids whether you have 1 or 8 you just never know what life will throw at you. I think you should tell this woman or anyone else to mind their own business because they have no idea what your life is like and shouldn't pretend to.

I'm sure I've been guilty of making a similar comment! I can see why you'd be annoyed and irritated. I'm sure she didn't mean it as harshly as it sounded, but I hear you, sometimes one is harder than ten, depending on the day!
Don't dwell on it too much, this is just one of the kinds of thoughtless, offhand remarks you'll hear again over the years (mommy drama goes well into high school!) I would take a deep breath and move on....namaste :)

I am the mom of an Only too and a single mom at that. Too bad the other mother is so insensitive to all things that might be happening in one's life that doesn't have anything to do with kids. There are going to be days when we have difficulty with getting out the door with our ONLY child. We made the choice to have only one child and she apparently made the choice to have more. To each his own but she can't belittle you. If she didn't want to be so stressed then she shouldn't have had 3 kids and at the very least she shouldn't have any commentary. However, not hearing this conversation, was she using a tone of voice that was more just giving you a hard time in a kidding way or was it snide? Either way, YOU know that you are not lazy and are dependable.

Don't revert to jr high or high school behavior and let people make you feel badly. It's your choice to allow them to make you feel this way. We are all entitled to being frazzled from time to time whether we have 1 or 5 kids! Blow off her comment and stand tall. Don't let anyone else be in charge of how you feel.

I just agree with them and make a comment that it must be really hard for them with more kids. They don't mean it in a bad way, they are also just asking for some sympathy. That mom probably had a bad morning as well. Moms don't get a lot of sympathy these days. I think that people forget how hard mothering is. If its sympathy you want, complain to someone that is going to give you sympathy not someone who has more kids.

If people say that your life is easy, just smile and say that they must not remember back when they had just one. I commend you for being trustworthy, dependable and rarely late. Too many of us use the kids as an excuse to be the opposite. When you need a little sympathy, just come on this website. We will hear you.

Just ignore it. Sounds like you had a terrible morning, so you are not in the mood to deal with "one up ins",.

I also have an only, but no one else know what goes on in our lives on a daily basis. We have ALL of our family living here in town... It is a blessing and a curse. As one of the only people my age in the family "not working" (HA) I am called upon for all sorts of family tragedies and emergencies. I am also considered the peace keeper so I am also always trying to calm someone down.. etc.. AND Mu husband is totally ADHD so making sure he is prepared each day is also like having a kid, but worse, because he does not have to listen to me..

SOOOO. people that assume, do drive me insane, but I do not have time to waste my emotional energy on them.. I just let it roll off and chuckle, thinking, "honey, you have no idea who you are speaking with and what my life is like.". ..

I have an only child, 16 yr old girl.

I too, get snide remarks "I bet she is spoiled", "poor child", etc.

Sometimes I come back with a nice catty response but I do try to control myself and not stoop to their level.

My daughter is well adjusted, stable and we are a secure family. Is she perfect, NO, and neither am I. I've seen plenty of brats come from families with more than 1 child.

Once I mentioned to an acquaintance that I was having a hard time keeping my house in order, etc with a daughter and 3 dogs. She said...."Gees, you house should be perfect, you just have 1 child and you don't work" ARGH....

Try the old standard, "Until you walk a mile in my shoes, don't presume to judge me or my life."

Amen and amen!! I know what you are talking about!!

I am a mom to one child and all my friends have 2-4 kids. My sister in-law is the worst- thinks we should all schedule family activites around her because she has 3 kids. I just put in my two cents to the schedule and if we can make it, great, if we can't, oh well.

I guess I just let it (comments) go in one ear and out the other. I enjoy having one child. If they don't enjoy having more than one child, then I feel sorry for them (and their children). Everyone has stress no matter how many kids. Some people just like to make others feel bad because they do not feel good about their life and/or themselves.

Just my two cents,
R.

doo doo occurs with moms who only have one kid too just not as often. so forgive me for being a human :)

Hi P S.
Sorry that you had to go throw that!! I'm like you I don't like to have people waiting for me for any reason.....I have two kids...5 yr. old and a 2 yr. old and I'm constantly running late! Before I had my daughter (2 yr old) I was always running late to get my son to pre school on time!!
Hang in there....don't let it get you down!! I'm sure your a great mom!!

Have a wonderful day!!
M.

I'm raising 2 kids with a husband at my side and I was an only child growing up with a single mom. There are frustrations, problems, issues, etc for both situations. I firmly believe that everyone has problems, and society in general needs to think about this before speaking. You never know what the person beside you has been through today... even if it seems like their life is easy. Glad the mom of three is not your friend! She wouldn't be a very supportive one.

Moms of twins will say that moms who have kids one at a time have it easier. I think everyone has their own issues. Maybe one mom has it down to a science with 6 kids and other people have one really terrible morning person for a child and struggle. I would try not to let it get to you. It was a comment and maybe she had a bad morning, too.

I only have one biological child, so people might say the same to me re: getting her together when it's just the two of us. But then people also assume I don't know anything about teenagers or young adults because the stepkids "aren't yours". Okay, maybe I didn't birth them, but you can't say that in 10 years I haven't had a hand in raising them when they lived under my roof. Or when my single parent coworker got upset that I left work for one of the kids when I have a husband. Why can't HE do it? You kind of just have to go "whatever" and let it roll.

So, basically, try not to take it personally and know you won't find a sympathetic ear with her. It's often more a comment on them than you.

I have two kids but having one is just as a tough. In fact, it doesn't matter how many kids one has its still tough. My husband and I actually each take one and get them ready every morning. Just dealing with one child especially in the morning is chaotic at times. My first son was an only child for 5 years and believe me I was late to many things because of him. Sorry you got treat that way but hang in there.

First of all, she did not have any business asking that and you did not owe her an explanation. People need to mind their own business. I just raise my eyebrows and smile if I do not want to answer.

I'm not sure this is a matter of you only having one child versus having fewer than the person you're complaining to... I have 2 kids and if I complain to someone with 3 kids, I could see them giving me the same type of response. I always think about who I'm going to complain to and how they might view it. Someone said it's none of her business about your life or something but you made it her business. She certainly wasn't nice and I wouldn't have said that but I may have thought it a bit unless you had said how you were up half the night etc. And my reaction to someone's complaining also has to do with how often they do it. I know someone with one girl and both she and her husband work so many hours but she never complains. So if she did one day, I certainly wouldn't think "but you only have 1!" Someone else I know with one who actually doesn't work but complains a lot - I do sometimes think "you only have 1!" but it's wrapped with "and you don't even work and your house is still a mess and your daughter is in school most of the time!" So I"m not sure it's soley bc you only have 1 child. People automatically compare what they envision your situation to be versus theirs unless they know you and what you're like and what your life is like. What is their workload like compared to yours etc. I don't complain to my friend who has 4 kids and no help... Maybe this lady doesn't know your situation and she certainly could have just ignored your comment but you're also judging her and you invited her to judge you. Maybe she had an even worse morning and was in a horrible mood.

My friends who have multiplies tell me it's harder having only one! They say that their kids keep each other occupied and the older ones help the younger ones. My only child is CONSTANTLY needing my help and attention. I can't get anything done! Or maybe I just have very nice friends who are trying to make me feel good for not being as organized and punctual as they are. I don't know. But I think they have a point.
That other lady was probably having a tough day though. I would try to let that comment go. I say stupid things sometimes when I am tired. Everyone's situation is different. I am usually late because of my DH, not my child, but people think I'm the one being tardy because I'm a woman. THAT is a comment I am more tired of.

This reminded me that I need to be more thoughtful when I respond to other parent's comments. I can SO see myself making this response to your complaint, because I have 3 children. However, like you said, everyone's lives are different. Just because one parent has 1 child does not mean her life is easier than mine. There may be other things going on that most others cannot see. When I make a comment like the other mom did, it's not to one up anyone. It's more a "join the club" response, and was never meant to hurt anyone's feelings. Reading this has prompted me to either ignore the other moms, or at least preface my response with "join the club..."

Everyone has hard days. If you are consistently having trouble with getting your child ready and arguing with people late into the night then there is other boundary issues that you need to deal with and may be why you are so sensitive to other people's opinions.
When anyone makes a comment I try to look at it and be self reflective and see if there is anything true to their comment. If there is not anything true and it was just a hard morning then I blow it off but sometimes there is something I need to work on.
There are three kinds of jobs. Your job, other people's job and God's job. If you are upset and worrying about something then you are usually outside of your job and into someone else's. I can not think of any reason to "fight with a family member late into the night". I live my own life and try to keep my own home and family peaceful and calm so that we are not harried and tired and running late. A pleasant home atmosphere is a top priority for us. My parents were that way too and it was a wonderful way to grow up.
Get your child their own alarm clock. All mine started this at 5 yrs. old and we talked about how long it takes to get ready and what time we need to walk out the door to be on time. I put clothes that they could get on their own within their reach and did not worry about mixing and matching too much. You have to give up some control to make them independent. Then the back up plan was a bag of clothes that was kept in the car. If they did not get up and get ready on time we all walked out the door at the time necessary to be on time and they would have to dress in the car. They only had to do that once and after that they all got up and got ready.
There are so many cool things to learn from an incident. Use this incident to learn a better way of being in the world.

One friend tells her kids they have no cash because there are 3 of them.
They make twice what we do and bounce checks and pay late fees.
She also claims she can't discipline her kids because there are 3 of them and they would whine if she did.
ANNOYING! But she pays because they can't eat in a restaurant, go on vacation, or go out to group events with all 3 kids due to embarrassment.

Updated

One friend tells her kids they have no cash because there are 3 of them.
They make twice what we do and bounce checks and pay late fees.
She also claims she can't discipline her kids because there are 3 of them and they would whine if she did.
ANNOYING! But she pays because they can't eat in a restaurant, go on vacation, or go out to group events with all 3 kids due to embarrassment.

You were there, we were not but are you sure you didn't take her comment the wrong way. I would have rolled my eyes at your comment but not because you have one kid, I would have been thinking about what I did that morning and rolled my eyes at my kids.

So far as you can't complain no one says that as an order it is generally meant as have you considered......in this case how much harder it is when you have more than one.

Or she was having a bad morning as well, or maybe she is the b word. I don't know.

Thing is even those of us who have more than one kid did at one point in time have just one. We know it was hard and wouldn't make a comment intended to say you have it easy, you are taking it that way. What she most likely was saying was oh the good old days when I still had one and thought it was hard. I mean you do know it is harder the more you have right?

I'm so happy you posted this!! Love Rachel's reply, but can't believe there was another reply that pretty much did exactly what you complained of in your post! :-)

I have an only and I agree with you, it all gets old. It sounds like you are dependable and responsible because you're an organized person, not just because you have one kid. I know other people with only children who can barely manage their day- because they aren't organized people.

Now that my daughter is 11, she gets it, and people say things around her and to her. For example, I had a frazzled kind of day, and finally exhaled when I brought her to basketball practice, saying to another mom "whew, made it on time!". She says (in front of my daughter) "what could you possibly have to do all day, isn't it so easy with one?" So I gave my daughter a wink and said to my daughter "you hear that baby? you're supposed to be easy! no more cooking, cleaning, laundry, and activities for you!". Just gave a snotty laugh to the mom, and moved on. I mean really, ask a stupid question...

I also have a friend with 2 kids, who responds to everything I say with that. If I say "it's so hard to keep kiddo's room clean", she says "try getting two kids to clean rooms". Everything. It makes me crazy, and frankly hurts my feelings.

I try, but still struggle, with not having a chip on my shoulder. I will admit, when I see the moms of 3 or more getting kids to all different activities at the same time, I can't compete with that! But as far as a lot of it, as you know, it's not so different. You cook for 1 or 10, you clean for 1 or 10, etc.

I think being a MOM is hard, there's no qualifiers of only if you have so many kids. I'm not going to compete or try to prove myself to anyone else. It sounds like you are figuring out who might sympathize with you and who won't. Don't not share your mommy concerns because others might not make them seem valid.

Thanks so much for posting this- I thought I was the only one who felt like this!!

I would say "yeah, I wasn't dumb enough to have 3" (or 2 or 4 or 1 that the mom thinks is 'tougher' than yours just because) and walk away.

I get this alot. I actually get it FROM MY MOM who raised 3 kids as a single parent and now that I am raising 1 as a single mom.... apparently it should be a breeze.

Most of the time I respond compassionately - with "I know that must be rough" but sometimes I snap and say bad bad bad bad things I shouldn't :-)

When people make snotty remarks to me I tell them that I had such a bad time with PPD that I can not go through it again (which is true) then they feel like idiots for saying anything in the first place! I think this woman was probably just joking around and it came out wrong, but I also feel like people don't take feelings into consideration before they open their mouths. I feel your pain, sister!

If I were going to be mean, I would say she is jealous (I won't write the rest.) People will always have something to say about someone else. Everyone's situation is harder than the next. Raising one or five is hard work. It was really none of her business as to why you were running late. Explanations are not necessary. If she says something else, just be sarcastic about how your bon-bons were stuck together and it took you longer than anticipated to get them apart. Then wink at her and walk on. Let it roll off of your back.

I don't have an only, I have 2 children, but I just wanted to say that I think everyone struggles with this at one point or another. There will always be another mom/dad trying to one up you--- they have it harder because of X or you have nothing to complain about compared to their dealing with X. I just try to let stupid people like that sit in there own comments. If you dont let it bother you, they can't get to you. The next time someone says something like that, say I know you think your Ms perfect and have it all figured out with your 2 kids etc, but I am having just as hard of a time with you getting out the door. Try not to let it bother you, maybe that mom was having a bad day? GL!

M