Mom Seeking Help Teaching 2 Year Old to Sleep in Own Bed

Hi S.,
As Annie said, this is about consistancy. Do not wait. The longer you teach him it is okay to sleep with you the harder it will be for all of you to change the behavior. This will take many nights of limited sleep to accomplish this goal. You have to be willing to put in the effort, so don't start unless you are able to give up a little sleep to follow through (maybe a Friday night is a good time to start). Come up with a bedtime routine that you can stick to, whether it is a story, a bath, whatever works for you. Do it every night and end up in his bed the same way every night. Stay with him for the first little while with limited interaction. "I love you, it's time to sleep" You will have to continually take him back to bed repeating, "I love you, it is time to sleep" Staying calm and unemotional (very difficult to do) Be prepared for a lot of crying, but eventually he will learn that you are not going to give in. If you are calm and strong and not upset, he will see that everything really is okay and then he will start to learn this new behavior.
It will be hard but believe me, it is a great reward at the other end!!
Take care,
B.

I like Supernanny's method of putting kids to bed. Better to have a few nights of putting them in their room than to suffer with 4 in a bed. There's gonna be cryin' either way...

For now, take what you can get. I'm a co-sleeper. I just start them out going to sleep in their own bed. If they wake up and come to the room I don't make a big deal about it. I'll do one of three things: (1) let them get in with me, (2) make them lay on the floor with a blanket, (3) take them back to their bed. At first they aren't used to being alone, they aren't used to being in a different room and so I don't expect them to stay all night long...I'm just looking for a few hours. As they become more used to it (I give them 6-8 weeks before I start thinking they need to have it down) I begin to slowly take returning to Mom's bed away and moving it to the floor. In general, both require Mommy to lay with them or sing to them--something that connects them to me and me to them--for them to relax and sleep. Once we're succussfully sleeping on the floor whenever wee one wakes up the firm rule is that they have to start the night in their bed but if they wake and can't go back to sleep they can sleep on the floor. That stage may or may not take much time...some have slept on the floor a very few times and figured their bed was more comfy and some have a drawn out length of time that they come to the floor but it's because they go several nights without and then have a night or two that they want to sleep on the floor.

Once you make the decision to make a change be 100 percent about it. BUT give yourself and the child TIME. There's a whole to this for the child. Be kind and patient, it'll all work out.

He isn't too young. He is two and is old enough to have learned to break you and it worked! Two year olds are very smart, they aren't plotting or malicious but he knows if he works on you hard enough you will cave and let him sleep in your bed. Right? So know when is he suppose to really think you mean what you say? His age it is crucial for rules to stick, consequences and consistency.

The best thing you can do for him is teach him to sleep in his own bed. You need that space for your husband and yourself, all parents deserve a kid free zone! It is also not allowing your son to gain some independence either and he is way old enough for that.

You figured out the things not to do, now you just need to decide what you the end result to be and be willing to do the work. It will be crying, it will be tough love and sticking to your guns. If you want to get your son in his own bed then it will take some time and patience.

Do not lock the door, I don't believe in that at all, do not lay with him, do not coddle him in this situation at all. I think just with some time you can undo what has been done with just some time and patience and it is truly about you telling him to do something and him listening.

Go through your bedtime routine, kiss and hugs, books, tuck him in and tell him he is NOT to get up and needs some sleep. Walk out of the room and shut the door.

If he gets up, put him back, even if it takes 10 or 25 times, KEEP IT UP!!!!! Do not cave, DO NOT do a lot of talking and eventually he will get you mean what you say. I am willing to bet in a week or two this will be resolved if you stick to what you say.

He may cry, so let him. It will not hurt him, he will not need therapy and to be honest, he is 2 and he will cry often when he doesn't get his way, it just his way of venting. It is what two year olds do. It is fine. If he listens, do a reward chart with stickers for every night he was a BIG boy and stayed in his own bed. Really reward him with praise when he does what he is suppose to.

Now more then ever, say something and stick with it. Inconsistency is confusing for him and he will not listen in other areas when you tell him to do something because you have waivered.

When we got ready to transition our son to a toddler bed from a cribbe. My mother visited the super nanny website and it talks about repetative behavior. Your toddler understands even if he can't express himself extensively. When putting our son to bed the first night he got up 30 times atleast. The first week is the hardest but just walk him back to bed tuck him in, let him know it is ok and then walk out. Do NOT engage in conversation and don't do the lovey stuff all over again. Keep it short and quick. Alternate between you and your husband putting him in his room so that he knows and can expect the same thing from both of you, no favortism.
After a day or two he will come out less and he won't cry. He may talk to himself or sing or even give him something to look at as long as he stays in bed. Starting something new is always hard because "that's not what we normally do" is the response I get from my now 3 year old son. But in 6-8 months we will be doing the same thing with our daughter. Trust me with 2 kids only 16 months apart it is important to set the boundaries and follow them at all costs. It does get easier once they know what is expected of them...

Best of luck!
N.

S.,

I have 4 children ranging from age 17 to 6 yrs old. EVERYONE of them spent several nights in our bed. The good news is we only have one left sharing our space kicking, pushing, snuggling with us. We have snuggle time in "moms" bed reading, laughing, and talking. When they fall asleep or when I am ready to turn in for the night I always carry them to their own bed. Hassel yes, but my pediatrician explained to us (which helped my husband understand)when they are in your bed sleeping right under your skin it is because they did not get enough time with you during the day so they need that bonding time, closeness and connection. Yes some nights is harder than others. Some nights they would show back up and others they would sleep all night in their own beds. It sounds like with everything going on in your home, you in school, talk about a new baby, both parents working etc. your son just needs the comfort and connection of mommy and daddy. I guess my theory and thanks to my wonderful pediatrician’s advise a family bed is not so bad and trust me my wonderful husband and I learned to adapt and get sleep. If your son is going to such extreme's to get in to snuggle and feel close and secure it might not be a battle worth fighting. If he is strong willed like my 17 year old is/was the more of an issue you make it the more of a fight he will put up. When you chill and relax he will as well.
Good Luck!

Check out the book Healthy Sleep, Happy Child (I think that is the name...) There is a whole section dedicated to what you are dealing with. Good Luck.

Just keep taking him back to his own bed after each and every time he comes to yours. As long as you give in, he will keep coming. When a childs behavior doesn't get them what they want, that quit doing it. Kids run mainly on instict, and nature tells you if something doesn't work, don't do it again.

We were in the same situtation this year with our two year old in our bed and a baby due in August. I read and would also recommend the "no cry sleep solution for toddlers." Enticements of any kind didn't work for us either and I was positive I would end up going to college with him. We happened to get a new mattress in May and luckily have a big enough master bedroom to put our old mattress at the foot of our bed. That became my two year old's bed. He would on occasion still climb into our bed in the middle of the night or need me to come lay with him for a little bit, but for the most part stayed in his "bed". Then in September (so after our new baby had arrived) we had our carpets cleaned and needed to move the mattress to have this done. It also happened during nap time so we told him he needed to sleep in his own room, which made perfect sense to him and he fell asleep (with me next to him) in his own room. Then bedtime came that night and the mattress wasn't put back so he just went right to his room again, no discussion, no crying. We would still lay with him until he fell asleep and we have a monitor in his room that has a little light to let you know it is on and I told him if he ever needed us he could just talk to the light and we would be able to hear him and would come. He practiced that a couple times and was comfortable with that. In the past month he has developed to most of the time not needing us to even lay with him when he falls asleep. That came about because the baby would need me when the two year old was going to bed and I would go to take care of the baby and tell the two year old I would be right back and return to find him asleep. He really has grown up and even told me he "doesn't need mommy any more to fall asleep." It's been a long process but I think the gradual move really helped him and helped us get through it without crying.I wanted it all to happen before the new baby came but he did seem to grow up when she came and we could reason with him a little more. Good Luck

Hi, I just wanted to suggest another book that has helped us tremendously...Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears. There is also the askdrsears.com website that is great. He is very pro co-sleeping, nursing and wearing your baby. I hope you find something that works for you...we still have our 2.5 yr. old in bed with us occasionally (less and less every week) in addition to our 6 month old. It will take some time but, it will happen. Good Luck.

no cry sleep solution, i think this is the book you want. family bed is fine, unless he's just a crazy sleeper. have you tried a mattress on the floor right next to yours? i know you said you tried the cot. or what about putting YOUR mattress on the floor, and a small mattress for him next to it? our two and a half year old sleeps with us. . . we love it. but not all kids are easy to sleep with. some ideas for getting them used to their own room. . . probably outlined in the book. . . . spending a lot of time playing in his room with him during the day, making it a fun and safe place, not just the dark, scary place you send him to to be alone at night. i don't like to sleep alone, so i don't assume my tot wants to sleep alone, which is why we now are just embracing letting her sleep with us til she indicates she's ready for a change. making a "special" bed for your little guy on your floor might be a start, even if he crawls in with you a few hours in. . . . eventually he'll feel safe there and when he's old enough to "reason with" you can start moving him to his own space. he'll let you know when he's ready. people who say "they'll never move out of your bed if you don't make them" have never coslept with their children. . . obviously!!! so don't listen to those people :) good luck.

First get him out of your bed. Let him sleep on the floor. Even if Dad starts out the night sleeping on the floor with him, do NOT let him in your bed. "No, this is mommy and daddy's bed. You can sleep on the floor if you want, but you can NOT sleep in my bed. Do you want a pillow?"

Next set a goal date. "After Christmas you are going to sleep in your own bed in your own room every night."

get him a special sheet or blanket or pillow or teddy bear to be used that night. Don't beg or yell or scold, just tell him matter-of-factly: "You're sleeping in your bed now."

Dad needs to be the one to put him to bed in his own bed....and the one who takes him back to his own bed if he gets out of bed. Moms are pushovers...and even a 2 yr old knows it. He'll listen to Dad. Be consistant. Be firm. Be free. :)

I think it just takes time. My daughter sleeps with us about half the time now which is a huge improvement over every night! I think sometimes they just need reasurrance that Mommy and Daddy are there. Hopefully you can get him to sleep on his own before teh next little bundle comes, but maybe you will just have to get a bigger bed. LOL:) I guess I really have no advice but just sympathy...

I would put him in his bed and sit next to it in a chair.While you are sitting there just let him know that it is bed time and this is his place to sleep, don't talk too much or it will seem like a game. If he gets out of bed in the night you have to put him back in and do it all over again, not let him climb in your bed. Gradually move the chair a little bit away from the bed and continue moving the chair till you are by the door. Once you are by the door remove the chair and just stand. Tell him that whatever happens you will help him if he needs it but everyone has their own place to sleep and the toddler bed is his. And try a reward system like a sticker chart. Every night he sleeps in his own bed he gets a sticker and so many stickers gets him something he wants or likes. Good luck, and start trying to get the new one in his or her bed at about 6 months! Just my advice!!

Check out the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers", it is the "gentle ways series" by Elizabeth Pantley. I own all her books, potty training solution, infant sleep solution, discipline solution, etc. They are all wonderful and have several suggestions for each scenario so you can kind of build your own solution.

I have been through this with my first but after my second born as they are 15 months apart. I tried about every method. alas, age three is the only thing that kind of worked and then age four and dropping nap times is a great solution. no really, the sitting on the floor and slowly moving out of the room helped. I also made sure we had time to talk and bond before bed. I also took cuddle time out of the room and started spending more time inher room during the day "teacing" her to play and be comfortable in her room.Eventually, it became about just having her be in her room and she stayed up until 10 pm a lot but stopped coming out. this wasn't a problem until preschool started. good luck, and focus on the security he feels before bed. work on the mental and teach him to detach from you and enjoy being alone.

I am not a CIO person either and I don't believe in locking your kids in thier room, I am a co-sleeper, so part of me says to just let him stay until he is ready :). But a 2 he is quite capable of some reasoning, since trying the nicer/easier routes haven't worked and you really want him in his own bed, then be prepares for a few nights of rough going. Do it on the weekend where you can devote your time and just keep putting him back in his bed, and if anything have dad do it, us mom's can be push over's when it comes to our babies, and having dad do it may help cut back on the amount of tantrum that your little one will have. Be consistant that is key! Good Luck!