Mom Age 39 with Two Boys Ages 5 & 7, "Should I Have Another Baby?"

Updated on January 18, 2008
L.W. asks from Williamston, SC
16 answers

Hi...I am a mom to two beautiful boys ages 5 and 7. My husband is 47 and I just turned 39. I've been feeling like I would like another child, however, I am torn because a lot of different feelings have been coming up. I feel like I would be betraying my kids, how would I have enough love to go around, it is a lot of work and I wouldn't be able to just go to the movies with the boys whenever I wanted or do other fun things spontaneously. Anyone have any advice?

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So What Happened?

This is my first time at mamasource, as some of you know, and I can't tell you how wonderful it is to receive support from you all. It's quite empowering. I was focusing on all the possible negatives of having a 3rd child and you all opened my eyes to the priceless positives. Thanks for taking the time to share with me.

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answers from Charleston on

I don't think you should have a third child. My sister and I are only three years apart and we are very close. My mom and dad had my brother when we were 5 & 8 and growing up we were never close to him. I think the age difference played a major part in that. Also since we were both girls and pretty close in age, we just bonded so well. I can remember how annoyed we were by the time he was a toddler. I would just keep my focus on the boys and staying involved with them. As for the love, you will always have enough love to go around never worry about that.
~ I hope I was helpful.

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answers from Atlanta on

Listen to your heart and not your head. You will psycho analyze it to death. This is coming from a woman who thought she was done at 4 beautiful children then I became pregnant and freaked out I told myself I did not want to be pregnant I cried knowing I was. Then my "period" started or so I thought until 12 days later I was still bleeding. I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant and was miscarring. I cried I could not understand how God could give me a child and take it back. I prayed long and hard and HE answered me. HE told me you thought your heart was not big enough to love another baby "You Were Wrong!" now you have learned your lesson grow from here. Well what happened next was only proof positive to me that God is a miracle worker. Because even though I did what the doctors told me to do I took the shot that was suppose help my body do what it was doing naturally (loosing the baby) it did not work 2 months later I was still feeling yucky so I called the midwife she made me come in she checked me and said your pregnant. I know a lot of people would believe that I had gotten pregnant again but there is one problem with that theory, I did not let my husband touch me for over a month and a half after the misscarriage. So I do believe in divine intervention and his name is Daniel and he is 4 years old. Making me the proud mom of 5 children. So again I say listen to your heart not your head it will reveal the truth to you. Take care and God Bless.




answers from Augusta on

I think its a personal choice I adoped my youngest I am 47 She is 11.I have no regrets. Love multiplys,you will always have enough.



answers from Atlanta on

Hi! I know you have gotten many responses, but I wanted to share my experience with you. I am now almost 38 yrs old and my husband is 41. We have 3 children. Our first is 16 yrs. old, 2nd is 13 yrs. old and our little surprise well she is 18 mths. When I found out I was expecting I was shocked, scared, nervous, happy every emotion you can think of. I was nervous about my age, my other kids ages, the "Do I have enough love" feeling. Let me tell you...I would never change a thing. I jumped right into the mommy with a baby mode. It had been along time for me. In some ways I enjoy being a mother more now then I did when I was younger. It may have to do with me knowing this will be my last. Unless, God would like to surprise us again.
If you and your husband both agree on having another one and you are healthy..go for it. Your children are big enough to help out. And your love will grow and grow.
Good luck with whatever you decide.



answers from Macon on

I would advise you not to have another child at your age. I'm close to your age - 37 in 3 days- and would not want to start all over again. Women over the age of 35 run a risk of having a lot of problems with their pregnancies. My boys are 7 and 12. I could not imagine having another baby and changing our lifestyle. About 3 years ago, we actually thought about trying for a girl but once I got around my friends who had babies, I quickly changed my mind. My husband got me a girl puppy instead. If God is leading you to add on to your family though and it's in your heart, go for it! If you're not sure, I would say wait and make sure this is what you want to do. Does your husband want another child too? Make sure that you both want this. Good luck.



answers from Athens on

Only you and your husband can answer that question. However, you have plenty of love for three children, and you would not be betraying your boys by adding to the family. Good luck!



answers from Atlanta on

You and your husband must discern what is right for you and your family. However, having another child would not be betraying your sons. Siblings are gifts to your children. Also, as a previous poster wrote, love is not divided among multiple children, it is multiplied. Younger siblings teach older siblings about love, compassion and compromise. They provide a support structure for each other as they grow and face new challenges.

I only have one child now (a 15 month old), but I plan to have more. I do however have three siblings, and my adult siblings provide me with the type of support, encouragement and love that only family members can give. I know I can depend on all three of them, and if one is not available, I can always call one of the other two.



answers from Savannah on

Hi, I have two children, a 5 year old and a 7 month old. I also have three step-children, 16, 15 and 12. The issue of having enough love to go around just shouldn't be an issue. It is amazing how you can love multiple children so much. New ones do not take love away from the older ones.

I personally have found that it is the "third" child that pushes things over the edge though. There is usually one child left out and in need of attention. The size you need for everything changes; house, car, dining room table, furniture, etc. Having three children is a joy in many aspects, but it does require many changes to your daily life, besides being busy with more people in the house. I found that having the third child was much more difficult than when we added the fourth and fifth.

As for having another child when your youngest is 5... my 5 year old has had a very hard time adjusting to the new one in the house. It is a big age difference. There will be many more years of schooling and growing up. You and your husband will also be that much older when the third finally starts to do the things that the older two do (college, marriage, children).



answers from Atlanta on

HI L.,

Love doesn't divide among children , it MULTIPLIES!





answers from Atlanta on

If you want another baby and -If your husband is ok with the idea of another baby- then in my opinion- you should have another baby. The stuff that is bothering you bothers every mom between every birth- doesn't it? You will have enough love- it is not limited and yes it will be more work! I had two boys the same ages as yours when our daughter, now two, was born. The whole experience has been good for everyone- the boys love their sister and everything else sort of falls in place.



answers from Spartanburg on

I am a mom of four (ages 8,7, 2 and 8 months). The 4th one took us by surprise and I really worried about the older children. Now 8 months after the fact of our family growing once again the baby has completed our family in so many ways. Our oldest which is a girl feels so important when it comes to helping out with the baby. As the baby is becoming more interactive now our 7 year old which is a boy has really started to enjoy playing with her. So my advice would be that a new brother or sister could fill a void that the boys may not even realize exists. As far as love and time, it really does all just fall into place. I will not kid you and make you think that my life is easy, (it's not) however I have to say that being a mom to 4 children has been my most challenging and rewarding job ever. Some days are harder than normal but for the most part when the evening comes and I reflect on my day somehow naturally throughout the day I have spent some quality one on one time with each child. As for the age thing, I have friends who have had a 3rd child at ages 40 and 50(he was 50) and now their family seems so complete. I think that when it comes to age you are as old as you let yourself be!!! Good luck.



answers from Atlanta on

First you will have plenty of love for all. Second life doesn't stop after having a baby. In fact, after having my son I took him to the movies when he was a week old. My mom was in town and we had wanted to see something so we went. I took my newborn out everyday. I have a feeling that that is the reason that he has only had a number of illness'. I signed him for gymboree when he was 4 months and had I known about it sooner I would have started when he was 2 months.

Obviously you have to do what is right for your family but just remember you can be spontaneous with a newborn!

Good luck

B. M.



answers from Atlanta on

You already know what to expect...I will be honest my third child was a surprise but all in all he was a lovely surprise. I didn't know how I'd do it and mine where close I can't imagine what it would of been like if the protection worked and he never came into our lives surprise or not he was to be. When I see all of my boys together smiling, or hugging each other because someone crashed on a bike...well, there's nothing like it. I never knew I could love and take care of so many people at one time. I never knew so many little people could love me. Advise on this I can't really say I can only tell you my experience I had my youngest at 39.



answers from Atlanta on

L.-as you know having a child is alot of work, you might be feeling like having another kid because of your age. Does your husband also want another kid? You will need his support and there is a strong change you could get pregnant with multiples. Once you reach 40 your likelihood of having multiples is like 70%. Lastly, think about what you have to offer and can you share that with all your children. Is it important to have the freedom you have now with your boys and husband? They are at the age where they will be going to school, have homework, soccer practice, etc. Can you manage all that and a newborn? It is alot of work but if you want it and you have family support, then I say go for only live once=)



answers from Atlanta on

My boys were 8 and 5, and I was your age when I had a little girl, and then another. Yes, you are on easy street now but that baby will be welcomed by everyone in your family. We can't imagine life without the girls and the chaos. Everyone is loved and well cared for. The only thing we seem to be missing out on are ski vacations. Not a bad trade off for the joy.



answers from Atlanta on

I had two in my twenties and one at 37 and another at 39 (two are my step-kids). As long as you are of good health, had no complications with your other two you should be ready to go. My Dr's oldest patient when I was pregnant (at 39) was 46 years old. Woman today are focusing on there careers and having children much later in life. My BFF and I were pregnant together with our 5 year olds (her 1st and my last child). I had an amnio with both my 3 and 5 yr old for my husband's sake and peace of made no difference to me what God sent my way. Either way I was going to love them. Best wishes!

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