Miscarriage - Bristol,RI

Updated on December 17, 2007
J.C. asks from Bristol, RI
11 answers

I recently had a miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant and am having a hard time dealing with it. This would have been our 4th child and my husband and I were so excited about it. I recently got very sick with strep throat and was in bed for days from it and not eating or drinking due to the sickness. I woke up one morning to find myself bleeding. We went to the hospital to find out that I was miscarrying and had to have a D&C. I also found out that I was very dehydrated from the strep throat. So now I keep beating myself up about this whole thing thinking the reason I miscarried was because I was so sick and didn't take care of myself. Anyway, I'm trying to keep my mind off of it but everything I do reminds me of the baby. Am I being over-emotional?

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answers from Boston on

I had a misscarriage last Oct. Then I got pregnant again in March. I got very sick the week after I found out I was pregnant. I was scared because I wasn't eating and drinking 'cause I felt awful. I just had my little girl. What I'm trying to say is you did nothing wrong. You had a misscariage because something was wrong. It will take awhile to feel better but just enjoy the 3 children you have. They are blessings. Take care. Good luck.

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answers from Boston on

Hi J.,
Its totally normal to be emotional! I lost my son at 22 weeks due to a chromosome problem and I found this website that really works-its a bunch of people who have lost children check it out! You will prob find someone going through the same thing! www.angelteddybears.org if you click on sharing you can look at everyones stories!! Hope it helps!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Dear Heart, I am so sorry. 1st you need to see this for what it is..a loss, you lost a baby who you had hopes and dreams for. You need to grieve and also do somehting in honor of this baby. Plant a tree or flowers, say some words and let yourself grieve..this is not somehting small, this was real and you should not brush it under the carpet.

M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death)
Web site: www.mend.org/
Internet Resources, bimonthly newsletter, support groups: 1) for those who have recently lost a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death, 2) pregnancy group for those who are considering becoming pregnant or are currently pregnant after a loss, 3) father group


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I am very sorry to hear about your experience. I have had a miscarriage prior to each of my children. The second time, I was home alone with my son who was only two. It is not something I wish anyone to ever have to experience. I was supposed to get a DNC both times and refused. My belief is that God made our bodies the way that he did and everything would come out naturally. I had to go for weekly blood tests until my hcg count was zero both times. My second miscarriage was at the end of January 2006 and I was able to conceive a month later, believe it or not! And my daughter was born on November 25, 2006! I know that doctors say to wait 3-6 months, but my belief is that if my body wasn't ready then I wouldn't be able to conceive.

Regardless of what you were experiencing with being sick, our bodies are made to take the nutrients that are needed for the baby first from our bodies. I would not think that would have been a contributing factor. With my daughter, I was barely able to eat anything the whole nine months as I was constantly throwing up everything that I ate. Which was very difficult for me as I felt like I was starving for 9 motnhs and constantly hungry! It did not affect her at all. She was a very healthy little girl and weighed 6lbs 13 oz.

It is natural to beat yourself up over every little detail. I could have done this or should have done that...No! Don't do that to yourself. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. With my two losses, I just kept telling myself that and it was nature's way of letting me know that something wasn't right. I would rather go through a miscarriage if it meant that the next time I would have a healthy baby...In my case, both times I did.

No it is not a pleasant thing to go through, and YES you will think of your loss and you will experience the pain at different intervals in your life when you least expect it. Somedays it will not even cross your mind. You are not being too emotional. You had a very emotional experience and these things take time. I know that you felt love for your baby the moment that you found out and your baby passed away. It is very normal for us to grieve when we have lossed loved ones when they pass. It is not any differnt to grieve your baby.

I completely understand where you are at and if you need to talk to someone who has been there feel free to contact me at [email protected]____.com you feel that you are emotionally ready, you and your husband can try again since you were both so excited about this little one. Just take it as a blessing in disguise. There may have been something wrong with your baby and God didn't want you to have the burden of it.

I hope I have helped and God Bless!




answers from Providence on

Hey J., I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I too lost my second back in July. I was about 10 weeks too. It is never an easy thing to lose a child- at any time. Don't blame your self!! That is the first thing you need to do to move past this. If it were completely dependent upon us eating right many more children would not be alive today. Our bodies are designed to provide what our babies need especially at that early stage of the game. Just think of those women that are so sick they can't eat, or those that lose weight during their pregnancy because of morning sickness. I have a family full of them. All with healthy babies. Please don't hesitate to talk to someone for reassurance. God Bless!



answers from Boston on

Of course you are not being to emotional! I know what you are going through, I just had one in the end of Sept begining of Oct and I did the same thing I questioned questioned questioned, but I know it was Gods will and now I say I have my own personal lil guardian angel watching over me and our family! Frankie will remain forever in our hearts! (we never knew if we were having a boy or girl but we knew we would name them Frankie either way) You have to know you cannot blame yourself! Cherish your lil ones and know your other lil one is watching over you, your whole famliy! Be Well & God Bless!



answers from Providence on

Stop blaming yourself. Infections can cause miscarriage, but only big ones like syphilis, mycoplasma, toxoplasmosis, and malaria, AIDS and German measles. Normal illnesses like the common cold will not cause a problem. If you've never had Chicken Pox or Fifth Disease and get it for the firt time during pregnancy it can cause miscarriage too but Strep does not (there is a small risk if you had a high fever (over 101) for days and didn't treat it but it doesn't sound like that was the case).

Miscarriages happen because the baby is not viable for some reason. Unfortunately, you'll probably never know exactly why it happened but it was not because you had strep. Hope this helps a little.



answers from Boston on

What you're feeling is part of the normal process of grieving. Don't beat yourself up over what you're feeling now, and although it's a lot easier to say "don't feel guilty" than to stop feeling it, I really doubt that your strep throat had anything to do with the miscarriage. I had a missed abortion (that's when the embryo dies and it doesn't miscarry) and a D&C with my first pregnancy, and it hadn't anything to do with my health. It didn't stop me from grieving, though, and I did for many months.

The hospital where you were treated probably has a counselor that you can talk to. They deal with grief all the time, and they can help. If you have a religious or spiritual advisor who you trust, they could help, too. Just don't feel like you have to be strong and do this alone. You don't. It's okay to cry about it.




answers from Boston on

I am sorry to hear about your loss. Before I had my daughter, I had a miscarriage at 12 wks and had to have a D&C. I did not even know until we went for an ultrasound, which was also the day we were planning to tell our family. I was devastated. I put on a brave face most times, but it was very hard. I too wondered if it was something I did and beat myself up about it. I would think, was it when I got sick, did I lift something, and on and on. I even asked the doctor, he explained that these things just happened and often we never know the reason. I know it is easier said than done, but you cannot blame yourself. As far as being emotional, let yourself grieve. For me it lasted longer than I would have expected. I wasn't constantly down, but I had moments of extreme sadness--sometimes it was something that happened and other times it was completely random. I found the next several times I got my period were very hard for me and then around my due date was very emotional. The emotions and the grieving were a longer process for me than I expected, but I think you have to let yourself go through the process. One piece of advice - make sure you communicate how you are feeling to your husband. I put on such a brave face that my husband thought I was ok and then when I was down he didn't understand. After I talked to him about all I was feeling, he was much more undertanding. I hope this helps you and please take care!



answers from Portland on

My heart aches for you. I had three miscarriages before becoming pregnat with my daughter. It is devastating and there are always a million "things I could have done differently" that come up in hindsight. Rarely are any of them the cause of a miscarriage. I would say over-emotional is to be expected for a while. There will be some days where you feel "normal" and others where you are blindsided with grief. All you can do is surround yourself with support and let the feelings come when they do.
There are so many women out there who have experienced this kind of loss. Don't be afraid to ask for support or a kind ear - if you can't find anyone in your circle of friends or you are feeling really lost, don't be afraid to call a counselor. Get a referral from your OB or midwife or local birth center for someone with an understanding of womens health.

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