Mine Is the Same Situation but It Was for Graduation

Updated on May 20, 2018
E.M. asks from Pinehurst, TX
14 answers

My boyfriend took pictures with his son and his son's mom just them 3 and his ex after her was there too and they took a picture together also. We have been together for 3 years and there wasn't a picture taken of us three me him and his son. I am really hurting right now and feel horrible inside because of that and also his son had added pictures to his own Facebook but only of the group picture and a the other was with him and two uncles but he gets on his dad Facebook which is my boyfriend and adds the one of him and his mom and his dad to my boyfriend's Facebook and another one of just him and his mom but did not add these ones to his fb. This hurts it's like I don't even exist and I think the pictures should only be added to his son's Facebook but it's not even on his son's Facebook his son didn't add them to his own Facebook but he added it to his dad's and I think it's very wrong! Please I really need some advice am I in the wrong for thinking that it should only be posted on his son's Facebook of his two parents together and the one of him and his mom not my boyfriend's Facebook but that's the only one that was posted to was my boyfriend's and not even on his son's ?

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answers from San Francisco on

I have photos of my ex husband and I together with our children on my FB page, and my ex has a girlfriend. She doesn't care. She knows that we were a family and always will be parents to our children, together.
I don't know if your feelings are "wrong" but you do sound kind of immature for worrying about something as silly as Facebook.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Your post is difficult to decipher. Paragraphs and punctuation are your friend.

1. Stop social media. It is not healthy for you if you base your happiness, relationship and feelings due to Facebook postings.

2. You don't say how old the son is but he's obviously old enough for graduation. I'm assuming high school. How old are you?

3. The son is living and coping with a broken family and he just wants pics of mom and dad for his big day, I admire your bf and his ex for being the type of parents to support this child and take a pic together with him.

My divorced parents can barely tolerate being under the same roof. It would have been nice to see them working together as parents to support me!

3. I don't mean to sound harsh but you are girlfriend... not step mom or a "part" of this family unit (yet). If you were stepmom, involved in his life long term like many supportive stepmoms, they sound like the type to include you in the family pic.

Try to step back and understand that bottom line... the boy wanted pics with his mom and dad and there is nothing wrong with that.

Back off FB and other social media to work on your self esteem so you don't rely on social media to feel validated.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

You should not be surprised that a teenager is not posting photos of his parents to his own Facebook page!

Your boyfriend's son's mother is important in your boyfriend's life (and obviously in the son's life) because she is the mother. Any photo of them together is a "family photo", and it makes sense that the son would post "family photos" to your boyfriend's Facebook page.

It sounds strange that your boyfriend's ex was there and was in photos too, but maybe she was in the son's life for a long time, maybe she was his stepmother?

As for why there was no photo of you with the boyfriend and son - that probably indicates that you are not a big part of the son's life, but that does not necessarily mean anything bad about your relationship with your boyfriend.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

The graduate is proud of his accomplishments. His parents have loved him and encouraged him and supported him his entire life. He has a nice picture of himself with his parents, and he is proudly sharing it.

This isn't about you at all, and says absolutely nothing about your relationship with your boyfriend. If you had wanted a picture taken with you, your boyfriend and his son, you should have asked for one.

The graduate is clearly very grateful for his parents. He may not be the type to share that on his own Facebook page for whatever reason. Maybe he's more of a private person. Maybe he just wasn't sure how his friends would react. Whatever.

None of this says anything about you.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I found this hard to read and not sure what you are comparing this question to. (Punctuation and paragraphs might help others to read and understand just as a suggestion.)

I would expect a teen to post a picture of himself and his parents to his parents' Facebooks pages. Isn't that normal? I wouldn't expect him to post it to his own page (not for his friends to see).

As for posting the pic of his mom and him to your boyfriend's page, he probably just did it all in one go without thinking.

Don't overthink. I don't think this is about you. This was his day remember and his parents. If you wanted a picture, I think you could have asked for one. Maybe it is telling no one thought of getting one. What is your relationship like? It takes 2 right?

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Albany on

Dear Marina, I think I understand what you are thinking and feeling. You feel left out and perhaps unappreciated. Everybody may have not wanted to push you into something, yet you want to be a part of this family!

You were in the group photo, am I correct? It is good your boyfriend’s son posted the group photo on his page, acknowledging all the support he has, including you!

My guess is that there was a lot going on at graduation and a photo was unintentionally overlooked but in any case that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate you. He posted the group photo on his page, acknowledging and appreciating all his support and wanting to share the individual photos with his dad, not necessarily to the exclusion of you.

Would you consider reaching out and posting a special message to him of congratulations on his dedication in school, graduation and encouragement in his future endeavors? If you have a photo of you three from another time, include that? If you don’t have a photo like that, perhaps suggest you want one to remember this special time in his life together! This will build your relationship with your boyfriend and boyfriend’s son, communicating and showing that you want to be a part of their lives!
Best wishes

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Facebook determines whether you exist or not?
If you believe that - you are giving Facebook WAY too much power over your life.
Take a break (like 6 months to a year) from all social media and become reacquainted with reality.
You'll feel a whole lot better.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Barbara on

Not wrong. Your boyfriend's son posted his parents on his FB at his graduation, at the time you are his girlfriend, not fiancé or wife.

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answers from Seattle on

Am I wrong for thinking that it should only be posted on is son's Facebook of his two parents together?

Yes you are wrong. Those are his parents. Your boyfriend has a child with another woman. I am assuming you knew that before marrying him.
You are not even a WIFE yet....JUST a girlfriend. The son doesn't know if you are the real deal or just another woman passing through. So, while you exist, you don't really exist as a person that is part of the family yet, because you are not.
(ALSO, try some punctuation. It makes your question a lot easier to read.)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

I'm sorry you are hurt, that's no fun. I think you are being too sensitive though. Think of it from your boyfriend's son's point of view...those are his parents. And think of it from the point of view that these two people have a child together...and even if they are no longer married, this is still an important part of life for them...they will always be parents to their son even if they are both married to other people and have separate lives. You just have to rise above feeling jealous when you are a step-parent and be supportive. If it continues to bother you then at the next event/gathering/outing ask someone to take a photo of you, your boyfriend and your son and you can post it yourself and tag your boyfriend....or your boyfriend can post it and tag you. But try not to be too hurt. Tell your boyfriend you are feeling left out and would like to also be included in photos next time.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

One of the hardest things about dating someone with kids and a prior relationship is that you have to share. One of the other hardest things is that some people don't juggle various relationships well in a group situation.

If I understand you correctly, your bf, his son's mom, and your bf's ex (who came after the mom but before you) were all there. Pictures were taken with everyone except you. If I have this wrong, then my answer may be off.

I guess I'd prioritize. The most natural and correct thing is that there were photos of Dad, Mom, kid and some uncles in various combinations. These people have been together since before the child was born, and he has known them all forever. That all makes sense. And not posting the pics on his own FB page? It's typical of teens who only want "cool" stuff on their own pages but still kind of want to share things with their dad. Sending photos from someone else's camera/phone is somehow an extra step to them, so they post directly to the parents' pages. ("Okay, here are the photos I'm pretending I'm not interested in but I know they matter to you.") I know you don't want the mom's photo on your bf's page, but that's what you have to let go of. Everyone who knows him knows he has a son, right? And they know that a woman was involved in making that possible, whether they know her or not (newer friends might not). If your bf has his own relatives (siblings, aunts, uncles, parents) who might want to see how the kid turned out, it's appropriate that they see the mom and that divorced/split-up people can at least be civil at these events.

I'm not sure why the 2nd ex was there, but if she was a friend of the family in some other way, or if she was married to your bf or otherwise in the child's life (especially if she was living with your bf and having his son there on weekends), then they have a relationship. If the boy's mother and your bf can stand having her there, then it should be okay with you.

What's baffling and inexcusable and where you should be hurt is if no pictures were taken with you in them. If you've been with him for 3 years and you were invited to the graduation because you have been a part of this boy's life, then you should have been in some photos with bf and son. (If there's distraction at an event, it's okay to say to one of the uncles or other adults, "How about I take some pictures of you with bf and son, and then you take a couple of me with them?" People sometimes lose track of what's been taken. But if you've been shuttled off to the side, not introduced to everyone, or just designated as the photo taker and not a significant other after 3 years, then that's a huge red flag.)

Your bf should be proud of enough of you to post those photos on his page. Whether he puts them on the son's page is something else again, since the son isn't putting up any photos and since he might not want to explain all of these women (mom, ex, you) to his friends. If you are not in any photos, that's wrong. Your problem is with your bf though, and not with his son. So I would have a good, solid, sit-down discussion with him about where you fit in his life. If he won't do this, get counseling. It can't be about jealousy of other women - you should have been in some photos even if those other women weren't in the picture. If you aren't significant enough for that, then you have a good idea of where you stand in his life, and I'd end the relationship if counseling doesn't change things.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

There is nothing wrong with posting the pictures on your boyfriends page, but as the one who is doing the majority of the "mothering" in practice it was wrong of them to make you feel excluded. Talk with them about how you feel in a calm and rational manner, only through proper communication can things get better.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Maybe they all got caught up in the moment of him graduating and forgot to take a pic with you.
Graduation is a big thing. You were left out, maybe on purpose, maybe by mistake. Either way the day is about HIM not you. Feel how you want to but don't let it show. It is HIS graduation not yours let him celebrate with whatever pictures he wants to.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

E., I am sorry that you are hurting, but I think you may be taking this too personally. During the time pictures were being taken, did you speak up and ask for one to be taken of you, your boyfriend, and his son? With so many people, and even under the best of circumstances, it's a lot to have expectations that a teenager is going to speak up and make sure picture combinations are taken with everyone. I would not take that as a snub. You could have nudged your boyfriend and asked him to gather you 3 for a picture. Is it possible he just was oblivious in the moment of this being important to you? Just tuck away in your mind that next time there is any kind of gathering, birthday, wedding, BBQ, or whatever, that you should speak up and ask for a picture if you want one of the three of you.

If your boyfriend's son HAD a picture of the 3 of you, give him the benefit of the doubt that he would have posted that one as well to his dad's page. But how's he going to post what he doesn't have? If there were no pictures taken with you, that's unfortunate. But you can't expect him not to be excited about his graduation enough to post some pictures. That's not really fair to him.

Finally, for your own sanity, don't give other people's Facebook pages so much power over your feelings. If you know your relationship with your boyfriend is solid, and it sounds like you also have a warm relationship with his son, that's all that matters. Don't let a few pictures bother you. I can understand your disappointment, but try to move forward and create some fun summer memories for the 3 of you (with a lot of pictures) and post them on your own page, tag your boyfriend. As far as the teen's page, I would ask before tagging him. That can be a more personal space they prefer to use for friends, and not so much adults.

1 mom found this helpful
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