MIL Lessons

Updated on March 05, 2012
A.B. asks from Pittsburgh, PA
9 answers

There are so many posts about MIL drama and I really feel for those of you in that situation. If we take a moment to pause, would you be able to think of the reasons why your SO ended up with you in light of being raised by her? Many stats say that we tend to be attracted to SOs that are like our parents - for better or worse - but I know that the exact opposite might also be true for some. So the question is: do you see yourself possessing any similar traits? Does it result in harmony or discord in your family?

Growing up, many of the differences I had w/my mom were because of our similarities. On the other hand, my good relationship w/my dad was due to our similarities. Same traits, different dynamic.

I am like my MIL in that we are both strong, hardworking, and can talk for quite awhile. =) By contrast she seems to have more discretion than I ... either naturally or gained by life lessons I have yet to learn from I'm not sure, but I respect it and am trying to learn from it. =)

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answers from Pittsburgh on

My mom and my MIL are very similar. In many ways I am like both of them. I also like both of them. And since she raised my husband, her parenting must have been pretty good.

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answers from Oklahoma City on

I would be honored to be told I remind someone of my most recent MIL, she was an awesome woman.

She told wonderful stories of her life with my FIL while he was in the Navy, life in Bermuda, California, all over. He served even in Antarctica and she lived with her family in Kansas during that time.

As a child she grew up raising chickens and Turkeys. As a young person she drove and ice truck filled in the back with bootleg alcohol.

She flew planes, picked my FIL up on the pier one time when he was disembarking, said let's get married and flew him to Yuma, drove all over the North American Continent, made many friends, and taught lots of people how to find the perfect products to use for their Ostomy's. She was diagnosed with small cell cancer on her liver the week of Christmas one year and died that next July.

She was quiet spoken, caring, and I miss her every single day. I don't even remember my mom on most days.

My other MIL, from my ex, was also a wonderful woman. She was over 6 feet tall and thin and a compulsive cleaner.

She taught me parenting, compassion, how to listen with your heart and how to act on what you believed.

You would finish a glass of milk, pick up a cookie to finish eating it and by the time you were done the glass from the milk was washed, dried, and put up. She had Alzheimer's and it was really hard to watch her progression.

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answers from Austin on

Amen. I kinda was shocked by all of the hateful posts toward the women who reared our husbands. If you chose and married him evidently she did SOMETHING right!

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answers from New York on

Ironically I may be more like my FIL in personality and MIL in physique. True to Freud, I think I married someone who mirrors my Dad in personality.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

We discovered in premarital counseling that DH picked me because I could stand up to MIL when/where he never could/would. Its a 'cross' I have to bare and gets old often. What I've learned is not to be like her, and not raise our son like she raised her sons. I'm sometimes overly-conscious (is that a word?) about it, and that aggravates me more, haha.

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answers from Seattle on

My husband is similar to my daddy in some ways but not my bio father. It's both a positive and negative some of the time.

I, on the other hand, am nothing like my MIL. She's very codependent yet claims she's independent. For example, she is still currently married to my FIL however she chooses to live off of state aid and gov't/church assistance on her own claiming that she is her own person and can take care of herself. She feels that what she has been through in life is far worse than what anyone else can go through. I know I am, according to her, not a good enough wife nor mother. I know I would never judge either of my children in this manner. Granted, I am not her child but I have never done anything to give her a reason to think such things. I do however not parent nor manage my marriage to her son the way she does/did henceforth making me horrible. Lol

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answers from Fort Wayne on

I married someone who is a cross between my father and my uncle (mothers bro) My uncle was more of a father figure growing up for me but I had a relationship later in life with my father before he passed away. So I kind of got the best of both, and as for me I have been told I am alot like my MIL but I am not so quick with being rude to people or pushing my opinions on people. I will stand up for myself but tend to keep in mind the if you cant say anything nice than dont say anything at all. She on the other hand will wait for months then BAM nail you for whatever reason. I have stopped posting things on FB because she will start in on me about a post that was months old and I will have no idea what she is talking about.

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answers from Bloomington on

I think that my husband is opposite of my dad in a lot of ways (taking responsibility for his family and WANTING to be with his family), but they both have the same gentle nature about them. So, maybe I got the best version of what I wish my dad were?

I think I'm very different than my MIL. I am very strong and independent. She seems very wishy-washy and always needs a man to take care of her. She tries to coddle my husband (which drives us both mad), and I expect him to be an equal. That's where I feel I'm judged by her. She thinks I should put him on a pedestal and take care of his every whim, and treat the kids like second-hand citizens. That's not the way I roll. :)

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answers from Washington DC on

Well, my husband and I are together now because we did things as backwards as possible. Our daughter was 1 month old when we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. We got married when she was 14 months old, and had 2 more boys. We had to work so hard to make things work for us, and we did.

Things are far from perfect, but they aren't in any marriage - no matter what anyone says.

I do know I am like my MIL in certain ways. We are both hard working and strong women. We are both protective of our family and kids (though I like to think I admit my kids mistakes more often).

She is not the devil, but she and I do not see eye-to-eye on many things in life.

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