MIL In Delivery Room??

AAAAHHHHHH! It's your baby, your delivery. You can have whomever you want in the room. You aren't obligated to have anyone there, even if they want to be. Just tell her nicely that you really need your mom, sis and hubby there, and that you can't have any more than that in the room. She'll probably be pissed, but she'll get over it. You are not obligated to her AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be tough,
GOOD LUCK!
april

Tell your MIL not to worry, this delivery is more about the "help they are going to give you"... and not because they are the only people that are most important to baby... therefore she should not look at it as if they are only there to witness the birth, but to give you support thru this process in which you need all whom are your most needed support.
YOu can tell her, "listen, I love you and you are very important to baby.. "baby will love you the minute you hold him/her because it will be the love you give baby that will count from that moment on... not weather you are there on delivery or not... the delivery is really my time to peacefully bring baby to this world, but it doesn't mean I want everyone in the family there... I hope you understand that this has nothing to do with who is most important to baby, but it is more about who is most essential to providing me with what I need during that time of delivery.. and my mother and sister, and your son, are the support that *I need* to have that day... not to mention you are a great mother in law, but I do hope you undertand this is more about how I feel about who I need there for me as they are my coaches" etc. You can tell her in your own words offcourse, but basically you need to let her understand that your mom and sis, know exactly what to do to help you,and that you "need" them.. and it has nothing to do that they just want to see the baby first.. but that they are there to help you ease the pain. I mean that should sum it up. But tell her, that she can be the first to see baby right after.. that might ease her feeling of wanting to hold baby right away for bondness. But really, it is what happens during the time after that counts to her closeness to baby, not that she was present during birth. I think the only one that really matter in the bondness of baby is mother and father.. just because they are the creators of life, and therefore seeing baby born is their awakening as to the pain and love it all involves.. you offcourse love baby as mother, and father in turn loves you for all the hard work you did to have the baby.. But it's all how it feels after too.. father can be present at birth and have no involvement whatsoever.. so it really is about their involvement with baby once they are born...
Birth is your time with baby.. You can share that with your hudband because he is the creator of life.. and then after that.. whoever is there should be for support, and support only.. not just because they want to see baby be born. That is something very intimate and only you should be the one to choose who you want to be by your side..
I know I was not one to be so kind while giving birth.. so having people around me, would have put my nerves up the wall... so you really need people that would help you calm down, and ease you thru that time. Make this your choice... not hers. This is your time.

Good luck with making her understand that. And even if she doesn't, well, it's tough luck for her.. because you should not have someone there just because they want to see baby be born.. then you might have the whole family there making you nervous in this very personal time for you and baby.

Best wishes on a very calm delivery!

C.

Hello there~
Congratulations on your new baby! Your situation is a hard one, but I think that if you dont listen to your instincts you will end up having feelings of regret and even resentment towards your MIL later. I would tell her that you loved her and valued her, but that this is your birth and you need to have the kind of support that YOU want.. that you need safety and who better to offer you comfort than the two women whom you have known all of your life?
Lots of luck on this one!
~A.

Well, I can't be too much help in this area. My first delivery turned out to be a c-section, so only my husband could be with me. But the subject was broached at my house. I made my feelings known from the beginning. I said I wanted my mom and my sister there with my husband. My step-mom and MIL both mentioned they wanted to be there. So when my mom backed out (like I knew she would), I asked my MIL if she wanted the spot. I think it made her feel good that I asked her before my step-mom. But honestly everyone here is right. It's your body and you have to do what is best for you and for your baby. You don't want to complicate the delivery by letting your blood pressure go up. That's how my preemie was born from a c-section, because I couldn't keep my blood pressure stable.

If I were you in your shoe I would try to just let it be you and your husband this time around! That way your MIL doesn't feel like you not let her in the room. My MIL wanted the same thing and I told them it's me and my husband time to welcome OUR baby into the world. When I was pregnant the first time around my mother was in the room only b/c the father was not present and never had been. (A whole other story in itself) I know you want your mother and sister there but sometimes we have to Sacrifice for our families. Have you spoken to your mother about it? Maybe they can be there for the labor part in turns and then when it comes close to delivery the baby everyone can leave and you and your husband do the hard part.
Hope it helps,
Leti

ps I should also tell you I'm a very private and bashful person. My in law family isn't. My SIL once took off all her clothes in front of me and was talking to me like nothing. It freaks me out!!! They have no boundaries!!! Yes I too won't like them to see down there also. Hell I don't even like the doctor or my husband to think about it!! lol hahaha

This is YOUR decision. Not even your husband's!! You are the one that is going through all the hard work. And this is a pretty private thing. You are exposing a lot. Bottom line - YOU need to be comfortable and happy. I think, that in this case, it's more important for you to be happy than her.

I thought this might be an issue with my MIL, so I told her that it was just going to be me and DH. She respected my decision. However, my mom is dead, so I didn't have to be put in that awkward situation of having my mom and not his mom. Still, my mom has seen everything - his mom hasn't, and I plan to keep it that way! LOL

I say stick to your guns. You don't want someone in the room that will make you feel negative. You should have GOOD memories of the birth of your baby.

Holy cow! Obviously your MIL is the last person who should be in that room with you - if for no other reason than you don't WANT her there. This is YOUR birth, YOUR labor, YOUR delivery, and YOUR child. Have your husband be a go-between, if necessary (he *better* respect your wishes, even if HE doesn't care - especially since it's HIS mom), but you should not be stressed out over this. Also, your nursing staff is there to support you. They told me that if there was a situation that *I* wasn't comfortable telling people to get out, they would. They can clear every last person from that room if needed, because they're on YOUR side. Only people that you feel completely comfortable with, who love and care for you, and are truly going to help you with this expereince should be there. She doesn't make the grade. Simply put! =)

I would simply tell your MIL that you and your husband have already agreed on your birth plan after discussing it with your Dr. You are at the maximum on the number of people the Dr will allow in the room during the birth. Your Dr. should verify this if you tell him to after explaining the situation during labor. Your nurses at the hospital can be clued in as to who will be in the room and can actually make the others leave and it is not your doing. You can let her in as soon as you are cleaned up and the baby has been checked out but you can't do anything beyond what the Dr has said is allowable. This takes the pressure off you and your husband and places it on the Dr. Please be sure and tell MIL that bonding occurs over the first few days so her presence soon after birth should be sufficient to allow bonding to occur. If that is not good enough for her then your husband will have to tell her no and stand up for what you want, after all, this is you doing all the work, your privates that will be on display and you have a right to say who does and doesn't see that.
Good luck.
C.

Hi-
Go with your gut instincts. This is a special moment that you do need a quiet, unselfish support system with. Obviously, if she's held these feelings for a while, since your son is 8 years old. I feel she's said her peace and your husband doesn't care either way.
My situation was the same (but with first child) and my SMOTHER - in law tried to hint her way into the planning - constantly. I ended up telling her and my husband that I'd already asked my sister and that was all I could handle having in there. You could say, which sounds like it's true, that you had already asked your sister and mom at the time she brought it up, but didn't want to say in front of everyone.
If you do this, just make SURE you tell the staff of your wishes, lest you end up with your MIL opening the door while your pushing and trying to get into the room, like I did!! ARRRGGH!

Good luck!

Hi--when I have a family in my Birth Center, and more people are there than mom wants, I make sure everyone is comfortable in the family room. I give updates on labor progress if mom desires. Frequently mom becomes receptive to all support people. The operative phrase is support people. Because it's a Birth Center, we're very relaxed and peaceful. We provide a doula at each birth, and she directs all the support.
If you are planning a hospital birth and "trying" to have a natural birth, the odds are against you!
If you desire to review your true options, feel free to call me at the birth center (North Houston Birth Center, 7007 North Freeway) ###-###-#### or directly on my cell ###-###-####
good luck, Kathy

In my opinion, it's your birthing experience and you should have it your way. Whatever you are most comfortable with (sorry MIL). I have three children of my own and I did not want anyone in the room except my husband and doctors of course, and I don't regret it. I didn't even want my husband seeing me down there, let alone anyone else. I think you have answered your own question of how to handle it with MIL. I think you should have your mom and sister and husband only. If this is what makes you comfortable, than do it. And let MIL know this is what you prefer. She should respect your wishes as any 'mother' should. She will be hurt, but will have to get over it....sorry MIL :-(

OMG....when I was prego with my 1st (Madison) I felt the same way...my mom and dad (dad was by my head where he could not see a thing!!!) were in the room with my hubby. The topic was brought up with my MIL but I felt the SAME WAY! Do I really want her to see me THERE!!!! The issue was not brought up with my second. We had her watch our 1st while we were at the hospital and told her we would call her. There were no hard feelings and no guilt trips. I would not replace your sis with her at all. Sounds like you already know what you want to do...go with it. Is there a way you would need her to watch your oldest while you are giving birth so she feels like she is helping? Otherwise....I would agree with Cherie, tell her the Dr. is only allowing a certain amount of people in the room (this is probably true anyway) and that you had to limit the number of people. This is NOT why she "does not feel bonded with your oldest" that is totally a guilt trip - don't fall for that. Do what is best for you during this very precious time. Surround yourself only with those people who will make the whole process very peaceful and happy. I would have your husband talk to her since this is his mom so you don't look like the bad guy too. Good luck!!

Don't make that day any harder and more stressful than it has to be, just tell your mother in law " i love you and if i could have a fourth person in there it would be you, but i cannot, and i need my mom, your son and my sister there for me at this most painful time" if you do feel somewhat obligated(which you shouldn't) then let your sister and mother in law switch off. when i gave birth to my daughter i was only allowed 3 people in the room as well, but i wanted 4, so when my daughter crowned my third took her exit to the waiting room quietly and told my fourth it was time. it all went as planned, but there is no reason why you should come to this decision feeling obligated. all 4 of the people i let in my room wanted badly to be there but i also wanted them there as well, that is why i organized it that way, because it was easier on all parties involved but most importantly MYSELF. good luck to you

THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME - and my husband wouldn't back me up on it! It's a VERY vulnerable time and it's YOUR body. UGH! Some people's AUDACITY! Anyhow, I told my dr. the problem. He said to bring my husband to the next appt and he would tell him that he didn't want that many people in the delivery room. IT WORKED! My husband was disappointed, but he called his mom and said that the dr. and hospital had a policy and that the room was at capacity. Of course, she harbored ill feelings toward my mom and sister because I let them in. BUT COME ON! They are my family and they've seen me naked a MILLION times - they've seen me at my most vulnerable. THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE. GOOD LUCK!