Middle School Son Trying to Grow up to Qucik

Updated on February 20, 2008
S.B. asks from Charlotte, NC
4 answers

My son entered middle school this year. It has been a challenging year this far. He has had bullying issues, to girl problems. He will be 12 years old in April and has requested that I take him and his best friend and drop them off at the movies. Before you ask yes they will have girls to meet them there. I said NO that he was too young... Am I trying to hold on? Will he rebel and start sneeking around. I need advice on this matter for I am a single mother and we have a very good relationship and he tells me everything. I am afraid that is about to change.

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M.Z.

answers from Charlotte on

I think that it's necessarily too young-- depends on your child-- you know him better than anyone-- is he ready for this? Also, is it at night or is it during the afternoon? Perhaps that is your compromise-- I can remember my mother dropping me off with my friends at that age at the movies-- we had to go to the early movie at 7 pm and she would pick us up at 10pm -- they had a small arcade in the mall where the movies were. Again, depends on your son and how mature he is and how good his friends are. Just set some limits around it and pick a good movie theater-- one in a good area. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.L.

answers from Charlotte on

Dear S.,
I know exactly how you feel! Middle school can be very intimidating the first go round. I have a 13 year old girl and I can tell you they become independent over night. Your sons request to go to the movies with his friends is very normal and seems to be the first step to freedom for our young kids. the answer however should be based on your trust in your son. If you son has done nothing to make you question his behavior when he is unsupervised then he has earned the right to go to the movies - on the otherhand, if his performance at school (grades, bullying, etc)has caused concern, then he has not earned your trust. Once that falls in order speial privilege will also. Be sure to walk your son through your decision good or bad so he knows this is something that can be given as well as taken away solely based on HIS work and behavior. Good Luck and stay strong!

2 moms found this helpful
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E.C.

answers from Charlotte on

I can't give advice from me raising a child, but I can let you know what my mom did for me. I was almost 14 when I started going on "group dates". My friend started at the age your son is now and I can't say that it changed anything really. I know that a lot of parents don't feel that they should explain their opinion to their children, but to keep communication open with him you need to be open with him. Let him know why you don't want him to date so early. I didn't miss anything from waiting, it gave me something to look forward to. Let him know that he isn't missing anything. Besides, his friends probably talk more about what happened on Monday at school, then they do on the weekend. LOL!

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G.S.

answers from Charlotte on

I think it is just fine to let him go out on group dates at this age. Often group dates are just a fun way for boys and girls to hang out together without too much pressure. Just make sure you are open with him that he doesn't need to "do" anything just because his friends are. Really stress the importance of not giving in to peer pressure. I think relationships can get physical at this age just because they think they are supposed to be that way. Talk to him about your teenage years. Also, be supportive and praise him for how much you trust him and how responsible he is. 11-13 is such a tough time. They really think they are grown ups. The more you fight them to stay young, the more they will fight you back. So give where you can and pull back when it is important. Picking your battles is key.

1 mom found this helpful
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