Middle School (6Th Grade) Son Advice

Well, I have two college aged boys and until they went away to school, I woke them up every single day, I mean since I'm their mom and all.

I'm pleased to say they did not NEED to practice "responsibility" at ALL in this way in order to DO IT THEMSELVES once they had to. They have had no problems getting themselves up for school since going off to college.

Just another of my unpopular parenting philosophies.

:)

My son is not a morning person. He gets up at 7:30 if he does not he finds his bedtime sliding earlier since clearly he didn't get enough sleep.

First figure out why your son is having trouble going to sleep. Is he watching TV, playing video games, drinking caffeinated sodas, anything that would cause him to have trouble winding down even though he is tired. Once you have gone through that then you have to shut everything down at bedtime. If that means he stares at the ceiling fan till he falls asleep so be it but he can't have entertaining options.

Your problem isn't the morning, it is the evening routine.

We made a deal with our daughter . You can stay up as late as you want, but you have to get up in the morning, with no whining. If you do not get ready on time, we will set your bedtime..

Yes, she had an alarm, but I also went in to Make sure she was up and out of bed.. She was a deep sleeper. Even in college and today, she has to have her alarm as well as her cellphone alarm(across the room) to wake up..

Have him figure out the solution that works best.

My oldest son is in 9th grade and still can't get up on his own. Some battles aren't worth fighting - I just go in at 6:45, turn on the lights and say get up. If he's not in the shower in 10 minutes, I go in again. Our daughter is the same age and has no problem getting herself up but he just doesn't function that early in the morning even when he's in bed at 9. Ironically, he wakes up on his own at 7:30 on non-school days while she'll sleep until noon if we let her (we don't).

My son is slightly more responsive in the morning now that he takes melatonin and valerian root capsules before bed. He's always been a poor sleeper so these help he fall asleep faster and sleep all night without tossing and turning.

I still wake up my 9th grader, occasionally more than once. My 4th grader gets up on her own. Just different kids. It is really not a big deal.

One thing to know is that circadian rhythms shift at puberty. Little kids are morning people; teenagers are night people. There was talk at one point of moving high school opening hours to later in the day, so the kids would actually be awake during 1st-period classes, but I don't think anything ever came of it.

So sure, make sure he's in bed at a reasonable hour, but also understand that you're fighting biology here. Some teenagers (especially boys) just need to be physically hauled out of bed and shoved into the shower for years.

He may not be ready to take on that task by himself. You may feel he is old enough, same age friends may be doing it but that doesn't mean he is mature enough to handle it, it's not a huge deal.
As far as going to sleep, stop the caffeine, t.v, electronics etc at least 2 hrs before bedtime until he falls asleep on his own. Good luck

We had a difficult time waking my daughter up when she was in middle school as well. And when we finally did wake her, she was so horrible that we wished we never had to wake her!! We tried lots of different things but what worked well for us was this one lamp/alarm clock. About a hour before the time to wake up, the light gradually gets lighter and lighter, and then when it goes off, it's completely light and it's birds or something like that. Anyway, that way she is gradually waking up and is somewhat awake by the time the alarm goes off. I tell you, it really works for her and she's in such a better mood when she comes out of her room.

Good luck to you and let me know if you'd like more information!!
Stephanie

We stick as closely as we can to a bedtime routine.
TV/computer off an hour before bedtime.
Snack has been had, teeth brushed - then read till lights out.
Once in awhile he has to stay up on the late side to finish homework or a project (and then he's tired the next day but he gets up when I call him).

Unless you have no choice but to rely on your son to get himself up in the mornings, then I would try not to make too big of an issue of it. My son has always been a very heavy/deep sleeper. He used to occasionally sleepwalk, and sleeptalk as well. Night potty "training" took a long time, b/c he would sleep so deeply he didn't feel the sensations to wake himself up to go to the bathroom.

He is now in 9th grade, so he is 14. He is better about getting up now, but still mornings are very hard for him to come awake. And his teen body clock makes falling asleep at 9:30 p.m. difficult as well. I usually wake him up and stand there until he speaks to me (otherwise, there is no guarantee he even is awake at all), then wake up his sister across the hall, and double back thru his room and speak to him again (until he responds). Sometimes, I have to call for him again.

Unless your son purposefully is defying you at bedtime and not going to bed when he should, or sneaking electronics and playing on them instead of going to sleep, and unless you HAVE to rely on him being able to get up on his own, then I would just accept that he is slow and hard to wake in the morning, due to his internal body clock. And try to figure out a system that works, including asking him what he thinks can be done.
My son takes morning showers now. It helps wake him up and get him moving. One he is out of the shower, he is ready to go in no time flat. He just has to get AWAKE first.

Our daughters were having difficulty falling asleep so we painted the ceiling a darker color (we put the solar system up there). It made the room a lot less bright and easier to sleep in.

He needs to get to bed early enough to fall asleep slowly if he has an issue sleeping. Also how much exercise does he get? Kids need exercise to make them tired and that is summer and winter. Then work on the responsibility. I used to be somewhat like that in school because I hated going. Does your son get up better on non school days? I also had a child like this who even as an adult needed waking but now is able to get up due to maturity and need to get up or lose the job. Help him work on it and don't do it all for him but be sure he does get up and I'd do earlier bedtime and exercise.

I suggest dealing with the problem of not falling asleep first. Set a bed time routine that is the same every night. In addition, no screen time after dinner, no sugary foods, and no caffeine in any form. Then if he still has problems falling asleep (like my son) use a half tablet of melatonin (recommended by our ped). For my son, he is in bed by 8pm reading. At 9pm if he still isn't getting tired he will ask for a melatonin. It puts him to sleep within a half hour.

Once he is getting the proper number of hours of sleep, then use an alarm that is loud & obnoxious. Place it far enough away that he has to get out of bed to turn it off. Set up a contract by which he earns a special activity if he gets himself up every day of the week.

I agree to first try a bedtime routine, and no sugar and caffeine before bedtime. Another option for you to think about is maybe he has a deficiency in calcium/magnesium? I know of a friend who had this with her child, and a supplement helped her.
Good luck!

Different kids are different. My 13 year old has been waking himself up since probably 10. My 10 year old there is no way he will get himself up. He's a very heavy sleeper. And does not do well in the morning. I agree with some of the others part of it may be when he goes to bed at night. But it might not. My 10 year old goes to bed around 9:30 and has a hard time getting up at 6:45 but my 13 year old can go to bed at 10:30 and get up at 6:30 on his own. If he has issues going to sleep at night you may need to talk to his dr.