Middle-life Crisis??

Honestly, I NEVER have had a birthday worry me until this last, my 60th! Now that it has come & passed I realize that it was silly of me to be concerned that's not to say you are being silly, because you aren't. We ARE mortal after all!

Take life one day at a time, live it the best you can that way the regrets will be minimal and the joys many, Life and it's plans change in the blink of an eye this I know as it has happened to me!

AND...sex is best from 35-50...THAT is a fact! :)

Have fun & don't stress!

It's only a mid life crisis if you're planning to live to 60.
I plan to live into my 90's, so I had my mid life crisis in my late 40's.
30 is just a number.
Different ages have different stages and there's always something to look forward to.
Just think - in 20-25 more years you'll hit menopause and you won't have to deal with periods anymore! And no more worrying over birth control! Yea!

Every day that you wake up on this side of the lawn is a great day - regardless of how old you are.

Oh the best is yet to come. When you hit forty you will find a very confident, strong, happy woman. At 30 you are still growing as a woman. I am 62 (yikes) and love it. Life is good. Kids grown, 8 grandchildren, traveling opportunities when not babysitting our one year old granddaughter. So you see, don't be sad. So many good things to come!

Good lord, honey, 30 is not a mid-life crisis. You're planning to live longer than 60, right? -- you're officially, and in everyone's opinion, in the prime of life.

For me, my 30s were fantastic. I got married at 29. My career really picked up at 31. I had my amazing, unbelievable baby boy at almost 35. It was really when all the different strands of my life came together.

Which leads me to ask -- why do you have to choose? How in the world could a nice husband be incompatible with a good career?

I don't think I've ever been COMPLETELY happy -- at least not since age 4. But what I've discovered (at almost 42) is that the things I love most (my son, my work, my extended family, my friends) are fragile and precious and not guaranteed. That fills me with this sort of tremulous gratitude, with this shaky, overflowing happiness. I do have a lot of anxieties -- chiefly related to finances and my husband's health -- but my sense of gratitude and joy overwhelms those fears. It's really a wonderful time in life -- just getting to gratitude. If I'm grateful even for the bad things (because they made me learn, they made me strong) at 40, I can't imagine being full of regrets at 50. Life just doesn't work that way.

So, back to you. This doesn't sound like a midlife anything. It sounds, quite honestly, like clinical depression. And that's treatable. Please take yourself to a psychiatrist (no shame or judgment, half the people I know take something or other) and get yourself on some kind of meds. You'll be glad (and grateful) that you did.

First of all, 30 is not mid-life, so it's not a mid-life crisis! And 30 isn't aging...70 is aging. 30 is just a number, and it's a good number. The best years of my life so far have started with a 3.

For me, it's all about keeping perspective. My best friend died in a car accident the weekend we graduated college. Normally I would have been in the car with her. So every day after that, even the ones that were scary and sucked (I was a single mom for 5 years so there were a lot of those) has been a gift.

If you are unhappy with where you are in life right now, picture where you want to be in 5 years. What does the ideal of 35 look like to you? How is it different from where you are right now? What steps do you need to take to get from here to there? Then start to plan and do. It doesn't always work out neatly, but having a vision of what you want and a plan to get it are a start.

When my oldest son was born (I was 22), I knew that I had no interest in dating anyone for a while and wanted to just focus on being a mom and getting my feet under me, balancing work and single motherhood. I also knew that by the time he was 5 and starting school, I wanted to live in a town with good schools where I would want him to spend the rest of his childhood, that I wanted more children so therefore would want to get married eventually, that I wanted to own a home, and that I wanted to have enough flexibility in my job so that I could work at home at least some days and not have my kids in before- and after-school care every day. I actually have all of that, one step at a time. The first step was that after two years of working at a place that was awesome and supportive of me when my son was an infant but a long commute and required that I work on site, I changed jobs to something closer to home and that has become my career and after a few years there, started working from home 3 days a week. I went from living with my parents for 3 years to renting for a couple to buying my own home. I met my husband when my son was 3, got married when he was 5 and have two more children with him.

Just try to keep perspective about this birthday - you are young and have your whole life in front of you. People start and re-start their lives at any age. I have a friend whose husband was overweight and on medication for high blood pressure and high cholesterol in his early 30's. 15 years later he's a fierce cyclist - he bikes 50 miles a day round trip to work, does century rides (100 mikes) on a regular basis as well as mountain bike races and he's almost 50. I know a ton of people who started to take their health seriously in their 30's and are in the best shape of their lives, running marathons, doing triathlons, or even keeping it simpler with yoga and jogging. Your 30's is also a good time to go back to school, change careers, have children, etc. It's a decade of maturity (in a good way) and change. Of settling in to who you really want to be and worrying less about what others think of you. Really, enjoy it!

It's a small age crisis. How do you cope with aging? Well that's the alternative to aging? Death. I'll choose aging over death any day of the week. Ok seriously, age is just a number. You aren't wasting your life away work and doing things with your family. That's what you are suppose to do at this point in your life.

I think the big problem is that we always look around, see others doing great things, and then we feel like we should be doing more. We should have more. We should be greater than we are at this point in our lives. But there will always be people that are doing more, have more, and are doing greater than we are no matter what age we are. We need to trust that we are at the point where we need to be and look forward to everything life still have in store for us.

30 is hardly "mid life"!
I'm looking at 50 this year and I don't feel "mid lifey" at all...

Here's a tip: it's all about knowing who you are and being true to yourself and your beliefs--in your marriage, with your kids, at your job, etc.

Trust you gut.
If something "feels" right, it probably is.
If it "feels" wrong--it probably is.

I don't get mid-life crisis at 30. Midlife is 40 or 50.

I can tell you this, I do think it's true that your 30s are way better than your 40s, and that the 40s are even better, etc. I can also tell you that sex after 35 is soon much better.

Im enjoying getting older. As to regrets, a friend and I were discussing "do overs" the other day. Shes 52, I'm 41. We'd both love to tell our 20 something selves lots of wisdom, but we only have that wisdom based on the choices we made. There are no do-overs, and there are only regrets if you don't enjoy your current self, including the one that is turning 30. If you like yourself, it's all good, because if any aspect was different, you wouldn't be you.

Make a list of all the things you want to do in your life. Degrees you want. Places you want to go. What you want out of your family. What kind of person you want to be. I did this in my 20s and one day around age 40 I found this list and I had done everything on it! That made me really happy. Of course I now have a whole new list. Slowly work towards one thing on your list. Start becoming the person you want to be. I am 41 and am VERY happy with what I have accomplished in my life. I had kids a bit later. You had kids first and now you can work on accomplishing something you want for yourself. My old boss was the most amazing woman. She raised her daughters and after they were both almost grown she started and completed a PhD program. When I worked for her she was the head of this huge program and was an impressive, smart woman. Now she is retired and she is an amazing sculpture artist in Santa Fe. She never did one lick of art when I knew her...she just found her creative side at some point in her life. You can do many things in your life. You are so young still!

You are too young for a mid-life crisis. 29 is not halfway through your life - at least I hope not. Turning 30 is simply a transition. I'm much closer to 50 now. You need to do what makes you happy and enjoy your life now. You can do other things and change your life again many times before 50. When I was 30, I never imagined I'd have gotten breast cancer in my 30's, that we'd move away from the area we lived in, that I'd have a very different type of job. You can't plan now for 20 years ahead. You need to change where you are in life now if you're not happy now, and not worry about 20 years in the future. Good luck

30's considered mid-life?? I thought 50 was, since the life exectancy is getting longer and there is an crease in the number of centurians. Man, I must have missed it. No fair! I turned 50 last year. Any how, I put up with depression all my life without drugs so I guess I'm used to it. I went through so many disappointments. In elementary school it was bullies, a really bad kindergarten teacher, and no real friends. Middle school was great, since no one bothered with me. High school was great, since I was allowed to talk back to the bullies. College was having to change my major a couple of times, because it just didn't work out as planned, getting the wrong advice, and going to the wrong college. Adult life was not getting in to the field I really had my heart set on. Marriage was discovering my MIL is going to live with us forever! Yep, been through a lot.

Now to your questions...
1. How do you cope with aging? I look at getting older as more opportunities opening up. At 30 I started a life style diet and excercise, which included free-weights. (First time I could actually open a pickle jar by my self due to the new muscles I built., what a nice surprise!) At 35 I had my first and only child. (I got lucky, because it was a piece of cake for me.) At 40 I learned how to ride a bike. (Yep, never got to learn how to ride a bicycle.) Now I'm 50...I was thinking of learning to swim, but I just don't like being around a lot of people, who already know how. (It's embarassing.) I just got the home of my dreams and am trying to learn to find peace and a positive attitude about people. I have just basically decided to enjoy life. I can't believe how much I actually enjoy weeding the garden, working outside, and feeding the ducks. I just can't get enough of my home. I enjoyed decorating it and telling the contractor what I wanted and how I wanted it. I picked out the colors, decided where the bathroom fixtures go, what lights I wanted, where I wanted extra outlets, how I wanted pipes consealed, etc. It was so much fun.
2. what do you think? Their are a lot of good things about hitting 50. One is no more Aunt Flow...I'm still waiting for her to go away completely, but she came back for the hoilday. Another good thing is that I've already experienced a lot of stuff and can now offer advice. I can now say what I think and use hormones as an excuse. I now have the "right" to relax and enjoy myself, because I already "went through _____." I don't have to study if I don't want to and can if I feel like it. I now read and research things that I'm interested in rather than toward a career. 50 really isn't all that scary as long as you eat right and exercise. It just feels like another number.
3. In fact what's the most important thing in life? It depends on you. Everyone has different ideas as to what is important to them. For me it's just living a peaceful life. I figure you have to be happy and satified in order to have peace in your heart.
a.Have a good career? It helps, but once you hit 50. Perception changes.
A career really doesn't matter. If you are making a lot of money, you
can retire early and live the good life. The funny paradox is that all the
money in the world, isn't always enough to make you truely happy.
Happiness really does come from within.
b.A nice husband? I'd change that to a dedicated husband. I've seen single
people happy, but they are usually very social. It is important that if
you do have a husband that the 2 of you are dedicated to each other.
4. Who has it all and can say is completly happy? What an interesting question. Who can actually have that high of an expectation of life? Nothing is ever going to be perfect. "There will always be ups and downs." It's all in how you deal with the "ups and downs" that matters. I'm basically happy with my life now. There are times I complain, but that's normal. Then I think about my wonderful home, and what all I can do when I retire. When I was younger, yes I was a lot more unhappy than now. After all, I life didn't work out the way that I wanted it to especially with getting my dream job....It just didn't happen. I just had to deal with it. Now, I pretty happy and I'm in the process of making sure my son doesn't repeat the same mistakes I made when I was younger. I guess that's why I had to make those mistakes. I have everything else I wanted, so the career thing doesn't matter anymore to me. Yes, I'm happy.

Well, I'm weird. I have problems with the 5's, not the 0's. When I was 25, I didn't like where I was in life, so I changed some things. Much happier when I turned 30. My 30s were good and bad - didn't have a problem turning 35 or 40. Last year I turned 45 and had a problem with it. Only because I need to make some changes in my life that I'm not ready to make, but I know once I make them, I'll be happier and turning 50 in a few years will not be a problem.

So, I suggest you need to make a list of things you want to do or change. Then start working on that list. Do you want a career change? Then you might have to go back to school. Make a plan about how you want to do that.

Good luck.

I guess it's different for everyone. My twenties were pretty tough, I struggled financially and went through some growing pains becoming a young wife and mother.
At thirty I was totally happy and satisfied, great husband, two great kids and pregnant with my third. We had just bought our first home and it was darling. I felt like my life was truly BEGINNING at that point, and it was. My thirties were the happiest, most satisfying time of my life so far. I was more secure and confident and I was in great physical shape.
Now, at 45, I have three teenagers which is VERY stressful. This fall we'll have two in college, one out of state, which is a huge financial strain. Staying in shape is more challenging than ever, and the lines and gray hairs have quietly started appearing. I'm not depressed but it takes a lot more effort to have a happy outlook every day, that's for sure.
On the bright side, I'm still a "young" mom, compared to most of my kids' friends parents, many of them are in their fifties and some are in their sixties!
Attitude is everything. If you feel old, and that your life is already half over, then that's what it will be.

Luckily you have ten years before you even hit mid-life...try 40 on and see what that will do to you!!

Being that I am 40, that has made me realize that sure I haven't done everything in life I want to, (yet) but it has been a good run so far...

Now I am simplifying things and making goals to meet in the next ten years.

So, my suggestion...make a ten year plan...where do you want to be in ten years at your actual more or less halfway point?? Do you still want to be in an abusive marriage? Do you want to be in the same career?

Oh, I have some relatives in their mid-80s still going strong running their own businesses and having full filling marriages...so people are living longer and more fulfilling lives!!! Good luck!!

enjoy 30 ... when and if you are blessed to turn 40... 30 will seem VERY young.. :)

You're going to turn 50 either way. You could turn 50 and still be regretting life. Or you can start a new career, move to a new city, move on in life, even if 30 seems too old to do so. My brother was in advertising for a decade before he decided to go back to school and become a surgeon. He's turning 50 at the end of this month and is a highly skilled surgeon and the head of his department in a major hospital. He was reluctant to go back to school because he felt like 30 was too old. It's not. What do you want?

30 was tough for me, I'm 36 now. I wasn't where I had thought I'd be in my life. I was married, had 2.5 kids (including the dog), house and all that jazz but I had made a lot of personal sacrifices in my career. For me, 30 is the age that is really a grown-up. My ex and I spent a lot of time planning our life, after we graduated college, when the kids got older, when we had more money and then one day I realized that I didn't want to plan for life I wanted to live it. I started really appreciating all of my blessings and where I was and how I got there.
One of my favorite lines from a song is "I still remember when 30 was old". 30 is not old, but until you hit that point, it feels like it. The 30's are great. I've had a lot of changes - some happened to me and others by me but I wouldn't change where I am for anything. Find something that's just for you - not about your husband or the kids. Recapture yourself

30s have been wonderful to me! I guess I really came into my own when I turned 30....got married at 30, had my 1st child at 31, my 2nd child at 34, got out of debt, bought 2 houses, 2 cars (again, no debt at all except a mortgage), got my knee fixed, found more direction and purpose for my life, developed more confidence, stopped being so angry (I think I felt "held down" which was frustrating and angered me when I was younger, a little wishy washy about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, but I kinda came into my own and I know that nothing can really hold me down but myself now)....my 30s have been wonderful. I'm not perfect, life is not perfect, but I have the means and confidence to start moving in directions I want to go, and have some experience under my belt to help me move that way.
My early 20s were very very adventurous, but my mid-to-late 20s were pretty......normal. Blech. But I do admit that after I turned 37 (me now) I kinda shudder at the big 4-0. I don't know how I'll feel about turning 40, lol......but I choose to celebrate it because the alternative of NOT turning 40 is just not acceptable. :)

My 30's were the best! My oldest was born when I was 28 & my youngest 34! Not sure if you're done w/your family or not, but my hubby had to get dressed in the closet when I was preggo w/our 2nd b/c I couldn't leave him alone! We always had something going on, I think it wasn't until our 40's that we started slowing down a bit, but that was more for other reasons, not even age reasons. Age is a number, you are only as old as you feel, all of the neighborhood kids think i'm stuck at 16! And my 15 yr olds' best friend still thinks i'm 27! God I love that boy! I hope you have a great day & realize that 30 can be a really great thing! I'll trade you if you like, i'm turning 44 in Sept!

Do you plan on only living to 60, because you have a paltry "mid life"

You have a lot of turmoil in your life right now. If you didn't have an abusive husband and have a crush on your boss...I'm sure you wouldn't feel so banged up over turning 30.

I turned 30 last year, and it mattered not. I wasn't carrying heavy baggage into my 30's. You are.

Thirty is young! Definitely not mid-life. I was expecting to see something from a fellow 40-something here.

I've found that life gets better as you age. You don't have the same hang-ups you did when you were younger. You have a lot more life experiences under your belt and you don't sweat the small stuff. You learn what real priorities in life are about.

In my 40s, I've learned that life is about finding what makes YOU happy. Family and friends come first. Career follows. I've had several friends pass away now and know how precious life can be. Don't set extreme goals but learn to appreciate what you do have in life.

If you're not happy, figure out why not. See a counselor if you need to get on track.

I'm happy with every birthday that comes around. I know too many people who would have been thrilled to have reached my birthday and never did.