Mental/Psychological Help How to Determine Help

I just wanted to add that don't wait too long to get help if an older relative is being aggressive. My mom waited too long (in my opinion) with my dad - it got really ugly. By the time she was willing to "report" it to her doctor, the police had to be called because he tried to strangle my mother. My dad had Alzheimer's and aggression can be common. Instead of being able to work through choices, my dad was put in a locked facility and medicated out of his mind (literally) until he was considered no longer a danger to himself or others. We did eventually move him to a facility, but it was harder to find one that would take him once he had exhibited that level of aggression.

Good luck.

I think a big factor is if they are a danger to themselves or others.
A relative who insists on driving when they can no longer see (or doesn't care if they have a license or not) - is a danger.
I know someone with a FIL in their mid 80's who will try to get his walker to his car to drive it.
They've learned to block the car in so it can't be moved but they're afraid he'll hurt himself just trying to get to the car - he's very frail and very stubborn.
Personally I think they should take the battery out of the car.

Just being cantankerous isn't being a danger to anyone.

I think regular visits to the doctor for the elderly are a good habit to get into and if this is part of the routine for your relative, it's easy to mention your concerns to the doctor who can then determine what the issue(s) are.
Getting old sure isn't easy on anyone - not for the person nor their relatives.

I'm having the same problem right now. My mom is showing early signs of dementia, but she refuses to acknowledge it or talk to her doctor about it. Absolutely refuses. We had this whole conversation last summer with her telling me she has never heard of a mop before. She had me describe it. I took her to the right aisle in a store we were in to see a mop. She did not believe me that we had a mop in the house growing up and we would mop the floor. Now many months later she remembers what a mop is and refuses to admit we even had this conversation. It is really helpful to read what others below have written. I will write her doctor a letter.

I think that when people are doing their regular physical these days, the doctor (or Nurse Practitioner or whoever they use for primary care), asks a set of questions to screen for common mental health issues. For us younger folks, the questions are about signs of depression, and for older people, I think they are looking for indications of Alzheimer's or dementia. I happened to see my mother's form and it had a question like "Are your friends or family concerned about your memory?," so they design the questions to be less intimidating. Maybe if you can get the person to go in for a regular checkup (and maybe discreetly inform the doc/nurse beforehand that you have observed certain changes), the medical person could suggest additional screening or such. Good luck with it... helping our aging family members is so important and so difficult!

My mom has had some changes happen as part of her condition (which was an illness). Her primary care doctor and her specialists have been made aware of her 'changes' (psychological). That was on us because they didn't seem to pick up on it .

What we ended up having to do, was to write a letter. The thing is, you have to be careful that they don't actually end up reading it at their appointment with your older relative. (Just make it clear).

Or you can schedule a meeting yourself with their doctor (or just talk to the nurse and explain the situation). You can communicate you have some concerns and the doctor can ask a few questions during the next visit, and go from there.

My mom ended up seeing a specialist (in older people) and that sort of got around it. Then the specialist ran some tests (think just a quiz to start) and my mom was cool with that.

My MIL has mental illness and is showing signs of Dementia. My FIL is in denial. That's a whole other situation - and not at all pleasant.

The best bet, I think, is to notify the primary care physician that you are seeing changes. Write things down, document them (dates, specifics) and what's been said/done by family members (if anything) and whether that worked or didn't.

The doctor can't talk to you without the patient's permission, but can and will take in the info you send. Tests can be conducted, medication can be adjusted or considered, and recommendations can be made.

I did it with my mother, and my good friend just did it with her mother, which resulted in her mother going into assisted living. The doctor called the patient in (under the pretext of checking blood pressure and so on), and used the family-provided info to conduct additional tests (neurological, mental sharpness, balance, etc.) and tell her that he had determined that she just couldn't live alone anymore. (It had been discussed at prior visits.) The family also included in the letter what the living options were: she can have an apartment in our house (and she tried it for a month), she can alternate among her 3 children, she can sell her house and go to assisted living, she has no support from siblings, has rejected home health aides, etc. Whatever you have to offer that is relevant.

If the person is a danger to self or others, there are services that can be mandated.

95% of the time, you can't accomplish this on your own. People don't want to hear that they need physical help even if they are mentally sharp, and even less so when their needs are psychological. An objective professional that the person trusts is often the best option.

I don't think you can force it, but you can speak with them in a manner that will eventually bring them to seeking help.
Like pointing out the signs of someone else ending help, websites that list the signs are great for helping to know when professional help is needed

If you can find out who the primary care physician is you can call and give them a heads up on what's happening and let them guide the care as needed. Could be beginning Alzheimers or could be a tumor growing and putting pressure on the brain. Could have also has a stroke that wasn't detected and changed the personality. Could also be something as simple as an UTI (this happens to my friend's grandmother all the time. She becomes aggressive and they know to test because it's a UTI every single time).

I don't think it's a good idea to assume someone will tell their doctor. Many times they are either unaware or just in plain denial, so being asked if they have had episodes of forgetfulness or ended up lost somewhere will get negative answers, even if that isn't the truth. Definitely, bring it up to the GP, and have them look into it, order neurological testing, etc. I just don't know what would happen if the patient refuses to see a therapist or neurologist because they keep saying they are fine and the doctor is wrong, crumpling up the referral paperwork or just saying they will get the tests but then don't end up following through. That would be something I'd ask the doctor. Maybe just saying it's a precautionary, routine checkup would get them to agree to go into testing, the doctor could even mention that part of this testing is "just so they can prove to everyone else that they are fine."

I'm having this issue with my dad who is going to be 82 this year.

California, in their infinite wisdom, gave him his drivers license even though he failed the eye exam.

He's been VERY sick lately and hasn't wanted to drive, but still should NOT be driving and he's getting angry when we suggest he go with someone else. He's in a rehab facility right now for pneumonia and a fall that caused some broken ribs. He's VERY stubborn.