Meditation Does It Work?

Updated on July 20, 2012
M.P. asks from Minneapolis, MN
11 answers

I need to find a way to calm myself better. I used to do meditation but I found that it wasn't helping, but then again I wasn't trying really hard. I am angry more often than not. It is mostly relationship related, and now my extended family and close family is on my case. I have to do something before exploding. Therapy is a long term goal, but for now I need something that I can do to find a way to bring the boiling pot to simmer. My husband is trying to work with me more, and being more understandable about most everything, but with him its all about how you approach him. It has to be in absolute calm and controlled manner. You cant be the least bit annoyed, angry, agitated, or antsy. ALL those A words. IF you are he immediately thinks your trying to dominate and push him into something and its a blow out again. I am trying different approaches for him, but when I fail it seems all for naught. I want to do some type of Meditations. Suggestions on forms to look at?

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answers from Cleveland on

no exactly meditation but a step towards it that you can do anywhere.-- Breathing.

i checked out a book on cd from the library a few years ago and it was this very factual self help book about how we only use about the top 20 percent of our lungs,

and it just talked about the negatives of breathing quickly and shallowly.

So pretty simple, just a three count in, hold for a four count and actuall exhale alll the way for a three count. maybe make a little braclet for yourself to remind you to breath slower and deeper. it improves your posture too, bonus :)

I hope i'm clear that i'm not really talking about the count to 20 before you explode type of thing, but just a gentle random thing you do for yourself to help your whole day be a little calmer.

another free thing that might help might be some sort of visualization. If you want to link it to the breathing you can think of the air being colored, blue in orange out. or what ever, purple sparkles in, Rainbow tiedye out, something silly :)

I also try to chill a bit before i fall asleep and i imagine my stress being like sand that drains slowly out of my heels, starting at the top of my head down down down. that sort of settles me, becaue the sand is heavy as it is leaving my body. weird huh?

Try your library for audio books on relaxation, or mediations, or even some yoga dvds if money and time are an issue.

and if it helps i'll say some prayers for you too. being on edge is no fun and i'm sure you' deserves some peace in your life.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

I have a good relationship with the Psychiatrist that prescribes any medication that I need. I used to take antidepressants but was able to work through issues and not need them any more.

This doc knows I just will not take medication unless it is truly warranted. I would say talk to a doc about getting some Valium or other medication that will relax you to a state where you can see the muscles in your body relax.

This way of using medication is very very short term, like maybe 5-10 days max. You take a couple of them throughout the day and stay in a state of good relaxation, not a zombie but relaxed. This helps you muscle memory "forget" the stressed tense situation is has been in and allows you to sort of reboot your stress responses in your body.

It really helped me one time to "start over" after a major stressor.

If you don't want to take some medication to help get the ball rolling then I suggest you take an inventory of what helps you relax.

I find:

I cannot relax if the tape I am using takes me to a grassy field. There are bugs, wasps, mosquito's, snakes, grassy fields so it is not a relaxing place for my mind to go.

I cannot relax when the tape I am listening to takes me to a beach. There are sharks in the water, birds flying overhead that might dive bomb me, sunburns waiting to happen, I am not a hot weather person, I hate laying in the sun, crabs and other crawly type creatures living in the sand, it just isn't a pleasant picture for me.

A thunderstorm reminds me I live in Oklahoma and a storm might have a tornado in it so I tense up and shake when listening to a storm tape.

SOOOO, since I am so neurotic where do I mentally visualize my relaxation spot you ask?????

I go to those places listed above but during the mental imagery part i visualize that all bugs, creepy crawly's, storms, snakes, sunburns, threats or fears are all gone. That they do not exist in this program. It's like a hologram and nothing in it can actually hurt me.

It took time for me to find what was triggering more stress for me. Once I figured it out I learned how to insert what "I" needed in the imagery to feel safe and secure.

I truly do find that if I mentally go to a cool place that has a lower temperature and no threats like polar bears, bears of any kind, no getting lost, etc...that I can relax much better knowing that I am perfectly safe.

This might be what you need to evaluate while doing relaxation tapes. Sometimes it is the person's voice you are listening to, their voice reminds you of someone that you are not consciously aware of. They might be a man and you really can't relax around men, etc...something triggers you to be on alert mentally and physically.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I believe prayer works and if you don't feel you know how to pray, just start with something as simple as "The Lord's Prayer"....over and over and pretty soon you can just carry on a conversation and ask for what you need.

I'm praying for your peace of mind and ask the other mama's who are believers do the same. I know anxiety can be really scary. I have heard the prayers of strangers can be especially powerful.


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answers from Washington DC on

Try looking up Esther Hicks on youtube. I believe it's under Abraham Hicks. They do seminars on the law of attraction and how your thoughts attract what you have in your life. It's not really meditation, but kind of the same principle.

The other series you can probably get at the library is "the seven spiritual laws of success" by Depak Chopra. Get the actual audio recording (I had it on a cassette years ago, but it's probably on a cd or maybe even itunes. He goes over how to meditate and the mechanics of it.

Good luck!

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answers from Pittsburgh on

Yes. It works. IF you do it!

It's clearing your mind.
Try this. Pick a word (namaste) or affirmation (I am lovable and capable).
Lie quietly, arms at sides, relaxed.
Repeat (slowly) your word or phrase over and over.
Focus on your breathing and your word/phrase.
IF your mind wanders and/or you are distracted, just let it pass and re-focus again.
It's a learning process & it will get easier as you do it.
Good luck!

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answers from Appleton on

Yes meditation helps. I found a meditation group on We meet on Monday evenings and meditatate for about an hour then have a discussion.

But the biggest problem here is not you it's your husband. He has to accept that you are an emotional person. You are going to get angry, excited, happy, sad, ect and he needs to accept that. I suspect that he was raised by one or more control freak parent or an alcoholic parent and therefore cannot handle strong emotions. I recommend couples counseling so he can learn how to handle your emotions and accept you for who you are.

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answers from Honolulu on

It has helped a lot of people I know.

It also seems, your Husband is largely, the problem. For all this stress... and he is more rigid, in doing self-improvement on himself. He seems to have a lot of issues. Which is, then causing problems for others.
As they say, IF a person's issues, is causing havoc for other people and in the family, then THEY have a problem... and can't just be blaming others. Because it is they, who has to do self-improvement and they that has a dysfunction.

Has HE, tried meditation?
Many people learn a lot about themselves, from doing it.

I am sorry you have this problem and your family is getting on your case. But... it seems that your HUSBAND is the direct problem here.
And you are suffering for it, and your well being. Is affected.
Your Husband, really needs help. He is controlling and has to do self-improvement. He is affecting you very negatively.
Does he know that?
If he is this way, how can he even function at work or with others?

.... my Husband, used to be very difficult. Phew. But one day, I really just broke down... and cried my eyes out and told him off and told him how ALL this time, he affected my spirit etc. and then he wonders WHY WHY WHY I am or was, so damn irritable and stressed and agitated all the time. Well... it was because of him. It was like walking on eggshells. And it was not pleasant. Once he saw... me so hurt and downtrodden (he thought I was just so strong and impenetrable), he actually cried.... at seeing how it hurt me internally so much all these years. And I told him, I was about to walk out on him. I couldn't stand him anymore. He was just too damn macho. And cultural differences.
Anyway, he improved after that. A lot. I still don't know if it will last... but it has been a few months now. And I am actually "happy" now. With him. And I am not so irritable or stressed now.
And he tries more now. But I had to hit rock-bottom, for him to see that.
I knock on wood, and hope that he continues to be, this way. Nicer.

Sorry you are going through this.
But your Husband really needs the personal improvement.
But sure, you need to cope in the meantime.
Hope your Hubby keeps trying to work with you more... meaning, that HE realizes, that HE needs to change, too.
I mean, no one is a "robot." Your Husband cannot control you... and he has a problem with himself. He can't expect you to be a "robot" or a Stepford Wife. A wife, is human.
And your extended family is on your case too.

Didn't mean to ramble.

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answers from Chicago on

I would seek out guided meditation or hypnosis for help. My mother does both and let me tell you they are WONDERFUL tools. Insurance covers hypnotherepy (good direction to go in) and you can find sources for guided meditation here:

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answers from Charlotte on

I don't know any, MM, but have you considered acupuncture? Find someone who is considered to be good at it and ask if they can help you. I will tell you that it relaxed me to pieces. The hard part was not being able to take a break and relax afterwards - you need to in order to get the best effect. (Oh, and you don't drink alcohol for 24 hours after a session - I should mention that...)

I don't know if this would help you or not - I tried it because of facial pain. (It didn't help that.)

Hugs to you, and hope that things get better for you soon...


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

I think meditation comes in many forms -- prayer, breathing, conscious daydreaming... for me, yoga is a great form of meditation, although I don't do it often enough anymore -- used to do it a ton.

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answers from Minneapolis on

I come from the experience of addiction and co-dependency; so my "answer for everything" gravitates towards working through 12-step programs. it does take time, but I believe ANYone can benefit from the tenets of the steps. Al-Anon and CoDA have changed my life and given me better tools for responding to almost any situation in a way that maintains serenity and my relationships with others. I would try the different approaches for YOU rather than for your spouse--you can only change you and that's a great place to spend your time and energy.

I wish you the best!!

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