Mean Girls - Pasadena,CA

Updated on November 14, 2013
S.R. asks from Chino Hills, CA
10 answers

My heart is broken for my 14 (almost 15) year old daughter. She is a freshman at an all-girls catholic school. She just hasn't found her clique and feels very rejected by her old friends who have found new friends. She says it is very hard to make new friends and to break into an already-formed clique. Everyday is a nightmare for her. The girls are very possessive with each other's friendship and seem to be threatened by others. I just don't understand this behavior. My daughter is one of the more quiet girls, I've noticed. But I can't imagine that this is what is holding her back from making friends. She has joined clubs at school but just can't find people to hang out with. Is it too late for this school year? Should she just wait for next year to try to make friends. Please help. Oh, and don't think I haven't thought of the irony that these kids are supposed to be "Christ-like" in their compassion. They are down right mean to each other!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers



answers from Los Angeles on

Let her have friends outside of school. Find her a special "clique" that she can have a camaraderie with outside of campus. Let her join a group, sport, some sort of team?..choir? cheerleading, dance? (again...not affiliated with school)

Let her know that school is just a place for learning and getting along with people around you (don't get involve with drama and don't make enemies..but not necessarily have to be BEST FRIENDS anyone)...

She doesn't have to REVOLVE her whole teenage life around campus....'cause she already has friends and better things going on OUTSIDE of campus! :)

And sometimes a quiet, nice girl who may not be the 'popular, center-of-attention" kind, may still be respected by others from afar and is treated nicely towards is okay. As long as she's not being bullied.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Minneapolis on


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I would suggest finding an outside activity away from school that she would enjoy. Sometimes getting away from the "clique" is helpful. A church group, a camp, starting her own bookclub. Is there something she has a special interest in? Even learning a musical instrument like guitar. She won't make friends that way but it will help her other kids think anyone who can play a guitar is cool.

Also, you said she has joined clubs. Would she be comfortable having girls from one of those clubs over for a slumber party or community project? Make your house open. That can really help.

one more may not help, but there was a movie called "Mean Girls"......that tells ya something about the teen years, but to answer your quesiton, NO, it's not too late for the school year. Keep plugging away to help her find another girl more like her.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

Does her homeroom teacher have an idea of another very soft spoken, quiet girl who need a friend?
When is her birthday? Maybe have a birthday party at a rollerrink for her.
CAn she volunteer somewhere? OUr hs has kids volunteer for a scholarship, so one of mine works at the library. She could go to the animal shelter, the kennel, library, soup litchen, etc.
Have her invite one of the girls from her lunch group or one of her after school clubs to your house to do homework.
Good luck. I feel for your daughter.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

Please, please, please read the book "Odd Girl Out" by Rachel Simmons.

I went through this in high school and there are still scars to this day, and I'm 38 years old. Girl bullying has gotten out of control with the cell phones, computers, texting, etc. It was bad 20 years ago, but now it's a whole new and crueler ballgame. It doesn't sound like she is getting bullied horribly at this point, but the way girls think and why they act the way they do is all explained in the book. If you understand the mind of a teen girl(as best we can), it may help your daughter to be able to find the way in to a group or the right group, for that matter. I applaud you for listening to your daughter and not blowing off her struggles. Many parents really don't know what to do, so they don't do anything. Or, they don't believe that it's really that bad. It is. So, get a copy of "Odd Girl Out". Get two copies. One for you and one for your daughter. Then, when you are done, you can lend them out to your friends. I have purchased 3 copies over the past several years and I have no problem giving them away to mothers of girls.
Good luck to you and your daughter - I hope and pray you two get through this together with as little drama as possible. :)
*Have I mentioned getting the book "Odd Girl Out'????????? LOL!!!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Austin on

I can totally empathize with your daughter.I was totally alone in junior high, and somehow things just came together later in high school. If she wants to take active steps to make friends, I would say she should look around and decide who is really worth her while, then find a way to reach out. That might just be something like switching where she sits in a class or striking up a conversation at lunch. If she's willing to get a teacher involved, she or you could ask a teacher to make sure she gets matched up with a particular person or group for a group project. I used to teach high school, and I could easily find ways to bring together or separate certain people while making it look totally random and not calling attention to anybody. Sometimes teachers will let groups of kids use their rooms at lunch for whatever. She could start a discussion or interest group and they could meet in Ms SoandSo's room, or maybe just at a certain table. But no matter what, I hope she can understand that many people are miserable during the teen years. It shouldn't have to be that way, but sometimes you just don't fit into a certain community, and have to wait until the next stage of life to find kindred spirits. I HOPE that's not the case, but if it is, try to help her look ahead -- the world usually gets a lot bigger after high school.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Welcome to teenage girls! I was miserable in high school... It helped shape my character though. Don't give up on her- ever! PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! Pray without ceasing! She can find friends. It might just take a lot of prayer... Yes, teenage girls are VERY mean.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Yes, it is SO ironic!!! I've had 1 daughter in Catholic hs, and 1 in public hs, so I can tell you that mean girls exist in both! While the daughter in Catholic school was more outspoken and could "hold her own" with the mean girls, she still ran into situations where she felt out of the loop. My public-school daughter is quieter, very nice, but felt rejected countless times, so much so that she gave up facebook because it hurt too much to see her "friends" having fun in pictures of parties she was not invited to. Thankfully, she sought advice from a close adult friend with experience in teenage issues, and she coped a lot better. She found a few friends that like her for who she is. She took up the guitar and voice lessons, and has become quite good in both. She focused on her schoolwork and did beautifully. And even though she couldn't get into a limo for the prom (the mean girls never thought to include her), she's going with a date and is thrilled to go, even if I have to take them there myself. She is looking forward to graduation, college, and the friends she hopes to make there. I feel quite certain that she will, she is sociable and a true friend. The immaturity that exists in hs disappears over time as they go through college, but for now, I would suggest that your daughter look around for another kind, quiet soul to become friends with. They could end up being best friends for life! Also a hobby, like my daughter did with guitar, is great for her self esteem. I feel for both of you, I have gone through it twice now, but I promise, it gets better, and she will be stronger for it, and you and your daughter will bond even tighter.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Spokane on

All she really needs is 1 good friend. There has to be at least 1 other girl at school who feels the same way as your daughter...left out. I would encourage her to branch out and talk to someone maybe she thought she normally wouldn't ever talk with. If she can make a connection with just 1 girl, the rest of HS will be a really need friends ...but 1 good one is way better than trying to fit in with a whole group of so-so ones's.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Have her look for clubs that cater to less popular crowds.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions