Maybe TMI but Not Sure Where Else to Go to Get Info.

Updated on June 19, 2011
M.A. asks from Surprise, AZ
19 answers

Sorry if it is TMI and not sure if this is the right place to post but I need advice from other moms..

Ok so we have been married for 11 years and we are still in our 20's, we have three kids and I am looking for ways to spice it up in the bedroom. My husband and I have been going through a hard time the last 2 months and are trying to get our marriage back on track. I would love to surprise him in the bedroom being that I am more conservative and he is the total oposite. I am looking for any ideas on how I can do this. Thank you mamas in advance.

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answers from Atlanta on

Well, different men like different things, but I've never heard any of them complain about garters, stockings, spike heels (leave them on) and raunchy lingerie! Think bustiers and fishnet body stockings! Take charge and be on top! A good bottle of lube (Astroglide is widely available) can work wonders. If you're not that into blow jobs, find something like chocolate icing you like and slather him with it -then lick and suck it off! Dirty talk is fun too -and I mean DIRTY!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Roleplaying and reading books to get ideas are both good advice! The only other thing I'd like to ad is that you need to have fun with it and not feel forced to do it :)

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Portland on

I think the trick to making the experience successful is to stay within your comfort zone, but to explore within said comfort zone.

One thing I would recommend is not to try anything that seems overly outlandish for you, but to do some research on what you *would* like to try. I'd suggest finding some good women's erotica and reading a bit. Why? Because it will give you some idea of what turns *you* on and introduce ideas that you might not have known about, and this can feel like a safer experience because it gives the reader a lot of control. You can stop reading if you don't care for it, or if you find an idea you might like, you have time to think on it before surprising your husband.

Also, an obvious one, go to a lingerie store/lingerie department and pick out something that makes you feel sexy and pretty when you try it out. It doesn't need to be super-risque. As long as it's not a Lanz flannel nightgown (ha ha), just making the effort to put on a something different will likely impress him. A black lace teddy or negligee will certainly put a smile on his face!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Roanoke on

Have you "christened" every room of the house??

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Put on a sexy outfit, get your nails done, paint on red lipstick, and take your time pleasuring him orally. Give him a visual as well as a physical treat.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

Check out this book:

"The Guide to Getting It On! (The Universe's Coolest and Most Informative Book About Sex)"

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I applaud you for trying to please your man after all these years. Try what the other ladies say and see how it goes. Getting a marriage back on track may take more than just spicing up the bedroom. We have been married 10 yrs and had some hard times. The book "5 love languages" by Gary Chapman really helped us find out what the other person needs to feel loved and full. Hope this helps.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Blindfold him. When he cannot see, his other senses are heightened. Then you can do a number of different things. Here's some suggestions:

1. Feed him different things, and have him guess what it is. Ex: melon, chocolate covered strawberries, any other fruit he likes, bites of brownies, a spoon of whipped cream, teddy grahams, Ande's mint, dark chocolate....and mix in some strange ones to keep him guessing like lemon drop, pickle slice...whatever!

2. Kiss him in different places. Lips, stomach, knees, 'inside' the elbow thigh, behind the ear...

3. Touch him with different things and have him guess what it is. Ex: a feather, your hair, fingers, paint brush, tissue, and maybe something cold (ice cube...yowza!)... or warm/hot (heat a marble or something else in some hot water).

4. Tie him up! You can do this before doing the others and really get him going!


Greet him at the door in something sexy (if you don't have anything, you can put on one of HIS dress shirts and a loose tie with nothing else...he'll LOVE it!). Have the house smelling nice. Put candles in the bedroom. Lead him there and...ya know.

Shower together and lather each other up and make sure everything gets real clean! ;)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Just let yourself go! He's your husband and he loves you. Sometimes our sex gets monotonous, you know get there as fast as you can then that's it. Sometimes I just don't feel freaky! I like to surprise him, long drawn out sweaty goodness! Give it a try. Wear something you wouldn't normally or nothing at all! I think watching a movie is a good idea too. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

maybe watch an adult film to get ideas? I know, tmi, but sometimes my husband likes when I role play and become that character I am usually NOT... if you are normally plain jane or reserved, maybe get the courage up to be a bit naughty. You could also pretend he is the "boyfriend" you are fooling around with before your "husband" comes home and finds you!! haha, just some ideas that have worked for me in the past. good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

If you are open to reading a book for ideas, this one I found to be good:

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated, Al Link and Pala Copeland

I bought it from It is done by a husband/wife team of sex experts and is full of information and easy to read. The pictures, I thought, show a very loving and beautiful couple.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tucson on

go to the castle. ;)



answers from Phoenix on

My advice is to first remember or find out what turns him on. If its something that can be done in your bedroom and you are ok doing it without hurting anyone, do it. You can go online and get lots of ideas. Just make sure kiddos are out for the count. You wouldn't want to take them for counseling years later. LOL



answers from Phoenix on

I second Photobug...the Grrrreat Sex books are so fun! There are several different options. With two kids, I opted for 101 Grrreat Quickies! LOL!! They have some great suggestions, and they aren't too can stay in your comfort zone while being a little naughty :)



answers from Phoenix on

Amazon sells all kinds of fun stuff and it's shipped to your door in a plain brown box. You and hubby need to spend an evening together browsing the "sexual wellness" section and see if anything interests you. Here's a link:



answers from Phoenix on

In phoenix we have an adult store called Fascinations. It is not dark and dirty, rather it is very female friendly. I hate to spend tons of $ on lingerie, but at this store they have little outfits in a box that are around $30. They usually fit a variety of sized women and they help me form my alter ego.

To surprise my hubby one night I went to Hobby Lobby and bought up a bunch of packages of these floral supply gel balls. They are about the size of a tiny seed but when you soak them in water they become little gel balls about the size of a small grape. I got them when they were on sale and filled as much of the bathtub as I could. Then added more water and we took a bath in this slippery awesomeness! Don't get colored ones or they can stain your tub. When finished take out and let air dry if possible and they will shrink back to tiny little balls for storage and you can reuse.

The books with the pull out pages to surprise your significant other are great too!

Can you ditch the kids and rent a hotel room for one night? I always get a little bit of an alter ego when I am away in a hotel room.

Take some extra care in shaving??? Remove more than normal if you don't already.

Download some sexy songs and dance a bit. J Lo on the Floor is good. Prince's- Purple Rain. Beyonce- naughty girl.

For a real sexy night, I like to take a bath and read a erotic book (Penthouse diaries) to prepare. While doing that my hubby starts watching the adult movie we picked out (usually soft stuff on Cinemax) and drinks some wine. I then fancy myself up, do the makeup up with crazy smokey eyes and red lipstick, put on the outfits, do the dance, and watch a bit of the movie together. The rest is history....



answers from Phoenix on

We enjoy the book, "101 Nights of Great Romance". It is an activity book where one of the spouses will rip out a page and follow the directions - fun and romantic things to do with your spouse. It is a lot of fun and definately adds some spice.



answers from Albuquerque on

I found a great way of staying with things I was comfortable with, and bought my husband a gift basket. I found a red basket and filled it with lingerie I was willing to wear, silk boxers, candles, chocolates, a toy, a feather tickler, satin restraints, oils, a funny erotic story (there is a website that let's you fill in names and foods and things and then makes a story about you and emails it to you), a book of positions and some pictures of me in the lingerie. It was fun to watch him go through everything. And because I picked it all, none of it made me uncomfortable.



answers from Las Cruces on

I am a Romance Enhancement Specialist and consultant for Slumber Parties. I have lots of different ideas and products to help you out. One item that I always recommend is the 31 sexual favors for him and 31 sexual favors for her. These are small cards that have different sexual favors on them. Pick one out and put it in your hubby's wallet or lunch box. He will difinately be in a hurry to get home and do what is on the card. Anything different that you can do is going to help out alot. It really is up to us to change it up and keep it spicy! Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Also check out my website. You can order from there and it is shipped to you in a plain box. This beats going to the adult toy store where you could run into someone you know!!

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