Marriage Advice When Drama Is Too Much

This sounds like a situation with a lot of hurt in it. But I think you have to look at the bigger picture. I looked back at your prior questions as well as your profile. You're recently married (2018), you have kids and ex, and stepkids and a husband, problem in-laws (parents and sister-in-law), a job and issues with cooking and getting everything done.

Your marriage is not working. I'm not saying it's not salvageable, but it's not working. You and your husband are not on the same page, there are already discussions of cheating (whether real or rumored, it doesn't matter), and you're more focused on the parens and the sister and the friend.

You and your husband have to hire a qualified babysitter and you have to get into counseling. That's the only way you're going to work out elder care and blended families and drama and terrible communication.

Otherwise, why not divorce and get rid of all this drama? Put your marriage first and let the other stuff wait. But you cannot do this alone - you have so many questions on so many topics, you have got to get a professional involved to help you sort things out.

Your situation is chaotic right now. You deal with lying relatives, elderly in-laws, sickness and hospitalizations, exes and step-children, a full time job, a busy life, trying to create a home for your young daughter, no time to cook, and on and on.

It's almost the equivalent of someone looking at an attic or garage that is stuffed full and overflowing and filled with too much junk to be actually useful, yet not knowing where to begin to de-clutter and organize. Often that person hires a professional organizer.

You say in your profile that you're high energy and like to stay busy. I suggest that you talk to a professional counselor and learn how to de-clutter and organize your life, with calmness instead of chaos, with peace instead of suspicion. Lots of women have invasive in-laws, or sick family members, or elderly parents to take care of, and children and jobs and grocery shopping, but they have ways to delegate tasks, or ways to handle stress, and most importantly, ways to determine what their responsibilities are and what is someone else's problem.

You're too busy, too chaotic. Your daughter and your husband (and anyone else who lives at your house) need a peaceful home. Your mind is fixed on wondering if your husband cheated, on stupid lies your sister-in-law told, on trying to keep up with your job and still make a nice dinner for your family. You need a professional to help you de-clutter and sort out things. You need to learn how to use your love of energy and staying busy in a different way. There's nothing wrong with being energetic, except when it just gets into a tornado of chaos. You can stay busy, but not by wondering who's lying and to whom. A counselor or therapist can help you get your focus back. Please see one right away.

That's a lot to be dealing with in 1 year of marriage.
Put the drama aside for now.
You have family crisis - caring for an elderly parent - and that should take center stage for the foreseeable future.

See your marriage as - you and Hubby are a united front - nothing else matters.

As far as any he said/she said/friend(s) said - you will be a LOT happier if you unplug from all social media.
It's really more like antisocial media - it seems to bring out the worst in some people.

Your post is so jumbled that I can't quite get the story straight. But, the bottom line is his parents obviously need care. If you can't care for them, talk with the hospital social worker about community care options for them (do they need 24 hour care)?
If your sil said she was lying, then why go any further with the cheating situation? I would keep any eye on it, but it sounds like there may be a good excuse and there's a lot of people emotionally charged right now. Take one thing at a time but start with care for his parents.

You've got a LOT of drama in your life.

You need to decide whether or not you are going to allow the drama into your life on a daily basis.

You are allowing a mole to make a mountain in your marriage. WHY are you doing this? WHY are you doubting everyone?

Okay - your husband lied. Your SIL is a serial liar and is trying to create issues not only in your life but in your marriage.

You have been married for five years and all of your posts have been about drama. You ALLOW this drama in your life. STOP THE INSANITY!!! You are walking on egg shells. You are just driving yourself nuts.

Decide whether or not you trust your husband and friend. Did you meet your husband when he was still married to his ex? Is this where this is coming from? Really.

You live in a "GATED" house? And you are allowing a LOT of nonsense in your life.

every single problem here has a single cause- lying.

i suggest you make it clear to the people close to you in your life that it's not acceptable. decide what (severe) consequences will happen if you're lied to, then apply them.

naturally this means you don't lie to the people in your life yourself. ever.

my husband and i were watching a series on tv the other night where yet another likable main character lied to her spouse to slide around a difficult conversation. i see it over and over, not just on tv but here and everywhere. i asked him if he thinks most people just lie and he said no, he's more optimistic than that. but i dunno. you see it all the time here.

if you don't lie and don't tolerate lying in your sphere of influence, things don't necessarily get easier but they sure do become more clear.

khairete
S.

Sounds like your trust in him has been shaken, and rightfully so. I would seriously consider marriage counseling, we went after my husband was unfaithful and it helped us both heal.

So the sister is trying to accuse you of being a lesbian and cheating on your husband, but you're saying your husband is having some inappropriate texting with this woman, AND he cheated on you with her? Very confusing, but it seems that there is no trust between you and your husband and it's no wonder, if he's cheating plus communicating with this woman and not telling you, even denying it, then admitting it ("He said he text he by mistake & he apologized to her but neither told me so now his sister exposed it that they cheated.") -- YOUR words. I personally would not want to take back a liar and cheater or all the drama he, the lover, and sister bring, so I'd be packing my bags and heading out the door. You just got married and already all this drama and stress? Not worth it. It's not going to get any better either. Usually, the first few years of marriage are the blissful time! Not sure what you want to do, but you should thank his sister for exposing his cheating behind to you and consider whether you wanted to be tied for life to a cheater and his vengeful relatives. I would also cut my friendship with a woman who is texting my spouse inappropriate things and carrying on an affair with him behind my back. That's no friend!

What exactly did he text your friend? It doesn’t sound like it was so innocent.

I suggest marriage counselling. You and your husband need to rebuild trust and honesty if you want your marriage to have any hope of surviving. Also, coping with elderly parents is stressful for you, your husband, and for your marriage, even without the other drama. If you have a counselor in place to talk with as you face the many questions that will come up as you go through this difficult time, it will help.

Sounds like a revenge tactic. " Do as I say, or I'll stab you in the back" You need a one on one talk with your husband.