Marriage ????????????? - El Paso,TX

I can tell you that not every couple argues as much as what you are indicating. I can't even remember the last true argument I had with my husband of 15 years. He makes me laugh every day and I just really enjoy his company. If I was arguing a lot with someone I do not think I would want to marry them either. If it is not working I think I would want to move on. I know you have invested 6 years with this man but it would be really sad if you invest another 1+ and are in the same situation this time next year. I wouldn't want to waste my time. I think 6 years is long enough to know if you want to marry someone. Additionally, he is saying he doesn't want to marry you. I think it is time to move on. Sorry:0(

I would suggest for you to see a couples counselor. If he thinks there are too many problems and he is using that as an excuse, then deal with that. If you can work everything out then that will be one less excuse. Also start saving and planning. You don't need a ton of money to have a nice elegant affair. There are lots of ways for brides on a budget to save money!

Good luck!

A man who wants to marry you doesn't continuously make excuses as to why you shouldn't get married. The fact is that he's already told you how he feels about marriage. He doesn't want to marry you. "Weddings are too expensive."

Well, you don't need to spend a lot of money to have a dream wedding. It's the MARRIAGE that's important, not the wedding. But the key as to what he really thinks is that he said that "divorces are expensive."

He's not going to marry you. He has no reason to marry you. He has no motivation, no desire, and you've made it clear that you'll stay with him even if he doesn't marry you in spite of having a baby together and living together.

If you want him to marry you, then you need to give him motivation. But don't give him ultimatums unless you have every intention of following through. Period.

ETA: And no, stable couples don't normally fight "all the time." The most common thing to fight about is money but a happy couple doesn't fight all the time. If you think that your relationship will improve and all of your problems will disappear and he'll be a better partner and father and person... well, I'm sorry but all of those problems will get worse. And he'll resent you for forcing him to commit. Which is ironic considering he's been willing to live with you, have a baby with you, sleep with you... but refuses to commit to you. Yeah, you have a real winner of a man there.

Well, you want to be married, and he is full of excuses. What anyone here say is irrelevant. Some are fine with not being married, and some are not. He is "getting the milk for free" so to speak & you are not putting your foot down. Are you content with this arrangement for life? That's the question.

I had a friend that wanted to get married to a girl that wanted to get married.

He loved her and was committed to her. He couldn't afford a ring so he took a half dollar and kept beating the outside until it was wide like a wedding ring. He drilled out the center to her ring size and sanded it smooth with sand paper. She was tremendously proud of that ring. And all it cost him was 50 cents and his time. But it was a labor of love for him.

If a man really is devoted to a woman and not just looking for free sex, he will marry her. Marriage for a man is a BIG committment. But if it makes any difference to you, you are probably commonlaw husband and wife and are probably entitled to child support if he decides to leave.

I would tell him how much marriage means to you and tell him you found out that a marriage license costs $ dollars and a preacher will marry you for $X. You can have a wedding in your back yard for free or your livingroom for the same price. Tell him it would mean a lot to you that he is committed enough to you and your child to legally marry you.

Then listen to what he has to say. If he says he wants you to have the wedding of your dreams, tell him marring him in your back yard is the wedding of your dreams, not because of the location, but because of the man you want to marry.

Good luck to you and yours.

If he wanted to marry you... the "dream wedding" wouldn't matter. He would marry you in jeans in the court house on his lunch hour. It doesn't sound like marriage is in his plan. Ask him directly. Tell him that you don't care about the dress, ring and cake. Tell him that you want to be a legititmate family. If he doesn't move forward with the wedding after that conversation, then it may be time to separate for a while and see if this is really a good relationship for you.

You are already married. You have a child together and live together. So in TX, you are married. I'm sure yall have the same checking account and items in both of your names. So if (hope never happens) yall split up, yall will still have to go through the court systems for child support and other common law stuff.
If you are happy with your life, why do you need a piece of paper saying you are married. Because that piece of paper can change a lot of things. Good luck and live in the moment, because we cannot control our future. I wish yall many many years of happiness together.

Honestly? If you're together, is there a reason you NEED to be 'legally' married? You're only 'missing' the ceremony and license really.

A huge wedding and reception is a lot for some women. I'm just not one of them. My ex was the one that wanted a bigger wedding & reception.

My current husband and I got married in our home by my friend that is ordained. He only charged us a 6pk of Guiness. It can be an awesome thing even if you go extremely simple. We were in jeans, t-shirts, and slippers when we got married. It cost us NOTHING except the amount for the license and that 6pk.

We are in it for the marriage... Not the wedding. There is a huge difference.

So, then... TO ADD- I will ask again... What's the NEED for the license then??? If he's super awesome, but doesn't NEED to sign the license to be committed and happy with you... Why do YOU?

Ask him to set a wedding date. If he won't, then leave... you've waited long enough, and if he's not going to do it, stop wasting your time!

to me, getting married to the man i loved was the wedding of my dreams. we had hardly any money, i got our table decorations at Wal-Mart and my flowers the the grocery store florist. sounds cheap or trashy to some, but it was pretty. I would have married him at the courthouse, i would have married him if he had put a twisty tie on my finger instead of a ring. I couldnt have cared less about the decorations, or where or how. I just wanted to marry my husband, in my heart I was already married to him. We never had a single arguement until we were engaged, but i think it was from the stress. and we have had some pretty big yelling matches since we had our kids. But we love eachother with all of our hearts, and we are always over it by the same day next day tops. If you wait until you dont argue or until you have more money then you will never get married. Just tell him that being his wife is what means everything to you and the rest is just packaging. Tell him how you feel, ask if he has other reasons he isnt telling you. Let us know what happens!!! Good luck!

You don't waste your life. Every day that goes by you do NOT get it back. You have a child with this man but he is telling you he does not want to marry you. Either you accept what he is saying or you move on. If it were me, I would move on. And no, most relationships are not based on arguing and fighting. I think you will learn that when you get older and are with someone who is more mature. Good luck.

This is the problem with having babies out of marriage - NOT being judgmental - he's making excuses now...he's getting the best of both worlds...free sex, maid service, etc. and really - just needs to "be there"...

he can USE any excuse he wants - I wanna give you a dream wedding baby. i wanna give you a big ring baby...they are all excuses...question is - do you want to continue letting him have the excuses or make him man-up?

Can't answer any other way because I'm not desperately in love with this man...I've not walked in your shoes...you need to do what will be best for you...if that means calling his bluff - then do it...make him man up...if you are soo desperately in love that you will allow him to continue to use you - then that's what works for you...

If marriage is what you want, you have to be open and honest about that with him. If he says he wants it too, then you have to set a date, which can be a few years down the road to allow for time, finances, etc. BUT at least you have a timeline.

Some men will promise marriage for YEARS and never really follow through and then the women get upset and a break-up occurs. It is best to be honest with each other and go from there. If you can go the rest of your life without marrying him, then there is no issue....but if it is something you want, it will eat at you until you learn to live with the status quo or you leave......The sooner you figure out a game plan, the better.

I have always found the subject of marriage and people's opinions on it incredibly interesting. I have married twice and twice divorced and never plan to enter into any sort of legally binding union ever again. I finally realize that for me, that little piece of paper that means so much to so many is actually the beginning of the end for me. Bottom line, however silly, it makes me feel trapped and everything is downhill from there. What you have to do, and it sounds like you have already, is figure out what you need to do to make yourself and the ones you love happy. If being legally married is important to you, why? Are you willing to go about your life in a less conventional manner if need be? What is your truth?

My dad is a very traditional man and this is what he always told me, which is why I eventually caved and married my son's dad. He stressed how important it is when you have a child to have legal recourse if things don't work out as you'd hoped they would when you started your family. Ideally we will have picked a mate that is a good man and father and don't have that to worry about but I suppose he's right. Sometimes people we think are, aren't and sometimes those that were aren't anymore once the towel's been thrown in.

Think it out, journal, consider everything, then come to the best decision you're able to and be happy and content. Never look back or second guess yourself. This is a favorite quote of mine, just for grins...

"Among the maxims on Lord Naoshige's wall, there was this one: 'Matters of great concern should be treated lightly.' Master Ittei commented, 'Matters of small concern should be treated seriously.'"

Best of luck to you and yours!

My husband & I were engaged shortly after we met but didn't get married until just about 5 yrs later. (He was going in the Army so it was a big rush to get engaged). Anyways, when we planned our wedding, we were also in the middle of purchasing this adorable cottage in a lake community. Our wedding reception was going to be at a country club, but I ended up hospitalized about 6 wks before our wedding and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. There went our house & the big wedding, as I was still in the hospital the day of our wedding. We postponed our wedding, ended up having it at the same church and just had the reception at the church hall. Okay it wasn't the fancy to-do we had planned, but that day....was the most beautiful day of my life. Everyone chipped in & helped out and we are still married almost 18 yrs later w/2 beautiful girls. We have had some really good times, and we have had some really bad times. There was only one time that we ever discussed divorce and that was prior to our wedding. His parents divorced when he was younger and he didn't want to ever go thru that so our vow to one another was to work on anything the other felt to be of any type of importance, no matter how petty to the other and somehow it's worked. No one ever knows who is going to make it and who won't but I do know that marrying my husband was one of the best decisions I could've ever made in my life, right up there w/having 2 of the most beautiful girls. Best of luck to you.

weddings are expensive, divorce is expensive. marriage can sometimes make a bad relationship worse. which can lead to you being literally single rather then just legally single. try thinking with your head instead of your heart and maybe you will see the logic in what your partner is saying. also, not that i have any clue... but... he may have changed his mind.. if you push too much the relationship may just end because of it. i don't understand the way you say do i wait for him to come around? does that mean that the relationship isn't worth your time without the marriage papers? if this is the case you most definitely should NOT get married.

Updated

weddings are expensive, divorce is expensive. marriage can sometimes make a bad relationship worse. which can lead to you being literally single rather then just legally single. try thinking with your head instead of your heart and maybe you will see the logic in what your partner is saying. also, not that i have any clue... but... he may have changed his mind.. if you push too much the relationship may just end because of it. i don't understand the way you say do i wait for him to come around? does that mean that the relationship isn't worth your time without the marriage papers? if this is the case you most definitely should NOT get married.

Hi,

I am so sad that you are willing to sell yourself short and allow a man to "use" you. I was in your boat a long time ago. Pregnant out of marriage. Difference is I wouldn't live with him. It was marriage or nothing. We were apart my entire pregnancy. About 2 months after baby, he came back with a willingness to commit. He figured out that he didn't want to be without me or baby. We have been married 27 years. We have definitely had some good times and some very bad ones but that is the thing about marriage...it's a committment!!! You don't walk away when it gets tough!! We are happier today than the day we married!!! The closeness you develop when you've gone through thick and thin together is beyond words! That "piece of paper" gives you both an emotional security. If he won't commit then maybe he's not as special as you are trying to tell yourself he is.

I was in another relationship where the guy wanted me to be SAH type person and talked of marriage. Later, I found out he was going out while I was at home and the only reason he "wanted" me at home was b/c he was very jealous and didn't want to risk losing me to someone else. Even after all of these years, I look back at that one and say to myself "What the hell were you thinking?"

Let me tell you something....you are a beautiful person and worthy of being treated with respect and dignity. You are worthy of being cherished as there is no one like you. But, you need to believe it!!
When you do, it will be the beginning of a new day for you and your relationship!!
I absolutely wish you the best!
KP

Tell him you dont want a wedding of your dreams but a life long marriage of your dreams. Its not about that one day but the commentment to eachother. The best thing you could do for your relationship is go to some classes or therapy for marriage. It sounds like you arent hearing what eachother is wanting. He is saying we dont have enough money. But your seeing that its not just about the money.