Manners - Lexington Park,MD

I absolutely teach my daughters manners and to be respectful of other people, especially adults.

One thing I find important is tone. For example, if my daughter wants a cup of juice and she says 'may I have some juice Mama' in a very polite tone but forgets the "please" I'll still give it to her. But I've had to remind a child to say please and got a huffy sigh, eye roll and "ugh, PLEASE!". To me that is MUCH more rude than just forgetting the 'please'.

Yes, I teach my kids the same manners I was taught. They hold open doors, take their plates from the table, say please and thank you, offer to help older people with their groceries etc... I wouldn't expect anything less from my children.

My kids are hyper so yeah, manners are important. Even if your kid bumps into someone being stupid an oh sorry goes a long way.

We do, and while they aren't always the greatest at home I get compliments from their friend's parents so I know it sank in on some level, lol. When we have kids in our house that don't use manners I either a) ignore it, or b) tell them the rules of our house are _____ and they need to follow them while they are here. Totally depends on the behavior though. Pushing, language, etc etc I will talk to them. Not saying please/thank you I ignore it but heap lavish praise on my kids when they use their manners in front of the friends. We had one set of neighbors who are completely rude to me. One time after they left I explained to my kids that their friends were disrespectful to me and that it hurt my feelings. Next time the kids came over and acted up MY kids called them on it, told them not to talk to their mom like that and if they didn't like it they could go home. Cracked me up, I was so proud of my two that afternoon, and the neighbor kids have been much better ever since.

I have a friend whose business is teaching etiquette to teens and college kids as well as young professionals. She has a career because people don't teach their kids this and, in many cases, weren't taught manners themselves. The purpose of manners is for everyone to feel comfortable in social and business situations - a personal version of "rules of the road."

I have to smile at the comment about teaching kids proper grammar. I agree. I also believe in proper spelling. But many of us have not had the benefit of this - there are so many blatant errors in posts on this site, and it's really a shame that there is an entire generation whose schooling did not cover this. That misinformation and those errors are being passed on today's kids.

I agree that you need a "my house, my rules" attitude. Kids who roll their eyes or do not listen need to be stopped and told what is permissible and what is not. They should be given the choice of complying or going home. I LOVE the other mom's comment about her kids calling out their guests on the disrespect. For the "please and thank you" piece, I think praising those children who display good manners is the way to go at first. After that, say "In our house, I am the adult and not the slave. We all use good manners here, and say 'please', 'thank you', and 'you're welcome'."

DS is 5-1/2 - he says please, thank you and excuse me. He waits his turn when someone is talking. He makes eye contact, shakes hands and introduces himself when he meets someone. He does not have punishments, rewards or 'consequences' (beyond the natural ones such as gravity). He has never been spanked - I am fairly certain that after the horror and crying that would cause he would tell me that 'hitting is wrong, we don't hit' (he would in fact be correct).

Manners can be taught to children using positive discipline, the assumption that only punitive tactics work is false. DS has learned manners because we model these behaviors ourselves - not because we punish him when he does it wrong.

Manners take you a long way. You are doing your kids a great service by teaching them respect. Good job!

My dd is like your kids. I agree with you completely. I have had kids over who are rude, no please or thank you, rolling their eyes and asking asking asking for stuff. Grrrr. Funnily enough when ever they get picked up there parents never ask how they were, probably because they know what the answer would be and wouldn't like my reply!! lol I always ask if my daughter behaved and was fine and ALWAYS ALWAYS people tell me how good she is, was no trouble, how polite and they actually act surprised that there are SOME children like that, BUT other kids are your responsibility when under your roof so I always tell them "we don't behave like that in this house" plus they don't get a thing until they ask nicely and I get a thank you. MY HOUSE - MY RULES. :-)

I do. But those kids that are being rude... that doesn't necessarily mean their parents aren't teaching them manners. Maybe they are and would be horrified at their kid's behavior. Maybe they don't teach them, many adults have zero manners either.

But, if a kid treated me or my family disrespectfully in my house, I'd probably give them a quick lesson on what is and is not appropriate behavior.

I am all about manners. Its the respectful thing to do. :)

Yes, I teach manners. My guy is 27 months and he says, "please," and "thank you." He also learned "bless you" on his own ; ) I'm teaching him to not yell when he wants something, and ask him "What do you say?" when he forgets "please" or "thank you."

I've seen "manners" classes offered through "Kid College" at our nearby community college, so apparently there's other parents out there who think they're important as well.

Yup, mine knew please and thank you when he was a toddler. Many are easy to teach - show by example - and gently remind.

My son is 15 now, and occasionally forgets his manners with me. So I remind him. He is polite to other adults and strangers - which makes me proud of what a fine young man he is.

I expect his friend's to show manners in my house as respect. So I so teach them to his friends also...some have never received that at home - but even as teens they picked up quickly. LOL

My children were taught manners. They do need a gentle reminder from time to time, but they know the expectation.

My son started signing please and thank you at 14 months. I made sure he knew those signs LONG before milk and water. He is only 20 months and I still have to remind him. I know this will happen for a long time, but it will be engrained in his brain!!!
Mrs. and Mrs. I'm not so sure on that one. I'll teach him to be respectful, but with my generation it hasn't been a huge push. In Utah most people call people Brother or sister X (it's a LDS/Mormon thing) So i'm more accustomed to that than Mr and Mrs.

YES! And, I sent my kids to Cotillion so they could learn them from someone else besides me. :-)
My children know how to greet people. They know how to behave at any event including how to dance the promenade that is done at the White House. (Heaven forbid that one day they get invited and not know how to do that!) They know which forks to use for what, how to put your napkin in your lap, and how to use a fingerbowl. They know how to send thank you notes -- although, that's still a struggle, sometimes. They know how to RSVP. They know what dress is appropriate for what occasion. The know that dress use are a necessity in one's wardrobe...
Both my children can dance the waltz, foxtrot, jive, and more, too. These are life skills that need to be instilled when they are younger. As a matter of fact, my daughter and her BFF can dance together anywhere and are often asked to teach their friends. They went through Cotillion together and love to dance - together - like boys and girls used to in the 50's and 60's. They know the line dances. They know the partner dances. They can go to a wedding and not look like fools. It's awesome! My son and daughter can and do dance together at these types of events, too. They are quite a sight!
All these skills are extremely important -- especially as they get older.
YMMV
LBC

My son learned very early that manners and conversing politely with adults got him all sorts of "extras". Usually it was just kudos for his manners, but because he was polite, adults would answer his questions and actually have a "conversation" with him. (Positive reinforcement to the max!) I think the "do as I do" method is the best way to go with some nudges here and there, of course. If you say please, thank you, you're welcome, etc., your child will to. And the tone of voice is as important as the words. "Wow, that sure didn't sound like a "please, may I ....." was all we had to say - politely, of course!

As far as rude kids in our house? We never tolerated it. Granted, our house was "THE" house to go to (we had a creek, pigs, chickens, cats, dogs, and a great rope swing) so we had that in our favor. If we were ignored, or had the eye roll aimed at us, we would say, Wow, if "L" ignores us (or rolls his eyes or ....), he's sent to his room. We don't do that in this house. If "L" wanted them to come back, HE would explain to them that if they were rude, or misbehaved or didn't listen, they couldn't come back to his house.

We are big on manners. One thing that we are struggling with right now is appologies. My kids (6 and 4) say sorry if they need to, but I am trying to get them to elaborate on it, "I am sorry that I yelled at you" or "I am sorry that I didn't listen when you asked me to help..." instead of just I am sorry.

I understand that sorry is sorry no matter what, but I think that sometimes kids just say sorry because they "have to" and they don't understand why they are saying it or why they are even sorry. So we are working on it. It takes a lot of patience.

My kids have always been taught manners. And yes they do forget to use them--usually because they are in such a hurry to get to the next thing. Drives me nuts sometimes. But I have also asked others how they are at their homes and I get glowing remarks. We are teaching our 3 yo the yes sir etc and now she thinks it is funny to say "yes, sir" to everything. Of course, in a 12 yr old you would think they were being sarcastic. And I will not give me kids something if they do not say please and thank you like they should. That is usually "punishment" enough to get them to remember.

Yes, we do teach our kids manners. I totally agree with you.
Kids learn manners since they are little and we have to remind them nicely when they forget to do it. It is important, in my opinion, to use them all the time with parents, relatives, among ourselves, etc. at home , with friends, with the old lady or a baby next door, and then kids will learn to use manners for ever like something natural like eating or breathing.

Hi Mom-

YES!!! I believe manners and 'magic words' (please, thank you, you're welcome etc) are incredibly important! So important...that with one of my daughters...because of developmental delays and chronic health concerns... some of her first 'signs' (and then words) were 'magic' ones! I figured if she were destined to be a woman of FEW words/signs...those were the ones I wanted at the top of her list!

YOU GO Mama!!
michele/cat