Managing the Nanny: Need Advice

Updated on November 06, 2008
S.R. asks from Maplewood, NJ
5 answers

My daughter is almost 10 months old and two months ago our nanny started (before that my sister had been watching our daughter since I went back to work). I'm looking for some advice on how to handle my one major issue with our nanny. Naps! My daughter had been going down for naps fairly consistently with just a little bit of fuss--more complaining that crying--for about 5-10 minutes at the start of her two daily naps when the nanny started. Now she *screams* for anywhere from 10 to 35 minutes (depending on how long I hold out or she tuckers herself out). I feel that this is because the nanny has been picking her up once she cries. Despite telling her time and again that she is not to pick her up once she goes in for a nap it seems to me that she is.

So the problem is two-fold, I think the nanny is "fabricating" how much our daughter is actually napping and we now have a terror of a child at nap times on the weekends. I need advice on how to get her back on track and how to deal with the nanny. I generally think she is a good caregiver and I think she is picking her up because she feels badly about letting her cry a bit but she has now created a huge problem.

Complicating the issue slightly is that we share the nanny in the afternoons, so from 3pm-6pm she goes to a friend's house with their elementary school age daughters. We have a complete set up for her there, crib, rocker, set up on the third floor so she is removed from the action... and it's been two months so I feel she should be settled in and comfortable there. But today when I went to pick her up and asked how the afternoon nap had gone the nanny said she slept for an hour on the couch next to her. I don't like to correct her in front of the older girls so I didn't address it at the time but of course she shouldn't be sleeping on the couch and further, I don't believe she did sleep on the couch. This is a child that is very active and social and if there is anyone/thing to play with or look at she is up and playing. She won't even nap with me or even fall asleep on me; she needs a low stimulus environment to get to sleep.

Any thoughts or help putting this all into perspective would be so greatly appreciated. And advice on how to lay down the law with the nanny effectively. I've repeatedly had the discussion about naps and how they are to be done but I feel like it's all falling on deaf ears. Thank you!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers



answers from New York on

Find a good daycare with license to handle babies and toddlers. You will always have some issues with nanny or babysitter because they all have their own ways of handling children which may baffle you or even upset you from time to time. If you keep talking your nanny about the same issue(s), she might quit her job to take another job before you can find any replacement and take time off your job.

A reputable daycare has supervisors monitoring the situation for caring little ones, firing & hiring nannies who are screened for qualifications that you don't have to do the administrative work, and reporting to you of any unsual behavior of your child. Of course, such daycares are not cheap.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I was a nanny for 6 years . If parents said that's how it should be, I followed. No ifs ,no buts.It's very confusing for a child when you do one thing and nanny does another.
Not exceptable.Sorry no advice:(

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Binghamton on

Goodness, that sounds tough. The nanny probably thinks she is being loving, though it is causing problems for you. You were very kind not to address the issue in front of the older children.
Have you tried having your husband talk to her as well? I know in this day and age we hope that the differences between the sexes have been eliminated, but sometimes the male in a partnership commands more respect whether we like it or not. And any "authorities" you can site for your method of getting your daughter to nap might help as well, a book, peditrician etc.
You need to feel your nanny is a partner. Perhaps if you can phrase your next request as asking for help she will find it easier to override her feelings of guilt at letting a child cry.
And lastly: Your daughter may be going through a developmental change that makes napping tough, like getting ready to walk.



answers from New York on

Hi S.
I hope by the time my response gets posted you have changed nannies.
Bottom line, the nanny needs to follow parents' schedule.
Good luck



answers from New York on

Dear S.,

I own and direct a childcare center in which we care for many infants. The mom writes us up a routine and schedule in which we follow daily. However, if we see that changes are occurring (cutting down on nap times, changing eating habits, likes and dislikes), we always discuss them with the mother and decide together if we are going to make changes. Lets face it without consistency the only person who suffers is your precious baby. She will be totally confused on why certain days I can sleep on the couch and certain days I have to go into my crib. Even if you like this women if she is not caring for your baby your way, then I say find someone who will. You sound like you do not trust what she is telling you, is there anyway you can make an unannounced visit during the babies nap time and check up on things yourself.This will give you the perfect opportunity to address matters in the moment. I would look for another nanny if after speaking with her numerous times she is not respecting your wishes.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches