Male Figures?

Updated on December 31, 2006
S.M. asks from West Palm Beach, FL
4 answers

I am a 25 yr. old, single mother of an amazing 2yr. old little boy. I split from my son's father 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant due to "unconsentual sex". And been single ever since. My son sees his father 2 days a week and he isnt exactly a "role model". I dont date or go out. I have lost touch with a lot of my friends as I am the only mom. The only positive role model in my sons life is my brother-in-law whom he adores. I want someone to share in raising my son with and be a postive influence for him and teach him all the "boy stuff", but I dont know if I am ready to start dating. I guess some of the fear is "will he be good enough for my son? will he accept my son and at this point will my son accept him?" I have guy friends that come around and my son is very protective of me and he is only 2yrs. He pulls my attention away from them and while clinging to me with a "shes mine" type of attitude, kinda snears at them. Although at times it is funny and cute, I worry about him needing that male role model to be around. Am I cheating him for my own selfish reasons?

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answers from Boca Raton on

Hey there!
I am a single mom with 3 children. 18, 8 and 5. I really don't think you need to worry about a male figure right now. He's little yet. You may be better off without a man around. Maybe his dad will do better as he gets older. It seems to be harder for men. You just have to be strong enough to teach him what is right and wrong and as far as dating, I don't date either. (but I'm also older than you) The problem I found with that is that men say I love Iwant to be with you forever I want to grow old with you I want to be a father to your children-well bull----! I haven't met one yet that ment it. And it's the kids that get hurt when you break up. Because they get attached. And then they cry because that person ius gone. I'm not putting my kids thru anymore. Believe me-I have been thru it!! And honestly, I don't know if there are anyone good enough for our kids! I have decided that I am saving myself for God or marraige. . The hardest part I found in being a single mom is mostly financially. Because 1 income in Palm Beach County just isn't enough. Cherish your time with him-one day he'll be 18 and won't want to hang out with mom as much. Call me if you ever want to hang out or talk. Leave a message, if I don't answer, I'll call you back!! A. ###-###-#### Happy New Year!



answers from Boca Raton on

hi S.,

all kids at you son's age have that jealosy towards mothers, not just sons. my two and a half year old girls scream when daddy and i hug, they pull me away from him. basically you're HIS (for the time being). i don't think you should or shouldn't anything at this point. if you fall in love then start asking or these questions, but don't go out looking for love because that will not work as well. you're only 25 years old. i guarantee you the IT guy for you is out there. take your time, spend time with your son, enjoy yourself. things will happen
as for a male role in his life, he is too young to even understand that. my girls love cars and trucks and kicking the ball, and they play all these things with me (da mami and not daddy), so games at this point don't have a gender. eventually yes, but that's more when he enters young adulthood.
good luck



answers from Boca Raton on

I think you are right to be picky about who you let get close to him. As far as a role model, you say your brother-in-law is great with him & your son adores him. A role model doesn't have to be someone he lives with. Just having a positive influence in his life will help. Let them hang out, & let your son know he can talk to his uncle. I had a rough childhood but I turned out pretty normal & caring because of my grandmothers influence. I wanted to be like her, teach my kids the way she did & I have 3 great kids because of her. The right man for you & your son will come along one day. I think his uncle can fill the shoes of a positive male figure. Talk to him about it & I'm sure he'll agree to be just that.



answers from Boca Raton on

Hi S.,

I wouldn't worry too much about a male role model as of right now, as you said you have your brother-in-law that he adores.
I myself am a single mom and went on my first date about a year ago. It was almost 3 years since my daughter's father left for Iraq.My daughter was 2 at the time, I involved her a little more than I should have. When we broke up a few months ago she was crushed when he was no longer around.
So I wanted to give you a little word of caution for when you do start dating, it was advice I had ignored and watched as my own daughter's heart was crushed. Try not to involve your son when you are dating until you are a lot more serious, or making wedding plans. You have to remember that there is more than one heart at stake. Don't worry about it too much that person will come along when you are both ready. At least that's what I tell myself everyday.
Its ok for you to have your guy friends around, he's learning from them as well, so they better be treating you with respect when your son is around. They learn from our actions.

I hope this helps,
God Bless,

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