Making Friends with Other Moms

Updated on May 11, 2011
S.C. asks from Mankato, MN
13 answers

I moved to a new town several years ago and had a hard time making new friends (I'm shy and people in my town tend to already have social circles that seem to be hard to break into). I finally found a couple friends, but they moved away 3 years ago and I haven't found any local friends since. I enjoy my long distance friends, but wish there was someone local I could go out for a cup of coffee or something with. There are mom's of my son's friends that I get a long with but I've never done anything with them that hasn't involved the kids. I'm not sure about asking them do something without the kids. Would that be weird? I'm not even sure what to suggest we do--what do you all do with other moms do without your kids? Also, how do you keep these friendships up? I'm so busy with work and kids and I know other moms are busy too. Thanks for any suggestions.

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answers from Springfield on

I have moved several times, so I know what you are going through. Many of my good friends now are parents of my children's friends. Ask a mom to meet for coffee, lunch, or to see a movie some night. They won't think you are weird; they will probably be glad you took the initiative. Or, you could invite the whole family over for a casual BBQ to get to know them even can bond with the parents while the kids will get to play . If you don't want to take that on, there's always meeting as families for a picnic, park or zoo outing. Just make the effort and see what develops.

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answers from Memphis on

Do you have any interests that would put you in touch with a small 'selection' of potential friends? Like, do you like to knit? If so you could go to a little knitting workshop that lasts an hour or so and get to know some folks that way. Or the library might have a brown bag lunch/author talk where you could meet some people who share similar interests in books (also meshes well with a working gal's schedule!), or a church committee (I have found on this one that it helps to sign up for the ones that don't necessarily involve kids, b/c if the kids are around it's hard to get a chance to talk to the grown ups!). I joined my parish's pastoral care committee for that very reason. Let's see, how about a one-day cooking class? I'll keep thinking. You know what else? I had one friend, one really sweet friend who I met when I first got here, and I just told her flat out that I wanted to make some friends and get involved, and she said, "Well I'm taking you under my wing! We are going to make you some friends!" and that's exactly what happened! I think a lot of people assume that if you have kids and work that you might not be available or might not want to spend what little time you have away from the house or kids or whatever, but if you make it known, that helps. Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

If you enjoy spending time with eachother and your children, then continue doing so. Next time you are all at the school volunteering, suggest that you go for a cup of coffee afterwards and see how it goes. If it's fun, do it again. If it's not, well- then you know!

I actually have a group of girlfriends and we get together every-other-month. We met through our husbands (work together) and about a year ago started doing things as a group of women. Some of us have children, some are educators, one is a receptionist, etc. We probably wouldn't have met if our husbands weren't friends, but we get together at someone's home for dinner and board games. We rotate who hostesses, pick a night and just put it on the calendar.

Realistically, we can't do more than every-other-month, but those nights are "sacred" and we all really look forward to them! We are also really respectful of the fact that we all work and have other responsibilities, so if we don't hear from one another outside of those dinners- no biggie.


answers from Houston on

I think many of us moms feel this. I would just simply say, "Hey ladies, would any of you be up for a ladies night out? Maybe we can go out to eat or a movie or something, leave the kids home with the husbands. Any ideas?"

Also, I agree, join some type of class or group that will expose you to different people and involve something you enjoy. Like cake decorating, sewing class, yoga...



answers from Minneapolis on

I have made some really great friends through my kids...their friends' moms. Try inviting a couple to meet you for a movie. That might lead to dinner after a movie or something. Or see if any of them are interested in a walk some weekenight. You might make some great friends! Good luck.


answers from Santa Fe on

Definitely, start asking other women to get together! When you meet another mom that you think you might like, ask her if she wants to meet you for coffee at a local coffeeshop. I think once everyone is in this stage of life, married, with kids, it is so hard to make time for friendship. You have to be deliberate about it and invite people. I moved here a year and a half ago and I try to regularly meet with a woman friend for coffee. Or for lunch. Or sometimes I send out an email to multiple women to see if they want to go meet to see a movie one evening or want to all meet for a hike with families on the weekend. Sometimes I go to a "women's night out" which is usually just dinner somewhere. That has happened twice but it was nice to get to know those women better. I also try to invite someone I like to come to dinner about once a month...or sometimes for breakfast. That way we get to know the whole family and the kids all play together. It takes work to make and keep friends. :)



answers from Duluth on

If you are to shy to ask anoth mother out one on one try asking all of them over for a Kid Free Night. Afterall you will be seeing these women for years to come as your children grow.

My sister did this with the mothers of her daughter's first grade class. Everyone was invited over for wine, food, & talk. The only rule is no children were allowed, either physically or in conversation. This allowed everyone to get to know one another without child leading the dicsussion. I plan on doing the same thing with my son's class next year when he starts school. It worked so well that other mothers in the class have also hosted a few get togethers.

After the party you will know who you would liketo get to know better & feel more comfortable about asking them out for coffee & conversation.



answers from San Francisco on

I would treat it like any other friendship. What did you normally do with your girlfriends before you moved? Maybe inviting the ladies out to a happy hour without the kids would work? Its not a big time commitment and a couple margaritas might be a good ice breaker. :)



answers from Houston on

Its hard. I know alot of women through work, church, volunteering, neighbor groups, my kid's school (as a teacher and room mom), Bible study, support groups, etc, and its like pulling teeth trying to get some of them to meet up for coffee.

You just have to be brave and put yourself out there. What has worked for me is I send out an invite to 10 women or so, and usually one responds saying she can meet me. Or once I have set a coffee date w/at least one women, others are more likely to show up if I invite them b/c they know someone else will be there besides me.



answers from Lincoln on

Join a book club, or a cake decorating class. Someplace where you have to meet once a month and talk. Once you get to know people suggest a moms night out and go to dinner, chick flick, or invite them a long for their opinion on finding super cute shoes!

Good Luck!



answers from Minneapolis on

I have a hard time with this issue sometimes too because we all get so crazy busy. I don't see my friends nearly as often as I would like, but here are the things we do: book club, coffee, lunch or dinner, cross country skiing, hiking/walking, shopping, theater (plays, not movies). If you like to read you could start a book club. A friend and I did that and almost 20 years later we are still going strong (group has changed a little over time, but several original members are still together). Your kids' activities are a good way to meet people in a similar stage of life. ECFE classes can bond people. I've gotten to know people taking classes at the YMCA. Good luck.



answers from San Francisco on

I have moved several times. Usually I make great aquaintances at church that then develop into friendship.

I get involved at my kids' school which opens up the circle of potential friends.

Find a hobby and get involved in it through local adult classes. Find a book that looks intriguing and ask some ladies to read then come together to discuss...don't make it seem like a looooong commitment. Read one and see who is up for another.

Find a friend to exercise with. My best friends have come through this. We'd go in the early morn. while hubbies were still home. I have moved away from my 3 bestest friends that were made through morning exercise. We still keep in touch, get together as often as we can. ANd now train for races on our own then come together for the actual race day. Soooo fun!

I host occasional girl's night out at my home and my hubby takes our 3 kids out for a few hours. Having it at home keeps things cheap...everyone brings a food item to share and we sit around chatting and occasionally playing games. Mainly everyone likes to plunk their butt down on the couch,eat,visit and enjoy visting with friends without interrupions. These are not my bestest friends but friends in our area that I enjoy hangin out with...who knows ...relationships could develop into a closer friendship.

We also have a large yard with pool so we invite people over to swim during the summer months. It is very relaxing, gives moms a constant activity to do with their kids in the summer and we get to visit and get to know eachother better. I also try to invite ladies that are new to the church,school and neighborhood. if you lived closer I'd invite you!

Good luck with making some lasting friendships. I truly believe friends are important for our heart and soul.(and sanity!!!)



answers from Washington DC on

I would look for something like a Meet Up playgroup or other activity where you have the excuse to be there because "it's a meet up" or "it's a community event" and then see if you click with anybody. For example, if you go to the library story time and your kid likes the same toys someone else's does and you find yourself chatting with the parent, you may find a new friend. The same could apply to you - if you join a class or volunteer somewhere you will find likeminded people and if it's for you, then it's not just about the kids.

If you are part of a group, then you can maintain the friendship through the group when you can't otherwise get together.

Oh, and it sounds kind of silly, but I have business cards with my personal info on them that I hand out to moms at events. It's an easy way to say, "Oh, here's my cell phone and email address" vs digging through your purse for a scrap of paper. They tend not to get lost, too.

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