Making a Child Hungrey So They Eat What Is on Their Plate Method.

Having reared 5, I can tell you that this is only the FIRST power struggle you will encounter. He won't starve. He'll eat when he gets hungry enough. Children are master manipulators! Little boys, particularly, learn what buttons to push to get their way with Mom, and they DO start young!

Stick with it! I was the same way with my son, and now he has aquired a taste for things that he once didn't like. The snacking needs to be eliminated, unless he eats real food first. Just put his plate in the frig. until he is hungry. Within a few days, you will notice results.

I know he is little but let him help you fix dinner. That way he gets more excited about it. I am not saying let him fry chicken or do anything dangerous but let him get the milk out of the fridge or the butter. Let him wash the veggies or something. I had to do that with my daughter when she was little and thankfully now she is a terrific eater. I never had a problem with my son, I guess because he saw his older sister eat anything so he had to as well. Just be patient. He will come around and start eating at dinner time.

H.

I hate to go against the grain here, but I disagree with the no snack idea. My kids would be so miserable and grumpy! Their blood sugar cant keep its levels up to par for the 4-5 hours in between meals. Now, lets define snacks here. They dont eat goldfish and fruitsnacks for a snack. So, my vote is to break it up better. Our day might look like this. Maybe some yogurt for breakfast with raisins, or some crunchy cereal. About 2 hours later, a piece of fruit and some nuts, or peanut butter and crackers. Lunch might me some turkey and cheese with bread(or not usually) and cut up veggies. If they do well with that, then they do get some chips, or something kindof fun. Snack after school/nap tends to be our splurge time. An oatmeal choc. chip cookie, or some pudding. Then, I also tend to give them something they can grab and go with them to play...an apple, carrot stick (which my kids love:), some string cheese maybe. Then for dinner, a bit of protien and a carb, and cooked veggies. That is it. I dont tend to do a night time snack, but I think I may start doing a little something right before bed. I would say for sure do some very small (like one tbsp.) servings at first so that nothing looks overwhelming to him. I just totally disagree with making food a battle ground. Food should be fun, and healthy, and help bring families together. So I say, stop the fighting about it. Offer him variety throughout the day and if there are things that he likes that are healthy, give them to him often, as a way to encourage food being pleasant. I know, it is just my lengthy, personal opinion, but I have never agreed with that kind of parenting style...I never let my kids cry it out either though. They have never had problems sleeping in their beds, but when they cry, I answer their calls. Good luck, this sounds like a tough place to be! ~A.~

My four year old son is the same way. You can choose to make mealtime pleasant or a fight. I chose pleasant. My son gets to eat what he want as long as it is healthy. I make him a seperate meal that is easy and requires little time like crackers with peanutbutter or cheese, turkey bacon and toast, etc. I let him have dessert when he finishes, but only a few graham crackers or a small pudding cup or something like that. Big treats are for when we eat out or holidays and celebrations. I think I'm doing the right thing for my son even though some would say to make him eat what the family eats, but I want him to have a positive attitude when it comes to eating and food. Most of all I want a pleasant mealtime for my family. The doctor says he is the picture of health, so I'm good on that front, too. Good luck to you and your son.

As always, I'll be contrary - kids need snacks, although you may want to cut back on the amount, so that he will be hungry at dinner time. So, I don't think your pedi knows a whole lot about nutrition (most docs know very little - they get one course in med school - I'd ask her how she feed her kids). Research shows that more frequent meals are far, far healthier for most people - I personally eat 5-6 smaller meals each day, including a snack at bedtime - some carbs improve sleep and protein helps to keep blood sugar consistent at nite.

As long as the snacks are healthy, you are not doing anything wrong. The fact that your son is fussing means he is hungry and I think if you make feed a battleground, you are TOTALLY setting yourself up for an eating problem later down the road. Since he is stubborn, it's clear to me that the battle has already begun. I would recommend limiting the snacks right after dinner to help him learn to eat what's on his plate over time and he absolutely will as he gets older IF you don't make this a battle.

My sons are now 13 and 15 and because my husband's family has a history of eating disorders and we both have a tendency to weight gain, I research nutrition extensively. Both my boys are a very healthy weight following this approach - at this age if they don't finish their dinner, it stays on the table for a little over an hour and they almost always finish it later. If they don't, then they don't get an evening snack. We haven't had this problem in over a decade as my kids did learned that I take a stance on dinnertime. It's no big deal to me if they don't eat everything in their lunchbox (all healthy stuff). And, many other mothers that tend to follow their children's cues rather than expect children to always do what you want them to do have found the same. Check out "Mothering" magazine that you can find at stores like Sprouts and Whole foods.

This is the beginning of many battles to come. Remember YOU are the parent and you set the course. Yes, he will protest but he will come around. He has to learn that when it is dinner time it is time to eat. No snacks. Right now he feels if he complains long and hard enough you will give in - don't. When he is hungry enough he will begin to eat to stay alive. He will not die. Always follow through even when it is hard and you want to give in - don't. It will be come easier and you will both be better for it. Good luck to you. Been there done that. The other S.

My son just turned 4 and has never really liked eating (I guess he liked baby food okay, as a baby, but not table food). I only give him snacks if he eats his 3 meals/day well. Otherwise, he gets no snacks. I don't necessarily tell him this, though I might sometimes. I know, it seems kind of opposite- that if he didn't eat a meal, he should have snacks or there's nothing in his belly. If he gets snacks, though, he much less likely to eat his meals. I know a lot of people give their kids snacks, but mine just wouldn't eat the good stuff at the table if he got to snack all the time. He gets breakfast (generally 6 oz yogurt, and 1/2 piece toast or something) and lunch (I'm lucky if he eats half a sandwhich, usually a whole piece of fruit, though, and Cheetos or something after that, only if he's eaten his sandwich) and then dinner (his worst meal of the day- sometimes it's 2 bites or so). I'm not quite sure how he survives on such little food or how he grows, but he's always been at the top of the chart for height and 50% for weight. He's about 38 lbs now, which is definitely avg among his friends.

So, I say the pedi is right and to cut the snacks out. My son does turn into a crying, raving lunatic when he's hungry, but if he is hungry, then he gets a meal, not snacks. If your son doesn't eat the meal save it for later and try again (same or next day).

I know it's hard, trust me- but he'll always be a snacker and refuse the food that's best for him if you don't do it. The sooner he gets used to it, the better. My sister had the pickiest eater and I remember as a pre or young teen he was hiding cereal and crackers under his bed so he could snack when he wanted, because she had put her foot down. She waited way too long to enforce the "food rules" and suggests to everyone she knows to "make them eat what you eat- they get that or nothing". It went better with her second kid.

I make my son try at least one or two bites of whatever is on his plate and if he doesn't eat his food (like at dinner) we tell him his "belly will be mad at him and hurt" when he goes to bed. Your son is old enough to understand this- make it their decision and he'll get it eventually. You can't force food on them. All you can do it lay down the rules.

I really wish my son liked to eat, but he doesn't. He has rarely, in his 4 years of life, said "I'm hungry"- those usually only happen in growth spurt times- maybe 2x/year and for a week. Love that time, but it's rare.

Sorry I don't have more encouraging news.

I have not read everyone's response thoroughly but I would still like to put in my two cents. My daughter and two (almost 3) year old daughter live with us.

I disagree with cutting out snacks, but choose snacks wisely. Fruit, yogurt, even cheese with crackers. These are healthy. We save all the "fun" snacks for vacation. What I mean is things like goldfish, fruit roll ups and even chewy fruit snacks are for special times.

As for trying foods, the agreement in our house is you take at least two bites of something before you can decide you don't like it. That means chewing and swallowing, not just touching it to your tongue and saying it is not good. It is surprising that with that second bite they decide it is OK.

I did see where someone suggested letting him help fix the meal. This is a great idea. We tend to believe that toddlers are to small to help in the kitchen when they really are ready and anxious to learn. Even you measuring something out and letting him pour it in the bowl is enough to make him feel like he has really helped out.

This drives my husband crazy, but it is alright if they don't always use their utensils to get the food to their mouths. It is part of their way of learning. My granddaughter loves to take apart her green beans, eat the tiny beans one by one then eat the pod. As long as she is eating and not making a mess it is great. We talk about the different textures, colors, sizes of food. It is OK to have fun at the dinner table.

We also all have to stay at the dinner table until everyone is finished. If you do not eat all that is on your plate that is OK, but you are not allowed to disrupt the rest of the family.

One last thing, we tend to expect our children to eat to much. Look at his little hand when he makes a fist. It probably is not very big. That is actually about the size of his little tummy! Doesn't look like it could hold a lot of food, so be conscious of the portions you are expecting him to eat. One thing my pedi told me when my daughter was little, a child will NOT starve themselves. Unlike adults they only eat when they are hungry and when they are full they stop.

I am sorry this is so long but I hope it helps.

Try the bit about just try one bite and you don't have to eat it if you don't like it, and put just a tiny bit on his plate of something you think he may refuse. If he has a food he likes that is heathy for him, you can introduce other food in it, so long as the taste doesn't overwhelm the food he likes. For instance, if he likes mac and cheese, you can steam califlower, and carrots, and then puree them, and mix them in the mac and cheese, and he will never know unless you put too much califlower or carrots in, but you can't tell otherwise. And if you put mashed up beats in chocolate cake you can't tell, and it makes the cake more moist. There is a cook book out there for kids that won't eat their veggies, that helps. Think it is by Mrs. Signfield. You might try it.

My grandmother was a food genius. Not only was she a fantastic cook, she bribed us. We got a penny a bite for trying the foods that were new to us. Five pennies if we cleaned our plate. We were not required to eat. BUT, if we didn't finish what was on our plate, there was nothing else. NO desserts, snacks, etc.

I don't offer the pennies, but I do encourage my kids to try new things. If the don't want to eat, I don't make a fuss about it. BUT, they do not get to eat anything else. We tend to keep healthy snacks (lots of fruit and veggies) in the house. There is no eating after supper. Sometimes that does involve tears. Just recently, my 9yo daughter didn't want to eat supper. She stomped off mad at bedtime when I didn't let her eat a snack. She let me know that I was a big-fat-mean-stupid mom. She didn't get a snack and was grounded for being rude.

You are going to have several nights of tears (some of them yours) before he adjusts. It will get worse before it gets better. Even after he understands that you are not going to bend, he will still test your resolve. Just remain calm and matter-of-fact. You said it yourself, "I know if this does work in the end he will be a healthier happier little boy." You need to cut out the "if". This will make him healthier and happier. Stick to it. You can do it.

My daughter only had one little boy for 5 years (then she had two girls). She fixed him anything he wanted whenever he wanted it (not a very large variety of foods) and catered to him like she did her husband (which she definitely regrets now). When he came to my house, he wanted me to fix something different for him every time, NO WAY! And, he wanted me to wait on him hand and foot which didn't go over well with grandma. His mother's "training" that he was the center of the universe has not served him well. Kids need to learn that they must be flexible if they are to get along in this world, and they only know what they are exposed to, so you can't blame them for being demanding when they are 3 1/2.

So, since you are the parent (and his boss at this point) it is your job to make mealtime fun and not the focus of his life - empower him by setting rules that are equal for all your kids, engage him in decisions about what the whole family will be eating, and know that "this too shall pass" so make some equal rules for all your kids and stick to them. It's hard to break a child of a bad habit, especially when you know you brought it on yourself, but a strong stand will pay off in the long run because he'll know he's a spoke in the wheel of the family (and very important for the smooth functioning of the whole) and not the hub.

PS: My grandson is now 10, fixes a lot of his own food now thanks to my training, and is more than eager to help his family get fed. He doesn't ask me to get him anything, either. I praise him for being so resourceful!

I say stick with it. You will be glad you did in the end.

My response will likely differ from most. I am a bonafide picky eater, and so are my kids. But I have a different perspective. When I was a baby, I was a tiny, and I cried all of the time, refusing to take a bottle. My mom went to doctors, everything... they all said, when she's hungry, she'll eat. Well, not so much. Turns out I HATE milk, always have... so does my brother, my sister, my niece, and even my mom! Problem continued as I grew older. I NEVER liked what my parents were cooking. I was perfectly content to have a salad or french fries for supper, but they always cooked rice and gravy, gumbo (south Louisiana), strange corn dishes, etc... my grandma was Italian and cooked noodles a lot... well, I don't like gravies, bread, or pasta (still don't)! And when they tried those tactics (eat this or starve), I starved. To this day I am tiny, and I don't eat a whole lot, but I eat what I like. I eventually grew a tast for some different foods, like bread, but others, like pasta, still turn my stomach. We all have different tastes, and we shouldn't push ours on others (even our kids)! If something isn't appetizing, then it isn't appetizing.
When my daugters started showing similar picky behavior, we went to a nutrtionist. We were told by several people (husband works in a hosptial) that getting nutrition is more important than where it comes from in those early years. It is more important to feed your child! Find some things that he does like that aren't junk, and feed him that. One of my daughters eats PBJ, every single day. My other eats a banana with yogurt, every single day. They are creatures of habit... but they aren't scarfing down 3 bags of chips and brownies... it is perfectly acceptable, nutritious food.
So, don't worry so much. He'll eventually try new things. Give him a vitamin, and give him a break!! Don't starve him. That is my advice.

Hello F.,

Great responses already. now something for you... get some lavender oil and chamomile tea even sleepy time calm tea for YOU. put a few drops of lavender oil on a tissue and keep it in your pocket or in the room you're in. Make sure you eat on time and get enough rest at night so you will have the fortitude to outlast him on this battle of wills. And of course, keep praying. only water or milk for him --no juice. Also, I hope you're not giving hime pediasure. somehow that absolutely kills kid's apetite. make sure he's getting enough B vitamins. Good luck! ~C.~

I use this method with my five year old - still. It's not abusive at all - condemning them to a life of obesity and heart disease via mac and cheese, pizza, and french fries (the only three foods he would eat at the time) at every meal to avoid a fight is much more mean - and I started with healthy foods I KNEW he would love - i.e. apple sauce, double cross crackers with cheese, instead of white crackers, whole wheat peanut butter sandwich, whole wheat grilled cheese, corn, green beans, mashed potatoes (with milk and strong cheese instead of cream and butter), diced sweet fruits - apples, strawberries, grapes... and that is what was offered at meal time. When he became hungry, it's what was offered again until it was eaten. The idea isn't really no snacks - it's just not offering food that isn't what you want him to eat.

My son still has texture issues, and there are some foods (especially meat) that gag him. I always offer different foods now, but never force. His lunch tends to be creamy or dry - graham crackers with peanut butter + apple sauce + string cheese, ww peanut butter banana sandwich w/ yogurt, oatmeal with add ins... he's still picky, but he's picking from health foods that are easy to make.

I've never agreed with only offering one food at a time - and always had a bowl of cereal policy. If you don't like what is cooked, you can have a bowl of cereal. The cereal at my house tends to be stuff like oatmeal (stove top), special K, raisin bran, wheaties... even when there is junk food in there, it's not an option for the meal time clause.

HTH
*hugs*
S.

I think you are doing the right thing...stick with it, it may take a few days but it will be with it in the end. :)

Just stick with it. I did the same thing with my son. Especially when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was so exhausted by the time I got home, cooking a full meal just about made me want to die. So I would just find whatever. He would tell me what he wanted and I would let him eat. I let him snack constantly. I thought well I'll buy healthier snacks I guess to make myself feel better, but then he wouldn't eat dinner when it was time. So I'm phasing him out of that. We still do have snacks just because I know with boys especially they are naturally big eaters, In my household anyways. But when it's time to eat dinner, if you don't eat what everyone else is eating then you don't eat. He fights me big time, but I let him have his meltdown and he eats if he's hungry. If he doesn't eat it, I know he just must not be that hungry. We still do have fend for yourself nights, but with him I usually just give him whatever I'm eating. Stick with it, he'll figure it out. LIke the dr. said they definitely will not starve that's for sure.
Good Luck!

My kids have both started out as REALLY good eaters (to the point that I have to STOP them from eating). In the past few years my son has become a little more picky about his food. I grew up with the understanding that you eat what is on your plate and you don't get anything else till you do eat it.

So, with that in mind, when my son started getting "picky", I'd give him small spoonfulls of whatever it was he needed to eat that he didn't think he wanted (2-3 bites worth) and told him he needed to eat it before he got anything else. There have been times he's gone to bed hungry and gone much of the day without food. But in the end, he always eats it. He usually likes it once he does too. If we have several dishes (ie, mashed potatoes, corn, meat....) I give him the one he least likely to eat first, and the one he's most likely to eat last. Of course, there are still times when I give him something he loves and he throws a fit saying "I don't like that! I don't want to eat it!" and I make him eat it anyway. I'll make him sit at the table for up to about an hour in order to finish his food, at which point in time it goes on to be his next meal.

I will admit that (at this time) I do give him occasional snacks. We have breakfast between 7:30 and 8 and then he can have a snack about 9:30 or10 (small, and usually a fruit like a banana or he can split an apple with sis), then lunch at 11:30 or 12 (depending on when they act hungry). If he wants an afternoon snack, it's very small (carrot sticks maybe) and no later than 3. We usually have dinner around 5 or 6 depending on what time daddy gets home. After dinner, I don't care what they eat leading up to bedtime as long as it's not too sugary too close to bedtime. One thing I've noticed (with my 18 mo. old too), is at that if I tell them they need to eat it or else ____ then they usually don't believe me initially. Then I follow through with it, and after about 3-4 times of that they start doing better. If we go for a while with they not having problems, they forget that mom is a stickler for eating what's on their plate and we have to start over.

My daughter recently hit a "I want that" phase and if she sees something else out to be served she won't eat what's on her plate. A lot of times I end up serving "courses" so she'll eat what's on her plate. She doesn't dislike it, she just wants the 'other food" and decides to quit eating the one she has. There have been time's I've forced the food into her mouth so she'll eat it and get to have the next thing. I hate doing it, but I'm gentle about it, and once it's in it's like she gets an epiphany and thinks "This is as bad as I though it was..." I'm not saying to force your son to eat, but serving courses (one food at a time starting with his least favorite and working up to something he likes)might help, and consistancy is DEFINATELY a key.

Good luck!

I don't think you've made a mistake at all. I had very picky eaters when my kids were little. My daughter went on an eggs and greenbeans only phase that lasted about 6mos to a year - instead of being so tuff on 'you will eat what I fixed or you won't eat' - it was easier to fix her eggs & greenbeans when I was fixing the regular dinner. Her pediatrician said as long as she was eating something, she would be ok. He also said to be sure she got a daily vitamin. I honestly can't believe a doctor told you to stop giving him snacks!(Unless they're not healthy snacks) My son went thru a similar phase and I did the same thing with him - fixed him what I knew he would eat. I also made sure they got vitamins daily. 'Tough love' at 3 years old is a little extreme in my opinion. Both kids outgrew the extreme pickiness and did start eating what I fixed for mealtime. I just don't know that I wouldn't let a child get to the point that they were so hungry...

A wise mom once told me, "You will never win a battle over food." She's right! This is a power struggle that you just need to back away from. I'm not sure I fully agree with your doc about cutting out snacks entirely. Young kids need a little something every 3 or 4 hours. Morning snacks might not be necessary, but an afternoon snack is a good idea. You might simply limit them to truly a snack size to be sure he's not making a meal of goldfish.

But first, just let it go and don't say another word to him about food. You can't make him eat. Serve a meal, and here are a few things you can say:
"Dinner is ready."
"Eat what you need to have enough energy until the next meal"
"That's fine if you don't like it, just push it aside, or put it on your napkin"
"I'll serve dessert to every child who eats a healthy meal"

if he throws a fit at the table:
"You may eat nicely with us, or go to your room until we are finished"
You need to have a method for enforcing that he stay in his room if this is what he decides to to.

Also, I don't even attempt to make the kids eat all parts of the meal. I try to prepare at least one thing along with the rest of the meal I know they'll like.

Another thing is to watch what he's drinking. If he's downing a big glass of milk before a meal, he won't be hungry. And juice and soft drinks have a lot of calories. Kids are efficient eaters -- when their little bodies have the calories they need, they stop eating. If all of the calories he needs came from a sugary drink or a tall glass of milk, he won't be interested in a meal. I noticed my daughter eat much better when I limited certain drinks -- I'd give the kids about 4 ounces of juice in the morning, and only give milk with snacks. Meals were always served with water.

Hope this helps

I absolutely agree with your doctor on this one. His not eating is his way of throwing a tantrum. He has learned that if he does not eat he will get what he wants later in the form of a snack. BAD IDEA!!!! When my daughter was younger I NEVER tried to force her to eat anything. But I also made her understand that what Mom and I fixed for mealtime was all that was available to her. We would not fix anything else specifically for her. In a strange sort of way I think that it helps to promote unity within the family. She could either eat it or go hungry. Trust me when I say this. They won't go hungry for very long.

Another point, if you allow him to throw a fit and get away with it it will only get worse as he gets older. I never said "Shut up" or anything with a negative connotation to it. I would get right in her face and say "STOP!" I would repeat it several more times if I had to. The harder she pushed the more determined I became not to give in. I would even say it louder and louder if I had to. Eventually she got the message that her behaviour was inappropriate and would NOT be tolerated. You have to remember that you are the parent and he is the child. It is up to you and his father to set the guidelines as to what will and will not be tolerated. Any stepping outside of those guidelines will draw a swift and certain reaction from you that he won't like. But make absolutely sure that you do exactly what you told him that you would do with no variations. This helps him to understand that Mom is not playing games with him and that you mean business. Like I told another Mom, DO NOT BACK DOWN!!! Even though that might be easier. It's definitely not in your sons best interest for you to do so.

I had this issue with one of my kids (now teens) and if it wasn't eaten, it was served at the next food time - meal or snack....etc until it was gone.........I only had to do it once......you can also make the snacks less pleasurable by not serving his faves - saltines instead of grahams etc.........good luck.......also, I only served one 'new' food per meal and tried to have one item each child liked..but I limited that item to a regular serving.....

F.,
Bless you -- you are a busy gal!!

It is not developmentally appropriate for a preschooler to only eat 3 meals -- they need snacks. So, feed him healthy snacks -- fruits and vegetables -- how about apple-peanut butter smiles -- with minature marshmallows for teeth? Fruit and cream cheese. Sliced cheese, fruit juice -- maybe even put it is the blender with some ice for a fruit frosty??

Make a smoothie with fruit and milk and ice, or even some ice cream if weight isn't a problem. Children do need calories, and they need lots of activity!!

Check with your county extension office, their family life educator will have great materials.

Also, give children small portions -- about 1 tablespoon of each food per year of age. They can always have seconds, but don't overwhelm them.

Remember, most of all, love is the most important thing you can give them, and mealtime needs to be a pleasant time, not a battle zone.

A.
M Ed - Home Economics Education
Former University Nutrition Instructor
Former County Extension Home Economist
Former Parenting Educator
Mother of 2, Grandmother of 2

Congratulations for taking a stand and doing the right thing rather than the easy thing. Don't beat yourself up over the past. No one here is perfect! Maybe some won't admit it, but we've all made mistakes from time to time. You are doing the right thing. My son is getting pickier and pickier as he gets older and am starting to face the same thing. Now we only do snacks if he is with friends (I wouldn't want to have him left out), but at home he gets his 3 meals and that's it. Will yours not even eat breakfast? My son is in love with "Cereal with Strawberries" (aka Special K w/ berries). I'm probably the only mom who has to go out and buy my son Special K, but hey, it is somewhat healthy and gives him at least one decent meal. Recently I have been able to mix in half Cheerios too. Lunch often consists of healthy snack type foods that he likes (fruit, Nutrigrains, raisins, etc) then dinner is the fight. I can sometimes entice him to at least try something by offering him a vitamin if he tries what's on his plate. Haha, yes he takes his multivitamin and thinks it is a reward! Try different spices or flavors on foods too. My son loves rice, but only with soy sauce. He only eats chicken if it is seasoned well. He also likes baked beans. I would say go with what you are doing for a couple of days if he still won't eat something, call your pediatrician back and tell them. You also might want to make sure he isn't just filling up on milk or juice. Good luck and be strong!!!!