Lying Problem

Updated on January 27, 2007
M.H. asks from Fort Wayne, IN
9 answers

Our five year old girl has been lying a lot recently. We've tried many things to put an end to this. It's just about silly stuff, for example, "Did you drink your juice yet?" We can see juice in her cup, she says, "Yes, It's gone." Other times it's more serious lies. Standing in the corner doesn't work. We tried taking away a toy when she lies, and she gets it back if she goes two days without a lie. But once the toy is returned the cycle starts over. Sometimes the lying just keeps coming and she keeps having to give up toys. This method is obviously not working. Thanks for your comments in advance!

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So What Happened?

Well first of all, thank you all for your advice. It helped confirm that what we're doing is the right track. We talk to her on her level,and just her with no distractions. We're just hoping that it's a phase and are going to keep a very watchful eye on her. Thanks again!

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M.O.

answers from Louisville on

Read her the story "The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf". Explain to her lying is like the little boy who cried wolf. If she lies a lot then when she is telling the truth, no one will believe her. My dad said once, "Dont lie because you will have to remember what you said".

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L.P.

answers from Louisville on

I truly believe that lying is a stage that each child goes through. My 8 year old still lies on ocassion, especially if she thinks it will keep her out of trouble, but I usually don't ask the question if I don't already know the answer. Once she is caught, it is deer in headlights, but she does her punishment and little or nothing changes. I don't really know if there is a "quick fix". I think you just have to be consistent and on her level. Make sure she understands why you are doing what you are doing. Maybe positive reinforcement for not lying (a day, two days, a week, etc.) versus the negative. She may just be seeking attention. Kids see adults and other kids lie and they push their limits. It will get better, she just needs to understand the consequences of the actions. Don't wait, implement the punishment as soon as she lies, get on her level and explain why you are doing what you are doing. Eventually she will get it. Good Luck.

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

Have you tried confronting her when she lies? Next time she fibs, get down on her level and look her in the eye. Tell her that she just lied to you and that it's wrong then tell her that because of it you are going to punish her (your choice, time out, toy taken away, spanking). Make sure you tell her that you love her and want her to do good things and lieing isn't one of them. Make sure you do punish her and make sure that each time she does lie you continue to confront her on her level. Be stern and very serious so she sees that it's important to obey. I wish you the best of luck.

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A.B.

answers from Louisville on

My 6 year old does the same thing and not much seems to work. Many people have told me this is common for kids this age, so I try not to let it upset me too much. I do continue to send her to time out when it happens and I just hope it gets better soon! Good luck!

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L.T.

answers from Parkersburg on

Well to start off, sounds like she might feel like your attention maybe on other kids,and she knows this is how she gets it. So it seems like a game too her.cause she is winning with getting her things returned.You might offer her a Mother/Daughter Day every week and focus only on her. and bring it to her attention that it HURTS mommy when she does any lying,and if she has something to talk about then she needs to come to you.And let her know you love her equal as her brother and that when she does bad things their is always a punishment to follow.I know this sounds like this is a talk for older children but it worked with mine.it took them about 2wks and they started feeling excited for a date with MOMMY,I let them mark the calander on the fridge.and asked them everyday if they remember what that day was.and when it got closer for the Date I would make sure they new I was excited for it,Well in closing each of my children look forward to haveing a date with mommy.(but remember to talk to them and explain why it is wrong, make sure you have their attention,with no distractions.) Good Luck!

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D.H.

answers from Fort Wayne on

What I do with my kids (ages 6 and 4) when soap in the mouth fails, I give them an example. Such as, "If mommy told you that she would take you to the park and then she didn't, would that make you feel bad?" It helps them realize that it hurts to be lied to. It seems to be working for my kids. Just a suggestion.

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A.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

When I was growing up, if you lied you got your mouth washed out with soap. Either two things could happen if you do this, one she will stop lieing like I did, or two, she will like the taste of the soap like my brother and it won't phase her. Some people might think is bad, but so is lieing. It's not like a spanking either, the soap doesn't hurt, it just tastes bad.

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S.L.

answers from Indianapolis on

There's nothing quite like a bar of soap in the mouth to stop mouths from running wild...My son absolutely HATES the soap, but I only have to do it ever so often to correct a big no no, such as saying a curse word or yelling at me when he's in trouble.
I have been surprised at the number of people anti-soap, and don't really understand why they feel that way. A little bit of soap never hurt anyone, and it should fix your problem quite easily! Good luck :)

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J.D.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I also have a 5 year old daughter and we are dealing with this as well. She is very bright and very responsible yet she lies about things sometimes. If one of our boys (3 and 1) are crying and she was in the same room she says she doesn't know what happened, even if she does. Her and our 3 year old fight and we know that she hit him (and he probably deserved it) but when we ask her about it, she says that she didn't do anything. I wonder if we try to make her more mature or responsible than she should be at this age. The other thing is I think it is her way of regressing. The boys don't communicate as well as her and cannot help as much as she does. Also, they don't get punished like she does. I don't know if she is lying for the (negative) attention or just trying to act like she is their age again.

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