Lying? - Shawnee,KS

Updated on February 07, 2009
R.S. asks from Shawnee, KS
5 answers

My son will be 3 in May. He is not potty trained, although most of the kids his age in his daycare class are. The last two nights, he has told us that he sat on the potty at school. He says "I didn't pee or poop, but I will try again next time". We praise him for at least sitting on it. He also came home in his spare pants, with the pants from that day wet in a bag. He told us they go wet when he tried to use the potty.

So I called his teacher today to discuss this potty progress and she informed me that none of it is true. She asks him if he wants to use the potty at every diaper change, and he always says "no, maybe next time". His pants got wet during nap time, and he has never sat on the potty at school.

Is it considered lying at this age, are they trying to be deceitful, or is it just "imagination".

Now I don't know what that he says is true, he is REALLY good at it!

What should we do to let him know this is not right?

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So What Happened?

So yesterday, after his teacher confirmed he has not been sitting on the potty, he did it twice that afternoon!

More Answers

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L.F.

answers from Kansas City on

I mostly agree with the response posted by Linda B. I actually disagree that he's being deceitful. Kids at this age are smart but actually their minds work from an area at the back of the brain that is responsible for feelings not structured, reasoning skills like the front of the brain uses as they grow older. I would definately just be consistent in whatever you choose and stay on the positive tip otherwise it will become a battle of wills. It was more challenging to potty train my son than it has been my girls. We had luck using a potty chart on the back of the bathroom door and we let them put stickers on every time they went pee in the potty. We also read books and watched "Once Upon a Potty" to encourage this acquired skill. For boys, start out by having them sit because otherwise you'll have pee all over the place but as they grow bigger/taller then we even had my son aim for a cheerio or piece of toilet paper that we'd throw in the stool before he went. We also taught him to put the seat down for common courtesy. And, always finish up by washing our hands. Good luck!

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

ok so i have a 29 month old myself, who walked and talked very early, and i consider very advanced for his age. i will tell you, i don't believe for a S. that either your son is lying, or my son is when he tells me similar things. you have to understand where your child is at developmentally, but i can tell you for a fact that my son, smart as he is, does NOT understand the concept of "now", "yesterday", "today", or "tomorrow". not at all. so when i ask him, "what did you do at daycare today honey?" and he replies, "played outside", and it's 15 degrees, i know that he is just talking about something he "has" done at the sitters, or likes to do. your son probably is talking about what he knows "should" happen, or one time that it did happen like that. lol. don't be too h*** o* him. try to specify that you're talking about "today". if he mentions something you know didn't happen today, ask him, "oh did you do that yesterday?" or something. try to point out the differences so he can learn that what you're actually asking him is what happened today. i guarantee you he's not purposely lying to you. he probably has no idea that there is such a thing as making up answers. he's telling you what he thinks you're asking.

PS, i see you've already updated this so YAAY! on his progress!

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L.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Funny but not really, my 4 year old daughter has been lying since she was able to form sentences. She is very convincing! She lies about anything and everything. It's actually scary, that they can lie so well at such a young age.

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L.B.

answers from St. Joseph on

I would call his bluff and tell him straight out that you've talked to his teacher and KNOW that he isn't sitting on the potty or even trying. Tell him how DISAPPOINTED you are in him that he lied to you. I would also try to find out WHY he needs to feel he needs to lie to you about this (sounds to me like he's scared of learning...or maybe afraid he won't be your little boy anymore???).

It's hard to discipline something that you learn about in a round about manner. I would try to start the potty training at home...if he says he's willing to "try again" at daycare then he should follow through at home (that will DEFINITELY call his bluff). I would normally say punish the decietfulness but not in this case...there is something underlying it and you need to get to the bottom of it (sorry for the pun). Anything else, YES punish it...use a time out or take away a priveledge (1-2-3 Magic). But punishing him for lying about the potty training will only be more deterimental in getting him to go and be counterproductive. Set up a meeting with the day care provider and get on the same page for an agressive potty training schedule and get him motivated one way or another. Positive reinforecment is the ONLY way to get them to be productive in this learned activity. Good luck.

M.B.

answers from St. Louis on

Wow. You got a smart little guy on your hands! Yes he is lying to you. I know its not funny to you, but I chuckled a little when I read it. He is trying to get one past you. The only thing, he didnt think you would find out. And he does need to know that its wrong. He should be punished for it. Or since this may be his first offense, if hes smart enough to make up a lie, then he is probably smart enough to reason with. Talk to him and tell him lying is very bad and next time he will get in trouble. Only you know what works for him as far as punishment.

My daughter (3y/o) was walking around one day repeating "SH*T, SH*IT, SH*T, I said EXCUSE me what did you say? She said, I SAID SHIRT! NO she didnt she was totally cussing and trying to lie her way out of it. Long story short, she doesnt cuss or lie anymore!

As far as the potty training, just keep at it. And try not to pressure him too much, just keep it positive and remind him hes a big boy. Maybe the peer pressure at school will get to him. I also heard 3 years is an average age to be potty trained for boys. Good luck!

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