Lying - Olathe, KS

I have a son who had a problem doing this. What I did was gave him a small amount of baking soda. It works better then soap. Then if it still continues after a few attempts, try Alum. It is in the spice section of the baking isle at the grocery store. That worked the best for my son.

Good Luck!!

Same thing happend with my niece, who is 5. I spoke to a child psychologist (a collegue of mine) and she gave the following advice:
First, have a talk about lying. Ask the child if he understands what a lie is (saying something that isn't true, not telling the truth about something, telling "stories"). Then tell him very plainly that lying is wrong, and that it wont be tollerated. If you want, you can go into examples of how lying is hurtful and harmful. Mostly you just want to communicate that lying is wrong. Then, when he lies, immediately call him out on it. State very plainly and with authority "That is not true. You know it's not true. Lying is not okay, and I will not put up with it." If the lie is something little (my niece told me that she and her grandparents had won a trip to Las Vegas with a Sonic straw--why in the world would she say that?! Then she told me not to ask them about it b/c it's a secret. So she KNEW she was storying, and she was trying to cover her butt!) just say something like "I know that would be cool if that happened, but it didn't really happen, and you shouldn't tell stories. That's the same as lying" If he insists he's telling the truth, just nip it in the bud with "No, that is a lie, and you know it. I don't want to hear another word about it" and leave it at that. If it is a bigger lie (No, mommy, I didn't do that---and you know he did) tell him that he knows how you feel about lying. Then punish him (have him sit in a chair in a quiet, boring room) and tell him he will continue with the punishment until he tells you the truth and appologizes for what he did, and for lying about it. When he appologizes, accept the appology, be loving, and thank him for being honest. But I would also deny a privilage for the rest of the day, to show that he can't just get out of being in trouble by fessing up. The idea is to prevent further lying. Keep one thing in mind: kids live in a fantasy land a lot of the time, especially if something in their lives is out of whack, disrupted, or stressful. And they don't always differentiate fantasy from reality. Also, they aren't proficient and self-expression, and have a limited grasp of language, so what may seem like a lie is sometimes an inability to convey an accurate message. For example, my niece told me that she wanted gold teeth. I asked her why, and she said a bunch of kids at her school had gold teeth and it wasn't fair. Of course, I said, "That's not true. I have seen the kids at your school, and none of them have gold teeth." She insisted. Later, she saw my husband laughing, and said, "See! Uncle Barrett has gold teeth!" She was talking about his FILLINGS!!! So I felt like an a**. Anyhoo, hope that helps. Good luck. It's honestly probably just a phase. Kids are kooky.
:) Jen

Hi R., Well,I think every parent is devasted when they find out their child is lying whether it be big or small. Of course all 3 of mine tried that with me. How long have you been a part-time working mom\part-time student? The best advice I can give you is this: First of all sit him down and tell him how much you love him, and that when he lies,(the fact that he telling lies)not him,disappoints you, cause you always believe he is the best little boy any mother could have. He could be doing it for attention, even though it turns out to be negative attention, its still attention. I also feel he needs to understand if he continues to lie about anything, people will not believe him even if it is the truth. Its very important to a child that age that people in general think good of them.They want to be acknowledged. As far as how to stop it,when you find out he is telling lies, sit him down and talk to him again. It might be repetitous, but eventually he will see that you love him enough to find out what the problem is. Have you thought about checking into a Big Brother organization for him? I was a big sister to a child for awhile. and my son had a big brother when he was growing up as well. It does make a difference in their life. Good luck and let me know how things are going. B.

Some children lie to get more attention. If your son feels like he needs attention, it may be, for him, the logical way to get more attention, even if it is negative. My son does bratty stuff to get attention. Maybe you could explain to him that if it is attention he is wanting, you would rather give positive attention, not discipline, so telling the truth gives you more time to give the positive.

Hi R.,

I have a 4 yo that has the same creative imagination as your son. Although I tell him lying is not a good thing, I am always amazed at his creativity. When I know he is telling an outrageous tale, I help him embellish it. Since your son is older, you might help him write a story and try to include a moral. You don't want to squash his creativity. If you sit down with him and let him write the story or you listen as he spins his yarn and write it for him, you've given him positive attention and quality time. Most of the time, kids are wanting attention from their parents, positive or negative. I choose to believe my son is going to be an awesome fiction writer. After his stories we talk about what's ok to embellish and what is not.

Is he lying to avoid getting into trouble, or just lying about all sorts of random things in general?

I know my son - he's only 3, though, so it's not entirely the same situation - will lie to me, but it's mostly because he's trying to please me. It's not that he's trying to do something wrong in lying, just that he knows he hit his brother and he wasn't supposed to, but he still wants to please me so when I ask he says "no" even though he really did.

What I do with my son is just talk to him. I tell him the difference between the truth and a lie and explain that lying is wrong and why and that it can hurt people's feelings or make a bad situation worse, etc. We just talk calmly and are hoping that it'll sink in and he will eventually outgrow the problem and learn to be truthful with us.

Another thing I really have to focus on is not punishing him too severely for doing something bad IF he tells me the truth about it. For instance if little brother is crying and I ask why and big brother says "I pushed him down" then, yes, he has to get a time out for being bad to little brother, but I try to keep the punishment fair and actually thank him for telling me the truth. Sometimes I even kind of shorten the punishment a little when he's truthful (or legnthen it if he's not, of course, but without yelling at him) to reinforce the idea that being truthful is best and being truthful won't get him in trouble - he will still have consequences for what he's done, but it'll be worse if he'd lied to me.

Hi R.,

If it's not just a temporary thing, or if it's not just because he has an active imagination, then maybe he's afraid of what your reaction will be. As parents, it's easy for us to forget how are reactions are received by our children. Like, for example, we didn't like being embarrassed in front of our friends when we were little. Or, maybe unknowingly, we are having big reactions to minor or medium sized things, so our children try to hide "everything" from us, no matter how small they are.

Granted, this does NOT mean that we should let our children get by with things we know are bad. I just try to catch myself when I feel like I may over-react to something, when I can simply tell my child that what they did wasn't good and explain why calmly. I try to save the large "huff and puff" for the big things! LOL!

I try to catch my husband when he over-reacts, or gets loud and obnoxious too. I can tell it's habit, and he doesn't understand how it's perceived by our kids.

I hope this helps!

A liitte weird here. I also have a 6 yr old I have raised by myself since he was 2 months old. He also is lying a lot. Yesterday I told him I would wash his mouth out with soap if he lied again. I said there are 2 things that should never come out of your mouth, Bad words and lies. So if they come out we will have to wash your mouth out with soap. Now it was only yesterday that I told him this, but I have always said that about bad words and I have never had to tell him a second time that something was a bad word and not to say it again.
Also I wouldn't let anyone tell you its "a phase all kids go through" as he is a twin and his brother rarely ever lies.

I couldn't figure out how to read the responses until after I posted my reply(got the daily digest email.) Then I couldn't figure out how to reply again, so I am just editing my first reply.
I agree that chidren tend to lie to get attention, but in my son's case he is doing it to get out of trouble. I have tried telling him I will not get mad if he tells the truth, only if he lies. I have tried telling him to take responsibility for his own actions. I have even tried telling him lying is bad, and God does not like it when anyone lies. None of this has worked, that's why I finally tried the soap thing yesterday.

Can he tell the difference between the stories you're encouraging and the lies? You may need to help him know the difference. It may be just something as simple as a confussion between what is being encouraged (a healthy imagination) and the lying. Good Luck and God Bless. Hope this is helpful.