Lusting After the Same Sex

Updated on April 15, 2014
L.B. asks from Snellville, GA
5 answers

Hello, i am really hoping that i am not the only one that feels this way. I have only been married for one year and almost 3 months, i have one child and i am a SAHM. Before I met my husband i was exploring the same sex as far as companionship and intimacy. Truthfully i enjoyed it a whole lot and i got away from it because it was overwhelming, any way i met my hubsand and he is the greatest husband a woman can truly ask for, he cooks, he can fix any thing, he remember holidays, i get fresh flowers every week, i even get a back run when he comes home from work! I mean, he is perfect and he has not changed since we dated but our sex life is not as active as it was before we got married. I find myself thinking about being with other women and i get mad at my husband when he wants to have sex with me! Why? I know that my body is his and the sad part about this is that i come from a religious background where "homosexuality" is a no,no...I still converse with several female friends from the past that i was once involved with and indirectly we flirt but i can honestly say that i have not physically cheated on my husband but in my heart and mind i have. I dont want to say that in my heart of hearts i am a lesbian but sometimes i feel like i am. Any Advice....

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H.F.

answers from Atlanta on

L. - It sounds like you don't want to cheat on your hubby. You sound like you truly love this man, and it sounds like he returns those feelings. It also sounds like you are passivly 'rebelling' against the freedom you have lost by being a mom. It's very easy to find yourself pushing back in one way or another after you realize how much you have given up to become the 'new' person you are now. I know that I gave up several things when I got married and had a baby. Some of those things were not good for me, and when I've had a hard week or I'm just feeling frustrated I will find myself focusing on the 'desire' for some of those things. I know that I, personally, am very passive agressive. I'll hurt myself before I hurt the people around me, but I'll hurt myself TO hurt the people around me. Does that make any sense? It sounds like you are hurting yourself my focusing on these other women. It sounds like you, without realizing it, are taking the desire you should be showing to your husband and spending it on something you know you 'can't' have. In this you are hurting yourself. It is making you feel guilty, and possibly making you feel unworthy of your husband's love. This is harmful in two ways. You feel guilty, and therefore you are a bit more touchy with your hubby. You could even feel like you don't deserve the affection (the cooking, flowers, back rubs, ect) that he is giving you. This is going to confuse your hubby - and yourself! This also makes you less attracted to your hubby (you are 'spending' your attraction on someone else!) and therefore you get upset when he wants to have sex. It sounds like (and I'm obviously not in your head, but this is what I gathered from your message) you are upset at yourself for wanting someone else, upset because your sex life is not as active as you want it, upset because you want sex and are not getting it from who you want it, and upset because your hubby wants sex and you don't want to put out for him (and he should be able to read your mind and KNOW that!!). You say you have not physically cheated on your hubby, but you have emotionally cheated on him. Now, I will tell you that everyone, EVERYONE, has fantasies. Whether you are married or not, everyone thinks about other people. What makes it 'emotional cheating' as opposed to overactive imagination is if you feed those fantasies, if you obsess over them. I have been in a similar situation where I was attracted to someone before my hubby and I got married and, because this person was a close friend to both of us, was around this person a lot after we got married. Well, that sexual tension carried over and I found myself fantasizing about this person constantly until I realized what I was doing to my hubby and myself. We are still friends with this person, and we still see each other regularly - but I had to 'sit down with myself' and make myself stop feeding my obsession. I didn't end the friendship, we were childhood friends, but I did end the fantasies. If you are still talking to these women because they were people you were 'with' in the past - I would stop talking to them. That doesn't sound like it's the kind of friendship you need to keep. If your friendships predate sex and they are people who will stop flirting with you if you ask them to, then stay friends - just end the sexual tension. It takes a massive effort of will, but you can do it! And honey, about being a 'lesbian' or 'straight' or even 'bisexual' you ARE whoever you allow yourself to be! I'll be praying for you! H.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.H.

answers from unknown city on

I and my husband have been separated for a long period of time, I came across different spell caster and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a man called DR Lawrence who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldn't believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon.Thank you [email protected]____.com

Updated

I and my husband have been separated for a long period of time, I came across different spell caster and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a man called DR Lawrence who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldn't believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon.Thank you [email protected]____.com

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J.D.

answers from Atlanta on

Hi, L.

I could be wrong because I have not been in the same position as you, but I wonder if a threesome wouldn't increase your desire for women instead of helping to alleviate it. I agree with everything else I read, though. From reading requests on mamasource, I can tell you that your hormones and sex drive are possibly still out of whack from your last pregnancy. Because you had these prior relationships, you could possibly be mistaking normal feelings of frustration with your sex life due to the pregnancy with the idea that you are happier with women and not your husband.

Your husband sounds wonderful, and you owe it to him, your baby, and yourself to try to make the marriage work. Talk to him, and be patient if he doesn't give you the response you were looking for right away. If you need to, seek counseling together, but don't throw away a good thing when you're not sure of your own feelings about your sexuality.

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C.J.

answers from Atlanta on

Have you tried having threesomes w/ your husband and another woman? That would satisfy you and I'm sure your husband would be up for it.

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C.L.

answers from Atlanta on

You owe it to yourself and your husband to give your marriage an honest try. That means, stop conversing with those women you were once involved with. It would be the same if they were men you were once involved with - it's just not fair to your husband. Fantasies are healthy and I'm sure most women have fantasies about other men and possibly other women. Just because you fantasise doesn't mean that you are a lesbian or you want to cheat on your husband. It is normal for sex to slow down after marriage and especially after a baby. I would say that you should suggest other ways of making your sex life more interesting. If that means bringing a woman in to the bedroom, so be it, but that means rules should be set so that feelings don't enter the equation with the third party.

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