Loss of a Pet - Tampa,FL

Hi L.! I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of Maggie. You have gotten some really lovely, compassionate advice on this thread. What a great community we have here!

I am a psychotherapist, and I run a free pet loss support group in my office on the second Tuesday of every month at 7 p.m. I read that you're in Tampa, (and I"m in Winter Park) but we would love to have you if you're ever up to the drive. I would be glad to send you directions to the meetings if that would be helpful to you. Hang in there! Grief is a process that takes a bit of time and love to walk through.

I totally understand how you feel I am now a grandmom and still love my animals as my children. We have a Black Lab named Maggie and she is a rescue dog. My husband went with a friend that wanted to buy a Chocolate Lab, and when they got to the breeder his friend did get a chocolate and a black. My husband saw a dog/puppy 10 months old in a small kennel and he asked what was wrong with her. The breeder told him nothing but she just wasn't sold and she is now 10 months old and no will buy her. Well mind you I already have 11 dogs, 4 inside all lap dogs, and 7 outside and so home he comes with this black lab. I named her Maggie and it took me sitting outside and talking to her for 4 months to get her to come to me and not be afraid of people. I don't know what your situation is but if you can go to the human society and find another dog or puppy it will help you and help your dog. And the kids will love it too. Besides when the other dog gets older the time will come and the pup you have will help again. Good Luck and God Bless. Big Hugs to you for being an animal Lover.

Sounds like your second dog is grieving with you. Its so sad in a situation like this because not only did you lose a beloved pet you also see the pain and confusion in your other dog who lost their friend. I think unfortuatlely time is the only healer. We lost our first family dog Riley ( a wheaton terrier) last sept. We had him for 11 years and then one day an unknown tumor ruputured and we had to decided to put him to sleep in a matter of hours. My children had grown up with him and my husband was deeply attached. It was very hard. In feb we got Milo ( whom to this day I still slip and call Riley) a crazy little puppy that the girls really wanted. I have since taken him to puppy school and now he is training to be a therapy dog... but he will never replace Riley. In time it will get easier and you and your other dog will get use to the void but you will always miss your sweet angel girl... Iam sorry for your loss

Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

www.petloss.com

L.,
I am truly truly sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. (if you look at my last question and update you'll see my dog, Honey's story) I lost my dog daughter to leukemia in June, and just on Friday night held my cat and watched her die after being crushed by a car.
I know it feels/sounds silly when you tell other people how upset you are, but so many of us know that it truly hurts to lose a loved one, furry or not. You tell people, they express their condolences, and then life just moves on, but you still hurt. It isn't really anyone's fault, but that's what happens.
I want to encourage you to do something for her; to give you some closure/finality. When people die we have a service, and people get to say their good-byes. But that is missing for our pets. Write a eulogy, make a space in your garden for her, make a donation to help other animals in her name... something. You need a way to go through your mourning. Go ahead and mourn. It's right. You and your other furry baby have to work through it together. You'll get there, but take the time you need.
Once again I am so very sorry for your loss.
I'll say a prayer for you.
H. H

So sorry about your loss - you are not alone! You had a best friend for 14 years and it's painful to know she's gone. People without pets may not understand it, but those of us who have had animals for a very long time (and have grieved for some) understand perfectly. You will grieve, you will miss her, but you know she lived a full, happy, long life (14 years for a dog is long!) and you as her owner made her life as happy as you could, right? I had a cat for 16 years - best cat ever - & I sobbed many nights after she died. It's a grieving process whether who you lost was human or a pet (in some cases, you feel the pet's loss greater, since it is with you daily). Make a little time & space for yourself to grieve. Go for a quiet walk, or sit in the park. A big hug to you.

I have been where you are and will be there again soon. Please know that there are TONS of people who do not feel your girl was "just a pet." She was your family, and you have the right and obligation to mourn her as such. You 'bounce back' by allowing yourself time to grieve and come to peace with the fact that you made the right decision to end her suffering after giving her a long and wonderful life. My thoughts are with you.
http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

Hi L.,

Ohhhhhh how I understand COMPLETELY!!!!!!!!! I had to put down my pitball (hate saying what breed he is because people gasp but he was my little angel) after almost 15 years. He TRULY was my 1st "baby"!!!!!!! I loved that dog more than anything. I cried and cried and cried for weeks over him. What made me feel better about putting Beau down was talking about it, writing about it, emailing my friends a biography and pictures of him growing up, I blew up pictures of him, framed them and hung them up.. I had him cremated and made a little area for him with his urn (that looks like him), 2 pictures of us, his collar, and all the cards I received when he passed.. Talking about him REALLY got me through the HORRIBLE time..
Beau was getting old and on 8 meds per day (he was getting seizures, bladder issues where I put diapers on him the last 4 months of his life, etc. So all this had to be controlled with meds), he was barely able to walk and I knew I was being selfish keeping him alive for me. His quality of life wasn't there and it was BY FAR the hardest decision I EVER had to make to date ( I can still cry about it and October will be 2 years since his death)...I knew I was going to bring him so the last 3 days of his life I videotaped him CONSTANTLY. I did EVERYTHING he would of wanted to do before his passing (IE: fed him filet, potatoes, eggs, McDonald's, french fries, beer, etc.... I took him swimming one last time because he LOVED the water, I took him in the car everywhere I went, etc).... I said every year on his death I would watch the video in memory of him. You know what, I couldn't do it last year, it was just to hard still.. I'm going to try and watch it this year but I know it will be devastating... So I TRULY know the pain your feeling~
I know it's REALLY hard and it seems like it won't get easier but it will in time... You will NEVER forget about your beloved pet but his happy memories will always make you smile...

Here's a couple poems for you that my friend gave to me~

If it should be....

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
and pain should keep me from my sleep,
then you must do what must be done,
for we know this last battle can't be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
but don't let grief then stay your hand,
for this day, more than the rest,
your love and friendship must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
what is to come can hold no fears.
Would you want me to suffer? So,
when the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend,
only stay with me until the end,
and hold me firm and speak to me,
until my eyes no longer see.

It is a kindness that you do to me,
although my tail it's last has waved,
from pain and suffering I have been saved.

Do not grieve, it should be you,
who must decide this thing to do.
We've been so close, we two these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Author unknown

Here's another poem:

Far away where the gentle winds blow;
Beyond the walls of hurt and fear;
Is a tale that we all do know;
Of someone who is remembered dear;

He served us well without complaint;
His love so endless, true, and strong;
He now plays all day, till light is faint;
And into the night, as the day is long;

We must leave him now, it's for the best;
A journey that he must take;
His time well spent, it's time to rest;
On God's right side he'll wait;

Cruel can be the darkness of night;
And his pain, it is no more;
He has gone into the light;
Awaiting us by heaven's door.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge .

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge .
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Hi L.,
So sorry about your loss. I know it is a really hard time for you and I feel your pain. I have not experienced the loss of a pet, as you have, but have lost family members and I know how hard the grief is. I think, even when others grieve with us, much of it is still very private pain. It takes time to adjust to the losses in life, but, just be easy on yourself. You will heal, and I am sure that you know that God never gives us more than we can handle. Maybe the hardest part of it is just that there is nothing we can do to "fix" the pain.

Oh my! I can feel your pain! We had our two beloved dogs put to rest within a year of each other due to illness. I can still see them when they were full of life! That was the hardest thing we ever had to do and my heart still breaks for them. It's been several years and we did get another dog that resembles our dogs in one dog. Do not listen to those with no feelings towards your loss. Your pet is a part of you and always will be. My kids still cry when they think about our dogs! My advise is to always have a dog around. They are great friends and will love you unconditionally:)Take Care!

Hi L.,
I can fully understand what you are going through. I dont know what I would do if of of my dogs got sick and passed. I havent dealt with it yet but I can not even think about it. I would be like loosing a family member.

I have heard that the best thing to do is to get another dog. It well help with the feeling of lonliness and not having that animal in the house anymore. Always hold your other dog in your heart and know she is in a better place but you need something else to give that love to!

I know that I am not much help but I hop that this helps. If you need someone to talk to I am here!

Fellow dog lover
T. Moore
Benefits/Recruiting Specialist
Working from home mom www.4ourfreedom.com

L.,

My heart goes out to you. I lost 4 pets in 6 months after my daughter was born, ranging in ages from 10 yr to 20.5 yrs. Cloey gave you good info in the Pet loss support group that is through on of the veterinary emergency clinics & someone else gave you the Petloss.com web address. IF you feel you need someone to talk to http://www.petloss.com/phones.htm- has a list of vet schools & others who supply support. The Hillsborough Animal Health Foundation- HAHF.org- has a counselor on call if you need someone on a more professional level.

There is also the life center in tampa, http://www.lifecenteroftampa.org/

I am not saying you need professional help, only a small precentage of people do for this type of loss. But there is a lot more resources for this than there use to be.

Looking at the number of postings it seems that a lot of Momma's have been through this.

There are several pet loss books on the market. Some of them that I have recommended in the past are now out of print.

There is a Children's book call "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant, she also has book called "Cat Heaven". I cry every time I read them. This is good to have for yourself & your kids, if not now, later.

Hi L., I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved companion. We lost our almost 8 year old standard poodle on june 9th. I have a 5 yr old and 2 yr old and we have all taken it tremendously hard. It is truly a blessing that at least your children are doing well with it. My 5 yrold misses his "best friend/brother" and wants him to come back from heaven and my 3 yr old asks me to go to the vet and get him back every day and even gives me his picture and gets really upset when I tell her he can't come back!! Not many people understand the heartache that occurs with the loss of a pet. For me, it was and is one of the most painful things I have ever had to endure. I trily feel like I have lost a member of the family as I considered him my child. My doctor's advice was to allow yourself to grieve as if you have lost a dear loved one because that is exactly what has happened. Try to find some child care so you can have time for yourself to cry alone in peace without having to censure yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, some chocolate and anything else that may make you feel good at this time. I hardly EVER take meds for anything but I could not sleep for days and my doctor gave me some anti-anxiety meds to help me sleep at first. I only took them for 4 or 5 days but it helped me through th toughest part. We had a little memorial and planted a flowering tree in our yard in his honor so every time we see the flowers we can think of him. It recently started to bloom and it has really made me smile. Before you know it you will be remembering him with smiles instead of tears. Good luck to you! Hope this helped a little!!

i sympathize with you i lost a dog my first love and i really did love him i think some of us seem to love pets more deeply than others it broke my heart when i had to put my dog down.i had my son do it i coulnt take him to the vet.i was devistated he loved me so much too.he met me at the door when i came home.and was always there and loved me no matter what.he was truly great dog a mans best friend.i will always miss him.time will heal some but it took me awhile to get to that place.i cried along time after the loss.we just have alot of compassion for dogs.just be patient and try to get your mind on something else when you think of him.time will help.i had another dog after that one but i had my mind made up not to get too close to another dog where it would hurt that bad.may god bless you and help you with this loss.trust him and he will.blessings C.

Dear L.,
Good day! I understand your loneliness and devotion to your pet! God rest his soul upon the mountains of heaven. I too have lost our favorite dog a few years back.. He had gotten so sick, they we had to end his suffering! It was a heart breaking day for us all as a family! I kept telling myself and my son who was young at that age, that he was now another guardian angel for my son! Watching down from the starts; and protecting him and us! I also have a cat who is very old and he is my heart also; and I know his day is coming and all I can do is pray that it comes quietly and quickly so he doesn't have to suffer. I know I will be devastated also. But i don't want my cat to suffer at all. I believe in God and the heavens and I Know one day we will all be a big happy family once again! May God bless you, L., you have a heart! Just pray and it will ease the pain a little! Java (our dog) is still alive in our memories and in our prayers! Please feel better, you too will be with your pet one sweet day!
Truly,
Kathy N.

My husband & I lost our first pet suddenly. He was a 3 yo rottweiler that past during surgery. We were devastated. We went and adopted a puppy which we had for 6 years. We moved away & had to get rid of her. We also had a min. schnauzer for 8 years that was hit by a car. They are family members & in time you will be ok. My kids tell me that they miss their pets. You have to be positive and remember the happy things about your pet.

Both of our dear old dogs died last year and I still miss them. We grieved as a family though, so I never felt as alone as you do. My dog Apo was my constant companion for nearly 10 years, and the first 7 were before I met my husband and was mostly single. I did everything with that dog, including moving several times, changing jobs, training for marathons, getting married, and having my first kid. Because of the time when it was just the two of us, we were really bonded. My husband was the samae with his dog, Molly, and so we were very supportive and understanding of each other when our dogs died. Our 2.5 year old daughter still misses and talks about them.
We incorporate their names into our goodnight "loves-you" song.
I cried every day for a month, and every other day for a while after that. It helped me to think of him as I walked our other dog. My dog's decline was pretty quick too, which is merciful for them. I told my daughter he was chasing chickens in the sky and he was with Molly now. It helped me to think of him still protecting the house and my children.
I would call some friends who have pets and love them and meet them for coffee to talk about your dog. It might help to scrapbook your dog's life. Look at old photos so you remember the healthy happy dog you had before she got sick. I understand how much it hurts to lose a dear friend like your devoted dog even when you have a family you love more.
When Molly died Apo was so bereft that when could deal with it (about two months later) we got another dog. Then when Apo died Mona was so lonely we waited about two months and got another dog as her friend. Now we have two dogs again and although we love them dearly, we don't quite have the same kind of bond with them as we did our old friends. Our dogs now came after the kids, and our older dogs were closer to us because of the times when it was just us and them. Your remaining dog is bereft, and when you can handle it I would recommend getting another dog. Not to replace your old one, but because the dog you have now is achingly lonely.

I am sorry to hear about your beloved Maggie. I recently had the same thing happen to my Scarlet. She would follow me around all day and I miss her terribly. I keep a picture her on the fridge and smile when I see it. That has helped me. I know she is no longer in pain and that is what really counts. My 15 year old took it really hard as well. We find talking about her helps. We are a family that likes to laugh so we like to tell the stories that make us smile. That also seems to help. We did end up getting another cat (hubby doesn't want another dog, yet - heehee) and my original cat is so mad at us it isn't funny. She was around before the big furry thing, outlasted her and now there is another cat...how dare we! I do have to say the new cat has helped, he is loads of fun to watch and he LOVES to snuggle. I still find myself coming home and looking for Scarlet but over time it does get easier. Good Luck.

L.,
I, too, are a huge dog lover & have 3 of my own. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you to be going through this alone. Maggie was not JUST a dog. She was & still is your 1st baby.
I dont have any words of wisdom for you other than dont beat yourself up over feeling so sad. It is normal. Your husband isnt going to react the same way as you. He is a man & they are different. My husband is the exact same way & it makes me crazy!!! And your 3 year old is too young to completely understand. She is probably very easily distracted.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I am very sorry for the loss of Maggie. It's okay & normal to be sad for as long as you need to.
H.

hi L., sorry to here you lost your "first baby" (pet.) i know exactly what your going through, and it can take a while to greive, but things will get easier over time. it sounds like your husband is also greiving in his own way, so you are not alone. (if he didnt show any signs of greiving at all, i would be worried.) like i said, things will get easier over time. and with your new pet, i am sure it senses, that your true feelings arent for him/or her. (pets are really smart that way.) i personally would try not to directyour other pets love toword it, but maybe try your best to get to know your new pet, and find/learn what makes this new pet sooo special as well. (mom of 1 son, with 2 cats.)

Allow the grieving and believe that time will heal the sorrow you are feeling right now. It's always sad when our pets - our friends and family - die. But they do live in your heart.
Perhaps get out a journal and write down memories of your loved ones. Especially the funny things. It will help ease the pain.
Bl;essings, S.

just went through something similiar, you probably have lots of pictures of your dog even when taking pictures of my kids lucky was always there. my five year old and I are putting a picture book of her together. we all really miss her and are very open about her. I know how you are feeling I told lucky was there for me through the most hardest times in my life and just knew I needed her I she was there the first time I found I was exscpeting. yes they are dogs but they are part of the family and everyso often a very special pet comes into yourlife. everyone handles it differtely, don't exsprect thenm to greive the same way I jsut wanted to let you know about the picture book it is way of cerlebrating a great pet and a fun book to have

This was my scenerio 2 years ago. I had to put down my almost 15 year old black lab. It was the hardest thing to make that decision, as he was my best friend, "soulmate dog", always came first. I had a lot of people say "it is just a dog", and I felt like growling at them. I cannot neccessarily tell you how to cope, as I can't say that I have completely bounced back yet. What did get me by better was to think of all of the happy memories (of course, it brought tears, too). My mom was trying to be considerate and helpful by getting me a new dog, but although I love him, he will never be like my Bailey. My heart goes out to you. It won't be easy and it will take time. If you have a dog tag or something else of that sort, maybe you could make a bracelet or anklet with it. I also still sleep with his favorite toy (some may say that is odd, but it helps me). Know that your buddy is grateful to not be suffering anymore and that his wet nose kisses will be forever remembered.

Dear L.,
First of all, let me say how sorry I am for your great loss! My deepest Sympathy goes out to you and your family. A Pet is a member of the family...Our little boy went through a similar end on Pearl Harbor Day December 7, 2005 at 14 just shy of his birthday on the 21st.. I/we thought our hearts were broken forever, I could never have another dog I said. The cat although she seemed to understand that Luke had gone over the Rainbow Bridge, enjoyed all the extra attention. I have a special place in my heart with his pawprints all over it! I have his ashes in a pretty urn in my entertainment center along with his picture and a small Breed Specific angel of an American Pit Bull Terrier. I still find comfort just touching it. I use his name on some of my passwords I know, I know....but he stays close to me. There are times when I swear that he is asking me to go for a walk...I broke down last year and brought a little Chihuahua mix into our lives, and he has brought so much life and love into our lives...he will never replace my baby, but he is making his own nitche in our lives instead. There are pet grief groups that meet and I think you could find one through your Vet. I hope in some small way I have helped you. They are not "just a dog" so don't listen to those fools! they are a member of our family! They hurt, get sick, cry, laugh, are lonely,love, respect, and they don't belong out in a yard in the hot sun or rain or snow, they belong in the house close to us, and will forever remain in our hearts. He will be waiting for you on the Rainbow Bridge when your time comes, they will greet us when our souls return. Take care, and let me know how you are doing!

It takes time. After all Maggie was like a child to you. The other dog is confused because it is suffering seperation anxiety. In everything I have learned animals do better when there are at least two of them. I know how you are feeling as I had a black lab for 10 years and had to put him down. He was my baby from the minute he could eat on his own. I took a special picture of Blackie and made a special frame and put it on top of the tv. For some reason it helped me a lot with my loss. I did not replace him with a puppy but I did have cats also. I now have a yellow lab, Noel and she is 4 years old. Serious allergies and all she is still loved by the entire family. I have seven brothers and most men do not show greif like women do. But they can still be greiving. Your husband is more than likely being strong for you and your child. He probably greives in private............Maggie will always be a part of you...You will never forget her... but remember the ones you have with you need your love now.

Nothing I say can ease your pain- I am so very sorry for your loss. I too have a beloved dog that was my first baby and it makes me cry to even think about the loss I will eventually have to endure. Know that you are not alone in that respect. I read something yesterday that someone suggested about grief and it was to honor the person in some small way each time you feel sad. I thought that was a pretty good idea and felt I might use that someday when I needed it. I hope it might help you through this time - and God bless you and your family in your loss.

I went though what you did only with an Iguana (Iwas very surprised that I became attached to him.)My husband found the abandoned iguana and brought him home. My husband used to have one when he was a kid although much smaller than the 6 ft one he brought home. I felt bad for him so we took him to a vet and made sure he was healthy and learned all we could on caring for him. I named him Baby. We had him before I started having kids. My son was 2 1/2 when we found out I was pregnant with our second child. We knew we did not have the space for him and 2 kids. I could no longer give him the attention I once had. I felt bad because I knew he was getting jealous. So we found another home for him. I cried when I had to say goodbye to Baby. I missed him for a long time. I still think of Baby and have a picture of him on my wall.

I am so sorry for your loss! I completely understand having had to put family dogs down in the past. But now I currently have a lab that is getting older, and he is completely MY dog (not the family pet), so I love him as if he were human, I consider him my son. He is the most sweetest, loving and silly dog I have ever known. I do dread when that day comes, I always think I will completely fall apart. They say it helps to get another dog right away. The good news is that you already have another dog to love and give attention to, plus you already know the other dog feels the loss, is sad, and doesnt understand where the other dog went. So focus your love and attention on this dog, you are kind of helping out each other.. Hope you have lots of pictures and memories of your lab, and please know that the pain will lessen as time passes. Hugs.

Everyone grieves differently, and at their own pace. Let yourself feel your feelings; grief is a process. When my cat of 17 years had to be put down, I was devastated. I had her cremated and had her remains put in a beautiful urn, which I keep on a small shelf with a picture of her and her collar. We have other animals, but I still missed her. Keep reaching out to other pet-lovers who have experienced the same loss - they will understand. I wish you peace.

Honestly- god bless you
I had a pet who was w/ me 17 years, he always knew my mood, and was always there, I couldn't even talk about his death, even now-7 years later tears come to my eyes.
Some people get it, and some don't, just different realities- just know that there are alot of us who do- I am so sorry for your loss k

Hi L.,

I am very sorry for your loss, no they aren't just dogs, they are a huge part of the family. I had a black lab that was 9 when we had to have him put to sleep, I know where you are at. My twins were 6 months old, they never knew, my 11 year old had as rough a time as I did. Just be sure to take your time to grieve, don't let anyone tell you to "get over it", it takes time, they were a member of the family. Seems that your other doggy needs you now and you can spend time with that one and love that one even more. You and the doggie will both heal with time, but you have to take the time.....Go on with your days, but if you need to just sit and cry, then just sit and cry, you need to do it for you..... then you will be there for your family....
Hope this helps and I pray you have strength to get through this. It isn't easy, but I know you will be fine in time. I still miss my lab, it has been 6 + years. They will always be a part of our lives....

Roz

L.,
First let me say I am sorry for your loss, And I completley understand. I grew up with dogs that were my best friends. when we lost My faveorite it was like i said losing a best friend. Morn your dog the only way you can by taking the time you need . It will get better but not right away . Good luck and if you wanna talk to someone I am here.
Christy

You are not grieving alone anymore. You told us at mamasource and I'm sure lots of us feel the same. Sorry for your loss.
Your other dog is also grieving--she/he lost a companion and friend. Have you seen Cesar Millan's show on National Geographic network? Or look him up on the internet. On the subject of human/dog relations he is priceless.

Oh, I am so sorry, L.. Dogs are not just "dogs," they are members of the family. I went through the same thing (almost) when my daughter was 3 months old. We had a 10 year old dog who was diagnosed with cancer on March 4 of 2007, and we had to put her to sleep March 30. It was devastating. I wept so much. I still miss her dearly. All I can say is that it takes time. Allow yourself to grieve. It's natural and shows what a caring person you are. Remember the good times with Maggie, and some day the smiles will be more frequent than the tears. Hang in there. It will get better. Enjoy your family.

J.

L.,
I am so sorry for your loss. A pet is a big part of the family and I can understand your loss. Three nights is not a very long time to deal with death. I think the best way to grieve is to talk about the good times you had with the dog. And remember you were there to give your dog a good life instead of being on the streets lonely and hungry. When I had to put my cat to sleep it was very sad and it took me a while to be able to talk/ think about him without crying. My cat and I had been through a lot together. Tornado, adolescents, divorce(parents), death(grandparents), love. Try and reach out more to your husband or someone else who was close to the dog. Your husband may be holding back, especially in front of the kids. I think it is important for kids to realize it is important to take time and grieve/ celebrate life that has been lost. And give yourself time to grieve. It may take more time since a family takes a lot of it up. But I assure you 3 days is definitely not enough time. You are not alone, sometimes it just takes others longer (your husband) to process and be able to talk about things. Good Luck

I totally know how you feel. We lost two dogs this year, one that we put down because of issues similar to yours and another in a tragic accident. They were both older dogs,about 14 and had full lives, but my heart still broke with both of them. The only thing that seems to help is time. I cry when I feel like it, but then I try to focus on the good things in life and get on with my day. I do have another dog, but as you said, he seemed a little confused and lonely. He is more needy than he once was. In time, we will get another dog for a companion to him and I am sure that will help my grief as well. I will always mourn the loss of my two friends, they can never be replaced, but I am open to new doggies in my life too.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a way to heal.

I know just how you feel. I lost my first baby a few years ago, the cat i had since childhood. She was living with my mom so not being there for time she was put down was helpful. It took a day for my mom to tell me as she was to upset. I cried all day and got through the grief thanks to my niece at the time was only 13. Talking with someone who has gone through the same thing helps alot. Let yourself grive, have a good cry. Allow yourself to be sad for a couple of days and then get busy with stuff so your dont fall into a depression.

Hi L.! I am so sorry. I am right there with you. Last year we lost our elderly cat, and right now another of our beloved kitties is slowly dying. She has feline leukemia, and it appears she has a tumor that is affecting her walking ( after many tests to rule out other causes). She wobbles all over the house, with her hips giving out..and it is SOOO hard to watch. Although she still has her wits about her, grooms, and purrs when pet, I know that she is going downhill, and that her bodily function will get worse until I have to take her for that horrible vet appointment. The worst part is that I am due ANY day with our second child, and I am so afraid that poor Grace will really need us while we are at the hospital, etc. So, I feel your pain..and it totally stinks. I try to hold it together, but every so often I just break down, even in front of my 3 year old. You know what???..I think it is totally healthy to show emotion to our kids. It is much better than teaching them to keep things pent up ( I am not saying you are..that is just my philosophy). I view all living things as two parts...a soul, and a body that is just a holding cell for the soul. I believe in reincarnation, and that has absolutely comforted me in my previous loss, and what I am going through now. I have already had my "talk" with Grace, that when it is her time to go, and she is too tired, she can, and that our souls will find each other again. When I lost my cat last year, I just held on to the love that was in my heart, and I honestly feel like a tiny bit of his soul continues to live in me. It all might sound berzerk...but these are my beliefs, and they sure make death a little easier. A few weeks ago, after a not-so-uplifting visit to a veterinary neurologist, I sat at the table and just cried. My daughter got off her chair and came to hug me. I told her that I was upset b/c Gracie will most likely die soon, and that I love her so much...and my daughter (just turned 3), kept hugging me and said, "don't worry mama...Gracie is going to come back to us in her next life." I had to smile, and I felt pretty proud that I could pass on a belief that could also comfort my daughter. All that said, just cry as well. Wail. Get it out. I find throwing myself into mourning helps get the pain out quicker. I hope the pain passes soon, and that you can just remember your Maggie with love and a smile!

One of the veterinarians I know runs a pet loss support group that meets (I think) once a month in the general vicinity of Florida and Bearss. I forget the details but if you call either ###-###-#### or ###-###-#### someone should be able to read you one of the brochures in the lobby.

I had to put my cat down last July when I was seven months pregnant. I'd had her for fourteen years and she was my first pet by which I mean she didn't belong to anyone else in my family and I took her with me when I moved away form home. It was terrible BUT it was absolutely the right thing to do and it helps knowing that. I still miss her but I feel less terrible about it as time goes on.

Hi, L.. Well, Sweetie, please don't feel so alone in your family. Everyone grieves in a different way, and even when a human being dies, it will affect each and every person in a different way. It's natural that you feel more grief for the dog because you were bonded to her in a way that no one else was.

I don't have the url for it, but there are wonderful web sites where ppl who have lost pets can communicate with each other, build on-line memorials, and share the grieving process. I think that while you are feeling alone in your grief, this would be a good way for you to deal with those feelings -- communicate with others, build a memorial, and share your healing process.

I understand how you feel. I had a beloved lady cat named Precious a few years ago, and I was forced to give her away because I had to move, and my new landlord was an animal-hater. Less than a week after I gave Precious to a trusted friend, she got outside, got mauled by a dog, and passed away. I still cry for her and hope that one day, I will see her in heaven. It took me a long time to deal with the pain.

I hope that you find more peace and that the grief finally eases up for you.

Peace,
Syl

Hi L.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the level of attachment that many people develop to their pets and believe it' very normal and logical to feel like pets are "children" to us. It only makes sense. They're living, breathing creatures with the ability to love us back and they depend on us to feed and care for them. I wish I had an answer for you, but diminishing pain will just take time. I had a Golden Retriever and an Greyhound for several years before my son (who is now almost 16) was born. They were my kids. When they passed away (within 2 years of each other) I was a mess. I didn't really have anyone who understood where I was coming from, either. My husband was sad, but he didn't take the loss as hard as I did and my son was only 3 at the time.

This may sound crazy, but sometimes I go through their pictures and pull out their old toys and the food bowls I made for them and have a good cry again. All I can say is, the pain will fade eventually which will give way to beautiful, happy memories. Once again, sounding crazy, my dogs died when the internet was just becoming accessible to everyone. I found a support circle online that was so helpful and understanding. I remember a woman in California lost her dog to the same kind of cancer my Retriever had shortly before mine died. We chatted online quite a bit, talked on the phone a few times, but we could lean on each other and obviously shared the same level of love and sense of loss so we didn't feel like we were going it alone.

I wish you the best of luck and hope this pain passes quickly. Although I am essentially a stranger, know that I'm thinking of you. :)

So sorry for your loss. I lost a 14 year old dog and I was devastated. They are a huge part of your life not "just a dog". It will take time - you are blessed to be surrounded by others to love and who love you.

Hi L., I am sooo sorry for your loss, I have a dog he is just a mixed mutt that i took care of since he was born when i was living in Italy, he is now 15 years old, he is still going strong, of course the glaucoma and arthritis and loss of hearing is kicking in, but other than that he is doing good. I just can't imagine what you are going through. I have 5 kids and 3 dogs, and Sebastian my 15year dog is like my son. If i lost him i know i would be a mess. I lost my dog from growing up about 13 years ago and when he died i was devistated he was 14 when he died. I just remember being with my family and we did a funeral for him, i think thats what put us with our grieving, it was really nice, the pet cemetary cleaned him up and put him in a viewing casket and we all just cried over him and then he was buried. But i know with my dog i have now and if he were to pass i wouldn't know how to handle the grief, but will be doing a funeral for him. I just think remembering the good times that you had with him and maybe talk with your husband about how you feel even though some people just think its a dog that they can't be family. I know this long, and i wish i could help you but keep him alive thru his memories.
S. mom to 5 amazing children 17yrs,9yrs,7yrs,3yrs,and 23 months, Check out my sons journey at www.liamlockhart.com