Looking for Your Opinion on Two Kids Sharing a Bed

Updated on May 03, 2011
C.M. asks from New Baden, IL
20 answers

What is the appropriate age to move a baby (child) to a full sized bed to share with his older sister? They are two years apart.
I realize some of you are going to say 'don't move him until he starts climbing out of the crib' and I do agree with this, however, they share a tiny room and my daughter has a toddler bed and I'd like her to be in a bigger bed so I can lay with her if needed.

Right now my daughter wakes up in the middle of the night and comes and sleeps with me. I don't mind this because my husband doesn't come to bed until around 4am, but I am not sure that this habit is a good thing and I don't sleep as well with her in the bed all the time. I do not want to make her sleep on the floor and know I could/should be taking her back to her room but in the midst of my sleep, I just tell her to get in bed with me so I can go back to sleep!

My hope is that when my son (9.5 months) is ready for a bigger bed that I will put them both in a full sized bed...that will eliminate a crib and toddler bed in the small room and only have one bed. Then if need be, I can lay with them.

I just don't want my daughter to wake him up, keep him up, etc. I also wonder if they would both sleep better if they have each other?

My husband wants to get a bunk bed so they each have their own bed, and while I'm not against this, the crib we have converts to a full sized bed which means 0$ for us (other than the mattress). Another idea would be to put the mattress on the ground if I was worried about my son getting out of the bed.

I moved my daughter at 19 months to a toddler bed because she was climbing out of her crib.

Thoughts? Have you moved two kids (1 in crib, 2nd in bed) to a full sized bed? Did they sleep better or worse?

UPDATED (based on replies): I should have specified but my plan for this is only for a few years - so maybe from ages 4-6 for my daughter/2-4 for my son. In about three years we'll be adding on or buying a new house so they will each have their own bedroom. I have friends who's twins (boy/girl) were in toddler beds in the same bedroom and inevitably, one or the other would end up in bed with the other one at night, which got me thinking that maybe them sharing a bed would be better!

I do not mind the children sharing a bed (either same or different sex) as long as they are small.

I do not mind my daughter sleeping in our bed at night but it's only a Queen so when my son wants to sleep with us, it's going to get crowded quick which is why I'm trying to find the best option!

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answers from Tulsa on

I vote going for bunk beds! You can sell the crib that converts and maybe that will pay or put a big dent in the amount you pay for the bunk bed (try craigslist to sell and buy!!) You can buy one that has the futon on the bottom, so once one of the children gets their own room you can have that for seating for when friends come over, and then it can convert into a bed for sleepovers!

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answers from Kansas City on

My brother and I were in the same room with bunk beds until he was 11 and I would have been 5 and a half. It didn't seem strange to me. But I bet he couldn't wait to get rid of his little sis.

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answers from Boston on

we have 3 boys and the 2 share a room right now age 14 and 4 as we live in a 2 bed as of now. We have a 2 wek old baby who sleeps in our room. we bought bunk beds at ikea best invention. It is twin on the top and full on the bottom. My almost 4 yr old sleeps on the bottom and we can lay with him. we paid like 250 for them just had to buy matress separtely unless you have a twin and full matress to use. Just an idea. K.

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answers from Grand Rapids on

I agree with your hubby to get bunk beds. It might be a little $$ investment, but if you look at matress prices lately, full size isn't cheap. Most cribs only convert to twin size but even twin size matresses are pricey. You probably have close to a year before your son is big enough and old enough for a regular bed which gives you enough time to save up for a new purchase. You probably can sell your crib & toddler beds and use that towards bunk beds.
Hope this helps.

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answers from Tulsa on

I kept the toddler bed in our room at the foot of our bed so that the older child could have her own room. I know how it feels to have a queen bed and 2 kids and a husband all sleeping with me.

I know I feel differently than a lot of moms but I don't mind the kids getting in bed with us. I also think the toddler bed should be done sooner than later. The older the child is when they move the more they realize they have freedom to get up and wander around. All ours were moved by 18 months, at the latest, and I didn't have a single child, out of 6, who wandered more then to stand up in their bed and crawl into bed with us. We have had a queen bed, a baby bed and a toddler bed all in the room with us at one time or another. I had grandkids who had reflux, asthma, and other health issues, so when they we tiny they were in the room with us. One of my grandkids is a tossing and turning fiend. She needs a queen bed for herself alone because she usually ends up on the floor every night. My grandson is like me, once asleep he doesn't move. For them to share a bed full time would not work.

My final note:
Although there are probably hundreds of thousands of children who use bunk beds and never get hurt I will never allow them in my home or allow my kids to spend the night where they will use them in someone else's home. My best friend, from the moment we met in Summer band before 7th grade until I moved away to go to college as a single parent adult, had a son who fell off the top bunk and died. He was barely in elementary school and was just gone. I know it's possible anything can be an accident waiting to happen and that accidents can happen anywhere but when I know the eminent danger something poses I just can't sit there and not try really hard to keep it from happening. Please don't use bunk beds, wait until you move and get them beds they can use into adulthood.. A mattress on the floor or a full size bed would work fine in the short time until you move or add on.

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answers from Kansas City on

I know your children are young, but it is NEVER a good idea to have opposite sex siblings share a bed, or a room. I know how money can be tight, but having the little one in your room for now is a much better option.


answers from Dallas on

My vote is for BUNK BEDS. I know a previous post mentioned a friend losing a child to falling off a bunk bed which is horrible but it may have been back when bunk beds didn't have a good safety rail put in, I know the one I had growing up did not but I still never fell off. The one my kids have now is up against the wall on one side so no falling through that way and a safety rail on the front that only has a small space where the ladder fits up by the head area of the bunk bed for her to climb down. She's 8 and never had ANY issues or even come close to falling off.

NOW, what I do recommend you getting for your children would be the twin top and full bottom bunk beds. That way the chilidren can still safely sleep together and there's plenty of room for you if needed. I am one of four and grew up sharing beds and rooms with my siblings. I always felt "safer" having someone so close with me at night. I've tried to suggest to my kids they sleep together but I think the age gap is to big between them and my DD never wants to. She is almost 9 and my son is 4.....anyhow, good luck in your decision making!



answers from St. Louis on

I have 2 boys in bunk beds. I moved them together when the youngest was about 2. They keep each other up. My grandmother says my sister and I did the same thing. I would not move a baby to a big bed until they are walking well. Maybe 18 months at the earliest. I understand the space issue, but there are also safety concerns. You may also want to be careful as most states and counties have laws concerning children sharing a room. While you may not a problem with them sharing a bed, in most places you can end up in hot water with child services just for having them share a room once your youngest child turns one (because they are of the opposite sex). Just something you may want to look into and think about.


answers from Saginaw on

I just moved my girls to the same bed in the beginning of the year. (They are 4 and 2 right now, will be 5 & 3 in September) My oldest daughter coslept with us until she was 2 1/2 then moved to a toddler bed next to our bed until the beginning of January we finally moved her and her sister to the same room into toddler beds. They each had their own, but I would wake to find them in the same toddler bed. So my IL's bought them a full size bed. One of us lays with them until my oldest falls asleep. My youngest always slept in a crib, so yes, she sleeps fine in the bed all night. It took a little bit of time to adjust her to the bed. (She kept wanting to get up and out of the room) My oldest still wakes up once a night, but we just send her back to bed. At that point, she does usually cuddle up with the youngest if she lets her. (Sometimes she enjoys her freedom, I think its because she was used to sleeping alone)



answers from Kansas City on

I slept with my brother, we were a year apart, until we were 6 and 5, then my mom had me share a bed with my younger sister until I was in about 5th grade when we moved into a bigger house. I'm not sure what age we started sharing a bed, but I cant remember a time when we didnt. There were, of course, nights we would stay up being silly or drive each other crazy and make a barrier of stuffed animals down the middle of the bed, but for the most part I dont remember it being a problem.



answers from Santa Barbara on

I have twins and we did twin beds at first. They did end up with each other. I too had one crib that converted to a double bed, but as you, their room is tiny. Even too tiny for 2 twin beds. And the conversion kit for my crib was outrageous! So we went the bunkbed route, and it has been the best decision. I sold my twin beds on craigslist and bought bunks at costco, much cheaper in warehouse than online. The nice thing about most bunks now, is they separate into 2 twin beds. So for now, you could just put both kids in one bed, leave the other boxed up in the garage so you don't have issues with falling from the top, climbing and playing up there etc. I think 2 kids can share a twin bed for quite some time, especially with a bed-rail. When your oldest is 5 or 6 move him/her to the top bunk. As for an age that is appropriate for the baby moving to a bed, that is totally up to you. Personally I like mine contained as long as possible! ;) Crib tents for us! But so many cultures co sleep, and babies sleep wherever, I wouldn't worry about what other people think you should do with the baby. Do what you think will work best for you and that particular child. You know him/her best.



answers from Albany on

My children all moved to twin beds by 18 months. They almost always started by climbing into bed with a sibling. LOL My oldest two have shared a room since the middle one was 18 months (5 years now). They began sleeping in a twin bed together, then we put two twin beds together, and now they are on opposite sides of the room in their beds. I think the younger of the two keeps the older one up longer NOW than he did when he was 18 months old! LOL

I will say, they may get on each other's nerves sometimes but anytime I suggest separating them, they tell me they don't want to. They are less afraid at night, less nightmares, everything by having each other.

We are having our 4th boy and I am excited my youngest son will have someone to share a room with in the early years too.



answers from New York on

I put my oldest in a full size bed at 16 months with the guard rails on both sides (it was in the middle of the room). I never had any problems...



answers from New York on

My children shared a full size bed (boy and girl)Until she was 9 and he was turning 5. It kept them out of my bed and they developed a great friendship.They actually didnt want to seperate, but we made that a fun move by decorating for each one separately.



answers from Denver on

My sister and I slept in a bed together when she was 2 and I was 5. I think she was always a better sleeper and I was up in the middle of the night more needing Mom and that didn't change much. I would love to have my girls sleep in the same room someday and I think they would like it too. We tried it once but they kept waking up and playing in the middle of the night so we are going to try it again in a year or so.



answers from Dallas on

If you are trying to save a little $$. go for the full size bed until they need to be seperated. Actually, you may find that they hate sleeping with one another and you could end up with the bunk beds anyways, but I say, give it a try and if it doesn't work, you are only out a mattress and can either sell it or store it with the convertible crib until you need them again.


answers from Milwaukee on

I agree with Eva M and Cheryl O. My parents opted for the bunk beds or two twin beds and honestly I think it saved A LOT of grief and "I don't have my own space." With bunk beds we all at least had a place that was ours, that the sibling could not go into (that was the rule), so if we were upset with a sibling we could at least go to a small place in the house where they could not follow (well they could come in the room but at least not on the bed).

Depending on when you move your younger one into a bed I would also be concerned about the older one rolling over on the smaller one. Children can be heavy sleepers and will not know if they are on top of another living thing and the younger one might not be able to push the older one off. I know that many have slept together in a bed and survived BUT if it can be avoided I would do anything for my child's safety.

They also might not get the best sleep if they share a bed (just like you don't when daughter is in your bed) so I would go with the bunk beds or two twin beds so each child has the best possibility to get a really good nights rest.



answers from Seattle on

My sister, 2 years younger than I, and myself shared a bed when she moved out of her crib until the 5th grade (I was 10, she was 8)... then we got bunk beds.



answers from Kansas City on

When my son was 11 months, we moved him to his own full size mattress on the floor instead of sleeping with me. I didn't want him to fall out of a high bed, but there was no way any of us would survive attempting to use a crib at that point. It worked very well for us, and I added the box springs and then the frame over the next year or so. If you do go with the full size bed option, I would recommend keeping the height low until the little one is around 2 and very solidly climbing onto and off of the bed without falling.

My kids are currently 5 and 4, a boy and girl, and they love sharing a room with twin beds and hate sleeping alone. When we have used a hotel, they sleep perfectly in a full or queen size bed together. There is nothing "wrong" with them sleeping in the same bed. Period.


answers from Washington DC on


I'm sorry I don't agree - I would not let my children (boy and a girl or even same sex) share a bed no matter what the age. They need their own space -whether it be a bed or not.

I would put the kabash on your daughter coming to bed with you or sleeping with her - it will lead to a habit that you will be hard-pressed to break. It's already a habit - it's not good for either one of you - you both need a good night's sleep.

I allow my boys to come to me when they've had a nightmare. It doesn't happen that often - but they know they can come to me if they have a problem but they don't just come in because they woke up in the middle of the night.

I hope you are able to resolve the issue of her sleep habits before you find yourself in her bed every night.

While I realize you have a convertible bed for your daughter - if you have a two bedroom home - give them bunk beds or two twin beds - as sharing a bed, in MY OPINION, is not right.

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