Looking for a Book or Advice on Teaching Son That Some Words Are Naughty Words.

Updated on October 16, 2009
T.B. asks from Warrensburg, MO
10 answers

My sone has reacently been saying a bad wordsthat he has picked up from Television or other places. Before you critisize me for letting him hear the words, I know where are mistakes have been in the home and are changing them. Our televsion room is too close to the playroom and when we think he is not paying attention he obviously was and now has said the biggest bad word over and over (Imagine the bad word Ralphie says int he Christmas Story). He is not using it in anger but just says it as he is playing. I tried to say that the words are no, no words after ignoring for awhile. i don't know if to go back to ignoring it or address it with him. I thought a book or something would be a good way to teach him that those words are bad. So far he has not used the word at daycare. My son is 2 1/2 and very smart and vocal, I just wish he was not saying this one word.

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answers from St. Louis on

Like the others said, kids pick these things up no matter how careful you are. Same with spelling them, for some reason I've seen kids who couldn't spell anything else but could spell the sh & b words..? I had a neighbor chew me up and down one time because a child at my house (not mine & they knew that) has Cerebral Palsy & was singing a foul word while jumping on the trampoline, just nonchalantly & they were highly offended. Too bad, wasn't my kid & I was watching them through the window so I couldn't hear what he was singing...Sorry. I jsut always reiterated teh fact this wasn't a nice thing to say & would try to replace a nice thing with what they had said so they would learn the difference. I don't know of any books off the top of my head that deal with that directly, but there's a set called the Help Me Be Good Books & they may have one in the set. They address several different child behaviors & the kids like them. Good luck & he will get over saying it, eventually :)

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answers from St. Joseph on

Part of the "charm" in his saying this word is the reaction he is getting out of you. I would be firm in telling him this is an unacceptable word to use at all and give him a 2 minute time out every time he uses it. I would recommend reading the 1-2-3 Magic book for discipling him on this...of course, the language is an automatic 3 with time out. Time out doesn't start until a tantrum is over and must be served in a quite and boring sort of way (on the stairs, in a corner, at the end of a hall...otherwords, no stimulus). Set a kitchen timer and when it goes off then he can get up. Don't discuss the matter any further. He knows what he did was wrong and will get the point very quickly if he is constantly in time out because he is using the word.

Likewise, I would alert daycare to the possiblity of this word being used and let them know what course of action should be taken in discplining your child so that everyone is on the same page and doing the same thing...eventually, he will learn that time outs are not fun and he his missing out on doing things by continuing the behavior.

Frankly, the only book that I would recommend would be something by Joy Berry on inappropriate language or along those lines...anything else will just draw more attention to it and be almost like condoning it which is the Exact OPPOSITE of what you want. Good luck!

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answers from St. Louis on

Hi T.,

First of all, nobody should criticize you, this happens even if you or your family are very careful. Bad words are everywhere, and your kids will pick them up, but they will ignore them and will not use them if you do not make a big deal out of it. I am not saying you should ignore it, just in the same moment your little guy say the word, do not get angry or anxious, just get close to him, look at his eyes, and tell him firmly (not upset): "(name), we don't use this word in our home".

It is annoying, and frustrating (and kind of embarrassing) to hear our little ones speaking that way, it happened the same to me with my youngest, but I did what I said to you, and I repeated : "Oh my Gosh!!!!" when something was wrong or an upsetting situation happened, and my kids picked the word up instantly, (I still do it). You can do the same and make it sound strong and fun, so your little one repeat it and forget about the other word. I don't know...just ideas....

Do not get mad at him, he is just expecting your reaction, and the more you get upset, the more he will repeat the word. Repetition, repetition, repetition with little guys works wonders. The first response you got is pretty good, and you may want to try to do that also.

Good luck


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answers from Wichita on

Your situation is very close to my daughter that I just visited. Same age child, her husband also in the AF. My grandson started shouting that word at Walmart. Daddy was very quick. He looked at him and said, "Whatever you do, don't say Frankenstein." Of course the child now says Frankenstein all the time and we act scared or laugh. That is much better than the other and he is getting the attention he is seeking. I don't mean to be rude but make sure that if you tell him, we don't use that word, you'd better be sure he doesn't hear it even when you think he isn't around. He is a vocab sponge especially for the next 6 months.

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answers from Wichita on

My daughter did the same thing at around 3 or 4. She would wake up and say "mom are you glad I didn't say F*@#$ it today?". At first I explained that she had just said the word. In the end I just said, I'm glad you didn't say it. She even told someone in our neighborhood "my daddy says bad words". He was mortified! She outgrew the phase and learned what's appropriate and whats not.

You will find yourself in embarrasing situations for a bit but he will grow up and learn and move on to somethign new.

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answers from Kansas City on

I have 4 kids and thier brains are sponges
but in todays world its hard to keep them away from bad words
when out kids would copy a word they werent supost to say we ask if they know what that word means and when they say no we tell them it is an adult word and they would get in big trouble if they said it again it usually stopped them
my wife never used the word bad ! we always use not nice or not apropriare
Today you cant keep them from it its up to you to teach them whats right and whats wrong

hope it helped K. www.livehealthy4life.com



answers from Kansas City on

There is a Berenstain Bears book on this subject. I forget the exact title, but I think the word Bloopers was in the title. I remember thinking it was explained very well in this book.



answers from St. Louis on

I have four kids and mine, as with most kids, were exposed to them also. So, I gave them a fair warning and explained to them that those were bad words and that's not okay to use them. My husband uses them quite a bit and I got onto him, but he still uses them and I explained to them that Daddy says it and that isn't okay, but I expect them not to at all. One of mine continued to use bad words and disregard what I was saying still. I resorted to just a drop of hot sauce on his tongue. That may sound bad, but was recommended by Lisa Whelchel (from Facts of Life) on a Christian women's retreat. It works! Only had to do it once or twice!



answers from Springfield on

Kids will pick up things even if you NEVER allow TV or bad words around. I suggest not making a big deal out of it, but making sure they know not to say those words. Just be consistant. "You are NOT allowed to say that word." Then when it is repeated each time after put him in time out or something. He will figure it out. If you flip out about it, it turns in to a game. If he does it in public, just sternly say "No" and ignore the stares and comments. Whether people will admit it or not, it has likely happened to them as well. :D
Also, consider this... Is that really what he's saying? My son called a truck a "fruck" forever... He loved his trucks very much and talked about them frequently...even in church...I simply re-said the word so that it was understood what he was saying... "Yep, buddy, that sure is a cool TRUCK!" At home we worked on sounds to help. It eventually stopped.
Good luck and get used to being embarassed. Kids are good at it. :D



answers from Topeka on

Wow, what great advice you have already received!! Especially the great advice from Judith...I wish she had been around to advice ME when I was raising my children!!
My first thought was...stay calm...don't over react...because that will just make him do it even more because he is "rewarded" with your reaction. Lean heavily on the ideas of not hurting other peoples feelings. Talk about how it would make him feel if someone said that to him. But I would try to downplay it as much as possible..the more you talk about it and react to it...the more of an issue it will become with him.
And as a final note...someday...when your son is grown and has children of his own...this will be a great story to tell and get chuckle over. We STILL tell the story of our son ( who is now a 43 old NCO in the Army!!) was 3 years old and used his Fathers "favorite expletive phrase" when our dog walked through his toys and messed up his Hot Wheels Highway!!!
Good luck
R. Ann

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