Little Boys and . . . "Show and Tell"?

Updated on November 08, 2011
J.B. asks from Anaheim, CA
14 answers

My son is five, and frequently plays (daily) with two other boys on our street. Lately all three of us moms have noticed a major increase in the "poop/pee/butt" talk. Today the three came inside and one of the other boys told me my son had just flashed them . . . both front and back. I'm not sure what to think here . . . he NEVER acted like this before we moved here 8 months ago, neither in the yucky talk or this new thing. He says one of them said he should do it. He admits he did it. He is neither proud nor ashamed. I told him he could not play with his friends for the rest of the day, and that he has probably lost the privilege of playing with them unless his father or I are around. Any thoughts? He is my oldest, and I'm not too experienced with kids in general. Is this truly disturbing behavior? Something that little boys do? What?

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

If my 3 year old and 5 year old boys DIDN'T talk about pee, poo, butts or flash each other, THEN I'd be worried!!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

It's not disturbing behavior, but you need to be more involved in their playdates. Instead of letting them go off on their own, make them stay with you. When the potty talk starts, tell the boys they have to go home. They will learn that they have to quit that stuff if they want to play with your son.

Boys certainly do get into the potty talk business. And the idea of showing his butt because he is told to shows that your son is not a leader, but a follower. That's something you can work on.

Good luck,
Dawn

3 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Little boys.... are full of potty humor and fun.
They do this.

But at 5 years old, make sure he doesn't do this in school. Other parents won't find it appropriate or funny.

By now, I am sure you taught him about it being "private" and not some public behavior. By this age, they should know that.

But yes, boys are like this.
Some more than others.
They think it is funny.

BUT yes, you need to, by now and by this age... to teach your son, as Dawn B. said... to think on his own.
Not just do things because others said so. And how to speak up and tell people NO... or stop it etc.
This goes for any other social behavior. Otherwise, he will get into trouble too.
Teach him, how to DISCERN others. I began teaching my kids that from 2 years old.
Because, once they enter school... a kid has to know to think on their own and not just copy cat or do what others are saying to get them into trouble.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Sounds pretty normal for that age. I think you handled it well by not allowing him to keep playing that day. I am sure he will think twice about doing it again.

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

most of the little boys I know have all talked this way. It's not nice to go through it, but I think they are just maybe noticing themselves, and when they get around other little boys, they start getting silly. I wouldn't worry too much that it is "disturbing" behavior, but it certainly isn't something that I wanted my kid to talk about either. And watch out that he doesn't teach this to his siblings.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

My nearly-six grandson has been fascinated with "body-humor" for the past couple of years. For some reason, it's just funny at that age group. I recall my daughter caught that bug around 4th grade. Kids! But hey, I know adults, too, who think fart or booger jokes are just the funniest ever!

I don't think the exposure or curiosity about others' boy bits is unusual or worrisome if the kids are similarly aged. When it does become a worry is if an instigator is more than a year or two older. Chances are good that he's been sexually molested himself, and has begun preying on younger children.

When it comes to "normal" curiosity and exploration, I would just emphasize that that's not appropriate group behavior, and his private parts are exactly that, private, and not for sharing with friends. If you come down on him with harsh punishment, it could have the unintended consequence of either making him ashamed of his body, or attracted to the forbidden, or both.

I remember once when I must have been in about first grade, some "bully-boys" in the neighborhood used to taunt me and my younger sisters. I had the "brilliant" idea one day of mooning them (didn't know that word then). I talked it over with my sisters, and we turned around in unison and flashed our buns at them. In my mind, that would have been the ultimate insult, but the boys just laughed at us. Somehow it got back to our mom, who spanked us ferociously. The boys' laughing was all the discouragement I needed, the whipping was superfluous.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

yes its something they do. my three yr old is doing this all the time! with out other little boys around too! its just a kid thing. i would however correct it and let him know if you hear of him doing this or see him doing it he will get time out ( or sent to his room, what ever your punishment is). and do it every time. this falls into the rude catagorie for me. it just needs to be corrected...again and again and again. ugh these little boys are stubborn!

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S.H.

answers from Killeen on

I think its totally normal. All three of my boys went through that stage and outgrew it. My almost 5 yr old nephew is there now. We have noticed a major increase in the butt,pee,fart talk since he started school this year.We tell him it isnt nice but dont make a huge deal out of it.

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

mine did, flashed his whole preschool (including one of the other moms dropping off). did it twice as a matter of fact. both times, i wasn't there. the teacher put him in time out immediately, talked to me about it when she saw me, and i talked to him about it too. he didn't do it after the S. time. i think it's just an experimental "OH let's see what happens when i do this - OH MAN they freak out!" kind of thing. it's important to nip it in the bud IMMEDIATELY. no good should come from it. or at least, the bad consequences have to outweigh the rush of approval he gets from his friends. time to have a "private parts" conversation, like someone said. explain the meaning of "private".

and oh yeah, the potty mouth is totally normal too. my son started it about 3. it was cute THEN. now we have to constantly stop him from doing it or it would be ALL THE TIME.

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

So, so, so normal for his age!!! Talk with him and his friends and tell them they can't show their privates anymore and if they do it, then you will talk with their parents. All kids boys and girls go through this stage though primarily boys expand and really act out the poo and pee talk and body parts in general. GL

M

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

It's not disturbing, but you have to be VERY CLEAR about what is allowed IN ADVANCE, and have a firm consequence lined up that he is clear on when you warn him from now on. My older two kids LOVE the poop and pee talk. I have no idea where they got it. But like anything else, when I say quit it, they have to quit it. BUT, before I made it VERY clear, I thought just telling them "Hey, that's not polite, don't ever talk like that around other people" ... HORRORS! I caught them talking like that around other people. SO, I toughened up at home, made the announcement that the next time I heard rude poop and pee talk, or saw flashing, etc there would be consequences. They quit doing it, because when I'm CLEAR they get it. Lay down the law about SPECIFICALLY what is not allowed and be ready to enforce firmly.

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S.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Wow! I'm so glad to hear all these responses because I have a six-year-old boy and he's right in the thick of it! LOVES all the poopy, boobie, pee-pee talk. I am CONSTANTLY reminding him that it's not appropriate talk. He says he "forgets" and that I need to "remind" him... REALLY? Boys. But I am realizing that the more he gets a rise out of me when he does it the more often he does it. Boys are little attention critters and the more attention a behavior gets them the more they do it. This is not to say that there's no consequence. I used to make the consequence too big and not immediate (e.g., no TV tomorrow). Now I just make sure it's immediate and valuable to him (e.g., taking away his Hot Wheels for an hour or shortening his evening computer time) and it usually grabs his attention quite quickly!

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm going to guess it's the age, as my almost 5 year old has recently come out with the poop/pee/whatever talk as well. She and a girl at her daycare also got in trouble for showing each other their business. We talked to her about how that's private and she hasn't done it again. But nothing I say seems to make poop less funny to her.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

This is normal, normal, normal at this age. I would not change your level of supervision of their play because of this. You surely can tell him what are acceptable subjects to talk about, but I don't know any boys, few girls, and hardly any men who don't resort to this kind of talk occasionally. I would talk with him about why he did something just because his friends said he should... that would bother me more than them playing a game of "show and tell".

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