Life After Baby Has Changed with Bf

You do change after having a baby. You grow up, and you are also tired after having to constantly take care of a little one. It is easier to want to just lay down and go to sleep after the baby goes to bed ignoring each other, and sometimes money has alot to do with the attitudes too. It is expensive to have a baby and to raise a child and if he is use to having a little money extra in his pay check and now he doesn't, that could be bothering him also. Also, if you aren't married, you have to ask yourself if he was really ready to get pregnant and have a baby. Sometimes accidents happen and you have to deal with it, take responsibility and go on with life. But maybe in his case he is having trouble accepting the new life. So be patient with him in that respect. On the other hand, you are still having hormonal changes taking place in your body and you both need to be aware of that and be patient with yourself there, too. It sounds like you all need a night out to yourselves every once in a while. You need to go out and eat and sit and stare into each others eyes and talk and talk and talk, hold hands and walk and take your time. Make sure you feel comfortable where the baby is so you don't worry about hurring up and getting home to make sure the baby is alright. I am a big believer in taking care of the relationship and making time for each other.
Don't worry. A little change after a baby is to be expected. Sit down and have a talk with him and tell him that you sincerely want it to be the way that it was but you also know that it will never be that way again because you have another little life now and he may not be getting the attention that he once got from you but that doesn't mean that you don't love him anymore and that he isn't important in your life anymore. Then suggest to him about going on and then after the baby goes to bed at night, snuggle with him and watch a movie or just lay in the bed and talk. Just relax. It won't change over night. But in time it will get better. Just remember to be patient with him. God made women strong on the inside for this very reason. So remember you are the strong person and having a baby was a big change to your body, well to men it is a big change in other ways... they aren't as strong as you are in that department.
You will be just fine. Just be understanding.... and pretty soon you will probably be married. Be the kind of person that he is so excited to be with and to get home to. Relationships aren't meant to be hard and you shouldn't have to do hard labor to keep them going, however, there is regular maintanence on a relationship just as there is in anything else.... like your house or your car.You have to change the oil in your car to keep the motor running good. But if it gets to where you are having to replace the motor every week then it is time to trade it in. Same with a relationship. You and your husband need to change the oil periodically so the motor will stay in good shape. When you look at it like that, you can understand a little bit better.
Good luck and let me know how it goes. Keep your chin up and have faith and confidence.

Maybe both of you has changed. Having a baby changes a lot of things like lifestyle, your sex life, availability, emotional intimacy, etc. I think that maybe seeing a counselor, someone who can't judge either of you or already have a set opinion about either of you, or perhaps maybe talking about the things that you see changed in him and the things that changed in you and start on your own to do the things that he wants you to do and I am sure he will see that change and appreciate it and begin to change himself. You can't change someone, they have to want to do it on their own. Good luck!

You probably won't like this advice but you should read your Bible and pray. I'm a science teacher myself - not a religous nut but God is trying to tell you something and you need to listen to Him. Your children come first anyway. Talk with God and you'll start to get some answers. God Bless you and your loved ones.

Hi J.,
I'm sorry you guys are having problems. I think it's only natural for your relationship to change a little after you have children. If you guys aren't happy together but would like to work things out as a family, I suggest going to a professional therapist. Good luck to you.

Hi J.

I am sorry to hear you are having troubles with your bf.
It is h*** o* some men when their s.o. have a baby.
Here is my recommendation...take it or leave it :)

Go out on a date/dinner with your bf. No kids!!!!
Make a rule that you will not talk about your issues during the date. Try to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Then after the date or schedule a time...talk about your issues. Here is our rule: There is NO blaming the other person. We take responsibilities for our OWN feelings. My husband and I have agreed to disagree too. There are some feelings of his that I will never understand and vice versa. Only use I statements when talking about how you feel.

For example: instead of saying: You have changed
try saying I feel "hurt, disappointed, etc" when you don't kiss me. I miss it when we " fill in the blank"
when talking about how you have changed take responsibilities for your own changes and do not tell the other person how they have changed.
Say: since becoming a mother I feel I have changed in these ways; (list your ways) Ask your partner how he thinks he has changed...maybe not much has changed, just the routine in which you do things. You know that a new baby means that life revolves around the baby. No more time for mommy and daddy together...try to make time. My husband was happy just for me to curl up with him and watch a tv program after the kids went to sleep. We found we didn't have to have sex to feel connected.
One thing mommies have to be careful of doing (and I am guilty as charged) is not to correct how daddy does things with the baby. He is not going to hurt the baby, so if he does things different let it be....babies learn the difference. If I think my husband is to rough with the kids when he plays...I have to keep my mouth shut, it is his time with them.
I hope some of this helps!!!!! email me directly if you need to vent!
____@____.com
J.
(happily married for 4 years with a 1 and a 2.5 year old boys!)

Please excuse me for being so blunt about the issue. But, if I were used I would leave while I could. I wouldn't suggest marriage if your already having such problems. Unless of course your both willing to go to counseling. I only say this because I'm in a similiar situation except for I'm married. It make the decision process alot harder. I wish you luck in your decision and will pray that God guide you in the proper path.

Hi Jess,
My now husband and i went through the exact same thing after our daughter was born. That was almost 2 years ago now but we were about to seperate and we started going to pre-marital counseling. There is someone I could recommend for you if you would like. He is in Collierville and we still go to him to this day. If your other half is up to doing this it is very rewarding because you will both see things that you didn't before. You both have so much stress that you both probably just need some venting time! This really bulids relationships and it worked great for us. We are now stronger than ever even though we go through problems still. You guys hang in there the best days are yet to come!!!
Good luck and I really wish you both all the happiness in the world!
J.

Good luck sweetie, but there are ways to help you out! Try to spice up your life, do something you haven't done in awhile. I know this sounds odd, but try to wear some lingere for him, try to cuddle up to him, try to do things that you might not have done lately or even something new. Treat him like he is the best thing since sliced bread. The baby takes alot of your time, and to be honest, he is probably feeling jealous. Stupid, I know, but before you got pregnant, it was just you and him. My husband and I kind of went through a phase like that, and I tried to make our home comfortable and warm and showed him all my love while he was there...including the baby when its up....but when baby asleep, it should be just the two of you time. make him some cookies or something he really likes. men like this kind of thing, and a good book that I read is called "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. It is a Christian book, but it helped my marriage out tremendously and we never fight anymore and our house is warm, comfortable and enjoyable. hope it helps and if you need anything else, please let me know! You will both be in my prayers.

My advice is sit down and talk to him and don't be afraid of telling him how you feel & tell him that it is important that he is honest with you, if that doesn't work then see a therapist. He sounds like he is having a hard time adjusting to being a father & really doesn't know how to treat you.

Do not avoid one another or you will grow further apart. Try to make time for him & at least try to put forth an effort into saving your relationship if that is what you want.

Sounds like he's a little freaked out that your a mom now! Bless his heart, some guys do that I've heard and then they are afraid to touch you in your new role......maybe some humor in this situation wouldn't hurt so much....if you could get him to lighten up then maybe he would see you are still the same woman he fell in love with.