Lice and Divorce

J....There are shampoos you can get to help keep lice off. I don't know where you live, but in Dillonvale, Ohio there is this beauty shop I go to that sells a complete line of lice medication, including shampoo that will keep them away. It is Hair Care II. I would try that. Good luck. If you don't live in the area you can call them and ask for the name brand and try to get it somewhere locally.

My goodness. It sounds as if your husband really loves his kids just doesn't understand the irritation and mess it COULD cause if you caught them at your home. Can they come when they are free of them? I would suggest that.

I have had the pleasant experience of having friends/family send their kids over without informing me that lice had been in the picture in recent days. I just wanted to give you some reassurance that it doesn't mean you will get it at your house. Family members have done it twice to me over the summer (I found out about the lice from another family member) and I found out after the kids left. Both times, we had no problems here whatsoever. If mom is taking the necessary steps, you should be just fine. My daughter also returned from a GS camping trip to find out the leader's daughter had lice when they returned, and my daughter didn't get it that time either. Good luck!

If your step daughters have been treated for the live, they should be fine. Children pass lice around like crazy this tie of year. My son used to get them at the beginning of every school year. One good treatment would wipe them out for good. I never got them from him, and he never got reinfected at home. As long as the girls have been treated and your house isn't harboring any of the nasty little things, you should be fine.

My daughter came home from school with lice last year at the very most inconvenient time. It was the day I was supposed to be induce with my last child but the doctor had to cancel do to illness himself, and so as if it weren't devastating enough that I was emotionally prepared to be holding my new baby that day, I now have to scour my house for lice, very, very pregnant. That is just my sad story, so I know how horrible it is to treat your house and kids for lice, but I don't think you can keep the kids away. They don't need to feel unwanted or like they have done anything wrong. Lice actually like clean hair so I have since been told to always make sure there is something in my kids hair. So after baths I always put moose in my kids hair, and gel or hairspray before they leave for school. You can buy the bedding spray for anything that the treatments might not have gotten, and maybe put the stuffed animals, dress-up clothes, and hats away for the weekend. Wash bed clothes when they leave, spray your chairs with the bedding spray, and I bet you won't have a problem beyond that. Check your kids hair for a few days to be on the safe side. There are a ton of websites about treating lice that can help you put your mind at ease.

We've dealt with lice before and it's really not that bad. Yes, you have to make sure you wash everything but I'd hope you're cleaning anyway. The biggest thing is to make sure the kids don't touch each other's heads, hats, combs, pillows, etc. If you do that, it won't spread and will go away. Last year only 1 of our children had lice.... it never spread to the others and it was gone totally within a week.

Lice is annoying but not a 'risk' - there's nothing really dangerous about it. Schools don't even send kids home for it anymore, but just send a notice home to the parents that someone in the school has it so be on the lookout and review the precautionary stuff with their kids (no sharing hats, combs, etc). I figure if it's not bad enough to keep kids home from school it's not bad enough to keep kids from seeing their dad.

Even if you took your girls somewhere else for the weekend, they're going to come back to the house where lice is, no doubt, going to be on the bedding and in the furniture. So they'd still be at risk. You need to convey to your husband how very difficult lice can be to treat and get rid of. You have to strip EVERY piece of furniture, wash every bit of laundry...from clothing, to pillows, to bedding, EVERYTHING. It's a pain in the tush. My friend's family has been dealing with an on-going lice situation for months. It ended in having no other choice than to SHAVE their 4 yr. old daughter's hair off. She used every remedy out there, from household remedies, to medications. It was a nightmare!! I'd put your foot down. It's just one weekend, to ensure the lice situation is contained and completely dealt with and gone before allowing them back over. It's not a punishment to his girls or himself. It's a precaution of safety for your kids together, and yourselves and your household. If he doesn't understand this, tell him to go visit them at their house and then treat his head before heading home!

I have dealt with this EXACT situation, only my SD lives here and she would return EVERY week from her mothers with lice. YUCK. it is about containment, BUT with a little caution they shouldn't spread. Treat the kids, even if mom already did it, mayo and vinegar work well and aren't as h*** o* the scalp as over the counter medications which are pesticides. keep a seperate brush for each of them and store them in a baggie at night. purchase a nit comb or get one from mom and really check their hair. it is unnessary to actually treat your home in most cases, lice can only survive 24hours off a human host. so the kids coming to see you will help to ensure that mom can take care of the problem and get them out of her home as well. other than that keep the other kids out of thier beds and such, no sharing of pillows, hair ties ect. like i said we delt with this on a weekly basis(shared parenting is great) and none of the other kids ever got them AND i do daycare so it could have really spread. but while it's icky and gross and everyone always flips out its just something that happens, and it's not a dirty thing, lice LOVE clean hair and actually can't lay eggs in greasy dirty hair. it isn't worth not seeing the kids for or for sending yours away like the others have the plague. chanes are the kids are already self concious of this and there is no reason to make them feel worse or to fight with your husband over it. best of luck.

Wow, I just read a different post about a different husband/ex-wife/kids problem and it seems to me that dads are just really desperate to see their kids when they can. It makes me feel badly when it gets in the way of the rest of their families. Anyway, I totally understand your concern and I agree - if you are on speaking terms with your husband's ex-wife, I would call her directly. I think maybe your husband doesn't understand exactly what it means to have lice in your house and how much work is would be for you, not to mention how much school your girls would miss. It's a BIG deal. Could he pick up his kids and spend the day with him outside of your home? It's so nice right now, maybe they could all go for a hike in the woods, or something else that would be nice for their family, but wouldn't jeopardize the health of yours? Good luck!

J.,
I completely see where you are coming from and I would make every effort possible for the girls to NOT spend time at your home. Lice is not easy to get rid of and with you having children at home along with you working full time it can become a real burden and headache for you as well. I would explain this to your husband and let him know the difficulty in getting rid of lice. Even if you don't see it in the hair doesn't mean that they are completely gone from your home.
Best of luck.

Hi J.,
I know how you feel. One of my step-daughters got lice THREE TIMES in one school year. I'm not saying that she brought it from her mom's, but all three times she got it, she came home from her house with it. What I didn't understand is that she's an RN and didn't even "know" how to check/treat it. At the time, we had our son and infant here and my other step-daughter was coming back home at the same time. This is my suggestion to you. First and foremost....DON'T MAKE THEM FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HAVING LICE! This is something that's COMPLETELY out of anybody's control. DON'T TREAT EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE WHO DOESN'T HAVE IT ALREADY! Our Ped told us that treating everybody ISN'T going to help anything and is just going to be more expensive for you guys. This is what we ended up doing and we ended up containing it to just the one child. Make sure to check their heads EVERY NIGHT before they go to bed. Pick out any bugs/nits and put them in a baggie, seal it and through it in the trash AS SOON AS YOU ARE FINISHED! Get some Cetaphil...face cleanser..(generic is fine) and "soak" their heads with it. Make sure to work it all the way to the scalp and then stack their hair on the top of their heads and cover it with a disposable shower cap. Let them sleep with it on their heads and then make them shower and wash it out first thing in the morning. When they get out of the shower, check their heads again and repeat this EVERY DAY until you see no more bugs/nit....even if they have been treated with lice shampoo. Make sure to limit their blankets, pillow and stuffed animals (if they sleep with them) to the bare minimal! Try to keep their hair pulled up and anybody else's in the house that might have long enough hair. Put some kind of gel/hairspray in everybody else's hair because lice CANNOT attach to the hair shaft if it is not "clean". After they leave, strip their beds and wash their bedding in HOT water and spray down their beds with some kind of disenfectant spray. (The have lice spray for furtniture, cars, etc. doing this in the evening once everybody goes to be on your furniture isn't a bad idea either) Take any stuffed animals and wash them if you can or put them in a trash bad and set them in the garage for about a week-2 weeks. Make sure to wash any hats, coats, combs, headbands, hair bands or anything else that they've worn in HOT water ASAP. Don't put blankets, sheets, pillowcases, pillows or anything else back on the beds until they need them. Make sure that once the lice is gone to just try to put gel/hairspray in their hair (heard that lice can't/won't attch to hair that is color treated or has hair product on it) These are the things that we did and NOBODY else in the house got lice any of the three times! Good luck and I hope that these things help you!!

Being a *step mother* myself I completly understand your and your husband delima. Personally, if it was me, I would take my girls to spend the weekend with thier grandparents. A) they probably don't get to see them often enough & B) it would prevent them from getting the Lice. If the girls still have lice when they get to your house I would treat them, then when they go to bed spray everything (with the Lice fabric spray) that they were on (including the vehicles). It is NOT easy to get rid of Lice, be sure to treat the hair brushes (I used scalding hot water with Lysole in it) after each use.
For me personally it is hard to get the other parent to understand the problem is NOT that you are a *step parent* but that you are a parent too. As a Mother it is hard to understand why someone would want to subject a child to being around a sick child. As a Wife, it is hard to realize that men are typically men and don't understand contagious diseases (which Lice is), that to a women it doesn't matter whose child it is we love them all, and quite honestly men don't really understand what Lice is or how to treat it or how it could never go away. I hope that helps, I think both you are your husband are correct and that neither of you are being un-reasonable.
P.S. There is a reason why children with Lice are not allowed to attend school!

Do you have decent relationship with your husband's ex? If so, I would call and talk to her. I'm sure she understands how hard it is to get rid of lice. IMO, it would be better if they stayed home this weekend. You don't want EVERYONE to get lice. I know it can take up to two weeks for the eggs and such to hatch. If the kids come over this weekend, there is a very real chance that your kids, you and your husband could get lice. If you have them over, you're going to be constantly worrying and telling them not to do things they normally do and I would think that would make them MORE self conscious, not less.

I babysat two girls when I was younger and their mother refused to treat them for lice, I ended up with it, twice. The first time my mother helped me treat it and I got it again. The mother refused to believe that her girls were "dirty". My mom called her up and told her to treat her girls or find another sitter.

I suggest marching then to the bathroom the moment they come in the door and shampooing the heck out of the both of them. If their mother won't treat them then you do it, take care of your girls, all of them.

Check the nape of the neck for nits. That is where they are most likely to be if the kids have lice. I was a preschool teacher, and checking for lice was a regular thing. They are passed by the bugs jumping from one head to the next, not by the nits (eggs). If you didn't see any signs, then don't worry. 3 girls in one of my classes who played together kept passing it back and forth, and the usual medications weren't working. Then one parent went online and tried the suggestion of coating the hair with olive oil, and the lice were gone for good! No, I don't think you need to take your children and leave the house. Just be cautious and don't let them share towels, combs, etc... and wash the bedding and towels after they leave. Try to be sensitive and not make a big deal about it around them.

J.,
I would definitely not have them come to your house.
A couple yrs ago, I got lice I don't know where I got them,
but I had them for 2 weeks before I found out that I had them,
my head itched like crazy, I just thought that the skin on my head was
dry, anyway I wound up giving them to my nephew, my niece and
their mom (sister-in-law) so when I found out that I had them
Rachel and the kids had them too. I felt really bad, I think
my nephew was 2 or 3 and my niece was 7 or 8. I had never had
any experience with them before, we somehow managed to avoid
that situation when my daughter was in school. It was not
easy to get rid of them. I think it took me about 1 month to
get rid of them. what worked the best for me was olive oil.
I put it all over my head and wore a shower cap for 24 hrs.

Good luck
K.

Hi J.,
I don't think you are out of line at all to want to keep lice from getting in the house. You need to protect the rest of the kids as well. I am sure everyone will understand if you kindly switch weekends? Just a suggestion. Good luck!

Having been through this with my own children and a grandchild, I would say since the mother is doing the right thing I would just make sure that the girls sleep separately and you wash their bedclothes after they leave.
Of course I would check their heads daily, and let their mother know if you see anything.
Also, you can get some spray for your furniture, etc. if you feel the need to.

If their mom has sufficiently done all she can to get rid of the problem, take the girls and "proceed w/ caution". Make sure their COATS, etc. have been washed, as well. It's NOT a life or death matter. Don't risk your an argument or your marriage because of this.

As long as they have shampooed their hair and do not bring their own bedding you should be okay for the weekend. You could make them put everything in garbage bags sealed before they come in and get them enough spare clothes to wear at your house. Nits will die in 10 days if sealed in a bag or wash what you can in HOT water. I might even reshampoo the hair or look for nits before having them go to bed. I had lice several years ago. I had at the time extremely long and thick hair. Even sleeping in the same bed my husband never got it. Every child on our street but 2 got it. Some of the kids never played with any of the kids on the street. We were getting it at the local pool. They now check every head before you are allowed in and they haven't had an out break in 3 years. My old neighbor has 3 children and only the middle child a girl tends to be the one to get it. So you may be fine. Good luck. It's not the end of the world. I did not spend hundreds to get rid of them but I did wash bedding, my hair, and sealed toys in bags, and threw out the sweepers bags whgen I got done cleaning up. Never had a repeat break out.

J.
Your Husband is being a man. He does not get what is all involved in getting rid of them!!!
I would put your foot down on this one J.. Even if you take your children to your parents the lice will be in the furniture and linens. It can be a nightmare. I am a nurse and I used to work in a pre-school.
God forbid (Because there so hard to get rid of) your children get them, I have a natural way to get rid of them. The stuff from the drug store is very toxic!! You can check out the Safe Shoppers Bible. If you do need help getting rid of them send me a message.
M.

i agree with you, it is a all week job to clean that stuff out. just tell you husband ok they can come but if we get lice you have to do all the diry work because i warned you. my son has had lice 2 times at his last preschool and it is so frusterating cleaning everything.

Although the lice is a HUGE concern/problem and your husband probably doesn't understand the magnitude of the problem that could be averted by missing a weekend. If you are on good terms with your husbands ex then maybe you could ask her to talk to your husband about her not feeling right about sending the kids for the possibility of infecting your household. However, maybe she could suggest a make-up weekend. That may help soften the blow a little and he will still have time with his kids just not when originally scheduled! GOOD LUCK and please remember to post an update as to what happened!!

J., wow it must be something in the air. My childs school is infested to. Anyway I agree with you! They really should stay at moms and try to decontaminate her house and the girls. You should take precautions two and wash all beding and vaccumm. I know it would be hard for your husband not to see the kids but its better than taking the chance of everyone getting it. Good Luck!

UGGH! I Hate those things!
but my daughter had them for weeks and no one else got them from her, you just have to be careful.
Wash everything in HOT water and dry in a dryer.
to treat the things, put olive oil on the hair, saturate it, then wrap in plastic (I used a trash bag) overnight. In the morning, wash out the oil and comb through the hair, checking carefully for lice or nits (eggs).

It's a good idea to re treat every seven days until you know the buggers are gone.

check the rest of your family regularly.
Anything you cannot wash. (pillows, stuffed animals ect) you can seal up in plastic for several weeks and then put it back in use.

I would suggest you work with the childrens' mother to make sure the lice are treated, otherwise, she might not tell you about it next time. I'm sure she feels badly about this problem, I know I did. It doesn't mean you are a bad person, or dirty or anything like that, in fact , lice like to get on clean hair best.

good luck.

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I completly agree with you. The children have no business being at your home while they have lice. They should not be anywhere while they have lice!! If they do come over I would definitly take your other children to your mothers. There is no need for anyone else to get it from them. Take extra clothes to your moms house. When the kids come over for the weekend, your husband will also have it by the time they leave. You may have to stay a little longer!!

I don't think ur being mean at all you have the right to say for them to stay at theirs mom's house until it's cleared up. I also understand why ur husband would be upset but still he has to understand that your girls will get it too and so might you two!! Besides taking your girls too your parent's house won't guarantee your girls won't get lice because lice can live on furniture and carpet etc etc for up to 48 hours so they may still get it when they come back!! Discuss it with your husband again and see if you too can agree on something.. good luck!!

Lice is actually very easy to contain/manage. All you need to do is get over the counter shampoo (rit, i believe it's called) and wash the hair a few times. Then you have to do it again in a few days to get the nits (ones that didn't hatch yet) as far as linens. Wash everything in hot water. By the time the kids would get to your house this weekend they all should be dead if you do the shampoo right. I don' think it's necessary for them not to come or for you to leave. IF your still paranoid just wash your girls hair with the shampoo after the weekend.
Good Luck

It does't hurt anything to go ahead and get some of the lice shampoo/treatment stuff and go ahead as precaution and use it on everyone in your house.
That would save everyone getting upset about who can and cant' come and the inconvience of taking your kids somewhere else.
Plus, it would stop the possibility of the lice getting into your household.

If it was me, I would put a clean pillow case and sheets down for her. I would also put a sheet on the couch, chair, etc (where she would sit to watch TV, play, etc) wash the sheet when she is sleeping, wash the bedding the next morning. This should keep it from getting in your bedding, furniture.

My daughter has the thickest most beautiful hair and she had lice once. It was an absolute nightmare....I suggest your do whatever you can to keep it away from your girls. There have been a lot of outbreaks lately. not only is it a pain to get rid of but the solution is very, very expensive. i think i spent over a hundred dollars cause I had to treat her twice. I dont think its fair to your girls to expose them to it cause it can be very embarassing for them. Even though it can happen to anyone it still has a bad rep. Good luck. Just a thought... maybe your husband doesn't want to make his kids feel bad by saying they can't come over but i think if you explain to them in a loving way they will understand.

If they were your daughters and you only had them for two days out of the week, would you let lice stand in the way? I don't know how friendly every one is or if there's any family history here. But I would say to be very honest with yourself and ask if your daughters had gotten lice somewhere (at their father's or while staying with your parents) would ask them to stay away until the lice were gone? I wouldn't. They're bugs.

If it were me, I would treat all of the kids that come from the other home, even the ones who "don't" have lice. Bring them into the house, and take them straight into the kitchen and treat them there before they have a chance to transmit it anywhere else. A good way of getting rid of it without spending tons of money on shampoo is to use mayonaise and a shower cap. Really old school, but it works. Coat their head with so much of it that the head is practically white and then put a shower cap on. The only drawback to this method is that you have to leave it sit for like 2-3 hours instead of 15-20 minutes like the shampoos. Another good thing to do is to have them take off their clothes that they wore over as soon as you get them there and throw them into the washer. Then take the ones they wore wile you treated and do the same with them once you're done. Make sure to wash in really hot water and use bleach if you can. If you do these steps, you shouldn't have to treat the whole house, but you should still spray down the car that they come over in. Then let mom know what you did and "encourage" her to treat herself (just in case) and her home while they are away. Good Luck!