Let a 2-3 Week Old Put Herself to Sleep?

That doctor is absolutely ridiculous. I think there is a healthy debate about how to get a child to sleep who is much older, but even the most hard-core cry it out enthusiasts agree that you should not start it so young. They need to learn to trust you first.

She NEEDS you at this age! She doesn't need to be left by herself crying. What a horrible doctor you have! Pick a new one if you can. Enjoy her now while she is tiny, while she needs you, while you can hold her and love her and bond with her. Don't deny her that comfort. That's what you're there for.

I agree with most moms here:
- it's too early to let her cry
- you may consider another pediatrician

I have to add that I always cuddled with my son and rocked him, sand lullabies... to have him sleep and these times are priceless.
However, each baby is different and my daughter NEEDS to be alone in the dark and silence to sleep well. being rocked, sang at... just made her cranky and over-stimulated. I spend the first weeks of her life thinking she had colic because she would cry at bed time and not sleep until my mother solved the problem with me: a calming routine (shaded quiet room, last diaper change, pyjamas), a good night kiss and let her sleep alone like an angel! She never cried with my mom's technique and I now use the same!

I think I would run, not walk, to another pedi asap. A 2-3 week old baby needs to have whatever it is that she wants, anytime she wants it. She doesn't need to be trained or left to cry. She needs to be held and made to feel secure and given time to develop a bond of trust with her parents. That only happens when her needs are quickly met each and everytime. This baby was just in the womb 3 weeks ago. How could any doctor expect her to be ready to put herself to sleep? You are the mom, if you are questioning this, then you know it is not the right thing to do. You do what is best for your daughter and yourself. Doctors aren't always right. Congratulations on your new baby!

Dr are there to treat our children when they are sick not to give parenting advice! No I do not think a newborn should be left to cry them selves to sleep it is just mean!

I do not believe in letting a baby cry themselves to sleep and definitely not at this very young age. Our babies were kept warm, safe, and close to us for so long....I think it's scary for them once they're born! I love to soothe my babies, even now and they're 2-1/2 and almost 4! I have such a soft-spot for them when they're upset!
Please don't let your baby cry.......she is too little and needs Mommy to soothe her and let her know she is safe.

I.... cannot believe a Pediatrician recommending that at such a young age.
She is just a newborn. In a newborn...they are STILL "bonding" and need to, it also contributes to their development as well. It is also part of their survival instinct, and gosh, a baby cries... and they are STILL adjusting to this world... and even sounds/smells/textures/temperatures can affect them.

She is TOO TOO TOO young to let her cry it out.

I would, find another Pediatrician. Really.

Please get the book "What To Expect The First Year"... which you can get at any bookstore.

All the best,
Susan

Yes... it's too early and unrealistic to boot.
Long term, yes, you should aim for teaching your child to fall asleep without using you as a crutch. It's called "sleep training", and it starts around 5 or 6 MONTHS.

I Loved rocking my little ones to sleep. I wouldn't have given it up for anyone.

Your instincts are at least as could as the best medical advice. Trust them and switch pediatricians.

I hear about all of these fears all the time. We fear that if we don't somehow get our child to sleep now, they will never sleep on their own or if we don't GET them to potty train they will never go on the potty and so on. I have a 2 year old and an 11 mo. old. Trusting yourself and your baby is what you need to do, if it doesn't feel good to you, don't do it, trust that your child will tell you when they are ready. For example, my two kids did not want to have anything to do with a bottle I thought I was going to have to nurse forever, people would always tell me they're not going to ever take a bottle or cup, you need to stop and let them cry they'll figure out. That felt horrible, so I stuck to my guns eventhough everyone continued to give their advice. My kids decided on their own to stop at 7 and 10 months. Thank god I listened to myself and to them. The same thing with sleeping, over and over I would hear, let them cry to sleep they should be sleeping through the night by 4 months. We tried once, each kid, it was horrible they screamed liked someone was ripping them apart, my husband and I said forget this, we listened to our instincts and now they both have no problems going to sleep and staying asleep even transitioning them fro car to crib. My first started sleeping all night and going down easy by 7 months my second was collicy it took her longer for everything 10 months, with no sleep training involved, just love and nuturing and listening to her communicate to us by crying. So in the end I say stick to your instincts and do what feels good for you and baby. If what is right is sleep training because you work a lot and you and your husband are miserable, then again do what's right for your particular family. Good luck, hope it helps a little. -A.

It depends on the individual baby...
All 3 of my kids have been unusual with sleeping thru the night from 2 days old and sootheing themselves to sleep in their cradles with no problem.

If she cries, pick her up. If she lays there and dozes off then let her. It is never too early to start "training" them, but is best to follow THEIR routine and alter it a little at a time.

We always swaddled ours so they felt secure and cuddled, kept all the lights off in the room, put a shirt of mine that was not washed UNDER the sheets so baby could smell me, and used softer fleece types of sheets (they just feel warmer) . We also watched the noise level...

I am all for letting kids soothe themselves and falling asleep without the aid of holding/rocking etc , but I do think your baby is still a bit young for that , I usually started to introduce that around 6-8 weeks with mine and then not always would they go off with being held or rocked.

that sounds mean, with your baby being so young, rock her, nurse her an soothe her to sleep until at leas t5 months

Updated

that sounds mean, with your baby being so young, rock her, nurse her an soothe her to sleep until at leas t5 months

First-if this is the advice your pediatrician is giving you, you need to find a new pediatrician ASAP! I am horrified that a physician would offer this advice for a 2.5 week old!

Check out The Happiest Baby on the Block. In the book Dr. Karp talks about the first 3 months of life as being the 4th trimester and baby is becoming accustom to the outside world but still needs the comforts of the womb-rocking, shhhh sounds, being held close, etc. And you can not stop a tiny baby from nursing to sleep. It's the most peaceful and comforting thing for them at this age.

I don't believe a baby should ever be left to cry it out or cry themselves to sleep. Not that there won't be some tears when it comes time for sleep learning (yes, you have to teach babies how to sleep-they don't just know how) but not wailing for an hour. Babies are taught to sleep with a strong, consistent routine both for naps and nighttime. Notice I said routine not schedule. Babies needs and sleep times may vary a bit day to day but the routine should be the same so they know what to expect. Also, The No-cry Sleep Solution and Dr. Sears offer great information that you can glean ideas, tips and tricks to help baby learn to sleep on her own-when she is older!

OMG what she is fresh into this world she should not have to cry it out.You hold your baby tight in your arm's show her your love after 6 months then you may introduce other methods of self soothing by the way babies have a desire to self soothe their natrual sucking so if your not breastfeeding & want to try a paci or wait till BF is established then introduce one.Until then you can't spoil a baby

I would be looking for a new pediatrician. That is WAY to early to try to sleep train a baby. Most babies are still adjusting to being outside your body, let alone trying to sleep on their own.

Jessica

Personally, I think your baby is way too young for this. I agree that they do need to learn to put themselves to sleep but that comes much later. I'm a little surprised to hear a doctor talk about this so young.

J. F.

I normally support CIO/Ferberizing, but I think that this advice is both counterproductive and outdated. Unless you are really wedded to this pediatrician for some reason, I would do some shopping around and find one who is a little more moderate in his/her view. Your baby is too little for CIO; not only would she be suffering, you would be too - this is some of the nicest cuddle time you'll get. She'll be too big/heavy to be rocked or nursed to sleep soon enough. Enjoy it now.

Too early! The books I read said that for the first 3 months you're at the baby's will and you're doing a good job as a parent by responding to cries right away and doing your best to soothe. It's only at about 4 months that you could start to encourage a little more independence with sleeping or creating a nap schedule, etc. You'll find that many people will even say that's early :-) At 2.5 weeks, you're still trying to find your sanity, don't make yourself more crazy over something like this. You have plenty of time.

Congrats on the new baby!

Yes, 3 wks old is way too young. 6 wks old is way too young. You can try at around 4 months at the earliest. I can't believe your doctor told you to try at 3 wks. That is insane. And no, I am not an expert, just a mother of a 2.5 yr old. I found out that babies can soothe themselves to sleep at 4 months when my little guy was 5-6 months old. His ped didn't tell me, I just researched when I was dying from sleep deprivation and having to go back to work. The first book/method I came across and successly tried was sleepyplanet.com or the sleepeasy solution. You should definitely cuddle and love your baby as much as you can as an infant. I'm sorry but that is just insane that your doctor told you that and you should double check you heard him/her correctly. Good luck

I'm glad you got clarification on what the ped was saying. I'm glad the doc was fine with soothing an crying newborn! :-) I loved the DVD, book, and approach of Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. In their first month of life, newborns need closeness to their parents. He has great technics for soothing babies, and explains the biological reasons why they work. You essentially can't spoil a child under 3 months (maybe even 6 months) old. Enjoy your new baby!

What the heck (okay, I mean hell)?!?!? Get a new Dr. You know that this isn't right in your mama heart and mama gut~otherwise you wouldn't be posting the question. You are smart to know that this didn't feel / sound right. Good for you.

Your baby needs to know that you are their for her comfort and needs...and at this point she NEEDS your love and nurturing. She's just a brand new baby, and it will take a year or more for her to be DEVELOPMENTALLY ready to 'put herself to sleep'. There is nothing you can do to speed this up~she'll be ready when she's ready, and in the mean time the most loving and kind thing you can do is be there for her as she struggles to figure this world out and how to navigate it. That is what will help her bond to you and feel loved and protected...exactly what you want with her. CIO will lead to mistrust and a feeling that the two people she should be able to rely on are not there for her~imagine how lonely and harsh that would feel and what a cold world that would be to a baby.

You'll do great~you've already shown that you have wonderful instincts. Now go find another Dr.
: - )

No, no, and no! I agree with many of the posted responses. I would switch pediatricians too. A newborn this young has no capabilities to put herself to sleep. She cries because she needs your comfort & love. I would not even attempt crying-it-out until past 1 year of age, & even then let your intuition be your guide. It never felt right to me, so I followed the approach recommended in the No-Cry Sleep Solution book. It worked & I have not damaged that special bond with my kids.
“Nothing is more important in the world today than the nurturing that children receive in the first three years of life, for it is in these earliest years that the capacities for trust, empathy, and affection originate.” ~ Elliott Barker, M.D

I undertand your update, and of course, yes that should be right.

As for your first post, Yes, listen to the doctor. Babies who are rocked and cuddled until they fall asleep can have SO MUCH trouble later, you would not believe. I gave always allowed my children space and time and quiet to fall asleep. Ask yourself why you need to see your baby fall asleep? They were given a voice for a reason, and if they need you help, they will let you know!

Read "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and the Ferber Method or the Sleep Lady method NOW before you have to undo a bad habit. I think you can do whatever works for the first 2-4 months without bad habits just to survive to sleep deprivation. ;)
Every baby is different and yours may not like a swing or swaddling etc.
Hang in there - it gets better!

no no no. too early, my God.

oh man..one of my pet peeves from dr.s....putting all kids into one box.
I am not a big fan of the cry it out, I have a hard time with it to this day with my 3 1/2 year old. When a baby is crying, it's because they need something and baby's needs are simple.
I co-slept with both of my boys, this is not for everyone I know, but my first son was sleeping in his bed by 10 mths and didn't have an issue with getting out of making a fuss until about 6 mths ago. My 2 year old, was in his crib sleeping thru the night for the most part by 8 mths....and both usually let me know when they're ready for it. My older used to take his blankets and head for the stairs if I wasn't moving fast enough. :)
Each baby is different, if you'rs needs some cuddle time before she can get herself ready for bed, than give it to her. She's 2 weeks old and you are all she knows. there is PLENTY of time to teach her to get herself soothed. Try a blankey that she likes and make sure she gets it everytime she goes to bed so that when she has it, she knows it's bed time. I used paci's and two blankets with mine ha ha...it's a little out of hand, but it's not like they're going to college with them. they're not even in pre-school and they don't leave the house or the car.
You have to work with your childs needs and what you are comfortable with. Some people the cry it out method really works, some it doesn't.
Don't let a dr. tell you how to parent your child......everyone will have an opinion on how to do something. Some will work, some won't....some you won't even want to try......

Good luck with that new precious bundle........she's going to teach you more than you teach her.......I'm amazed everyday by my two. They're making me a better person ha ha

K.

well, in my opinion, yes it's too early. I'm all for helping a baby learn to go to sleep on their own and yes that is something they will need to learn but not right off the bat. The first few weeks are just so crucial for the baby to develop a sense of security. She needs to know that she will be taken care of and her needs met. You do that with a newborn by responding to their cries quickly and calmly. I believe that by not giving a baby the feelings of security they need in the beginning can actually lead to more crying later, and more sleep problems. They won't be able to learn to put themselves to sleep later if they are insecure about their environment and unsure if you will really be there when they need you. The crying it out method in my opinion shouldn't start til after at least 6 mths old. Up until then, I think if you let them cry to much they will only learn that nobody cares and make they scared and insecure toddlers later. Don't think of this time as hindering future sleep training if you decide to rock or swing or whatever. Think of it as establishing the relationship and bond between you two that she will know you are there for her and trusts you. And as far as nursing to sleep - YES, by all means, I am for that! It's such a bonding for both mom and baby but it's also completely natural and normal for her to need that comfort and closeness with you to go to sleep. Enjoy that time!! It ends all too soon.

Way too early! For the first three months, it's important to do whatever they need to help them feel comforted and to sleep. Now, if she seems sleepy and you lay her down and she falls asleep on her own, that's a different story. Babies at this age are up for very short periods of time (maybe 45minutes), so if you put her down about 30-45minutes after she woke up, she may fall asleep on her own. That being said - any time she is upset or needs help -- give lots of comfort, love, rocking, walking, whatever she needs. Leaving a baby to cry at this age has been shown to cause damage!

I didn't read all the responses but I just wanted to say that babies have different temperaments and some will be good sleepers and some will need to be cuddled. What your pediatrician suggest is good in theory but may not be realistic for your particular baby and family situation. I nursed my babies to sleep and, when they got older, Cry-it-out never worked for us. During the first year do what you need to do to get sleep - you will not ruin your baby. My daughters sleep through the night now (they are 7 and 11). Congratulations on your baby.

Oh my goodness! I'm glad I don't have your pediatrician. I agree with others who posted about "Happiest Baby on the Block." It is WAY too early for your child to be self-soothing. Wait until about the 3-month timeline. I think between 3-4 months you can do the cry-it-out method, and then you will be sleeping just fine (and of course, so will your baby). Ugh, it makes me sick to think that your pediatrician told you this.

i would say it is too early at this young age they need to feel safe and secure when they cry for you. at 2-3 months or even later then i start trying to lay them down when they are awake.

I wouldn't start sleep training until at least 6 weeks. Then you can still do it with little or no crying. You want her so sleepy she can barely keep her eyes open, just not fully asleep. This is much easier if you put her down at the first sign of being tired. We have a no Cry it out until 6 months policy, but we do use it after that when necessary. I would get and read the pertinent chapters of "Babywise" and/or "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child". Together they got my twins sleeping from 7pm-7am (with one easy feeding by 3 months). Better yet if you have a helpful husband, have him read the books and be your sleep coach as he is probably less sleep deprived than you.

Well, after reading some of the other responses, I agree with not listening to your pediatrician. And....with advice like letting your 2.5 WEEK old let themselves fall asleep "on their own," I think you need to look into getting a new doctor. You are the mother. You have to do what you feel is right for your baby. This is the time when you bond with your child. I rocked my son from birth to around 7 months, when he naturally fell asleep on his own. Like one of the other mothers said, our son would later tell us when it was "night night time" around 2.5 years old.
Do what you think comes naturally and you will be fine!

i had to hold or sleep with my son until he was 2 months old just so he would sleep. and i rocked him and nursed him before bed and nap until he was 7 months. by then he was fine and had NO TROUBLE soothing himself. Do what works for you but please dont let a baby that young cry it out. that poor little thing is used to being held for 9 months. i held my son whenever he wanted me to and now at 23 months he is perfectly independent :)

my second daughter was born when my 2nd was 15 months old. I was too tired to rock her, and thank goodness for that! I could wrap her up real tight, put her down and I'd fall asleep and so would she (not sure how long it took her, but she didn't make a peep). My older one, I hadn't learned this lesson, and had to rock her until she was 17 months old, when I finally said enough!

If you can get the baby to go down without crying, then i'd say go for it. Maybe the baby isn't tired when you are putting her down? Maybe keep her up a little bit longer before you try putting her down, see if that works. As infants, bith of my girls stayed up for about 2 hours before they were ready for a nap. Good luck!!!!!!!

Well, since you asked... DON'T LET HER CRY TO SLEEP!!! She is just a tiny-weeny little baby. Your instincts are correct, she needs loving, cuddling, snuggling, hugs, kisses, caresses and everything else. She doesn't know the difference between bedtime or any other time. I would seriously consider changing pediatricians. Really. He/she might be fantastic at medicine, but sounds like a very odd approach to parenting. You don't want to have him/her giving you other crazy parenting advice.

Our pediatrician strongly recommended doing the cry-it-out method when our little girl was one year old. We did it out of desperation and I will always regret it. Pediatricians are great for medical advice, but I wouldn't necessarily follow their parenting advice. Follow your heart.

The sleep issue is a really tricky one. Our little one was sleeping on her own from 2.5-4.5 months or so. Since then she's been in and out of our bed, but mostly sleeps in her own bed (she's 2.5 years old). I am so glad we stopped the cry-it-out method and snuggled her instead. Every family chooses their own path, but I'd bet just about everyone would recommend agains letting a newborn cry herself to sleep.

Good luck! Sleep deprivation is SO h*** o* the parents. But it will get better. You will see. Hang in there and snuggle that baby as much as you can before she is running in the opposite direction, giggling, "no more kisses!" like mine does. :)

H.

I highly recommend reading or better yet watch the video for "The Happiest Baby On the Block." It totally goes against what your doc is saying.

at thios age they still need your reassurance and love to know instnctively that they are protected. They need the extra love that comes with sleeping together and rocking. Plus they areprob not sleeping very much at this age anyway. The dr says to do it but that doesnt always mean that bthey are right cuz when it comes down to it it is your decision. You can always do it later we didnt do that until our son wasd 5-6 months and he sleeps on his own just fine hes now 2. Thats part of the joy of having a lil one is being able to hold them and rock them and letting them fgsll asleep in your arms or next to you on the bed.

Don't miss any time holding her. It goes by so fast. Even if say for the next 4 years your dealing with her going to sleep .Thats a drop in the bucket of time. You have so many years ahead. Set some aside right now and cuddle up that sweet little baby and snuggle her and just soak it all up. It's gone in the blink of an eye. I think it's terrible for a pediatrition to make such recommendation at this age. Congratulations on your little one.

Your baby is learning to trust you at this stage of development. It's called Trust vs Mistrust by Erikson. If the baby doesn't develop trust then it's a big deal.

This site is religious based and therefore has lots of scriptural references, but it is well written and thought out. It is easier for parents to understand.
http://www.vtaide.com/blessing/ERIK1-4.htm

http://web.cortland.edu/andersmd/ERIK/welcome.HTML

Hi- Like others have said, Doctors are not child rearing or sleep experts. You need a new pediatrician. Your baby is not even a month old and needs to be held, rocked and nursed as much as she wants/needs. This crackpot is telling you to withhold LOVE in order to get her to sleep on her own, please don't listen to him!

well, your doctor is giving his/her opinion personal is what is sounds like. Sorry but your baby was just in a small space, warm and no matter what you did he/she was with you heard you talk, laugh,cry and do things. yes, muffled since he/she was in like water but still yet was with you. It's too early to except he/she to smooth them self to sleep.

I highly suggest looking at the website babywhisper Tracy Hogg was the one who started The Baby Whisper she was a wonderful RN and was on the Discovery Chanel. Trust me I really think you'll get some insight from her if you'll be open minded during this time of being so tired I'm sure. We've all been there and walked the path you're walking. That dear little soul needs to be held and maybe just maybe is telling you something also.

Honestly no matter what others have told you that baby is not crying just to cry. They always have a reason and yes sometimes it is to be held. Babies that truly thrive are held, swung, rocked and nursed all the time that's kinda her job and to sleep, poop and grow. That's all they do right at first.

I worked in a prek and funny thing I had to make up for all the parents that didn't hold their kids. It didn't bother me a bit however I thought how sad these moms think that after the baby is six-8 weeks old so many don't want to hold them. Well as a mom we kinda signed up for this duty and is goes by fast I mean I have 9 yr old now and not only is it hard to hold him but he doesn't want anyone too he's cool now. Just food for thought.

Hope you read something from Tracy Hogg I think you'll like it. Best wishes to you

Interesting responses. I do think you should do what you feel is right, whether it is rock her to sleep or have her learn to sleep on her own. If you are going against your gut, she will sense it and that will not build her confidence in you. Having said that, both of my girls were put down drowsy, but not asleep, from day one. It was never a problem. If they are warm, full, and sleepy they will just fall asleep. They were held, cuddled, read to, sung to, etc. from day one as well, just not until they were asleep.
Either way works, so do what works for you!
For the record they are now both teens and wonderfully happy, secure and confident young ladies. :o)

Way too early. They all learn eventually. Enjoy this time and cuddle her, rock her and sing to her.

You need to do what feels right for you. There will come a time when a baby needs to learn to self-sooth, but 3 weeks is really young. Cuddling up with your little baby while they fall asleep is one of the best things in the world. If it feels right to you, you should do it. There will come a time when you are sleep deprived and you know your child is ready. For us it was about 1 1/2 years for each daughter. In the meantime, I think you need a new pediatrician.

J.

I'm all for babies getting themselves to sleep, within reason. She's SO young!!! I think around 6 months or so you can begin trying to teach her "self soothing" but again in reason. Some babies need the reassurance much longer then others. On the other hand I think still rocking, nursing, or laying with a one year old is a little crazy. (my opinion) But every mom and child is different. At 2.5 weeks old most babies NEED their mommies to hold them comfort them, and need their mom's smell to be comforted. Sounds like your ped. is pretty extreme. I have heard and read that for months after birth most babies still feel they are "one" with mom, and being left to lay alone too long can be very upsetting for them. Enjoy the cuddle time, it's good for you and her! Neither of my kids ever went to sleep on their own that young, and they both are great sleepers now!

Hi there,
I haven't read all the others' advice, but your doctor's advice isn't bad. You really do want to avoid getting your baby used to nursing to sleep, being rocked to sleep, etc. It's super cute in a newborn, not so cute in a 1 year old! However, that doesn't mean that she has to cry it out. You can use other methods to help her go to sleep and stay asleep - swaddling, pacifier, etc. Incidentally, the book "On Becoming Babywise" talks about this quite a bit (how to get your baby to learn to self-soothe at a very young age, and how to structure her day so she is more likely to sleep well). That book saved me, seriously. If you have a few minutes to read the book, I would recommend it!
Best of luck.

what a strange doctor.
not that i'm any expert, but my girl started putting herself to sleep on her own, but not until she was around 2. one night she just said, "i'm ready to get in my crib now." i walked out, shocked, and she went to sleep. she's done that ever since.
of all the things you have to worry about as a new mom, this has got to be one of the least important issues. i am appalled that the doctor has you stressing about this. follow your own instincts. some doctors are just idiots, to be honest.
good luck!

Sorry but she is way to young to put herself to sleep! She still needs the comfert of the heartbeat to fall asleep. I rocked & held mine till they were atleast 3 mo old everytime they went to sleep & then we started putting them down for naps by themself, but bedtime was rocked till about 6 mo. and sometimes I sleep on the couch with them till they were about 6 mo. old. Because they would sleep longer with the contact then in the crib or bassinet & mommy needed the extra hour of sleep to stay saine.

I understand your doc it trying to be helpful & make it's "easier" for baby to get use to going to sleep on her own, but come on (ment to the doc - lol). She was in you for 9 mo. listening to your heartbeat the whole time - why is only 2 week outside of you long enough to adapt to everything new in the HUGE world and take away something that is calming to her?

Congratz on the new baby - personnal I would cuddle it as much as you can... they grow out of that stage so fast.

at her age you can start, but letting them cry it out is only teaching them that no one comes if they cry. I recommend the baby whisperer, tracy hoggs books. Using her EASY method, I had my girl sleeping through the night before 3 months.

I would try putting her down drowsy, then if she cries, pick her up, soothe her, then put her back down again before she falls asleep. You are "training her" but still letting her know you love her and will respond if she cries.