Legal Advice - Weare,NH

Being a child whose mom did that exact same thing...I think it is inexcusable that your fiance isn't willing to either step up, or let his daughter go. This isn't about him...it is about his daughter. If he hasn't taken the time or effort to be a part of her life for this long, he needs to let her move on. It is completely selfish of him. He can protest all he wants, but in this day and age, it takes a couple of phone calls or an internet search to find almost anyone in the US. He hasn't been a part of his daughters life for one reason alone...he didn't want to.

My mom moved away, and I didn't speak to my birth father for about five years. Why? Because he would rather complain about the bad deal in life he got, and how my mom did this, that, and the other. He didn't even call my grandparents and try to find out how or where I was. In fact, the only reason he finally contacted me was because he had a fiance (sound familiar) and how do you justify not being a part of your child's life for that long?

I can tell you right now that there is no excuse for his lack of parenting financially or physically. His name means nothing to her, and he would be a much bigger man to want her happiness, safety, and security over his prideful need to saddle her with a name that means less and less with every day he does nothing to be a part of her life.

Sorry...divorce stinks...even worse is the fall-out of parents making decisions because of pride or genetic ownership.

Child support is usually not something a mom can simply "waive" - that money is owed the child, not the mother. Most judges would say "too bad" to mom not wanting the money and make dad pay anyway because that is what is in the best interest of the child. In rare cases, if both families are well-off and neither needs the money, the judge MAY allow for a waiver, but I have yet to see that happen. Each state's laws are different.

I would highly highly suggest you and your fiance seek out the assistance of a family law attorney. You need the help of a trained professional in this area.

In most courts, you can petition for a name change on behalf of a child and if one parent has had nothing or little to do with the child the court will usually grant the name change. If your fiance has not paid child support or had much or anything to do with his daughter in over 6 years, then the court will look at it as though he has abandoned the child and allow her to change her last name to that of the man who, for all intents and purposes in the eyes of the judge, is her father...the man who sees her and raises her on a daily basis.

What I can tell you is that i have 2 cousins who were born under the last name of, basically, a dead beat dad with addiction issues. Their mother eventually married and they all took the last name of her husband.(they were maybe 4 and 7?) They knew who their bio-dad was and where he was, but mom's husband was the only "dad" they had. When my cousin turned 18 he wanted to legally change his name to the name he had been using. They laughed and told him that was his name and that just because his original birth certificate had the original name - it was void after going by this other name his whole life.
So, he never technically adopted these kids, but it made no difference other than if his mother's marriage hadn't worked out - he probably wouldn't have had rights or liabilities.

I have to say that if your husband wants his daughter to be a part of his life - he needs to make it happen. His name doesn't mean anything to this child - they only care about face value. It must be very hurtful for him to see that he's basically been erased from her life, but he really needs to fight for her. I don't understand how you just loose touch with your daughter, b/c the mother got married and a new number. The moment he lost contact with her - he should have reported her missing/kidnapped - regardless of who had primary custody. Did he forgo all parental rights and contacts when she moved? B/c if that's the case he probably should let his daughter be adopted and a chance to have her mother's husband have the rights that come with raising and loving a child. If that's not the case - he needs to go after a relationship and being a presence in her life.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be critical and I'm sure it's not a black and white story - I just felt so shocked to see that there was this concern and legal question regarding her name, but a simple explanation of "We didn't know the new married name and so we haven't had contact with his daughter in 6 years". That's so heart breaking.

To answer your question: "yes the name change can be done without legal adoption in place". And the adoption itself can be done without a parent concent if that parent has not been in the child's life for some time.
That's the point - you can only participate in child's life/make decisions if you are there and know that child.
As for your fiance - he did not excersised any legal options available to him at the time his ex left him with their child, now the tables somewhat turned and she has a lot of advantages.
FYI: If the adoption was done without your fiance's concent - he is off the hook for child support, that is something to your advantage since you are planning to marry him. Also consider the other side of the coin - he just let his baby go and did not look for her (and I do not buy excuses, there are ways to look if you want).

Although, I tend to agree with SammyJo, I have some knowledge of step-parent adoption in the state of California. Here is how it works:

For a step-parent adoption in California, there is a requirement to notify the biological parent. Whether or not that parent's name appears on the birth certificate - even if that parent has never laid eyes on the child, never made a single attempt to contact the child nor contributed one dime of child support. They still have the right to notification. If the location of the biological parent is unknown, there is a requirement to do a diligent search (via DMV, public records, etc.) If those searches turn up nothing, there is a requirement to publish notices (in newspapers,etc.) in any locations the parent was previously known to reside. Not just once, but repeatedly, at prescribed intervals. If, after all this, the absent parent has not come forward, a hearing to terminate parental rights will be permitted. It's not a foregone conclusion that the hearing will end in the absent parent's rights being terminated, but it may. If the rights are terminated, the path is clear for the step-parent adoption. At that point, there is a home study, psychological evaluation, and finally, another hearing. It's an incredibly lengthy and fairly expensive process when you HAVE a signed waiver. Without one, it would be exponentially more expensive and time consuming.

A legal name change also requires notification to the absent parent. I assume (but am not sure) that the requirements for notification are the same as the adoption notification requirements. There is nothing, however, preventing her from using any surname she chooses in most anything not requiring a birth certificate. Even then, she would have to *register* using her legal name, but can be *called* anything she wants to be called.

My information is a bit dated, but I'm assuming it hasn't changed drastically.

This must surely be an upsetting situation for your fiance.

I'm pretty sure it is legal to use any last name (or first name, for that matter) for oneself, as long as it's not intended to deceive or defraud others. This is not the same thing as going through the courts to change the name legally.

Since this separation has been so long, the ex's family has probably decided to use the step-dad's name for the sake of simplicity – I've known others in similar situations.

But if they are also using the name to hide the child from his biodad, there may be further legal action your fiance could take. I know this is probably a source of heartache and frustration for him. I hope he'll carefully consider the needs of the child, too, before turning this into a big battle. Some children gain tremendously from reconnecting with another parent. Some are confused and distressed, especially if the separation happened before they had clear memories of the missing parent.

My best to you all.

Well the mom can call her daughter whatever she wants, it doesn't mean that a legal name change happened. My step-daughter has had three last names. My husband and his daughter's mom agreed several years ago that their daughter would have my husband's last name. They took care of it in court and my step-daughter still used a prior name (her ex-step father's) for several more years at school and everywhere else despite what her legal name was.

However, I know that in Massachusetts a legal name change - and even an adoption - can happen without the non-custodial parent's permission after a certain number of years have passed. For adoption, it takes 7 years of no contact to go through with an adoption using the abandonment statute. The laws in CA might differ but it sounds as though your fiance may very well have lost any legal rights as a parent. And honestly, it doesn't sound like he put up any fight so he can't really go crying about it now. It's not that hard to find a parent, especially a custodial parent. He already let her go. Perhaps the decent thing for him to do would be to let her live her life and make himself available for her to contact later if she ever wants to know her birth father. In any case, he can check with the courts in CA to find out what has actually transpired legally. No need for hand-wringing and conjecture over what may have happened, he can find out the truth and then react to it.

if you go to the Family and Probate Court nearest to you, you can ask to talk with the day lawyer. you can there get expert legal advice for free. That is the best way to approach this. .

Sad way to find out his little girls last name changed. But I am sure if he was a part of his daughters life she would have told her daddy. Maybe he should just let it go since he let her go many years ago, does she even know him?

Who is to know if she changed the name legally?? My daughter (my biological niece, 17 years old I have had her since she was ten days old) went by our last name through school. When she started driving and working age we changed her name very easily through the courts even though we are only her permanent legal guardians. We filed in court without an attorney, only having to place the information in the local paper for four weeks. Done deal. Her birth certificate is amended with her legal name but still shows the bio parents as the parents and her birth name.