Legal Action (Need Answer ASAP Emergency)

Updated on May 18, 2012
B.S. asks from Milwaukee, WI
20 answers

Just a question I thought I ask since I havent lived in the US for very long.
I just moved to Sheboygan Wisconsin 8 month ago from the Middle east where I was born and raised. (still an american citizen) I met a guy and we fell inlove bla bla bla and decided we wanted to have a baby. a month after we found out i was pregnant we broke up. and now he doesnt want anything to do with the baby. So ive decided to move back to the middle east because my whole family is there and i dont really have anyone here. So in order for me to have the baby there i will need to things from the father
1. a copy of his ID
2. a copy of his birth certificate
so I can get the baby a passport and a visa. Unfortunately dealing with him is like dealing with a 5 year old and i cant get him to give me these things. I really dont want anything from him not even child support. I just want to go be with my family and give this baby a better life. but i cant withhout those documents. And now i dont know what to do. should i take legal action and take him to court? i know if i do that he will have to pay child support at the end of it and i know he doesnt want to do that?
does anyone have some suggestions? unfortunately i only have 3 weeks till i leave and need a fast reply

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your replies.. i dont know how to actually just reply so im going to just write it here.. I havent really read everyones replies but for the ones that i have let me just explain a little more of my situation

firstly, I did not just book a flight to leave the country. I booked it 3 months ago. And for the father he has made it clear to me that he doesnt want to have anything to do with the baby because (as he says now) he cant afford to have another child (and ofcourse that wasnt an issue for him when we were together and he is already paying child support for his first child). So i asked him if he would be alright with me moving back home (which is Oman) and he said yes he doesnt mind and he knows life for me and the baby would be much better there being that my family is there.
But the rules of Oman state that for me to move back and have a the baby there. I must have documentation prooving that he is the father only to get a passport from the american embassy (since we are both americans) and so my mother (who is an Omani citizen) can then sponser the baby with a visa as she already does for me. Its not like the states where I can actually put my last name as the babies last name. Its a muslim country. They dont believe in sex before marraige and there are no single mothers only single mothers who are divorced or widowed.
I honestly dont want anything from him. I can afford to take care of this child on my own. and Ive even agreed to sign an agreement that i will not ask him for child support. But just to try and get in touch with is frustrating. I dont have time to play childish games with him. Its really a simple thing. and I dont really see the point in even taking legal action. But at this point I really dont know what to do. He knows that i cant leave unless I have those documents. So thats why I posted my question here. To get your opinion on what I should do. I know ive made some bad decesions and maybe deciding to have a child with a man that does not care was a really terrible idea. I cannot dwell on it anymore. I have to think forward and most importantly think about this baby. It really breaks my heart that my baby wont have a dad. But I cant force him to be in this childs life. And im done fighting honestly. I think being back home with my mother and my brothers and sisters and their kids would be a more loving enviroment for the baby then just being here alone. I dont have a single person here. And being pregnant and depressed is not just stressful for me but also the baby. So I try to be strong and think positive. All I want at this point is give my baby the best life i can give him and more. I hope you can understand . Thank you

Featured Answers



answers from Philadelphia on

Oh.hes chooses not to be in his child's life?must be nice to do whatever you want.So you do the same.....AND GO!!!!!!!!!!!



answers from Boston on

Does he want anything to do with this baby? If he does then I don't think you should be taking off with his baby.

More Answers


answers from Asheville on

Everyone else is making valid points and with the time frame you mention, I assume the baby has not been born yet. So my question is:

Is it safe to fly that far at this stage of your preganancy??

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Barbara on

If you are still pregnant and are cleared to fly, I think you just go. Does the country you are going to require the documents from the father??

If you think a father is important to your baby (I do), you might want to stick around and make the best situation you can out of this.

Dawn had some excellent points about being received in a Middle Eastern country as an unwed mother and the benefits of your baby being an American citizen. Things to think about!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Salinas on

Which Middle Eastern country are you from? That has a lot to do with whether or not you will be "giving the baby a better life". Do you know the gender of your future child? Have you lived full time in your country of origin as an adult? What rights will you have there as an unwed Mother?
I think you made one big mistake already, don't make another when it comes to where you will raise your child.
Sorry your ex boyfirend acts like a five year old, was he acting that way when you "decided you wanted to have a baby" with him? Please think this through very carefully.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Three weeks until you leave? How can you leave if you don't have the documents required? Better life in the Middle East? I was under the impression that unwed mothers are not treated very well, not to mention women in general are treated like second class citizens.

In California there are many people from the Middle East that immigrated here for a better life. If there is a Middle East community in your area, perhaps you can get some advice and help there. Other then that, you will need an attorney to take care of this. Also you may not want child support now, but go for it anyway. Your child deserves to have support from both father and mother. Your attorney can arrange for it to go through the DA's office, Dept of Family Services, so you don't have to deal with him.

That's the kind of mess you get into when you make a baby with a man who acts like a five year old.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Who says you need these documents?

Your home country's government?

If you have not had the baby yet, and you give birth in your home country, doesn't your baby automatically become a citizen of that country? Why would you need this man's documentation if you and he are not married and the child is born in another country? Does your home country have some rules that the government must know the identity of every child's father, maybe?

I don't think you will be able to get this child a U.S. passport if this child is born outside the U.S., no matter what documentation you have from the father. It's not clear from the post if the passport you want to get for the baby is a U.S. passport or one from your home country.

Please check with your home country's consulate or embassy in the United States immediately and explain this to them. You need legal advice from them, it seems. You may also want to talk to an immigration attorney here about your options.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

I'm not understanding why you need those items for a passport for as yet unborn baby?

I'm sure your home country (or this one) has dealt with a child being born and no father listed on the birth certificate. Those people still get passports.

But if I'm wrong and somehow am missing something - then I suggest calling...

ahhh....just looked up the requirements

You want a US passport! Since your child will be born elsewhere and you want to establish citizenship before you leave. BTW - a copy of dad's info isn't required. You BOTH have to show up in person.

You probably just want to call the State Department.

ETA - if you're a US citizen, then you don't need the father to establish citizenship.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

if you're still pregnant, you don't need anything from him... buy a plane ticket, and go home to your family.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

ETA You will not get this resolved in three weeks. You should have thought this through before booking flights. For whatever reason the father wants to be involved but he is not saying it but making it hard for you to leave. Try to find a mediator to talk with you both or separately to find out why and what will need to be done. It also sounds like baby is almost here like you are 7 to 8 months. Airlines don't want mommas to be flying that late so that maybe the hurry in flight.

It sounds that you are an American citizen and that the middle eastern country you are going to requires the ID and birth certificate of the father even thougj the child is not born. This would make the kid an American even though mom was outside of the country at time of birth.

As for the passport it would be hard to get one with the child not born. Passports of children are handled differently than passports of adults because pictures of identity are or can be changed. When my children were little they would stamp the child's picture in the passport in a way so that you knew it had not been tampered with. Contact the State Department about children born abroad and what is needed for a birth certificate (we had to make our daughter an American even though she was born in Canada).

I know that you are away from home but what are the customs of a woman with a child out of wedlock in your country? This might change how you deal with the father or this country. Good luck to you.

The other S.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

I'm still trying to figure out why you'd book a flight out of the country without having any of your affairs in order. I'm still trying to figure out how you go from being in love to deciding to make a baby to making the baby & then promptly breaking up all within a short time span. Where's all that love? Why would you make a baby & not make any commitments?

Why do you need to leave the US just because the relationship went sour? What brought you here in the first place? And why can't you make a home & life for your child here? I find it very hard to believe that life will be better in the Middle East for an unwed mother with a (most likely) mixed race baby. Why would you let him drive you out of the US?

No one here can help you. It sounds like you are making some very irrational decisions based on temporary emotions. Talk to an immigration professional. That's the only person who can help you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

why not ask him to relinquish all rights as a father so that way he doesnt owe you anything and has no say in your decisions for the baby?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

If you’re an American citizen, I don’t think you need anything from him in order to get your baby a US passport, even if you’re in another country. The baby will have your last name and with you papers you can get a passport at the embassy.
I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on your pregnancy.



answers from Chicago on

Well not only do you need those need for him to go the post office with you and apply for the passport together. You will also need a letter from child to leave the country from father - check the TSA rules. They won't even let you through security without the letter and the passport. You probably want to make other arrangements with your flights, cause I can pretty much guarantee you that you won't have this straighted out in 3 weeks without his FULL cooperation.


answers from Dallas on

When I got my daughter's passport, hubby was out of town and he had to sign a form stating it was ok for her to have a passport and we've been together 25 yrs.

The rules are tough with passports because some people do leave the country with children and don't come back leaving a parent here wanting to see their child.

Are you divorced? Will he give up parental rights?

Find a good lawyer and make sure you dot all the i's and cross all the t's just right or your could get in trouble.

Best wishes to you.



answers from Omaha on

Get a lawyer.

I wouldn't want to give you advice on this. This sounds all very shady and strange to me. If he is willing to relinquish his rights to this child and let you go to another country well you pry wouldn't be asking for this information. I'm guessing you'd already have this stuff 3 weeks before you leave. So I'm guessing he doesn't agree to this and you don't care and want to leave anyways.

I can't say what your situation is or if this is called for but it sounds irrational and I'm sticking with shady.

Get a lawyer and find out how to do this proper and legally.


answers from San Antonio on

Even rushing the passport process it can take longer than 3 weeks to get it. I'm not sure if you've had the baby already, or if you're still pregnant.

If you're still pregnant, just go.

If you've already had the baby, you will need to get a lawyer to have this taken care.



answers from Madison on

I don't see why you need to have those things in order to have the baby, the baby is coming in 9 or less months no matter what! :)



answers from Washington DC on

I agree, have him sign relinquish papers BEFORE you leave.



answers from San Francisco on

I doubt you'll get a court date within 3 weeks. And I don't know that a court would order him to provide his personal documentation so that you can take a baby out of the country when you weren't married and paternity hasn't been established.

I don't know of any way for you to go about getting this stuff without him giving it to you. Can't you just say you don't know who the father is?

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