Leaving My 16 Month Old for 3 Days??

Your children already rule your life: its time for you to devote some attention to your husband and to your marriage. People that ignore their partner and put their inter-marital relationship on the back burner for the sake of raising their children find that their marriages are unhappy, bitter, and fall apart quickly. There is nothing wrong or detrimental with leaving your child with a loved one for the weekend. In fact, it will be good for him as well as for you and your husband.
Your baby will be fine - leaving him will be far harder for you than it is for him. You have to also be careful not to make too big of a deal over it because he will feel your apprehension. Suck it up, and try to APPRECIATE your time alone with your husband instead of obsessing about your child - he will be fine. He might even appreciate time away from you too. Realize that you are the one struggling through seperation anxiety, and just go. 3 days is a drop in the bucket compared to the years and years you will spend raising your children.
I dont mean to sound harsh, but I just do not understand why some women cannot accept the opportunity to have alone time with their partners. I CHERISH every moment I have alone with my hubby - it helps us remember that we are a man and a woman too apart from the mommy and daddy roles we live. It helps us remember why we had children, why we love each other, and it makes our relationship stronger and more intimate. I love my child just as much as you love yours, but I see the importance of connecting with my significant other without the child factor.
ENJOY your time away, and remember how good it is to be an adult that has children, but isn't supressed by them.

Hello E.,
I would give anything to be with my husband for 3 days. Shoot just an hour alone would be AWESOME!! Once you get back from your fun weekend you will see that your son will be totally fine. When I left my son for the first time (4 hours) with my sister-in-law I was so worried, but you know what my son was totally fine. Someone once told me give yourself 5 minutes or less to worry about it then move on. Worry is a waste of time. Funny it's easier to write it then do it huh?! Go and have a great time!!! I think that is so romantic that your husband thought of this for the two of you. Remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!!! You go and have the best time ever!!

Hi, I know how you feel...I also faced leaving my son (my only) when he was about 10 months old, to go on a much needed 3 day respite with my husband (we went camping on the coast). Grandma & Grandpa took care of him, & after all was said & done, we all thought it was good for all of us. It was really hard tho, & I almost cried since I missed him so much.

Let your husband take you to celebrate your anniversary, & try your best to enjoy yourself. At 16 months, it's good to condition your baby to be away from you for a little bit, especially when taken care of by loving family who I'd bet is sooo excited to do so for you!

Then when you want to have another evening or two alone with your husband, it won't be as hard on you, or your babe. Who knows, he might have lots of fun & if Grandma is good at comforting him if he misses you, & doesn't make a big deal about it, it's good to build a little independence, & bond a little more deeply with a loving family member.

My son's grandma explained to me that then he will know there are lots of loving caretakers, & when you need a break it won't be heartbreaking for anyone.

Hope this helps! Have fun...

I know that it's hard to even think about taking time away from your baby. But if you don't go you're taking time away from your husband. It's great that your husband is even making an effort for you two to be together...ALONE...it shows that he loves you and wants to know as a wife not just a mother. I think you should go to Vegas. You trust Grandma and she does a great job. Have fun, relax and enjoy the time together.

It may be the most difficult thing you can do BUT it is VERY IMPORTANT that you take the time to celebrate your anniversary! This is the person you love and plan to spend the rest of your life with, even after the kids are grown and out of the house. I know that seems like decades away but if you don't nourish your marriage now you won't know eachother when the kids are grown. I have been married for 23 years and even when we couldn't afford to go away we always spent our anniversary just the two of us. Get the sitter,and try your hardest to leave the baby home (even in your thoughts) Your husband needs to know he is your focus, if even for just a couple days.
I'm sure he understands that on a daily basis the kids are your focus,but maybe for just these couple of days he is your number 1 concern. And he did plan the trip,which I must say my husband would NEVER do.
Get to know eachother again, even when couples are close the daily chores of life tend to pull us away, we forget sometimes to express our thoughts and dreams. Something we all did BEFORE we were married.
This last weekend I helped my parents celebrate thier 50th Wedding Anniversary! I only hope my husband & I are as lucky.....
Just remember, you have no reason to feel guilty (and please don't let anyone tell you, you do)in any way for leaving the kids for a couple days. We all need to feel like a COUPLE again...it is a good time to remember all the reason's you married this man in the first place. It will re-new your feelings for eachother.And I hate to say but if you don't you may regret it later when you wonder how the two of you grew so far apart.....
Your kids will be fine! Grandma raised you didn't she, and you came out fine...The baby will be Sooooo happy to see you when you get home he won't mind that you were gone for a couple days. And they will notice your happiness,and how much more relaxed your are after a couple days to just be an adult & not someone's mom,maid,homework helper etc.
Your husband planned this trip for a reason, he wants you all to himself if only for a lil while.(I wish mine would surprise me with a trip)

Congradulations on the Anniversary!!! Enjoy the trip......

he will be fine..... it is important for you & hubby to have alone time together as well.he will be w grandma and i'm sure she will love this alone time with him as well.just try to relax a bit and enjoy this time alone.i think once u r there, u will be fine-don't worry yourself so much.once u get back u will be so happy to see him and u will be recharged.it is good to have that little break.have a good time w hubby!!! i went to hawaii w my oldest girl for a week (7 ) and daddy stayed w other 2 girls( 2 & 20 months).i missed them but i really did enjoy the break.they we're so happy to see us when we got back & they we're fine!!it was good for them to bond more with daddy too.

E.,
Good morning, my responses minic the others. I think you should go and enjoy your 3 days with your husband. What a better gift for the two of you then time alone to be husband and wife and have just as much effert put into the two of you and you do 24 hrs a day with your son. And besides, what a better gift for your children as well to see mom and dad happy, and strong in a very loving relationship.

They see that and that is part of their own strength that they will develop from the two of you. I do have to say it is way harder then you think, but just at the beginning. I went away for 3 days to San Francisco when my son was only 8 months old, and I was 1 month pg with our second son so I was extra hormonal :) and I had his nina (god mother) care for him. I knew she would give him the best love possible. I packed for him like he was going away from college :) and thought I could not make it, I cried all the way to the airport and almost turned around 10 times but we did it. I called every hour the first day, and did not sleep the whole night the first night, then in the am I heard him laughing and heard all the stuff they did and all was ok after all.

The rest of the weekend was great, and we were all so happy to see each other when we returned. It was good for all of us. So I think you should very much go and enjoy yourself, it is a growing experience for you all! Have fun!!!! And remember you are only a phone call away! and you are leaving him with someone you trust. Also, if your mother would not mind I do think the adjustment would be so much easier for him if she would sit with him in your house, so he is use that the surroundings and things will be even more comfortable for him.

E.,

I totally agree with the other mother's response.
I had and still have a hard time leaving my son somewhere over night. The 1st time I had to do that we were not very far away, I live very close to my parents, but I was really sick and didn't want my son sick, he was fine with them. I called like 3 times a day but that helped me through missing him.
Then me and my husband left for Vegas in April and we were gone 3 days. That was hard because I was further away from him and worried about everything (that's what we mother's do) and that's going to happen, Just do the calling to grandma to check in and enjoy yourself.
You do need this time way with your husband and like other's said, Your lucky your husband did this special trip for you and him.. Take advantage of the people that want to help you by caring for your son during your time away. You will regret it if you don't go. And you never know if you don't try it. Your child is 16 months old, and if your worried if he will not stay with grandma, have grandma take your son to her house to stay over night for a longer period of time, it will help you and him adjust for the 3 days.

Enjoy Vegas!

Your son will be fine. My suggestion? Take the time to nurture your marriage! My husband and I are starting to grow apart because we don't take the time to nurture our marriage. It's ALWAYS about the kids (1 and 3) and never about us. The most important thing for our children is that we stay married and are happy. We can't do that if we don't take the time for ourselves. GO TO VEGAS!!!

From what you wrote, your children will be in good hands, and you and your husband need time away. Of course your kids will miss you while your gone, but enjoy the time celebrating with your husband. You can always call your kids whenever you need, and could even call them before bed time and sing them a song or tell them a story! Whatever you do, don't feel guilty, even the best parents need a break ever know and then! ;) Go and have a great time!

Dear E.,

Goooooooo, Dad is important too, and so is your togetherness with him. The baby will be fine and he and grandma will bond closer and have a great old memorable time.

You might as well get used to your heart aching, and just endure it. ....and have a wondrous time with Dad. Please do not feel guilty, that is just a waste of time and energy. You are a dedicated mother and you also need to be a dedicated wife too.

By the way, when you get back the baby is going to ignore you for a short time. It is just something that they do after a separation, you will soon be back and close, just don't fret, allllll kids do it. or, that is what I am told anyway.

C. N.

I feel the same when i have to leave my boys but when you get back your so refreshed and ready take them on again till the next trip everyone needs time and since your husband took the opportunity to plan this( we all know most wont do that) you really need to support him because he's trying to help and support you he knows that you will both benefit from it. GO GO GO and the kids will never be out of your mind but know that they are having as much fun as you are DO NOT DO NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND! Appreciate even the small gestures you both owe this to each other this is your reward for being such great parents and spouses to each other how could you not have fun getting away with the man you made that beautiful baby with!! I FIRMLY DISAGREE THAT THIS WILL AT ALL BE TRAUMATIC FOR ANYONE!! If mommy and daddy are not at peace with each other the baby will not be at peace so get away its for the best!

I can understand your feeling totally....I have never left my 4 year old for 3 days! But truth be told, it is likely because all my family are 3000 miles away, and friends have their own kids and agenda. But, it is also because I am very protective of my son. My heart aches just thinking of ever leaving him for a weekend.

But I bet if you go, you will relax once there. And it might be really good for your marriage! With 3 boys, I can imagine the focus on the kids. It is easy to loose the romance and just healthy adult conversation with the spouse. Go for it! You will feel refreshed, and be even a better mom for it in the end. (you sound like an excellent mom already, but we all need a break sometimes!) You sound like you have the perfect scenario, with Grandma!

Hi E.

I know how you feel. do you remember how you felt when you left your 12 yr old or your 8 yr old with someone else, you have to keep saying to yourself that he will be fine, and go and have some fun as long as you trust the person you are leaving him with, things will be fine. If it helps go to Vegas, and call grandma's house a couple of times a day while in vegas like first thing in the morning and last thing at night. and have fun the rest of the time you are there, you deserve it and by the way I'm so jealous, have fun

hope this helps.

A.

Maybe compromise this year, while he is still young, and just go for 2 nights max. Remember that the foundation of your family is your marriage and that needs to be nurtured. Your husband is probably craving being alone together. Try to have fun and remember what it's like to be just a wife and an adult and not a mom. Be thankful your husband is planning a trip. I know a lot of women that have anniversaries where it gets looked over. It sounds like he's really making an effort. Personally, I think 3 days in Vegas is too much anyhow.

I really hate to rain on the parade, really. But I have to say that I think three days is too long for a 16-month-old. I'm sorry. I think it's lovely of your husband to think of this, and only out of the best of intentions, but you'll pay the price when you come back. I'll pretty much guarantee that your son will go through a trauma of sorts and will be ultra sensitive and afraid to let you out of his sight for a while: Not the end of the world, but trauma that could be avoided. Toddlers are age-appropriately egocentric and internalize everything and think that everything they feel is the intentional act of their parents. Ideally, I'd wait until he's 2 or make the trip only for one night. Just a difference of opinion. I think that most everything can be modified to accommodate Baby's needs.

J. Smithson
Loving Hands Learn 'n' Play
http://www.lhlearnandplay.com

Have a couple of drinks when you get to Vegas! It will help to soften the heartache and help you have a better time. As long as you are comfortable leaving him with Grandma, enjoy yourself!

When my son was about 1 year old, my husband and I took a much needed vacation on a caribean cruise for 7 days. We were gone about 8 days. I was miserable the whole time, without my beautiful boy!! When we returned, I felt like my son looked at me with eyes of betrayal. He didn't even look happy to see me. I will never forget the experience. At the cruise ship, I found out that they had daycare and child activities and he could have joined us.

Hi:

I ran into the same issue a few months ago with my 22 month old. My husband planned a short trip to vegas, and if there is one bit of advice that will save a lot of heart ache, it's this: Tell Grandma not to tell you exactly how much the baby misses you! My mother, I love her very much, but she tore my heart out and caused us to come home early. My baby got up at five am on the first day and ran around the house crying for me. Then, when I called at 8 am, I got the whole story. I cried the whole day on and off. Then, even though we got home a day early, my baby would not look at me, talk to me, let me hold her... nothing for 3 days. It was very hard for me. But, you do need time with your husband! You do need to keep the relationship alive and it's so important. So, go and enjoy but be prepared for some pain, knowing that in the long run, it's good for the family.

Nope, I wouldn't do it. I have an almost 20 month old, and I wouldn't do it. If my husband felt very strongly that we needed to get away (which he wouldn't because he knows I could not leave my son while he's still so young), I would compromise & leave early in the morning, spend one whole day & night in Vegas, and stay for half a day the next day before heading back. That way, my son would only have to spend one night in a strange bed. Normally, we take family vacations together & sometimes we go with another family with young kids, so we can take turns watching the kids while one couple has a night on the town.

Now, I know I am going against the norm here, but when reading the other posts, I feel even more strongly that I would not put my youngest son through that separation at his age. My 6 year old would probably think 3 days away from Mom & Dad would be great, so at his age, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. But I could just see myself going away & being miserable the whole time because I was worried about my little one being miserable, and as a result, causing my husband to be miserable because he wanted a romantic get-away & instead ended up with a worried sick wife. No, it's better for him if we just go out for one day &/or night away from the kids & I can be totally relaxed & have fun with him. We will have plenty of alone time when the kids are older & want nothing more to do with us!