Leaving My 1 Year Old with Her Grandparents for About 6-7 Days

Updated on August 13, 2010
C.T. asks from Oceanside, CA
32 answers

Ok, so my husband and I are were planning on going back to Hawaii for our one year wedding anniversary this year but instead we got pregnant with our wonderfull daughter who is soon to make her enterance into the world (4 more weeks). So we were thinking of maybe doing the trip next year on our 2 year anniversary. But I am wondering is it good to leave a one year old alone for that long so that we can go on a trip? Or should we wait till maybe she is 2 or 3?

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi C., Personally I would have never left my kids for that long at any age. Why so long? You guys are a family, I like the one moms suggestion about making it a family vacation. The one mom who suggested doing it every year. OMG. My husband and I did weekends away in a hotel but in the same city where we live. J.

Updated

Hi C., Personally I would have never left my kids for that long at any age. Why so long? You guys are a family, I like the one moms suggestion about making it a family vacation. The one mom who suggested doing it every year. OMG. My husband and I did weekends away in a hotel but in the same city where we live. J.

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D.M.

answers from San Diego on

Like people have said below, definitely wait until she is born. I could have never done it, but once my kids were 2 or 3, I would have loved a vacation like that.

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K.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Wow! 6-7 days????
I wouldnt even go overnight at that age.
Wait until she is old enough to understand what is happening, like 6 or 7....why dont you take her with you?

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E.R.

answers from Chicago on

For a week? Yes, totally! If grandma and grandpa are willing! At one, your daughter will miss you, but she will be in loving hands and will be just fine. You and your husband will have some time alone to re-charge your batteries and you will NEED IT. One of the best choices I ever made with my son when he was a baby was to get him used to other people - grandma, auntie, etc. at a young age. He grew into a very self-sufficient and confident child - even in the high-chair he was very 'self-entertaining' and now can really focus and concentrate happily a lot more than other boys his age.

It will be just fine- make grandma and grandpa see how important they are to your family and enjoy your husband and Hawaii! Best of luck with everything!!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

After 3 kids and some experience, I would have watied. We went to Spain when our son was 18 months old. We left him with my parents, whom we lived with for 8 months, since we had relocated and were trying to find a home. I figured he'd be fine, since he was used to being there. He was almost potty trained when we left and we returned, he refused to sit on the toilet. He would sit on the toilet for my parents, but not for us. It took us until he was 3 years old to literally force him out of his diapers. It only took a week and he was completely potty trained day and night. Not only that, but he someohow changed while we were gone - like there was this distance after that.

Now, we just recently left our 20 month old for a week with the same parents, but had them stay at our home AND she was with her 2 brothers, so I think that helped....they were all fine.

Whatever you do, enjoy yourself and congratulations on your new baby!

C.C.

answers from Visalia on

take the baby with you. your future children is part of that anniversary. it will never be just the 2 of you. just dont have it and then leave it, like a pet.

K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

If you trust the grandparents, GO! : ) At the one year mark, you and your husband will need and want some time to reconnect and talk about how parenthood is impacting your marriage and every other aspect of your lives. At 15 years marriage and 7 years as parents, my husband and I renewed our vows to acknowledge how parenthood had challenged and changed our marriage.
K. M.
Author, This is Not How I Thought It Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today, http://www.remodelingmotherhood.com

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A.V.

answers from San Diego on

I would say go! Your daughter, at a year, would really know her grandparents. I know that my 10 month daughter recognizes her Nana...and loves when she comes to visit! I would just make sure her grandparents are around a lot before your trip, but otherwise, go have fun!

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C.Y.

answers from Los Angeles on

A one year old child is much too young to be without her parents for an entire week. If you insist on going alone, wait a few years to do it. Or, another option is to have the grandparents make the trip with you. That way, you have family time, but you also have a built in babysitter so that you and your husband can have some alone time.

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N.K.

answers from Madison on

I heard that it is OK to leave them for as many days as their age. So you can leave a 1-year old for about a day.
I left my son with grandparents for 1 day when he was about 1, and it was fine. But they told me he started looking for me and getting anxious so another day may have caused a problem...

I.M.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,
This will be something that only you will be able to decide once the time comes. I'll tell you what happened to my husband and I. When our first born was 10 months we decided to take him to Florida to visit the family and all the other fun places around. (this was 11 years ago) About 4 days from the trip he came down with an ear infection, so the doctor told us not to take him. We had bought the tickets and they were nonrefundable; so we had no choice but to leave him with my mother. But here comes the kicker, my mother was and is my caregiver :) He was with her all day long while I was working, so this was easier for him than it was for US!!! We would call him and talk to him on the phone, we even tried to change our plane tickets but we couldn't! all we did the entire week there was talk about Matthew and how he was doing. He even had the nerve to start walking while we were gone!!! lol, but in all seriousness, you have to wait and see. Your child needs to have a very close relationship with the grandparents for you to do that, if not you'll all be miserable and what would've been a great quality time for the both of you can turn into a nightmare for ALL of you, including the grandparents.
Congratulations and best to you and your family.
I.

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D.G.

answers from Las Vegas on

I have to disagree with many of the mom's answers I read. My kids are now 22 and 27 (and that's years, not months !!). My answer is GO, HAVE FUN. We left ours with my parents several times when the kids were growing up. 1) It's good for you and your husband to get away occasionally and reconnect as spouses; 2) it's good for the kids to get a "break" from mom & dad too; and 3) it's good for the grandparents to be able to bond with the grandkids. We were fortunate that my parents were ready, willing and able to watch the kids for us; I know that's not always the case. Obviously, you want to make sure that the grandparents are willing and able to provide good childcare so that you know you aren't leaving your daughter "alone", you are leaving her with capable, caring, loving family members!!! Congratulations and enjoy each stage of parenthood.

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S.B.

answers from Seattle on

Grandparents are awsome..just make sure she knows them and is familour with their home..have her stay 1 night at their home a week so she is ready for that 1 week away from you..She will be fine, but will you??Sounds more like mom will be the one needing confort..lol
Make sure they know her routine and her faverite toys, blankets..all that..she should do fine.. CONGRADS!!

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M.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would wait to make any plans until you have your child. My son is 15 months old and I could not imagine spending a week without him. Honestly, we would miss him too much and it would spoil the fun in hawaii!! There's no way I could relax on the beach because I would be thinking of my little guy back at home. My husband and I have date night once a month and we end up talking about our son the entire time! I like the suggestion of doing a weekend trip closeby. It offers some much needed private time for the two of you and allows for your daughter and her GPs to bond.
Plus, hawaii will always be there :) Go when you could really enjoy the vacation or make a family trip out of it when she is older.

Good luck and congratulations!

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A.N.

answers from Las Vegas on

I think it really depends on the child. I know we couldn't do that with my 18 month old son. Although he does spend a few mornings a week at daycare, I can't imagine leaving him overnight, or even more than 8 hours (longest time has been 5 hours). We don't live near family, so he isn't used to anyone that much, and I still nurse him, but I think even without that he wouldn't be able to handle it. If your daughter is around her grandparents a lot, and you do an overnight or two before then, it could work, but you will just have to see. Also, you may not want to leave her at that stage, you do get attached.

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J.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

After I had my daughter many things I thought I felt comfortable with I didn't. You will see what I mean when you have your child. See how you feel then.

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B.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I actually think one is a better time than 2 or 3. We left our son for almost two weeks with my sister in law and her family when he was 18 months to go to Italy. He had one bad night (the first night) and after that it was like he never even knew we were gone. In fact when we got back he was calling my sister in law, mom! (it was fine he was calling me mom again by that afternoon) He really seemed totally 100% unfazed by it. However, he is now 2 1/2 (almost) and I recently had a baby and was in the hospital for 2 days. It has been 5 weeks and he's STILL talking about how I left and out of nowhere he'll say "Mom! You came back!" it makes me feel bad! He was fine while I was gone but he definitely missed me more and was VERY concerned when I came back that I was going to leave again. It was like at this age he was aware that I was gone but doesn't have the capability really to realize that I was coming back.
Anyway, just my 2 cents, I'd go when she's younger! Have fun! I had a few people give me a hard time about leaving my son but I can't tell you what good it did for my marriage. I think trips without your kids are essential to the health of your relationship.

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J.S.

answers from San Antonio on

My son was 2 when we left him for a 5 day trip at his grandparents house. He is the kind that would rather be home with mom than anyone else. He had a couple of nights where he cried when he got tired (never during the day) but overall he was fine. He is now 9 and it has not affected him. My second child never cared that we left her for a week, in fact she was having a great time and didn't want to come home! I think it is important for you and your husband to find time to get away together. The busyness of life especially with a little one can get in the way of you and your husband bonding. This is a great opportunity to have nothing else but bonding time. My husband and I still get away about every other year without the children.

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R.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

My advice, which hopefully doesn't sound harsh, is go when she's actually younger and before her stranger anxiety and attachment really kick in. I would have never done this with my son, but in hindsight I realize it would have been better to leave him when he was younger than to wait until he got older because now at 2 he cries for us and really misses us. Leaving a younger baby can be difficult because of sleep habits (i.e. does baby wake up several times a night and how does the person watching them feel/manage this). Another is being away if you're planning on nursing. You can always store and freeze breast milk for your baby to have in your absence, but this would mean your wonderful honeymoon will have to be scheduled around your need to pump while away from your baby. Either way leaving your child will be hard no matter what, but if you're planning on doing this trip my personal advice would be sooner rather than later. Later makes it h*** o* both of you, sooner makes it h*** o* you more than baby. Whatever you decide have fun!

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M.C.

answers from Honolulu on

What the heck - do it every year!! Just be sure to wean her beforehand, as much for your comfort as for hers and the grandparents. I would ask your parents what they would be comfortable with. As long as they give the green light - go have a blast! I'm sure you will call every hour but you will be reassured that everyone is getting along swimmingly. I think it is great. go for it.

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S.B.

answers from Savannah on

It's really just up to you and your comfort level. I have a 4 year old and I still have not left her longer than a night and I was still in driving distance. I personally can't imagine leaving her for days, let alone a week, especially being a far distance. But that's just me.

I'm sure she would be fine...but it's all up to you guys?

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K.B.

answers from Las Vegas on

My husband and I have 11 1/2 year old twin girls and we are planning a trip to San Diego for our 2 year aniversary. The girls will be 1 year and 2 weeks when we go and will be staying at home with Grandma (my husband's mom will stay at our house with the girls while we are away) This will be the first time we leave them overnight and honestly, I am a tad apprehensive but at the same time I am really excited to go out of town with my hubby! I think a one year old will be just fine without her/his mommy and daddy, it just depends on the child... I actually see a 2-3 year old having a harder time coping with the absence of his parents as compared to a one year old! It's your call, but by the time your child is 1 you and your hubby will welcome a well deserved vacation!

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G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I think if you have an awesome close relationship with your parents/inlaws then go for it. I think if the kids are used to going and spending the night it will be just fine. You can start by letting the kids go over for a Friday or Saturday night stay, then maybe after about 6 months a weekend stay. Do it at least once or twice before finalizing your plans. That way the kids are used to the dynamics and are comfortable with the whole "you being gone" thing.

Our friends went on a cruise when their youngest was about 1-2 and they were gone a week. Her parents came from Utah and stayed the whole time in their home. That was nice for the kids too so they could be at home and keep in school, the cruise was to the carribean and they made a circle around the Gulf of Mexio, it's much cheaper to go in the off season and they ahd good weather and a wonderful time. They had peace of mind about the whole thing becasue the kids were prepared and able to manage.

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L.M.

answers from Honolulu on

It really matters on the child and how well she knows her grandparents. My daughter would have had no issue with staying with my parents for a week or even 2 but she was watched for date night every week starting at about 3 months old. Hubby's parents saw her less often so she might have shied away from them, but she knew who they were and would have been fine with them for a shorter period (like overnight). It all matters on how your baby is and how often those grandparents see the child.

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L.N.

answers from New York on

no matter what you decide now it will change by the time your baby gets here. it just that instinct kicks in that all that you wanted and knew before gets thrown out of the window. so i say baby will be ok with grandparents, but i also say after my kids were born i never allowed myself to leave them. i never have (almost 6 years).
so do the planning after a few months and see how you feel
L.

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C.M.

answers from Austin on

We did this a few times when our children were 1 and 2. Not for as long as a week, but a few days at a time. They were fine. I won't do it anymore because my in laws have become less mobile and less able to deal with the high activity of my kids.
I would try leaving your child over night a few times. See how it goes. Really, it depends on whether or not the GP's are able to care for a 1 year old.

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S.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Well, I'm gonna throw my two cents in here :) I think it is a great idea assuming that the grandparents that will be watching your daughter have a fair amount of contact with her before this happens (you don't say if they live close or not). Keeping your marriage strong is just as important as anything else you can do for your kid(s). Getaways make for happy, healthy parents and what a wonderful way to celebrate your 2nd anniversary, but also a way to celebrate surviving your 1st year of being a parent. The older they get and the more kids you have, the harder it is to get away . . .

Good luck!

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T.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Personally I would never leave a child that young. I can see doing a weekend getaway when the child is older, but leaving a 1-year-old for a week seems like too much, in my opinion.

Why not include your "wonderful daughter" and make it a family vacation?

L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hello, I'm from Tustin, too :) You're going to receive answers from one end of the spectrum to another, but I think 1 year old is too young to leave for more than a weekend. And I'm betting that once your daughter arrives, you'll more than likely feel the same way. Personally, I'd wait until she's 3 years old. Even now, our daughter is almost 5 and it would be hard for my husband and I to leave our daughter w/ our parents for more than a weekend, and trust me, she's very comfortable with both sets of grandparents.

Oh, and congratulations!!

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Definitely go! Just make sure your daughter spends lots of time with her grandparents so she's comfortable with them. We left our son when he was just over a year old for 5 days with my in-laws. I missed him and felt guilty but he had the best time with his grandparents and didn't even ask for us. I told him we were going on an airplane (he'd already been on and airplane 4 times so he understood) and that we'd be back in 5 days and that he'd have fun with his grandparents. He also had been in day care so he was used to us leaving and coming back. I think doing it at 1 year old is easier than when they get older. We've done this several times over the years. My son is 7 now and now he argues with me that he wants to come with us and doesn't understand why he has to stay home. He still has a great time with his grandparents though and doesn't want to speak to us when we call. You still need to have alone time with your husband and you should take the opportunity.

Hope this helps!

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K.H.

answers from Atlanta on

I came across this forum because I was wanting to ask the same question. However, I can tell you now that my husband and I just got back from a week in Jamaica, and we left our 12 month-old with her grandparents (who she loves and adores and spends a LOT of time with on a regular basis). And honestly, I was expecting to get back home and have her run to me crying. But no.... she was fine. She did miss us, but she wasn't devastated or traumatized in any way. I was the one who had the problem, mostly. I missed her terribly.

I must say that I totally disagree with the parents who are saying wait until your child is 6 or 7. NO WAY. My parents left for a week when I was 6 and although I was with my aunt and sister, I missed them SOOOO much, and still remember it to this day. That is why we chose to go ahead and go away while our daughter was younger. She's 1. She's not going to remember that we left for a week. She's too young, but she's also young enough to be very easily distracted and satisfied by her loving grandparents while we were gone. She had a GREAT time and so did we. And now we are re-energized and ready to take on the next fabulous year with our daughter!

And for those saying to turn it into a family vacation.... this lady is pregnant, and about to have her first child. She wants to spend her anniversary with her husband. Seriously? You're saying to take the child along? I don't know about you, but taking my 1-year-old to Hawaii would be the last thing I'd try and do. There would be no rest for any of us. Taking a 1-year-old out of their comfort zone for that long is, in my opinion, much worse than leaving them with family for a week while you're away. So I say go ahead and go to Hawaii, and have a great time. Your child will be FINE. Trust me, it will hurt you more than it does him or her :)

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think it is too hard to predict until your daughter is born and you learn her temperament/personality. Some kids, by age one, are very independent. Others are very clingy and still nursing on demand. Also, it will depend on how comfortable and familiar she is with your parents. If you live nearby and she's going to spend a lot of time with them, I think you'll probably be ok.

You might want to try a test run when she is 6-9 months old. Go away locally for the weekend (Palm Springs, Santa Barbara, etc) and see how things go.

congrats on your baby!
K.
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