Last Minute Guest at Baby Shower Question!

Since you are paying per seat, thats what it sounds like i'd let her know that. You all ready have a set number of seats that are reserved and cant acomodate another so late. She probably wont go though if she has a friend visiting from out of town. But shame on her for making other plans when she was planning to go to baby shower.

Well if you say no then the SIL will be miffed and might set an unhappy mood at the party, or might say that she won't attend so that she could spend time with her friend.

I would call her and let her know that she is welcome to bring a friend, but that since its last minute she or the friend would need to pay for the extra place at the luncheon.

M.

Seems that my advice is going to run opposite of everyone else's - but here goes. Is this really about the guest or the sister inlaw? Is the SIL uncomfortable at gatherings with your daughter? Could it be that the SIL's out of town visitor just sprung her visit on SIL? How expensive is this luncheon? I think you can never go wrong by being gracious - evn if SIL is generally not. Be the bigger person, the more the merrier, etc.

I have a 3 SIL's. One is VERY difficult, one is just kind of uptight and the last is just a doll. Regardless of which SIL it was I would be gracious and accept the guest. I have to asume that even the difficult SIL would only ask me about a guest if she had nothing else to do with this out of town guest - and I think that's a valid situation that's otherwise difficult to deal with.

YOu will come off as the gracious host, your daughter will be the gracious guest of honor and if you allow yourself to get over it you'll all have a great time. Life is too short to dwell on the small stuff.

What I would do is tell her it's ok (because I'm a big chicken and I hate confrontation)LOL!. BUT, the more acceptable thing to do is to explain the situation to the SIL. TELL her that you are paying for everyone's lunch and it is not cheap. Last minute guests might be fine at a person's home, where it's only a matter of an extra "goody bag" or more chips and dip. But, if she wants, and the restaurant can accomodate...she could pay for her friend's lunch!

If it were a casual at home setting I would say the more the merrier, I have been last second invites to a few baby showers since my plans to fly out of state and thier timing of planning the shower were done at the same time but they have always been casual at home events and I never come empty handed. For this luncheon I would say, "I am sorry however the event is booked, we called the location and they are unable to set another seat for the party with out greatly raising the event cost. I hope you understand and I would not blame you if you choose to spend the day with your friend from out of town we can do something together afterwards if that will work for you. Again, I apologize and if I do not see you at the shower we will do lunch together just the three of us." and leave it at that.

I guess without actually being the one who has to say no and then living with the pouty pants after its a bit diffucult to say but considering the circumstances I would definitely say NO. Why would someone who doesnt even know the Mommy-to-be want to be there anyway. I would put my foot down of behalf of your daughter and say No way.

Im not sure when the baby shower is but if its within a week I would say you gave a final head count and paid for the baby shower already. If she would like to come and pay for herself that would be fine. Some people feel they can act entitled and if you just say well thats just how she is it will never end. She has known the date and Im sure she has known her friend was coming to town for some time. If the baby shower is in a month I would say it was fine she is giving you notice she is bringing someone. (hopefully she brings a gift as well)

I'd just say that you're not able to accomodate an extra guest at the last minute and why. Leave it at that. If she pouts or complain, just let her and ignore the comments. She'll get over it. I'm the kind of person that wants to accomodate everyone and make everyone comfortable and happy but a lot of times it backfires and ends up making a mess for me that's even more uncomfortable than just saying no in the first place. I'm learning though. =) Good luck!!

Can't your daughter just tell her SIL that you have already turned in the final head count to the restaurant?

If the shower is this week... then it shouldn't even be questioned. If it is not, then chances are just as likely that the "friend" could change her plans later and not even BE in town and then you'd be stuck paying for a plate no one is there to enjoy.

It is VERY rude to call up and invite an additional guest to something that YOU are a guest to, imho. Common courtesy should have the SIL either telling her friend that she has plans for x number of hours this day, or she should have called your daughter to DECLINE the invitation to the shower altogether.
What did your daughter tell her when she got the call? That she needed to check with you? or what?

Tell her the reservations have been made so unfortunately you are unable to accommodate another guest.

Always be the gracious host if at all possible. Yes, it was rude of her but you have the opportunity to be the better person. If it is truly a financial hardship then you have no choice other than to say sorry but no, and be clear as to why you cannot accommodate an extra guest. Sucks when people put you in that position.

I would politely decline her request...... Be truthful about the reason!

It's over-the-top rudeness! If it were a home shower, I would roll my eyes and say, "Fine." Since it's at a restaurant and costing per person/plate, I would tell her that you're sorry, but you and the restaurant decided on a specific number and it's pretty expensive per person. Or simply tell her that you're sorry, but you really wanted it to be an intimate affair with only friends and family of your daughter's. Either way, I would not let her bring the friend -particularly since she's pulled this stunt before. If she pouts and doesn't show up, then that's one less plate you have to pay for!

Personally, when I have an event like this on my calendar, I tell friends that I have plans that day or weekend. If they're just going to happen to be in town, I tell them that I'll have to "duck out" for a few hours to attend a shower, so to make themselves at home! I think most of my friends (and I) would feel REALLY weird attending a shower for someone we didn't know.

I'm not sure, but I will tell you that once I was confronted with this for a sit down dinner in a nice restaurant. I politely said no. I have regretted it.

However, I do not think I was wrong to say no.

This is incredibly rude and seems like a pattern on the part of the SIL. If the friend really did call and do the "hey I'm headed into town this weekend, can I stay with you?" thing (it's happened to me), then the SIL is in a bind too.

I would love to tell you to say "No", but in all reality, I would probably suck-it-up and say "sure" and hope that the uninvited guest has the good grace to bring a gift.

This actually happened to my SIL at my shower. A very close friend of mine's daughter surprised her with a visit the day before my shower. She called my SIL and asked if it was okay to bring her, SIL said "yes" and the daughter went out that night with my friend and bought something little to bring, which was very sweet. We actually kept in touch after meeting, so you just never know. Similar situation at my sister's shower when my aunt (who was invited) brought my younger cousin who decided to visit for the weekend. You can do what you can do-

Just don't do anything that will make someone else the center of attention on the day of the shower- SIL is likely not happy about someone else having the spotlight (hence the bring-a-friend tactic x 2) and will be mopey if she's by herself.

Have fun and congratulations!

Very RUDE!!! I think you should call the SIL, let her know since you are hosting the party for your daughter, that if she wants to bring a friend, that she needs or have her friend pay for her place there. That you planned this for months saving up a lot of money to host a wonderful baby shower for your daughter, and put the SIL on a major guilt trip for even thinking it would be fine. Tell her that your daughter does not need to be stressed out in her pregnancy that it's not good for her or the baby.
Hope you have a great party!!!

You could say yes and it will cost twenty five dollars plus tip contribution. (Or whatever, that's probably low balling it). Some people just have a lot of nerve.

Sounds like my wedding! Hubby and I had a TINY wedding with only siblings, parents, grandparents, one cousin (my husband's cousin lived near us) and best friends (one each, maid of honor, best man). A total of 22 people, including my husband and I; we paid for it ourselves. My husband's cousin's mother crashed our tiny wedding! I had never even met her; my husband couldn't remember her from when he was a child, either (she and his uncle divorced decades ago). I was livid! She hopped in on all the family photos, never even introduced herself to me the entire time, then tagged along at the intimate dinner. The owner of the small restaurant was angry because we had specifically given a head count beforehand and the room he put us in literally couldn't hold another person. This I had to deal with on my wedding day! I was completely floored, but determined that she wasn't going to ruin my special day. Haven't seen her since, but there she is in EVERY wedding photo. (Did I mention she also arrived card-less and gift-less? Not that that would have mattered, but talk about tacky)

I agree w/ the other moms; if this were at your house, no problemo. Since it's an expensive luncheon outside the home, I'd politely explain that the guest list is firm. Good luck!

If the last minute guest is not someone that was on your daughter's or her husband's list of those to invite, I would tell the SIL that it is really too late to add someone...especially since your daughter doesn't know this guest. If she really pushes and it isn't too late to add (and your daughter is ok with the guest) tell SIL what the cost will be. Explain that you don't have the extra within the budget since it was unplanned.