Kindergarten Explosion!

Talk to the teacher. Maybe the room has too much in it and it is over
stimulating her. did her preschool break the kids up in groups? Was it
half or whole day. Is K a whole day. There are so many things it could
be. Start with the teacher. Good luck.

I have to repectfully disagree with a few of the reponses, only because of a) the extreme level of concern of mom here, and b) the, to me, pretty alarming behavior changes described. As a mom of 5, who definitely does not have all the answers, but has experienced quite a lot of different situations over the years and also as a former teacher, the situations described of the little girl's acting out behavior as well as the tactics used by a teacher of kindergartners raises a few red flags to me warranting some concern and investigation on the part of this parent. These seem to be pretty radical behavior changes for a child who is used to group settings and has been involved in relatively structured environments most of her life. If there are sreious issues, as for a fee reasons I believe there are, leaving this liitle girl in the situation could cause some serious harm to her ability to trust adults, feel good about herself as a learner and to ever feel safe or enjoy school in the future. I would seriously question this classroom environment and act sooner, not later. You may find that everything is fine and decide that your child is just experiencing normal first year stress, but make sure this is the case. The running around instead of interacting with others at the childrens function you described, if not her normal behavior is something that could indicate a serious problem, or perhaps she was just being a normal pain in the neck kid that night as some kids can be. My hunch is though that you would not be asking for help if you believed this was the case! As far as the kicking her sister goes, that to me is a another indication of something causing her stress in the classroim. Children will often do to other younger more helpless children what has been done to them by someone else. It's normal for a child to see what it feels like to be the one doing the dominating behavior. I would suggest that there may be a child doing this to her in class and it is very upsetting to her and she may be acting out because she doesn't know how to handle the situation. It could be that simple. However, I'm very disturbed by the teacher's need to show 5 year olds who is "boss", especially one who prior to this has not been a behavior problem. A teacher who finds it necessary to control a relatively small, by most public school standards, group of very young innocent children with multtiple time outs and humiliation by taking away the warm fuzzies, rather than to try to make the children feel safe and valued or work with the parnet to find out what could be causing the behaviors is in need of some serious re-education! There is more to this than meets the eye, in my opinion. Some of the behaviors you describe are signs of serious stress. Sitting in on the classroom will likley be ineffective because with the parent in the room, she will be on her "best behavior". I don't want to be an alarmist, but I would be very concerned about what is occurring in this classroom that would cause this high level stress response from an otherwise laid back kid! One way to figure it out may be to have her role play what goes on in her classroom. Also, let her know that you are not mad at her and that you just want to try to undertand what's happening at school. She likely feels that what is going on is her fault and may be worried that if she tells anyone about it, she will get in trouble. While doing something with her that allows casual conversation, such as doing her hair, playing a game, baking cookies, etc, ask her if anyone hurts her in her class and how she feels about her time outs and the fact that everyone else gets "warm fuzies' except her. Sometimes bringing things up in this way may make it easier for her to open up and reveal things that she may not if you sit her down and ask her point blank. We all want to believe that our children's teachers know what they are doing and are good at their jobs and love our children, but there are some bad teachers out there who shouldn't be in classrooms at all! Unfortunately, all too often, due to tenure and the amount of serious misconduct and documentation of misconduct, it is very difficult to fire a teacher, even if they are terrible! If you have addressed your concerns with the teacher and you are not satisfied with the response, I would chat with the principle. You should not, as a teacher, bully, intimidate, or in any way attack the self esteem of any child, let alone a little defensless 5 year old. This is not acceptable! Personally, with the behavior you have described, I would be very concerned, to the point that I may keep her home until you get to the bottom of it. My guess is that if you talk with other parents, you will find that many who have had this teacher were not happy with her, and that many made sure that their child was not placed with her. Teacher's reputations generally proceed them! You are not only your child's best advocate, you are her only advocate and she trusts you to keep her safe. This classroom may not be a safe environment. Many parents entering the school arena for the first time don't realize that they have power and the right to make decisions for their child. You have the ability, as a parent to make sure that this is the right environment for your child, and if it isn't, whether due to teaching style or the influence of another child that cannot be controlled, you can insist she be moved out of that classroom to another teacher that may be a better fit for your child's personality. Don't worry that people will view you as the a problem parent. My guess is that they will be very acomodating and understanding. And if they aren't get the heck out of dodge! Act swiftly. You know what is best for your child!

I was skimming through some questions tonight (I asked a 'kindergarten' question and was waiting to see what kind of responses I would get)...and I'm amazed at how many kindergarten questions there are! Beings as I also just asked a similar question...I don't have much in the way of answers...just wanted you to know you're not alone! Another thing I've noticed...IN GENERAL...most of the times when I read stuff like this on mamapedia...I'm convinced that the Mom is doing awesome and everything will work itself out...but when I'm in the middle of it...I feel like I can't see an end in sight...I must be doing something wrong...etc. etc. I can totally feel your pain when I read your question...I'll let you know if I think of anything profound...good luck!!

I want to reiterate everything mamaX5 said.
We had a terrible Kinder teacher. Because of her lies to us, and her mistreatment of our first, his whole school career was shot to hell.
I didn't know how to handle her. She was the authoritiy, she was the teacher, she was to be respected, blah blah blah.
By the time my 2nd had an equally rotten teacher I documented everything went to the principal and within 24 hours that teacher had been given notice that he would not be returning the next year. This was April in a HS.

Document all the changes.
Go to her preK teacher and ask for written documentation of her behavior.
Go to the principal with your findings
If he does nothing go to the Superintendant's office and the school board.
Wear busines clothes, they look down on mamas who come in dressed like they are mamas.
Have everything in writing, conduct all meetings with authority and like you are in a business, no sappy emotions
State facts,
--she is used to child care settings with over 15 children
--She has been in daycare since 2, 3, 4 whatever
--This is how she is viewed by her preK teachers, let them see what the preK has said
Pull her out of school until they fix the situation, ie she get transferred out of this kinder class.
And in doing so make it a point ot tell the principal, superintendant's office, and school board what you are doing.
This I did when there was a lice epidemic at our elementary school. My child got them 3 times. I pulled him until every head was checked in that buiding. I also called the health department.
You are your child's advocate, be strong.

Mom XS has said it with great clarity. The change seems so specific to the experience of this particular kindergarten classroom -- that I would have concerns about what is occurring.

For a teacher to put a new kindergarten child (especially one who has had no previous history of behavior problems) in time outs repeatedly the first few weeks of kindergarten -- is just wrong. Rather than focusing on "being strict" she should be gaining their trust and making them feel welcomed not reprimanded.

I am especially concerned to see that she is being punished for "not following directions" . Children at this age have different levels of comprehension, and their focus will not be constant for the full 6-7 hours that they are in school. This is understandable. To punish a chlld, and isolate and humilate them -- for not comprehending something -- is simply outrageous.

This is also a time when the teacher should be evaluating the different levels of kindergarten readiness in the classroom -- not punishing them.

I would definitely try to ascertain what the causes are here -- whether there are also social dynamics that are contributing to the problem (bullies in the classroom) or whether the teacher is simply creating an atmosphere of fear and reprisals that are too much for your child.

Talk to the teacher and find out her philosophy about time-outs/ discipline, etc. Then talk to your child about what her feelings are regarding what is going on. You may need to take some steps to remove her from this envionrnment if it is too stressful/unhealthy . I would talk to the principal to see if this is the standard approach to discipline in the kindergarten class.

Finally, seek out some guidance from a professional counselor to help you figure this out. Your daughters introduction to kindergarten and school should be a positive one - something is not right here and the repeated time outs seem to be the first red flag.

Good luck, our hearts are with you in this.

So the entire class has warm fuzzies in their bucket and only your daughter does not? That seems odd. Does that mean there are no other children having these issues? Could be your child is not the only one..
You can request an observation of your child to have a professional watch the dynamics.

I also agree with the mom that asked about sleep. Your child sounds too tired to pay attention and then worn out in the afternoon.

No, kinder does not get naps.. After lunch they have a time to lay their heads down while the teacher reads.

If your child is used to lots of running and active play all through the day, this is a HUGE adjustment. There is lots of sitting and working. Not disturbing your neighbor is important. Kinder is now like 1st grade used to be. It is not Romper Room.

PE is structured behaviors also. Instructions are given.. The only time your child is allowed to have lots of running free is recess.

Maybe consider allowing your child to play on the playground when you pick her up from school. Provide a drink and snack and then let her just run, climb and play.

Make sure she is going to bed at a good time. 7:00 could be bath and 7:30 she is in bed being read to. I know our elementary school, class begins at 7:45 am, so that means the children wake up really early.. They need sleep to be truly rested.

At home do you have rules about " we listen with your ears."
"Look with your eyes."
"Keep your hands to yourself."
"We never hit, shove or kick."
"We use our words for feelings."

Practice giving your daughter instructions and then ask her to repeat them to you.
Play the quiet game at home or in the car and see how long she can do this.

Dad needs to also participate with these rules and expectations.
The rules need to be enforced at all times so your daughter will not have to make the decision whether this is ok, this one time.

She could be a very deliberate and active child. Follow her lead on how best to set her rules so she can fit into these situations.

There are answers. Just do your best to find out the answers. I promise the teacher and the school are on your side. They are not saying you are a bad parent and your child is bad,. They are informing you, so you can be aware and help your child. They want to be part of your team. Let them know you are open to their suggestions.

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Looks like you have gotten a lot of different responses. Just wanted to throw my two cents in there.
This is what's called a change...she is only 5 and is trying to adjust to a whole new world that she has entered in. I'm seeing similar things with my 5 year old son. We just started kindergarten, he has been in daycare since he can remember...yada yada yada. I'm not overly fond of his teacher, but here's my take on the teacher thing. You can't control HER, you can't change HER...I will agree there are good teachers and bad teachers. I think where you should put your focus is your child. A big problem with kids these days is when they don't like something or they feel someone is being to harsh on them, they can run from it. I have a teenage step son in high school and I see this with him. Well this teacher does this and this teacher doesn't do this...bla bla bla. At the end of the day these are all excuses. If your child is not being physcially harmed or hurt and the teacher is punishing them for not listening then the kids have to learn that's not acceptable. Example: My son got his color moved to yellow a couple of weeks ago, one of the kids that sits at his table has recurrent accidents, well my son is a freak when it comes to be clean, let's just say he had to change his entire outfit one morning because water got on his shirt. IT"S WATER!! My point - my son says out loud, and yes he is a loud talker..."so and so pee'd...well the teacher is trying to teach the kids to be respectful of others, while that wasn't exactly disrespectful in my book he shouldn't have said it out loud, I don't think he was making of fun of the kid, I just think my son being who he is didn't want the pee getting on him.
So my point to all this is; take this as a big learning lesson opportunity for her, in showing her that she is going to have to adapt to different situations/people/places. Unless she is being harmed; if she doesn't follow the rules wherever she is, there will be consequences. Different rules for different places. Church you are supposed to be quiet, playground you can be loud...I hope all this rambling made sense. Take it a day at a time and take baby steps, let's face she still is a baby and she's learning every day. Take this mishaps as opportunties to teach them rather than just trying to fix them and figure out why she has changed.

Good Luck from one newby Kindergarten mom to another!

Sure your child may have had experience in a group setting, but the experience she is having now may be radically different from anything she experienced before

What was the setting like at preschool? Smaller group size (10 or less kids) or lots of children? Unstructured play or more like a Montessori? At someone's home or in an actual center? Full curriculum with significant time spent reading, writing, doing math and so on?

If her experience was unstructured and more play than desk-time and listening to a teacher giving direction and lectures, she could be having a very difficult time getting used to the concept of following directions, having to sit quietly for long periods of time, and actually having to accomplish assignments.

A larger group of kids (18 is a lot!) could be overwhelming and just too much stimulus if she was always with a small group of kids. If this is a fulltime kindergarten, these days, that is pretty much the same as 1st grade when we were children. That means longer time spent at desks working on actual curriculum, and whole lot less play and free time.

If she's not ready or used to this, she might just be having a hard time adjusting to the change.

For now, work with the teacher and see how her approach to getting the kids used to structure works out. Perhaps in a few weeks or more, your daughter will start conforming.

Right now it's too soon to see how the teacher's approach will jive with your daughter's temperament and learning style. By mid year, you'll know if you may need to start considering alternative environments for your child's learning style and personal needs.

There are some children who will never do well in a very structured setting. It's all about the way they are wired. Traditional schooling isn't very doable for kids with short attention spans, or those with sensory issues who are very sensitive to loud noises, too many people, too much stimuli, and even too much work and not enough breaks or time for movement.

Then you may want to consider a private school where the class sizes are smaller, or homeschooling where the environment and curriculum can be tailored to her learning style.

But for now, it's too soon to tell. Give the teacher and your daughter a chance and take it from there. At home, make sure your daughter has time to decompress from the noise and activities of the day. It sounds like she's working out stress from the day. If she's naturally a high energy kid, sitting still, focusing on assignments and having to deal with tons of kids is probably overwhelming and she's bottling it all up so that when she gets home she's unleashing everything on the family.

Maybe a warm bath, gentle music, a snack, time to vent and talk about the day with just you and her is what she needs to decompress. Maybe talk with the teacher too, to find out what the average day is like. Maybe there are things that can be done during the day to help her find coping strategies as well.

Other things to consider; what is she eating at lunch? Does she get enough time to eat? Food is a huge factor in child behavior. These days kids do not get enough time to eat lunch and wind up going hungry, or sometimes get lousy highly processed lunch from school etc.

What about naps? Do they get them or is it a full day straight through? If she's used to naps or a significant rest but now is expected to sit quietly most of the day, this can be a shock to the system as well.

Many kids have to wake up and start school earlier than when they attended preschool. Is her day longer now? Is she lacking enough sleep that she used to have before?

Is there someone at school bullying her? What abou the teacher? You don't want to think bad things about the teach but it can happen...a teacher who doesn't click with your child and vice versa. Only way to find out is to talk with your daughter.
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Hi H.,
I am not an expert just a mom. So i will give you my mom gut reaction.
are they using discipline methods you are comfortable with?

It is hard for me to sit for a long time as an adult and I am a academic :) It is a good kindergarten teacher's job to make 'circle' or other learning times fun and interesting so that the kids want to sit and listen. Punishments and time out sounds a bit .... much so early on...

Your daughter may be reacting to these methods...

please do only what your gut tells you.

Hope this helps.
Best of Luck, Jilly

I am also the mama to a kindergartener and 3rd grader. The beginning of the year is always difficult and my children seem to be extra ornery and tired. While she certainly may not be new to "school" she is new to elementary school. Were there naps in preschool? Maybe your daughter is just tired and acting out. My kid(s) are pretty crazy the first month. Lots of tears, back talking, and just getting back into the monotony that is school. Hold firm on discipline.
L.

Dear H.,

I don't have anything new to add here, I just want to reiterate some things other moms have said. This does NOT sound like an appropriate teaching method for kindergarten age. I would not want my own child with this teacher. Were I a principal, I would not want her in my school.

Are there two K classes, with two separate teachers? If so, my recommendation, honestly, is to call the principal ASAP and insist on a transfer. As others have said, document everything, wear business clothes, and forcefully state your case. Your daughter has a right to a good, age-appropriate education, but you, as a mom, may have to fight hard for this right. Don't worry about making enemies -- your daughter is probably not the only one suffering like this, and you will be making a positive difference for who knows how many kids.

And, talk to other parents. Ask around -- someone will probably know people on the school board, a reporter for the local paper, etc.

I hope I didn't make this sound like a depressingly impossible campaign -- I just really want to stress that this isn't okay, you have the right to have your daughter in a different classroom, but you may be told "no" the first time around -- don't take that "no" for an answer!

When your daughter is having these bad days what are you doing as a follow up at home?? Are there any consequences of her not listening or having a bad day??? Maybe her preschool was not as structured, or was much more lax in disciplining and that is why she is reacting to the structure and discipline. Either way unlike what the others say I am the old fashioned mommy, who says children HAVE to listen, children HAVE to behave, in the real world there are going to be tough teachers, tough bosses, and we need to teach our children what is expected of them. I do not agree with this teachers militant style, however as an educator I am a firm believer in children need to respect, and follow the rules, no matter how we feel about teaching style is (unless this woman is screaming, or being abusive of course) By you not supporting this teacher your daughter will sense that and it will only make things worse. I hear in your post that you do a lot of talking, and I do not see consequences happening. I am sorry to be so harsh, but I am with children all day, and sometimes what I see makes me sad. Children HAVE to learn to respect, and to do what they are told by the adults in their life. I would never have taken my daughter to a play group after a bad report at school, and had she ran around and not listened to me we would have been in the car on our way home so fast she would have gotten the message loud and clear. Unfortunately, Kindergarten is not what it used to be, it is a huge adjustment for some children, and mostly for the children who cannot handle the structure, pace, and the expectations. We can't change that so our best recourse is to help our children to adjust. I think consequences are going to have to happen and the teacher needs to know you are working on it. If not she is not going to even try to work with your daughter. If a teacher feels you are with her (especially if her intensions are good) she will go the extra mile for your child. As I said I am a mom of a 26 and 22 year old so I know I may sound harsh but I know what is ahead for you. My kids may have driven me crazy at times when they were little but NEVER in school. They knew what I expected from them. Stay firm, and let her know what you expect from her. Have some type of reward system for a good day, and consequences for a bad one. The adjustment period is still new, and with your help she will come around. Good luck!!

This happened with my son. I think they see this in school and think its okay. I had to be more strict with her. I know, they are little and learning. However, this will continue. When you see this, sit her down talk to her. Over and over and over until she gets it. It will work out in the end. My son is so much better this year already. :)