Kindergarten - Calera,AL

A.,
I am so sorry that you are going throught this right now! I have to tell you how relived I was to read this post. It seems like you tore a page right out of my life a wrote about it! I am a special education teacher and I also have a bachlores in psychology. I have a son that just turned 3 a few days ago and a daughter who will be five in December. Thay both go to preschool at a very small private school and we would like to keep them there through 7th grade. However, last year we had a really difficult time with my daughter. She would do all of the same things you listed and would scream and refused to sit in her chair. Since the day she was born she has been the most reasonable and laid back person I have ever known. This behavior was so out of character for her I decided that it was definately the school's fault. I visited other schools but something told me to try it out again this year and see what happens. We worked on teaching her to follow directions at home. The first week of school was GREAT! I thought we were through the woods until the middle of the second week. She bit a boy and we got a letter. We took her toys and her computer and TV until she came home with a smiley face. The next week she painted on the walls. We were called to pick her up. My husband and I both went to get her and we decided to do something that we have NEVER done and hope to NEVER do again. He took her to the bathroom and spanked her. In her class they start the day off with 10 tokens and when they misbehave they lose one then at the end of the day they get a skittle for each token left. She is only losing 1 or 2 tokens now instead of 7 or 8. Prior to spanking her we took her to a gifted specialist who told me that she is very smart, bored in class, and wants to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. That was when we decided spanking was okay because school is SO important and she is smart enough to know why she is getting spanked. I have an appointment to get her IQ tested on Labor Day. They gifted specialist reccommended that she moved into Kind. early but I am waiting to see what the psychologists reccommends. As a special ed teacher I know that your school can have your son tested too but only if they believe he has learning difficulties or is gifted.

I have a son also that did the very same things and we did this thing where we rewarded him for every green light or happy face he brought home and it would be like he got a piece of candy or got to play a game on the computer for 30 min. just something small that made him happy. then at the end of the week if he got all happy faces then we would go buy him a $5 toy. some people said we were bribing him but hay if thats what worked to get him to do good in school then thats what we did!! now grant it , it didn't always work but its something you can try and see. and we also made our son write "i'm sorry " letters to anyone that he hit or poked with scissors and take them to the kid the next day. well i hope things get better for your son and you :-)

good luck
T.

I only have a two year old so I'm not yet at this stage, but I keep the 4 year olds at a local church daycare. Could you implement a reward system for him for when he comes home with good reports? Several parents have "treasure boxes" for their kids to grab prizes from, or a sticker chart that when the week or half a week (even each day would work) is full they'll get a prize. There are several ways to do it so maybe you could do what you think would work for your child. Sometimes kids just do things for that extra attention, not that they are bad kids at all, it's just for attention so a reward system should work. I know it must be frustrating for you, and rightly so, since your child has never shown such behavior, but he's still that sweet little boy.
If he has something to look forward to maybe he will be more aware of his actions and think before he acts.

Good luck sweetie!!

Hi Allison,

I would definitely start with a teacher conference. The behaviors your son is exhibiting could be as simple as a adjusting to kindergarten or the first signs of a problematic behavior. I was a special education teacher for eight years. I would suggest the teacher keep a journal of the times your son has an "episode" to try and find a pattern to or the trigger for these behaviors. For example, does he act out just before math or when he has to sit by Johnny? This is a very important tool to find out if there is a pattern to his behavior.
It's only been three weeks since school began. He may still be adjusting. Some children act out when they are uncomfortable, bored,or faced with a difficult task. Hopefully, with the teacher's help your family can figure out what is initiating the behaviors and be able to control them or eliminate them altogether.
I wish you the best

Hi!
I just wanted to give a little encouragement and say that this is really fairly normal it seems to me. (Not acceptable, but normal!) I teach a church class to Kindergarteners and I have 3 girls. You didn't say if he attended preschool or other structured classes before, but school is a BIG adjustment for most kids and a lot of boys seem to handle this by acting out. It is so overwhelming for some of them to go to a place where they are no longer the loved, center of attention (the directions are given to the whole class, not by calling his name and specifically talking to him) and the teacher does not recognize each of his special accomplishments. Unfortunately, this seems to be even more pronounced in well-loved and smart children. Every thing we have done for five years to build their self-esteem and make them happy and well-adjusted children works against us at this point! But, never fear, it will help us in the end! My advice would be to address the issues at school and keep communication with his teacher open. Be very firm in letting him know that this behavior is not acceptable at school. Taking away privileges such as TV or video games after school or weekends seemed to be a great deterrent for most. Whatever you do, be consistent and follow through. But also, at the same time make sure he has a lot of unstructured down time. Playing outside, playing a game with you at home, art activities where he chooses what to draw/make, maybe cooking a special treat for his teacher to develop that good relationship. This is something you can work on outside of school and helps him see the difference in the way school works and home works. Hopefully he will realize that behaving in school allows them to do fun projects there and that he still has that good time at home too. It might be a gradual adjustment, but the social skills he learns in this year will really give him a great start to good friends all the way up. What child is not well-liked that knows how to take turns, show respect and be kind? Good luck!

Oh my gosh! I felt like I was telling someone my story by reading yours. My son also recently started Kindergaten, and I can't get him to be good for anything. I haven't had all of the same problems that you have had, but out of the 2wks that they have been in school, he has only come home like 3 or 4 times with a sticker and smiley face. The others have been bad reports on him not minding, talking too much or something! It is about to drive me crazy! I know he can mind and pay attention, but he sure isn't doing it. But I have noticed the same behavior at home! I am wondering if this is a HORRIBLE phase they are going through or something. But I am open to any suggestions to help with this behavior!! Good luck and keep me posted on what works for your son, maybe it will help with mine as well.

My daughter also started kindergarten this year (actually our children are around the same age, both of them). I will say it could be a number of factors, and without knowing all the details it is hard to say but I will give a few examples anyway.
1) Has he ever been to school before? My daughter knows that acting up at school is unacceptable, but she has been acting out at home a whole lot more. Her and her brother now fight constantly. She went to preschool for 2 years before this, but it was from 9-1. So even that is an adjustment for her. A lot of things they are doing in school she already knows and she is bored. Add to the fact that they don't know anyone at first. Also having nap time is something that she hates. She hadn't taken a nap in 2 years, and now she has to lays completely still for 45 min during nap time. She protested this the very first day of school.
2) Every child is different. And although you know how to talk to your son to get him to respond the teacher probably doesn't and may be going about it the wrong way. My youngest does not like to be forced sternly to do things. He always acts out when he feels trapped, but if you gently say it he has not problem. For Example "Get over here" vs "Come here sweety" doesn't seem that different but to him it is a world of difference.
3) He may be worried about what you are doing at home. I am very active in the local MOMS Club and that was a big issue for us when my daughter started school. She would always cry because she was afraid that we would be doing something fun while she was at school.

Anyway, I wanted to just let you know that you are not alone. I am sure it will get better once he has more time to adjust.