Kids over 4 Years apart...postive Feedback

Here's my experience -- my sister and I are 3 years apart -- and we NEVER got along as kids. As adults we're better, but still not super close.

My kids are 12 and 7 and absolutely adore each other. My son is a caring and protective big brother and my daughter idolizes her brother. Don't get me wrong - they still drive each other nuts at times, but for the most part, they're each other's best friend. I envy their relationship sometimes.

There is no wrong age difference! :) My sister and I are 11 years apart and very close. I understand about negative feedback. My kids are 3.5 years apart and we were told countless times that they were too far apart. Idiots! What did they think we were going to do, trade the baby in for an older model?

2 boys 4 yrs apart in school. It was great. Now one is graduating college and one graduating High School. Not 2 in college at the same time. Yea.

My kids are 10 years apart. I certainly never planned it that way, but it's just the way it happened. I wouldn't change a single thing.

My sister and I were only 3 years apart. That meant, for my mom, that both of her daughters were out in the world on their own in a very short span of time. She didn't feel ready for that.

I wasn't ready for my 17 year old daughter to graduate high school, but that's how it worked. Thankfully, God knew what he was doing giving me a kid 10 years later because I wasn't ready to have no kids at home. My son is my joy and I couldn't be happier to still have had a little kid in the house.

Now, my son is 17 and will graduate in June. I'm in no hurry for him to move out either.

My point is that some people want their kids close together. Nothing wrong with that. But, they also grow up and tend to leave home at the same times together. I'm glad my kids were spaced out. My daughter is 26 and has a baby of her own while my 17 year old is still home with me. I like that.

My daughter thought of my son as "her" baby. She adored him. They didn't compete on the same levels for anything. My son adored his sister and looked up to her. They have a very close relationship in spite of the age difference.

My sister and I were close in age. That's all we knew. My own children were far apart in age and that's all THEY knew.

It is what it is.

Perhaps quit trying too hard. Don't let "pressure" get the best of you.

Relax and let what happens, happen.

Best wishes.

My daughters are 9.5 years apart. I didn't decide to do it that way, but God did. They now are 24 and 15 and really great friends. They did actually play when they were younger. And they fought sometimes. I actually had thought that would never happen because of their age difference. I was wrong.

My older daughter got to be the "only" until she was 9, and now my younger daughter is reaping the benefits of being the only one at home. I had undivided time to spend with them at their schools and on their projects. And even though they are far apart in age, they have always felt like they have each other and are never alone.

I don't think age is a big factor in how kids will get along. I've seen kids close in age be close in spirit, and then some fight all the time. Same way with siblings who are years apart. You just can't predict.

Don't be sad for what isn't..... look forward to what will be.

My baby boy just turned 4 months and my other son will turn 6 in march - so they will be 5 1/2 year apart... it's wonderful. My oldest absolutely adores his little brother. If the baby cries, no matter where my son is - he goes running to him. He loves to help when we give him a bath, loves to hold him for a little bit (with us there of course), loves to pick out his clothes for the day, will do just about anything we ask him when it comes to his little brother (minus throwing away diapers). I thought it was going to be horrible having them so far apart and there would be so much jealousy - but there is none. Sometimes having him help so much gets in the way and makes things take a little longer, but I just give myself a little extra time when it comes to doing the things I know he wants to help with. It makes him feel included and doesn't make him feel like we only pay attention to the baby... and besides, the baby LOVES him too!!! Now.. it's still very new, so I could be in for a whole lot of headaches down the road...but I hope not. Good Luck.

I LOVE the age gap we have. No matter what, each has its positives and negatives. When they are close in age, they are far more likely to fight, want the same toys, compete, the list goes on. When they are far apart you run into the problem they are not interested in the same things at the same time or able to play with some of the same toys. But so what!

My oldest, 8, is a GREAT help with the "baby", who is 2. They get along very well, they still play a TON together, and I couldn't imagine it any other way. It was so nice when our baby was younger, I could have the older sibling fetch diapers, bottles, all kinds of stuff. It is SO nice to have one very independent person who is able to dress themselves, bathe themselves, etc while being able to focus solely on the baby for those things. The older sibling is so attentive to the younger. They absolutely adore each other. It is great!

I really feel as if I would've missed a lot of enjoyment of BOTH baby's "infant years" if I wouldn't have been able to focus so much time on both of them as babies. Moms with 2 year olds cannot sit and rock their newborn. They have to run around after the 2 year old. I can rock my 2 year old yet enjoy a conversation with the older. It is heaven!

Stop worrying - I promise you it will be great. No matter when that baby comes, it will all work out perfectly. Even if it is 10 years from now!

(and don't feel bad for feeling impatient - I would too! I know it is a loooong 6 months so far. Good luck!)

Honestly, from kid to kid, you don't know what the relationship is going to be. I have a sister that is 2.5 years younger than I am and we were not bosom companions. I don't remember when we were younger, but once we were school age, I had my own friends and they were who I wanted to play with more. She was a brat (LOL). So don't stress. Every child is different. They will have friends to play with, even if they are not playmates for each other.

My sister and I are 11 years apart, and my husband and his sister are 7 years apart. My sister was like a 'cool' mom to me, and she enjoyed having someone around who thought she was perfect in everyway. My husband and his sister weren't that close when they were little, but enjoy a good relationship now. One of my close friends planned hers 5 years apart, becuase that's what she grew up with and enjoyed. The relationships are different, but all sorts of families work. Your daughter will be at a great age to really help you and will likely enjoy 'mothering' her little sister.

I liked having mine farther apart. My boys are 3 years apart. My boys were 8 & 5 when my daughter was born.
It was harder with my boys then it was with my daughter. With my boys I had 2 sets of naps, and diapers and such. 3 really isn't all that old and independant yet, even though they want to.
My daughter was a breeze! We went to Disneyland when she as 17 days old for a few hours, we went to the San Diego COmic Book Convention and a Wiggles concert when she was 6 weeks old plus a number of other things. The boys were old enough that they could help with things and do things on their own. They could keep an ear out for their sister so I could take a shower. I exclusively breast fed so they couldn't do things like give her a bottle or anything because we never used them but there were many ways they helped. They were old enough to understand that I wasn't slighting them or replacing them or anything like that.
It's 3 1/2 years later and while they have the typical sibling fighting they really do love each other and look out for each other. They play well together. The older 2 will read books to the youngest.
I am glad I didn't have my children close together!

My girls are almost 6 years apart (I only have 2). It wasn't planned that way, that's what God gave us. They are every bit as close as any other aged sisters could be. The youngest is now 2.5 and looks up to and mimics her sister every step of the way. Her big sister plays with and protects her baby sister with her life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

On the fertility note.....keep trying! It took us 13 years to have our second child. Discouragement is the name of the game (along with many others descriptors that I can think of). Just keep your chin up and surround yourself with a good emotional support system and you'll find a place your heart can peacefully reside....with or without another child.

Consider this a positive feedback response. If you and your husband really want a second child, then do it no matter what age the first child is.

I don't know how it works from a parent perspective, but my mother is 7 years older than her baby brother, my husband is 11 and 9 years younger than his brothers, and one of my best friends is 6 years older than her sister. Honestly, there is no one-size fits all, no one answer. My mother doted on her brother growing up, saying she felt like he was "her" baby, and they still have a fairly close relationship. My husband also felt close to his brothers growing up, but now feels more distant from the oldest, whose kids are in college. He is much closer to the middle brother, who has kids in elementary because he waited to have a family (our kids are preschool age). My best friend and her sister fought like cats and dogs growing up. They hated each other - truly. And then, in high school, some kind of switch was flipped and they went from being enemies to bosom buddies. You'd think they were twins, they're so close. And still, living states apart, they are in constant contact with each other.

On the other hand, my brother and I are 22 months apart and we were thick as thieves growing up together. My girlfriend and her sister are 2 years apart, and they can't stand each other - and never have been able to.

In my opinion, it depends a lot more on your family dynamic and the personalities of those involved, not on the distance between the kids. If you cultivate love, respect, and responsibility between the siblings, if you do things together as a family that interest everyone, then I think the age difference won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Good luck.

My 4 kids are close and far apart. I have 2 girls, less than 2 years apart. They don't get along at all. Then a 5+ year gap and 2 boys less than 2 years apart. They are best buddies.

Who can tell how the dynamics are going to work? The nice thing about the 5 year gap is that my girls adored and loved helping care for their younger brothers. And now that they are teens and adults, the older girls each get along well with both of their younger brothers.

I have 3 sons that are 8, 4.5, and almost 3 (surprise!).

Big brother adores his baby brothers and though the dynamics vary from day to day, he is pretty darn attached to both of them.

As an aside, the middle son was adopted and was not an infant when he came home. It was a TERRIBLE transition and they have bonded just fine over the years, so I'd just like to make the point that kids caN overcome a LOT and I don't believe age is a factor in bonding unless parents make it so.

I know two half brothers that are about 8 year apart that are VERY close as well as a family with two adult sons, a teen daughter, and a 6 yo (surprise!:) and all THREE older ones DOTE on the "baby."

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I have 3 girls....first 2 are 8 years apart, second 2 are 7....so they are 16, almost 8 and 1.....i love it!! We want another and im 38 so i dont have time to wait a few years and thats freaking me out.

My mom and her brother are about 12 years apart (brother conceived after death of a child). They have always been incredibly close and still are. My mom is 75 now.

My kids are almost 6 years apart and it's perfect! My son doesn't have jealously like a younger child would, and he adores his baby sister! He understands when I have to take care of the baby and plays with her all the time.

Scarlett said it well. Mine are very close in age and while there was a sweet spot at one point, now they just fight all the time and are very competitive. My sister is almost 5 years older and while at times it wasn't optimal, there were good times for sure and now we're very close. My friend's sister is not much older and she's almost always hated her. This woman is a pain in the butt and always has been. I think there's usually some issue and when it is perfect, it's likely personality mostly vs a perfect age gap.

My son and daughter are about 5 yrs apart - worked out great for paying for college because we only had one enrolled at a time. When they were growing up they had little in common, but they got along ok. They each had their own set of friends-- probably more because one was male and the other female. The younger one had to attend all the sporting and school events of the older child. They were only in the same school for one year. Now that they are grown up they really get along well. Good luck - whatever happens, it will work out. I know families with siblings 1-2 yrs apart that don't get along and some that have multiple years apart and play together well.

I think it will be fine. My sis and I are 3.5 years apart and weren't always best of friends. My sks are 4.5 yrs apart and there was little squabbling. I don't know if it was just their personalities or the age spread or both. I wouldn't worry about the ages so much as having a healthy baby and happy family.

Our daughters are 3 yrs 9 months apart. We had one - had problems getting pregnant and had twins. I have no issues with the distance in age. I wanted them closer together but now can't understand why. My oldest was out of diapers, high chair, sippy cups, etc... by the time the twins were born so I only had to deal with the twins baby things. Plus she was/is a help. She potty trained her sisters. She teaches them to play games and entertains them when I need to get things done.
I would ask yourself which is worse - 4+ years apart or no more children. I have friends who's kids are 13 years apart and they love it. It is what it is and there are pros and cons to every situation. If you want more kids, keep trying!!!

Mine are 4.5 years apart and I love it. The only down side I had is:
1. that I paid for two more years of private school for my son so that I did not have to drop kids off at two different places in the morning.
2. My oldest is now plenty big enough to ride on anything at amusement parks and my youngest can't ride on most things. It's hard to balance that sometimes.
3. My oldest was involved in sports and it was hard to have a baby at some of those things (late games).

But, the positives far outweigh any negatives. My children know how to share and they love each other and they always will have each other. Even at 4.5 years apart, they play very well together. The only time they don't play well together is when my son wants to play video games that are beyond my daughter's abilities. Otherwise, she does a pretty good job of keeping up with him. Next year, she starts Kindergarten and they will be at the same school - I am very interested in seeing how that interaction goes.

Good luck,
L.

nothing to add from personal experience with that but i just had my daughter a little over 5 months ago and i keep hearing from people how we should have another one in the next year because "its easier they will be closer in age and can entertain eachother" .. granted this is always coming from people who have kids around 2 years apart.. my cousins friend has 3 kids.. the oldest and middle are 14months apart and the middle and youngest are 15 months apart.. she tried convincing me how great it is to have them so close in age
honestly i could not even imagine having 2 kids, much less 3 in diapers at the same time.. im not even thinking about having another baby until my daughter is at least 2 years old and even then who knows! having one baby at a time is enough for me lol... my aunt has 6 kids from the ages of 38-27 and i find it funny because her oldest and second youngest and then her second oldest and youngest are the closest out of all of them.. go figure, the ones with the bigger age differences
in all honesty though i think it depends on the kids themselves, i have friends with siblings very close in age who cannot get along at all and some are best friends.... i also have friends with siblings with huge age differences between then and its the same thing, some of them barely talk and some are best friends

Like others have mentioned, I really believe siblings' relationships have much more to do with personality and how they are raised than with age gap.

That being said, my boys are 6.5 years apart, and are extremely close. Our oldest will be 15 next week, and our youngest is 8. We keep waiting for them to go through a rough patch with jealousy, or getting on each others nerves, but it hasn't happened yet. :)

My brother and I are also very close, and we are only two years apart. I was really mean to him when I was a teenager (only for a year or so), but other than those years, we've always been close.

Good luck with trying to conceive. It took us a long time to conceive our first child (we had him through artificial insemination), and I know that every month is difficult even if other people tell you to be patient.

My kids are right at 5 years apart. I love it :)! It took us two years to have our second so we didn't plan it that way. But, if you work you only have one in day care and then only one in college later! I think it's great. Oldest is a boy and youngest a G. and they do get along and play and they also fight like siblings :). My sis and I were 2.5 years apart and fought all the time, but now are super close so I don't see any bad time to have kids.

My kids are 5.5 years apart. My husband was not ready for a long time to have a second child. Then it took us a year and a half to get pregnant! There are pluses and minuses to having your kids far apart AND close in age. Our little one has been a total joy to us and she just adores her big brother. They fight at times and at other times they are the best of friends. But my brother and I did the same thing and we were 1.5 years apart. A nice thing is it is so much more relaxed to have your first child be so much older...they are more mature and easier all around. They do play together but of course many things her brother wants to do are just too hard for her. They play chase together, play doh, art, spy on mom, jump on the trampoline together, kick balls to each other, etc. To play a board game I have to play also and help my daughter so she can play too...otherwise she just does not really get the rules. They pretend differently bc their ages are so different. The older one reads to the younger one. The younger one copies every single thing the older one does. So, yes, they do play together but not really the same way as two kids close in age. I invite over friends for each of them that are the same age...that makes them both happy. They are 8 and 3 now. Don't worry so much. Good luck getting pregnant!

My girls are 4.5 years apart, and while I was hoping they would be closer, it took us 2 years to get pregnant. It actually worked out great though. The oldest is fairly independent, and can help out with the baby. She isn't jealous of the time I have to spend feeding the baby (who is 1 now), because she can do things on her own. I try to make sure and spend time with both girls separately, but the age gap definitely works for us.

My experience with a half-sister 8 years older than me made me want kids close to each other, but it didn't work out...

My girls are 5 yrs apart. I didn't plan it that way but they are very close. My youngest used to call her big sister her other mommy when she was little and even made her a Mother's Day card when she was 3. My oldest is still crazy about her little sister.

Who are these parents who give "negative feedback" who have kids far apart? That is weird! I have three children. The older two are 4 1/2 years apart - intentionally. I have no complaints. They did become play mates. Now that they are 17 and 13 they aren't very close but that is because they have very different personalities and interests. I miss the days when they were close pals. My youngest child is 6 - talk about an age gap! Her big sisters adore her and hang out with her all the time, especially my 13 year old. So they are certainly playmates! And my youngest still has had great opportunities to play with her peers, first in preschool and now in Kindergarten.

So just keep at it and don't fret so much about the age gap - what will be, will be. Good luck!

My 2 are 4 years and almost 1 month exactly. Now a 22 year old boy and 18 year old G. and they get along great!

MY family - I am the oldest and have a brother who is almost 3 years younger and a brother almost 11 years younger. The one closest in age to me and I really did not get along until I moved out of the house. Where the youngest brother was fun to take with me and hang out with friends when I was younger. But then he and I kind of drifted apart because I was married and having kids when he was still in his 20's and having fun. Now all 3 of us are very close.

I don't think it matters how close or far apart kids are, there is a lot more involved than just an age difference on how they get along and how close they may or may not be. Don't worry.

My two are 5.5 years apart, almost to the day. So I became pregnant a few months before the oldest turned 5y.

My kids are awesome. They play pretty well together. There are days when there is arguing and fighting, but more days than not, they get along.

The age gap between kids does not determine how close they are or not.

My kids are 4 years apart. Just so happens. G. and boy. They are very close and adore each other.

I have a sibling that is close in age to me. And just because we were close in age, we are NOT "playmates" nor happily. We HATED each other growing up. It was hell. My sibling is better now... but still it is not all peaches and roses.

Per my OB/GYN, if after 6 months, you have not conceived, then the Doctor should be told.

Do you keep track of WHEN you are ovulating??? There are free, ovulation calendars/trackers online. Look for one.
You need to know when you are ovulating or about to. Thus, knowing your bodily symptoms, for ovulating etc.

The age difference will be fine. Sure there will be some different stages
they go through at different times but it is always nice to have a sibling
in this world.

My sibling & I are just about 6 years apart. It didn't really affect us until
we were teens in high school then driving then 18 and moving out.

When my sibling turned 18 then we were best friends again.

So don't let age difference worry you. All siblings will have issues with
each other. Be it both girls, a G. and a boy, twins, being a year apart,
two years apart etc. It's human nature.....they will have different
personalities.

Mine are all 3.5-4 years apart. It's worked pretty well for us. I thought having them farther apart would eliminate a lot of the fighting. They still fight, but it has it's pros too. The oldest (10) is a G., the middle (7) is a boy and the baby (3) is another boy. The older two played a lot more when they were younger, and fought a lot more too. Now that the oldest isn't really into playing, but rather hanging out with friends, the middle and youngest are inseparable. They play together all the time. The 7 yr old is very patient and loving towards the 3 yr old so it's worked out great! I wouldn't change a thing!