Keeping Recipes a Secret?

That seems odd to me. I have never heard anyone say that!
I have asked for recipes from friends and family and they have always shared them. I am flattered when someone asks me for a recipe :) and I am more than happy to share it. But, I don't have any "secret family recipes" so maybe it would be different?!
**all this talk of recipes/food is making me hungry**

She wants all the praise. Maybe food and cooking is the way she gets it, maybe the only way. I love to share recipes! But, I can see someone who gets rave reviews all the time wanting to keep that joy for her or himself if that is the one of the few things that receive praise. Still kinda strange to me, but to each his or her own I guess. Just butter her up (no pun intended). =)

Yes, I have a brother in law like that. I personally think it's his ego, he likes being the only one who knows how to prepare certain things. It drives me crazy, I personally think recipes are meant to be shared (and I always do!)

I can almost understand keeping a family recipe secret, but not from family!

I don't get the secret recipe thing either. IMO it's no more than a way to control what others can and can't do, and I have a problem with that. I can understand if the recipe is part of a restaurant menu and it's why your customers pay to eat your food instead of your competitor, but that's a different story. I think your SIL is on a power trip.

Im a personal chef and I'll share my recipes and here's why. Even if you have it you won't make it the same way I will. Every person measures differently and cooks differently. Also I swear your emotions can play a role in how the food tastes. So no I don't get it. BTW her brother is family right. I'd go through her cookbook the next time I was at her house LOL.

It's simply ridiculous. Cooking is for sharing with those we love. Period.

It's a family recipe, it should be passed down to family at least, maybe not anyone else. Perhaps it's a cultural thing. And really, you can give the same recipe to 10 people and each one is going to turn out slightly different. Now, if she had developed some prize winning recipe that she competes with or it's a restaurant recipe, then sure, I understand... but I think the whole secretive thing is bizarre and elitist. Perhaps it's a cultural thing.

She probably wants everyone to say "Oh suzie. You make the best x-casserole." And she wants to keep it that way -- where SHE's the only one who gets the compliments. She's super-annoying. If you won't share a recipe .... a RECIPE for crying out loud, to your family members, then there is something very strange about you. Who cares if it's some secret recipe. It's a 'family' recipe and she should share it with family. Does she think you will go and sell the recipe to BettyCrocker for millions? I'm sure you are right in that she just wants to feel more superior. Next family event, I say make the most amazing dish you can and let her hear you get tons of compliments. When she asks for the recipe, tell her it's a secret. (And make sure her HUSBAND loves your recipe. If she sees him salivate over your dish, she'll likely get a little jealous of your attention and her lack-of).

Weird.

Updated

Weird.

its pure selfishness!
i am totally against it, for that reason only. I cant stand selfishness. I infact am a FOOD LOVER and i figure out my own recipes and the ones I like best go on my blog for everyone to see!

Pretty lame, really.

Besides, I'll bet if you told us what it was we could Google it and find the recipe (or a better one).

My Google-Fu is stronger than your Stubborn SIL. ;o)

My mom has a cousin who is NOTORIOUS for leaving out an ingredient when she gives you a recipe. I guess so everyone can say "Nah..nope....not QUITE as good as ABC's....."
What my family has learned to do is to COMPARE the same recipe we've gotten from her--LOL. (And yes--she's Italian--go figure!)

Eyes rolling. I'm pretty sure whatever YOUR take on the dish will be BETTER than the recipe she has!

;)

My MIL does the exact thing. She will not share recipes and if she does get cornered she leaves out items or gives the wrong measurements.. Her personality is the same.. She is secretive and fickle..

In our family we have a family cookbook with our favorite recipes and like Amber C said.. Go ahead and use the recipes.. they will always taste different because everybody has a different cooking style.

I have shared tons of recipes here on mamapedia.. I want people to cook them and be successful, because if I ask for a recipe, I hope they feel the same way for me.

I hear you sister!!!

I find it completely bizarre when I run into a self-proclaimed family recipe hoarder and keeper that won't share. Isn't that the point of food, to break bread together? To be hospitable and create memories? It's very irrational and even a freakish thinking pattern to me personally. I pass out my recipes ALL the time to those who ask, even my own tried and true alterations.

I bet you we won't hear anything back from a recipe hoarder on this question. As they will not think of themselves that way. They will believe they are protecting something valuable.

What's funny, is that one of the best Caesar Salads I ever ate was in Allen, TX and I asked the woman who brought it too the party for her recipe and she cited the exact reason you posted, that it was a family secret. What's up? What happens if the family all dies in some freak accident, no one else can ever enjoy their ability to cook?

Also, I believe this is a regional issue, certainly more common on the East coast and in the South. People in SoCA are very flattered when someone wants a recipe and they enthusiastically share their tips.

So, pray tell, what is the coveted recipe you so desire? Just the name....as i can google tons of variations.

I will freely give my recipes to anyone who asks. But I can sort of see why some people won't. More than once someone has made and brougt my recipe to a gathering that hey knew I would be attending. One time we both made that dish. Another time I had planned to bring that dish and was told I couldn't bring it, by the person I gave the recipe to, because she was bringing it. Errrrr. I would never make a recipe if I knew the person who gave it to me would be in attendance. Also, if I am asked for a recipe, I give credit to the person I got it from (if applicable.) Seems like common sense to me. My grandmother used to make the best dill pickles on earth. My aunt gave me the recipe... But they're not the same. I'm sure she altered it because hers turn out exactly like my grandmothers. I would rather someone tell me no, than give my an incorrect recipe!

Whatever.... what is the big deal about sharing a family recipe with a family member!! Come on...

There was this gal at work who would bring in a "log" at Christmas time and Chocolate Chip Cookies once in awhile that tasted just like the ones I make which are the recipe from the chocolate chip bag. Well one day someone asked for the recipe and she was all "it's a family recipe and I can't share it". Whatever!!!

I would have felt the same way!!

Are you by chance Sicilian? Damn straight we don't share. I will cook for anyone but don't ask me the family recipes. My grandma used to keep her recipes mixed up in her address book. Could have killed my uncle when he threw it away after her death!

Most I remember thank god!

I do it because it is tradition. I don't know if I would give them to my brother. :p

Exactly how is keeping family tradition elitist? That was not to the OP but one of the posts.

What I find really funny about this thread is you don't understand the why so you find negative reasons for it. I take pride in my cooking, that is the tradition. I am a damn good cook, my grandma taught me when I was very little, I have taught my kids since they could reach the stove. I will not pass my recipes to anyone who will not make them as our family has that includes my brother. His wife is a different story she can cook. :)

Pfft no wonder other countries make fun of our lack of traditions. :(

Err you do realize that most family recipes don't have measurements? Sweet mother, maybe that is why you guys don't understand. I know what goes in it and I know what it should taste like. Exactly how do you pass that on to anyone who will not share a kitchen with you like my children have?

Your question made me chuckle. About a month ago, there were alot of friends at the lake. I made cole slaw, one of the guys said he really liked my cole slaw and would I give him my recipe. I had just finished telling him that I was sorry, but it was an old family recipe and that I do not give it out. Just as he was giving me a very strange look...my "big mouth" BFF walks in and says, "that is really good cole slaw considering it is a packaged kit from the grocery store"...BUSTED!!! Actually I was just kidding about not giving out any recipes. I don't understand why people would not give recipes out. I have given out alot of recipes and many people say that when they make it, it doesn't turn out quite like mine. I think alot has to do with the raw ingredients used, the amount of mixing, kneading, whatever and the temperature it is cooked at, many ovens heat differently than others.

Here's a hint from any recipe from 1800-1960. If it's missing "something" try ash, salt, &/or brandy.

Come to find (some culinary scientists went through old family recipes and tweaked them to try and find out why they just weren't "like mom used to make:) MOST of the "not quite right" recipes were missing

- salt
- cigarette ashe
- brandy

Which just gives you this GLORIOUS mental image of a housewife of umpteen kids leaning over the stove smoking and crying into the soup while knocking back the occasional 'medicinal' brandy.

Whoops. It's a very ADHD day around here... BACK on topic:

I keep many recipes secret. They aren't mine. Mine I hand out freely. They're recipes given to me by others in trust. Many are professional recipes from chefs I've worked with, known, or eaten with AFTER they see me cook (as it's been mentioned, a tortured recipe is actually a painful thing to even KNOW about, much less witness), some are family heirlooms.

You have to realize; prior to Women's Lib very, very FEW women worked outside of the home for around 500 years. A woman's kitchen WAS her career, her professional stake. The cooking available at one farm over another would attract workers, the cooking in one townhome over another secured social standing. As (rightfully) possessive about recipes as professional chefs are, so too, were the wives or hired cooks of households. Those recipes provided one rather large leg of the position in society. Recipes were kept until DEATHBEDS, and it was a HUGE honor to recieve one, perhaps as a wedding gift, or at the birth of a child.

That attitude is largely gone, as the artistry/social standing/attracting workers as a benefit of working on one farm or service position in one house over another has fallen by the wayside.

Even so... While many recipes are just "fling the food in the general direction of the fire and serve", many others have taken YEARS to perfect.

I don't begrudge anyone for keeping recipes to themselves, but I do feel INCREDIBLY honored when someone shares one of them with me. I share all of mine, but I will never, ever, EVER share those that have been entrusted to me unless I've been given express permission to do so.

Fun Q

As a person who has notoriously been very territorial about sharing my recipes, I will share my reasoning behind it. Please understand that I know that it's ridiculous, but it is what it is. My mother was the same way.

If I am a person who gets my value as a person from preparing meals or dishes that people enjoy, and I give that recipe away, then what value do I have? If someone who loves my lasagna can now make it for herself, then she doesn't "need" me. Neither I or the lasagna is special anymore. And if you feel that's all you have going for you, then giving it away can feel pretty bad.

I've never understood people who keep recipes secret. If you eat something you really like at my house, and want to make it at home, I take that as high praise and am only too happy to give you the recipe.

I can understand if you enter competitions with recipes or if you sell the finished product. But from family or friends? I can not understand that at all.
We were lucky to have my great grandmother and my grandmother write down some family recipes that have been handed down. It would have been devastating if we lost my great grandmother's divinity recipe!! One of our family members won a competition with it at his school. His parents were also the ones that inherited my great grandmother's pot she cooked it in, lucky stiff!! ;)
My MIL is planning on scanning and copying her family recipes for me as my husband has asked for them as have the kids. It's even more important to them as they moved out of state a couple years ago and we only get to see them once a year right now. It's all traditional English cooking and not something you can just go pick up cookbooks for at any local bookstore.

We have always shared recipes.
My mother in law had many tried and true favorites and she always shared, but bless her, she had women friends that would not share recipes with her.
She thought it odd and so did I.
I mean, unless you have a restaurant with a secret sauce that's been famous for 100 years, I don't see the point in being so secretive.
It's food!
I think that families sharing recipes that have been handed down is a wonderful tradition.
Every year, we make my Grandfather's favorite salad. It's never as good as his, no matter how hard we try, but having his recipe is a way of remembering him and having him with us.

I wouldn't let your sister in law make you feel inferior.
I agree it's strange, but maybe your husband can ask for more recipes.
We all change things a little as time goes on anyway.
Try the recipe as she gave it to you and tweek it if you must to make it your own.
I'm so glad I have handwritten recipes, or copies of them, from my grandmothers, etc.
Try not to let it bug you. Maybe try sharing some of your family favorites in exchange for some of hers.

Best wishes.

I will share most if not all of my recipes. I do have two recipes however that I will NEVER give out (again) to anybody except maybe my kids. Here's why:
One is my cinnamon roll recipe. I've given it to 3 people. They killed it but not before they thoroughly tortured it first. Even with very clear precise instructions they messed it up (and these people are great cooks). I don't want a recipe that I'm "famous" for to get a bad name because someone just can't cook it right. I have a certain amount of vanity when it comes to recipes I created.
the other reason is that some recipes are just special. They aren't meant for everyday consumption and giving everybody the recipe would ruin the "specialness" of it. It's sort of like some people are known for a potluck dish, there's that one thing an only thing they ever take to a potluck.
Well when I make my cinnamon rolls EVERYBODY gets excited and I love that such a simple thing can bring such joy (albeit temporary joy) to people. And knowing that there are a few things in life that my friends and family really enjoy looking forward to makes me happy. I don't want to steal that excitement from them :-)

The only reason I would understand this is if you owned or were going to own a restaurant. Otherwise, I think it's TOTALLY lame. If you want to be the star at the ladies luncheon, you can still share the blooming recipe and it be "A.'s famous __" ya know? You can still be the one that cooks that at the luncheon or whatever event......hiding family recipes FROM FAMILY is as lame as it gets. Pathetic. I would make a note to never compliment anything she made ever again, lol. I can KINDA understand maybe a special family recipe (NOONE cooked certain things like my grandma), but to not share with the family, is just weird. And as for the post that said most traditional family recipes don't have measurements, don't be silly. We sat down with my great grandma and watched her and talked to her as she made things and wrote it down. I still remember "well, you take out a lump about the size of a hen egg......well, a 4-finger scoop", etc.....we had to watch her to know what in the world she was talking about, lol. They have "measurements", just not necessarily with a measuring cup or spoon.

You might be right!! I have a cousin, who made a killer german chocolate cake. She wins grand champion with it everywhere she enters it. I got it from her and made it when company came over. I was like, what the heck, this is nothing like hers taste. And if I may say so, I am an excellent cook, and many people tell me I am too. So I started thinking that maybe she left out something too!!! I love to share my recipes with anyone that wants them.

I have always thought this was the stupidest thing. Why in the world would you care (unless of course you are planning on running a business with it) if someone wants to make your cake, pie, bread, etc? Even if they don't "make it right", it's not like all of the sudden people are going to decide that your product is bad just because someone else's version of it is. Jeez.

My grandma made the best fudge in the world, and it's just the damn recipe off the back of the Marshmellow jar. Though I have tried and tried, I just can't replicate it, (and I am an excellent baker) and it's so freaking easy. But, my cousin has it down pat, and we are all glad because it's like we have grandmas presence there at Christmas time.

But you ARE family. What a brat. Don't your kids get to be in on the family recipe co-op?
I agree with Georgia. I live to make people happy with my food and I do get some sense of worth and identity from it. But where I differ is that I love to share. I love to share the food and it's a huge honor when someone asks how it was made. I am more than eager to share my recipies. I like to think that if they make my chocolate cake and take it to a function and get raves, it's taking my food to a whole new audience and multiplying my kudos! Almost as if I got to be there too. The truth is though, I have given recipies to countless people that never make them. They just keep requesting that I make the dish. My people are lazy and spoiled. So, I still get to to be the hero.

My family isn't like that and I find it silly when people guard recipes like that. If it's not even SIL's personal recipe but a family recipe, isn't your husband part of the family and entitled to it? My family is always happy to share recipes.

My family doesn't do this, but I worked with someone who did this on a cake recipe. She actually gave me a bad recipe because she did not want to share her recipe. I tried to make it and it was terrible. The person made the mistake of confiding in someone what she did and they told me. I love to cook and love to share recipes. I would never deny someone the joy I get out of a good recipe. Baking and cooking are more than just a chore for me. It has so many memories of wonderful times with my mom who has dementia and can't cook now. It's my way of sharing my happiness so others can create those memories.

Just guessing here, but I wonder if this tradition comes from pre-automobile days when women would gather with neighbors for Sunday picnics, pie-making contests, dances, all those community functions where they could show off their cooking. They wouldn't want to share the recipe, because they took pride in making the best pie at the event and on getting complimented about it. Back then, they probably didn't have a whole to set themselves apart from the others, or to take pride in (especially the women who worked only in the home). Today, people still hold their recipes secret because it's the way it has always been done. In other words, I think they are doing it because it's a tradition, even though they really have no idea at all why it needs to be a secret and the reason for keeping recipes secret has long disappeared (since women today take pride in other things than making the best pie).

I confess, I am keeping a few recipes secret. Not sure why but I give the recipe to anyone in the family, we just don't let it out to non-family members. And the weird thing is (now that I think about it) is that they are all dessert recipes from a LONG time ago (as in German Chocolate Squares- from our ancestors that were located on the French and German border before they moved to central Texas, and Swedish Christmas Cookies NOT to be confused with sugar cookies, no no no these are much to buttery and delicate to be considered sugar cookies, from my maternal grandmother's, grandmother what is that? my great-great-grandmother? and she learned her cooking skills and recipes from her grandmother who was from Sweden and who immigrated to the US-West Virginia actually.) Again there really isnt a reasoning as to why we keep them. They've been in our family for years so maybe it is kind of a pride thing, like maybe we think whoever makes these things won't have the same respect for them as we do.

Any recipes that we just find that are really good are free game for anyone, we're not really particular about those.

Hope this helps

Ok, I cook and I do it well. I think it's pretty pathetic to keep recipes, it's almost like we're in kinder and will not share our toys, it's even laughable to me, I don't get it? I guess some people don't have much else going for them, it's petty in my opinion. Unless you are an award winner, give it a rest LOL.

Great question! I have a sister-in-law who is a pastry chef. She makes these wonderful cookies that everybody loves. I have asked her for the recipe several times, and she always manages to avoid giving it to me. She'll usually say "Oh, it's a little of this and a little of that..." Or she'll tell me she'll send it to me then never does! It's getting to be a family joke. My 9 yr old daughter even thinks it's crazy. I don't know if she's afraid I'll share it with the world, or if it's because it's not her original recipe and she doesn't want the rest of us to know that...who knows? I've tried figuring out how to make them on my own, but they never taste like hers. The frustration continues....At least she makes them for almost every family gathering so I get to enjoy them frequently.

I don't get it either. I have a best friend of 26 yrs & her mother is an amazing cook & baker. I wanted 2 recipes, carrot cake & macaroni salad. She swore me to secrecy on them. I have had so many people ask me for the recipe & I tell them I can't give it to them. They still beg for it saying she'll never find out but I cannot do it, a promise is a promise.

I completely understand because believe it or not my mom keeps recipes secret. So when she is cooking, I nonchalantly go into the kitchen and watch what she is doing and what she is putting into a recipe. Even though I've gotten the recipe from her I know that it isn't entirely correct. Sometimes I see she adds stuff that weren't in the recipe she has given me. So I do some stealth work and get the added good stuff that makes the dish great. LOL. I don't understand it myself on why someone would want to keep recipes secret unless they are chefs that own restaurants that have secret recipes otherwise what for? I think if you have this time in your life to really enjoy food and to cook great why not share it with your family. Good luck to you!

Did you ever see the Desperate Housewives episode where Katherine would not share her lemon meringue pie recipe with Bree (known to the whole neighborhood as the master baker until Katherine moved in to upstage her), and Bree sneaks into her house to unearth the recipe? lolol It's definitely a control issue, and my step-mom has pulled this one on me on a recipe she always makes at family parties. Would not give it to me and I wouldn't have made it for any family parties, I would obviously make it when I go elsewhere! So, when she emailed to ask me for my grandmother's heritage cookie recipe, naughty me couldn't help but ignore the email... I know, I know...

We've got a family cornbread recipe that my mother and grandmother and I know. We don't mind sharing it with family members, but it doesn't go further. I'm not sure of why that is, but I kinda like it, and I don't apologize for it.

If you're concerned about the recipe being legit, try it out and adjust it according to your husband's tastes. You might just stumble upon your own better version, which you can keep secret...maybe pass down to your children.

Unless these our some top secret, kfc herbs and seasoning/mcdonalds secret sauce recipes, she's being a weirdo. We have a few recipes that aren't written down and are passed down from family to family, but I would never hide them from my brothers wife. I would talk to your hubby about why she's so greedy with the recipes and if possible turn the tables on her. I have the BEST cheesy noodle recipe I'll give you next time she comes for dinner.

Sunny~

I don't know why your sister in law (or anyone else) would behave like this. I am sorry you were subjected to her behavior. She must be extremely insecure to deny you the pleasure of making a dish your husband enjoyed growing up. Feel sorry for her. Try not to hold a grudge or have this experience color your thinking about her. Again, I feel very sorry for her.

Have fun cooking for your family and don't let anyone rob you of your joy!

Blessings!
L.

I have only one recipie that I won't share, it is for my homemade pimento cheese that I pass out at the holidays to teachers and friends and everyone is always very excited to see my jars when they are delivered. I don't share because it is a very simple recipe and I would hate for my beloved gift to teachers and friends to be nullified by the prolific sharing of my "secret"!! Within my family, we share with joy!

I am not a cook but I totally get that people may not want to share signature dishes (as WendyT mentions below)...but this is a family recipe,for Pete's sake!! Family recipes are for the family! Your SIL was being silly/petty in my opinion.