Keeping My Daughter Involved While Getting Married

Updated on May 01, 2008
K.Y. asks from Fort Wayne, IN
8 answers

I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man who gets along famously with my 10 year old daughter. What I am looking for are little ways to keep her involved, so she feels like she is a part of the whole wedding. This is my first (only) marriage and not my daughters biological father, however, he is the only male role model in her life.

My daughter is going to be a junior bridesmaid.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

We have not planned much for the wedding yet, but My fiance and daughter are going to dance together along with my dad and I during the father-daughter dance. You should have seen her face light up when I asked her if she would like to do this!

Thank you all for the feedback!

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answers from Dayton on

One of the things my sil did when she remarried was have her fiance marry her kids too. There was a special time in the ceremony when he gave the kids rings and they both made the kdis promises about how their family was going to be and to love, respect, support them and help them grow. It was kind of beautiful and cemented the fact that they were a family.

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answers from Dayton on

Maybe she could walk you down the aisle along with your Dad or whomever you have chosen. Also, maybe she could pick the song for a special dance for the two of them...or for all three of you.

I just think it's cool that you are so concerned about involving her.



answers from Fort Wayne on

I've been to weddings where the step parent to be 'marries' the child. It's more of a promise that he makes to her to take care of her and her needs. He can give her some small token like a necklace or a ring. I'm sure the person officiating your wedding can give you some ideas of what is appropriate. At the reception, have him dance with her during the father/daughter dance.



answers from Cincinnati on

I had my oldest daughter when I was 20 and raised her alone (with very little involvement or help from her biological dad) until I met my now husband when she was 14. We married when she was 15, she was my maid of honor. I found a family medallion necklace (go to for her and we presented it to her and my husband put it on her during our ceremony. It came with some ceremony verbage that our Pastor included into our ceremony. I am thankful that we did that, it actually made her a part of our ceremony and it made it actually like a "family" marriage instead of it being all about the two of us, because your hubby-to-be is actually marrying both you and your daughter. We have been married a year and a half and now have a beautiful 6-month old daughter together. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you!



answers from Cleveland on

A neighbor's lovely wedding included his two new daughters in the service: "I take this woman" "I take Melinda to be my daugher" And "I take Melody to be my daughter" and he put a necklace on each girl... not the exact words, but you get the idea.. he made a very public commitment.

I am so glad for your daughter.. my sweethearts never wanted my children.



answers from Bloomington on

is there something she could make decisions about that would make her feel important-- something you're not to picky over? for example, maybe she could make the favors or decide how to decorate something, what shoes the bridesmaids should wear or help you choose flowers... etc? maybe you could ask for her input on food, and let her choose something that will be served for the reception?



answers from Cleveland on

I am a lay minister and conduct wedding ceremonies. I once did a ceremony for a couple, both of whom had been married before and had children. In lieu of the traditional "Unity Candle" that a couple sometimes lights during a wedding to symbolize their coming together as two forming one life path, I created a ritual involving a unity candle uniting 2 families and the kids were involved and lit candles. It was a great way to honor the fact that there was more being connected than just 2 people. If you think you might be interested in the liturgy for it that I created, contact me privately and I'll e-mail you the basic text. Good luck!




answers from Cleveland on

I'm in a similar situation, although this is a second marriage for both of us. We're not having a wedding party, so our kids are going to stand at the altar with us. After we exchange our vows, he is going to pledge some vows to my girls, and I'm going to pledge some vows to his kids. Then, we're all going to light the unity candle together. Our kids will light their candles from ours, and we'll all light the center candle together.

If you like that idea, many online wedding sites now offer family unity candles (sometimes called "encore" unity candles) that are perfect for this situation. You can even personalize them, so you can include your daughter's name on the candle. Try

Incidentally, I love the idea of him giving your daughter a special gift (necklace, ring) during the ceremony, and dancing with her at the reception.

Best wishes to you and your family!

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