Just Lonely

Updated on May 23, 2010
S.E. asks from Columbia, SC
29 answers

Hi Mommies,

I'm writing because I have been feeling so incredibly lonely. I'm not originally from this area; we moved here because my husband is from here and he decided to go to school here. We have two amazing and beautiful little girls (4 yrs and 3 months). My little girls are my life! But that's it...they are my only life. I miss being "back home" in my hometown so much! We have been here over three years and I still feel incredibly isolated. My only friends here are my husband's friends. I've never had trouble making friends in the past, but for some reason I have been unable to connect with anyone here. I end up resenting my husband for dragging me down here. I miss all the support my mom and rest of my big family gave me back home. What can I do different to get out there more? We are broke right now so I am unable to do classes or ever get a babysitter. I feel totally stuck!

What can I do next?

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answers from Charleston on

This may be different than other answers, but I recommend joining one of the two roller derby teams in Columbia - either as a skater or volunteer. Derby is the way I found friends when I moved to Charleston, SC. It's a great way to meet a whole bunch of girls at once, have some social time, have some "me" time, and it's great exercise. I know skaters on both Columbia Quad Squad and Richland County Regulators, so email me at ____@____.com if you want me to get you in touch with someone. FYI, there are moms on both teams.



answers from Columbia on

I feel you, I have lived here for almost 7 years and and in a similar situation. I am from Arizona, and havne't had much luck making friends here either. If you want to get together sometime, you can e-mail me. I have a 5 year old little girl and am 6 months pregnant. my e-mail is ____@____.com. I don't know what it is about making friends here that is so hard.



answers from Athens on

Are you in Athens? There are two really great mom groups here in town that get together several times a week. One is the Mother Center and the other is Athens Mommies meetup group. Hope this helps.

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answers from Dallas on

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I know how hard it is to move to a new area, my husband was in the Marines for 6 years, meaning new locations and new friends. But what I learned is you make your own happiness. I know that sounds easier that it sounds. But friendships are there if you look. Join a church, volunteer, Take the kids to the park. Get out of the house and enjoy. Make your own happiness, is by looking within yourself. No one can complete you like you. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

Hello, may I ask where you are from. I understand your feelings and i am always open to new friendships! I live in Margate, Fl.. Maybe we can start a friendship together! My name is Kathy! I will pray that God can bring us together so that loneliness will disappear! If not I, I pray that through this wonderful site, you find new friends! May God bless you and hang in there!
Kathy N.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I agree with Kelly. If your oldest is in preschool then volunteer so that you can meet other mom's. Look for playgroups, join any kind of club you can find through Church, school or the rec center. Story Time at the library, support groups........do some research.

Do you have kindergarten next year? Find another Mom you like then the two of you plan a bunko group. Invite the other Mom's. We did this when my oldest was in kindergarten and we stayed in the group all the way through high school graduation.

I'm so sorry you are lonely. It must be so hard but put yourself out there. Maybe even consider a part-time job.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Huntsville on

I too need to make more friends. I saw a response on another post the other day that mentioned finding moms groups & playgroups on meetup.com. I've requested to join one in my area; waiting for response!

So, I suggest the same idea. Find other moms with kids around the same age as yours. I understand the no babysitter thing too. I have a 4 year old and it seems I can't do anything without bringing her along! So, a playdate with a similar age kid would be great. Meet up with the mom at a playground so you can chat while the kids play!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I am in the SAME situtation. Your one daughter is 4 is she in preschool? What about helping out at the school or talking to other moms of kids there?

I always feel silly when I think about just randomly approaching moms at the park - it reminds me of dating. But I also cannot stand feeling so lonely so......

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated... I empathize completely with you.

Have you thought about joining a playgroup with/for your kids? That is a good way to meet other moms/new friends. Our congregation (unitarian universalist-all faiths, ethnicities, etc. are welcome) has an outreach to parents of infants and toddlers, where they open the toddler room and a moderator brings snacks, juice, coffee, and the parents can let the kids play with extra supevision so they can have a bit of a break. If you don't want to go through a church/synagogue to find a playgroup, try googling your area and the word "playgroup" or checking Meetup.com for playgroups.

Have you thought about joining a class, like yoga or pilates or taking swim lessons or craft lessons of some kind? That is a good way to meet new people and be "doing something" other than being at home. I find that when I'm active (as in, not feeling "trapped in the house") with my son, I feel less lonely.

Another thought along these lines: how about volunteering with a soup kitchen, or a women's shelter, or some other good cause that inspires you---doing good for others, and feeling part of a group making a difference, is a huge way to lift your spirit.

You might also try asking your husband's friends for connections on playgroups or other activities you're interested in-- this might help you develop a stronger connection to them, and by reaching out would let them know that you're interested in more of a "friend" relationship, instead of a more "acquaintance" relationship. If there are other moms in your husband's friendship circle, why not take the role of organizer, and suggest to one or more of them (depending on what your comfort level is) to take the kids to the zoo, or have a picnic or invite them over for a craft with the kids or a barbecue or whatever.

Best of luck, hang in there, and keep reaching out and someone will eventually reach back!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I completely understand! It is really difficult as adults to make new friends! And when you are out and about with kids it's not like you can have much conversation with others because you have to watch your children! It is really hard and so lonely sometimes! This is one of the reasons that I miss working! I definitely agree with the posts about a part time job. Hospitals are a great place to look! They are open all the time and there are flexible schedules available. You could try working a couple nights a week. The majority of your co-workers will more than likely be moms too. I would talk to your husband and see if this would fit into your schedules. I always liked it because not only do you get out and meet people and actually talk about things other than nickelodeon and toys r us, but it made me feel better because I felt like I was contributing and it helped my husband see that being home with the kids without anyone else to rely on is MUCH harder than you would think! After a few weeks of my husband taking over full parenting duties at night, he said that going to work for him was a vacation! Lol! Plus, on top of all of these benefits you can also make a little extra money! Even if it pays for the groceries. You'll feel better! And maybe you'll meet a mom that you really connect with! Good luck! And know that you are not the only lonely one out there! I wish I lived closer :-)



answers from Chicago on

If you do something positive and healthy for yourself and your girls, you will be happy and healthy and hopefully friendships will come from it. Try going somewhere a few times at a similar time of day to see if there are people there. The park, library, a nearby zoo?, etc. If you pack books, drinks, light snacks and a blanket and read in the park, it will be fun even if you don't meet anyone.

When I leave the house with my 3 year old, I always tell her we're going on an adventure - even if it is just to the grocery store. Sometimes I need the positive suggestion just as much. Good luck!


answers from Austin on

Would you consider getting a part time job? Maybe work when your husband is home.. Like in a small cafe? Small store? Not for the money so much but for a chance to meet others? You could work on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Saturday mornings or after noons at a coffee shop, yogurt shop, book store...

Also see if there are any playgroups or mom groups.. Join a book club.. See if any of these are available through your neighborhood library or neighborhood churches. If not put up a notice asking if anyone wants to start one of these groups with you.

I know here in our city there are a ton of free events always going on. We used to be regulars at some of these weekly events and started getting to know some of the other families there each week.. Also just going to the neighborhood park every day helped. Playing in the front yard with the kids attracts other families..



answers from Harrisburg on

I really do know how you feel. I'm a single mom and just bought my first house in a neighborhood an hour away from our old one. We haven't exactly received a warm welcome either. I just joined a hiking group on meetup.com. They have tons of groups in all states based on shared interests. You should try it. Meetup.com



answers from San Francisco on

Join a co-op preschool, if there is one in your area. Because the parents help out at a co-op, it's usually pretty cheap. We were always broke, but we could afford a co-op.



answers from Savannah on

If you're in or near the Harbison area...New Heights Church is a great place! I've known several of the members and the pastor since the '80s. Very friendly and have lots of childrens activities.



answers from New York on

don't i relate to that. we have moved so many times in last 7 years, i lost count. each move was a emotional roller coaster. and each move was due to my husband's 'needs.' then i would blame him, and have that attitude going. this last move was i guess the worse. i am in NY. i never wanted nor dreamt i'd end up here. but here i am. first year was awful. we knew no one, and people aren't open to new friendships. my kids started school last year and things changed. i met moms who share same interests as me and turns out are just as lonely. we do stuff without kids, that cost little to no money, like rotating playdates, and taking them to parks. kids experience change of scenery, and moms get to talk to someone.
it's not peachy just yet but complaining didn't do me anything.
so i suggest start going to libraries and try to struck a conversation with moms there. then go to bookstore. you don't need to purchase anything, just let the kids playa round at the kid area while you read a book or just sit and relax. you'll meet people.
soon, you will have your kids go to school, maybe a ballet class for the older one. always look for trying to make friends.
i used to live in SC and if you can start organizing little trips with your family, husband included to like charleston, to the beaches etc. now with the great weather upon you, you'll be outside more. fresh air, sun all that will make you feel better.
but i do understand how you feel.
hang in there
ps if my husband recommends another move i think i will buy him a blowup wife and help him pack his behind. not moving anytime soon.



answers from Atlanta on

MOPS is a wonderful organization and you will find other moms that have a lot in common with you. There are many churches in Columbia. Find one that has a large young adult group. Start making phone calls and get out there and find some friends. They will not knock on your door. Make yourself available! I'm sure you will make friends easily once you are out of the house!

One of the best friends I ever had and still have came up to me one day and said "I want you be your friend." That was 35 years ago!

God bless,




answers from Raleigh on

girl, go on meetup.com and join a mom's group near you. It has been wonderful for me and my boys!!!!!!!!!



answers from Savannah on

You gotten some great suggestions so far like MOPS and Meetup.com. But Columbia can be a wonderful area if you get out there. There is an awesome zoo there (Riverbanks). You are about 2-3 hrs away from the coast line where you could take a day trip to the beach in either Myrtle Beach, North Myrtle, or even better Hunting Island down in Beaufort. I lived in Myrtle Beach and didn't care for the place either. But I made the best of it till we moved back to Beaufort where I love. I'm originally from Indiana so moving down south was a big change for me. Or drive down to Charleston or other smaller areas around Beaufort and take one of those historic tours. Go camping! There are tons of year round campgrounds down here. A really nice family friendly one is in Swansea called Riverbottom Farms. Now they are tied in with Jelly stone parks so you might find them that way. But they are like 45 mins or less from Columbia, have a pool, kids activities and family fun every weekend. There is also a kids museum called Edventure that we've been wanting to take our kids too the next time we stay at the campground too.

My point is, get out there and explore. Sign your daughter up for fall soccer through the parks department or the YMCA. Just go to the mall and walk around with the kids (maybe not the one on two notch rd!). Find a park to go to where the kids can play and maybe you can find some adult conversation. Take a staycation with the family on a weekend......I know some of this cost money but some is so cheap you can't pass it up!

I hated my husband for Myrtle Beach but it wasn't his fault either. We were put there by the military for recruiting. He was never home so I had to do everything with my daughter and a new born by myself. But I made the best of it and before I knew it we got to leave.

Good luck


answers from Dallas on

I started a home based business recently and have met some REALLY neat people through it. It has gotten me out of the house, where I have been for 16 years, and I absolutely love it. It is the most fun I have had in a long time. It was a minimal amount to get started, and I can show you how you could get your money back AND make $200 more within the first month.

Plus, I am in the travel industry, so you could earn money, as well as learn how to travel for free, so you could go visit your family more, as well as take some neat vacations.

It is worth checking out. Call me or e-mail me if you'd like more info.
Barb Miller


answers from Killeen on

Find a MOPS group!!!



answers from New York on

I know you said you don't have a lot of money, but how about trying some free classes or activities for kids and/or adults at the local library or some place like that? I know my local library offers tons of classes/activities for kids and adults and most are free. Even if you sign your kids up for something (and not yourself), its a great way to meet other moms! Good luck!!



answers from New York on

Hi S.,
Me too! I have a 3.5 year old and 4 month old girl. Aren't they fun?

I moved here (CT) before we had kids but I left all my family in beautiful, sunny, fun, exciting, California (can you tell I miss it?)

WeI've been here for 5 years and really the only friends I have are from work and my husband's friends from work. He has family in RI but it's still a drive, with 2 little girls that hate car rides, and they won't come visit us. My hubby also works long hours, sometimes long after the girls have gone to bed and on weekends. Even when he has a day off, he sometimes goes out riding with his buddies. Not only is it hard to be a married "single" parent, it gets lonely.

I take the girls to the park but I'm so worried about people snatching my oldest that I don't really have time to talk to any of the other parents.
Something that has helped is that I signed up my oldest for something every few weeks at the YMCA. She's either doing dance, swim, gymnastics and it's much cheaper than other places. I'm an introvert but I've forced myself to talk to the other parents. It helps cause many of the other moms are in the same boat as me. Misery loves company. :o)

Check out some of the mommy groups on Yahoo groups. Walk around your neighborhood and see how's front yard is littered with pink toys, maybe you can make a connection there.

Hang in there.



answers from New York on

Dear S.,
Why don't you try getting your 4 year old enrolled in something. Maybe a part time daycare or gymnastics class, swimming lessons or just something that she likes to do. You will find other mothers there and migth be able to make some friends. When she gets into kinder you will see how things can change for the better. But in the meantime do not give up and try to do other stuff to help you out.



answers from Erie on

Nothing to offer but my sympathy, it's so easy to say join a group, but even when i've done that, It's really hard just to even get people to talk to you beyond simple little where are you froms and how old are your kids. And then if they do seem receptive, i find out that they have 18 year old kids at home from a prior marriage that smoke pot at the kitchen table, or some other wacky stuff like that. I just don't need my kids exposed to that. So it's hard, keep your chin up and make sure you stay connected to everyone back home.



answers from Atlanta on

Are there any churches where you live? They have a lot of support for at-home moms and usually offer free or very low-priced child care while you participate in their activities. It's a great way to meet other moms in your area.



answers from Atlanta on

www.momsclub.org to find your local MOMS Club chapter
www.mops.org to find your local MOPS group



answers from Detroit on

Have you considered joining a church? Once your four year old starts preschool, you'll probably meet many moms that you can become friends with. I've heard of this website http://www.meetup.com. It supposedly offers groups that you can join in your area. I've never used it, but several moms on this site have recommended it. I would also try to take the kids to the park often and hopefully, you run into the same people. If you live on a street surrounded by other homes, I've found that if you let your kids play outside, someone always talks to you if they see you out enough.

I'm sorry that you are so lonely. I hope that you make friends soon:)




answers from Wichita on

I feel for you! I moved to Salina, KS a year ago & I really miss all of my freinds back in Garden City, KS (4 hours away). I still contact them through e-mail & occasionally call.
I too have had a difficut time connecting with others. I have found other moms through MOPS (Mother's Of Pre-Schoolers). It is a free (some have a small fee) & a great place to meet mom's with kids the same ages as yours. If you go to a church you can find other moms & get a play group started.
God bless!

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