Just Let It Roll?

Well, sound like you're better off without this somewhat crazy person creating drama in the family. Why not just invite the entire family over and restart the round robin dinners? If the allergy/crazy lady doesn't want to join in, so be it. You don't really gain anything by trying to prove she's lying... it will just make you look petty.

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Well, sound like you're better off without this somewhat crazy person creating drama in the family. Why not just invite the entire family over and restart the round robin dinners? If the allergy/crazy lady doesn't want to join in, so be it. You don't really gain anything by trying to prove she's lying... it will just make you look petty.

I agree with Dawn, if they're not inviting you there, that doesn't add up (the allergy excuse).

Is it just your family or have the other "round robin" members ceased completely as well? If so, why not start it back up? You can still invite them (polite!) then the ball is in their court!

Repeat after me: do not feed the drama, do not feed the drama.
Just say: "Well, too bad - but you are always invited when your allergies clear up" and leave it at that. If you don't feed the drama she will realize it is getting her nowhere and ... well she will find something else to be dramatic about.
However you can relax and sit back and know that even though it may be pretty rude and hurtful, YOU have taken the high road and did your best to improve your relationship with her.
Good luck.

My nephew had to be hospitalized last year with sudden allergies to furry things. My brother had to get rid of his two dogs asap!!

What I am saying is it can be true, it could be that like me they suck up their allergies and just said enough.

Personally I can deal with my allergies but if the people around me are awful what is the upside to going?

Lucky you! Sounds like you don't really like to be around them anyway so see it as a blessing and let it go. Good luck!

Oh well, until they actually say something to you or your husband, not much you can do. If they do say they are allergic, just tell them I guess we will just all need to meet at your house.

Don't you wish people would at least try to act mature?

Unless they are living with you and you could see the allergy test results, I would not get rid of the cat.

Here's an idea, why not invite them out to a restaurant. A cat free resturaunt.

Then if you are still getting excuses you'll know she just doesn't like you and then you can decide if you still want a relationship witht he other family member who is allowing her to drive this wedge, i think i would talk to the other family member privately and see where that gets you. LIfe is short and you can't change people.

Well the problem here to me is:
1) That family member, does not have the guts to tell you herself. And instead relies on word of mouth and innuendo and gossip to convey her issue. Whether it is a lie or not, is to me, not the problem.
The problem is: that family member is alienating EVERYONE in the family and its tradition of round-robin-family-meals, but will not tell the lady of the house or her family, what the problem is. Not to your face.
And this has been going on for OVER 1 year already.
I would be over it by now.
It is an old drama... and it is toxic to everyone, but some want to play her game and allow her.. to do it.
NO ONE seems to call her out on it nor correct her.
So they are wrong too.
Meanwhile, it is alienating your family and it is all very discriminatory.
Whether or not she has a real truthful reason, or not.

The thing is, that step-family-in-law-member... has NOT discussed this WITH you. At all.
And no one can read her mind nor predict what her reasons are.
And she sounds like a drama-trouble-making-manipulative individual, whether or not she is telling the truth.

So if you give her the benefit of the doubt, you will be doing it without knowing for a fact, what the real truth is, or if it is even her allergies or not.
And it is your choice to do so.
And it is your choice... to get tangled up with a Toxic person like that, or not.
Meaning, if it is not this issue of hers... she will always create other problems. Her history of that, precedes her.
The woman is a CHRONIC drama queen.... and she will ALWAYS be that way... and she will ALWAYS hold everyone as her emotional hostage or victim.

And also the other family members do not have the guts, to correct her or to go against her wishes nor do they have the guts to stand UP to her. Meaning, everyone seems to be doing what she wants them to. Including her Husband probably.
And now they all, are alienating you.

I would not, ask her to be invited to her house.
Why? She is so toxic. I wouldn't want to be in her house at all.
She seems to be THE big Bully, in the entire family.
And they all listen to her.

Could absolutely be true.....but sounds like its a story this time....

If you can, just let these people go.
Do you really want the headache they are offering? You suggest that she's manipulative. You think she's lying. It sounds like she's maybe decided that you must be mind-readers and she's not going to address whatever her problem is to you.

Life is short. Find the people you enjoy and spend time with them. DO let it roll-- right off your back. If you've made the effort to find alternate venues, then relax... this isn't on you any more. I have plenty of relatives with allergies, and while I am sad that they can't visit because of our cat, they've never had a problem with meeting elsewhere.

Well, if you aren't getting any invitations from her, then the allergy thing is just an excuse. She has a bone to pick with you that she won't talk about and this is just a passive/aggressive way to punish you for it.

If she weren't already a drama queen, I'd say that something happened to offend her and you could go to her and ask what happened so you could decide if an apology was in order. But... she is lying about you to family members (you should deny those lies, by the way - I hope you are) so if I were you, I wouldn't invite her anymore. When she stops getting any invitations and you are seeing all the other family, she will either get off her high horse, or she will say something. THEN you tell her all the things she has said and that you don't appreciate it.

Somebody needs to, that's for sure!

Dawn

The allergy excuse does sound legit. Those who are allergic to cats are not allergic to the fur, but to a protein in the cats saliva deposited onto the cats dander during the grooming process. Your house can be clean, but only a hepa filter can remove the dander. Being allergic to a cat does not make you allergic to a dog. If the allergy is severe enough she could be reacting to the dander on your clothing outside of your home. An allergy can develop at any point in someones life. My brothers wife has such an allergy. She had cats when she was a child, and was never bothered until she was in her thirties. We have cats so she can only come to our place in the summer when we can entertain outside on the deck. We go to their place the rest of the year. Even then she reacts to the dander on our clothing and had to medicate herself. I'm not saying that this is the case in your situation, but it is possible.