Just Found Out the Gender of #2, Feeling a Bit Disappointed...

I wanted another girl so bad, we even tried things to have a better chance to have a girl, my first child a boy, was really a challenge to raise big times.
When they told me, I would have a boy, I was speechless and soooo sad.
He is 5 now and the love of my love....I don't care at all, not one bit.
And my now 16 year old makes up now for being a challenge, he has become a wonderful teenager......
I wish you the best..........

Hi
Personally , I know MANY women who would love to become a mom for the first time regardless of what sex their baby was. In a way, I think you should feel VERY blessed to have a child, let alone two...

I totally went through the same thing. I was so sure we were having a girl and found out we were having another boy. I was disappointed because I thought I wanted a girl. Well, time passed and I got excited about another boy. What do I know about raising girls anyway??? And then of course when he was born I fell in love immediately.

It will pass. In fact now that you know the gender it's like you and the baby have a little secret. The baby is even closer to you, you guys share a new bond. I would just think about that and how much fun you are going to have with this child. Don't feel bad about being disappointed. It is normal and it will pass. And of course, congrats on the little one.

Dear T.-

Just a funny story...

We were in germany for first child...they routinely do 'ultra sounds' every visit. My now ex hubby did NOT want to know the sex. I didn't at first either, but they were building a new 'PX', and were having MEGA SALES...So, I asked...and every visit I was told it was a girl. I not only named 'her'...I smuggled in a complete little girl 'wardrobe' during the pregnancy!

HE was delivered by emergency c section, and when they brought him to me, I was quoted as saying, "He CAN'T be a boy! I have no clothes for a boy!" Then, I quickly checked under the diaper to make sure he wasn't a very 'little' boy! lol

I never did use the girls name I had picked for Ryan...even though I have 3 girls...just didn't seem right to me...He will always be my little 'courntney'...lol

Good luck!
And congratulations!
Michele/cat

When I found out I was having a boy I was crushed. I felt so guilty for feeling that way but I had always imagined myself being a mamma to a girl. It took me a few weeks to get over the disappointment. Once I started buying boy-stuff I got over it fast. I will admit now, that when I see all those pink poofy spring dresses in stores I feel a little sad, but not because I have a son, but because I don't have a daughter. I ADORE my son. I did before he was born and was delighted with him at birth. Would it help you to share your feelings with a close friend who would keep the secret of your child's sex from everyone else? Maybe sharing will help a bit with your disappointment and a friend's excitement for your child will help you adjust more quickly.

If for some reason your feelings of disappointment linger after birth, please seek the help of a doctor or therapist who can help you process your very normal feelings. There is nothing wrong with being disappointed, it is how you deal, or not deal with your feelings that will affect your parenting. Good luck and congratulations!

I understand. We tried for a very long time to get pregnant, and we were elated to have our first son. After trying for again a very long time, we were elated to get pregnant, and I was sure it was a girl. we weren't going to be having any more children, and this one just HAD to be a girl. I will admit I cried off and on for a couple days when we found out we were having another boy. It was such a shock, my pregnancy was so different, everything was different.

Once he was born, of course everything I was feeling was swept away, and we fell in love with the chubby little boy. He's now 4.5 and he's an amazing little boy.

We did decide to try for #3, and after almost 2yrs of trying we decided to go with our plan of adoption early. We just couldn't stand not getting pregnant month after month. We are now waiting for a referral of a single girl or a sibling set of girls. :)

Sometimes things just work out thew ay they are supposed to, even if its not what we originally wanted. But just know you aren't alone, and some can judge all they want, but until they are in your shoes they should keep their mouths shut. I had a good friend who made me feel so badly for wanting a girl, she made me cry one afternoon. Here we are, four years later, and she is expecting her third boy and she is so upset she can hardly function. So judge not until you are in someone elses shoes, right?

Good luck, and just give it time.

T.,
I had dreamt for that girl before I was even pregnant. when #1 was a boy I thought ok #2 will be a girl but #2 was a boy again. I was still ok with that too, then when with our 3rd and final try I was 99% sure it was a girl. I had a totally different pregnancy, craved different foods, etc. I went for the Ultrasound and the technician said would you like to know the sex and i said yes. She then said its a BOY. My eyes filled with tears as i knew this was the last try. I kept it together long enough to get to the car and burst out into tears... I knew then I would never get that girl I was dying to have. Throughout my pregnancy I came to accept it. I never felt anything but love when he was born. Then one day (18 months old) he had gotten very sick and went into a febrile seizure in my arms on the floor and at the time I did not know what was happening , i held him in my arms as he layed there barely breathing praying to god not to take my son. Needless to say he was ok. Today he is 5 years old and he is the love of my life, he is very lovable and such a mommy's baby that I wouldnt trade him for any girl!!! He does have a very soft femine personality though i must say. So 3 boys later and they are the loves of my life. they are at the point in there life now that they want to be with daddy and do boy things so I still am a little sad bc I wish that I had a girl to hang out with , go shopping with, etc. It does bother me sometimes too when I am in the store and see all the beautiful girl stuff. But it is short lived, I come home and see 3 beautiful boys that i have. You will love this baby unconditionally trust me. It just wasnt meant to be, that is my theory. Good luck!!

I am sorry you are disappointed. Do not feel bad, I have never met a mom that did not fall deeply in love with their precious baby..

Give yourself time and remember what a true miracle and blessing it is to be able to even have one baby, but now you are going to have two!
I am sending you a healing heart.

I had a boy and then it took me 5 years to have another. When I found out it was another boy I couldn't breathe: I wanted a girl so bad. It took a few weeks before I could consider that this was a good thing. It will happen to you. A doctor I worked with told me that nothing dies more painfully and slowly than a dream. It was true in my case, but I cannot imagine my life without this son. God Bless!

I found out for both my pregnancies and the first time I found out I was having a boy and I was disappointed at first. Then I told people the sex and everyone was so happy for me that I was having a boy and I felt better. Then we picked out a name right away and that helped as well. I can't even believe I was disapointed at first because he is the best thing ever and it is a little embarracing that I was even a little disapointed. So silly it seams now. So don't worry, pick out a name, start getting ready for this new baby and your disappointment will be long gone. :)

Hi Im F. my first was a girl, so when we got prego the sencond time we so badly wanted a boy me and my husband were disaported when we found out that we were having another girl, well I can tell you Im soo happy to have 2 girls its alsome I see my firends with a boy and girl and here kids dont get alone or have as much fun as my 2 girls its great im so gald that I had 2 girls.

Well I know how you feel !! I had the same problem and to tell you the truth when I found out that number 2 was the same with number 1 I burst into crying !! It took me a few months to accept it and I actually didnt get over it after number 2 was born , And know I love it with all my heart just as number one , It wont be the same cause you first child talks,walks but once he starts smiling at you ohhh what a relief and now I say ''Im so happy that its the same with number one '' Dont let the guilt get to you , watch out ...

Updated

Well I know how you feel !! I had the same problem and to tell you the truth when I found out that number 2 was the same with number 1 I burst into crying !! It took me a few months to accept it and I actually didnt get over it after number 2 was born , And know I love it with all my heart just as number one , It wont be the same cause you first child talks,walks but once he starts smiling at you ohhh what a relief and now I say ''Im so happy that its the same with number one '' Dont let the guilt get to you , watch out ...

I had a friend who found out with #2, after already having a girl. She found out she was having a boy. She was disappointed. She spent the remainder of her pregnancy having feelings of disappointment that she wasn't having another little girl. But once he was born, all of those feelings went away. I'm sure deep down inside, she still wishes she had a girl...but those feelings don't compare to love for her son.

If it makes you feel any better, I am expecting #3, after having 2 girls (both I didn't know what I was having until I delivered). I have always felt that not knowing the gender ahead of time was one of life's few surprises. I realize not everyone shares that same opinion...it's just how I feel. But when I was at my ultrasound appt for this pregnancy, I nearly asked to know what I was having. But something inside stopped me. Maybe it was that underlying story of my friend, who found out and was disappointed. I kind of have my heart set on another little girl. It's not that I wouldn't be thrilled with the birth of a healthy little boy...but the change now (after 3 kids) scares me to death. I am familiar and comfortable with raising little girls and I would like to continue with that. But what's done is done. Can't change anything now.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings...no judgement here. These feelings of disappointment will pass once you hold that beautiful baby in your arms. Feel free to message me if you ever need chat again. =) Good luck & Congrats!

with my 2nd we were hoping for a girl... everything was so different from my first pregnancy with my oldest son, but it was another boy... I was kinda disapointed that I wasn't going to get to do the Pink and Frilly stuff, but I would not trade him for anything! You will love the baby no matter what... I got lucky though and baby #3 was a Girl! So, now we have 2 Handsome boys and 1 pretty little girl... and it feels so right!

I know how you could feel disappointed, but the main thing is, is if your baby is healthy. Try to focus on the real important things, the health of you and your baby should be at the top. If the baby is the same sex as your first, be grateful that they will have each other and their interests will be something they'll have in common. If it's a different sex from your first, feel good because you have one of each. Just try not to fester over it too much, you will not enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, also, there is always time to try for one more, and if it's still not what you wished, just come to terms with you were meant to have them the way they are. I'm sure, once they place that baby in your arms, you will not be disappointed anymore. Just hang in there and try to find the positives and enjoy your pregnancy. {{{HUGS}}}

We found out yesterday that baby # 2 is another boy. I really wanted a girl because I know this will be our last child and I always imagined I'd have one of each. I'm now feeling as though the doors are closed for me, knowing that there is not a baby #3 in our future and my dream of having a son and a daughter will not become my reality. Reading these posts are helpful to me, but I really wish I had someone to talk to about this right now as I am feeling really down about this again today. I tried talking to my husband last night but he just doesn't seem to understand. I left our bed last night to sleep on the couch and cried myself to sleep, partly because I was disappointed; partly because I felt guilty for feeling that way and mostly because I felt like a horrible mother for being upset and didn't want my husband to see me continue to cry. This is not easy for me to admit and I don't know what to do to make this feeling go away. I know once I see my second son, he will be the light of my life just like my first son. Until then, how do I manage my own feelings?

i wanted my first to be a girl. for some reason i knew it was a boy and the doctor confirmed that. i accepted it and now i couldnt imagine not having HIM!!! im sure you will love this baby no matter if they are a boy or a girl!!! its a blessing either way :)

I too was horribly dissapointed to get another son, when I sooo wanted a daughter. I actually ended up with postpartum depression after he was born, so didn't bond right away, but love him to death now! Things started calming down and feeling good when he was about 1 yr old. When he gets older you will laugh about your old feelings they way I do now. I can't hardly believe how I used to feel about him then when I love him so much now!

I think that once you hold that sweet little life if your arms, you'll get over it.

I am sure once he or she is born you will love him/her just the same.
I actually found out because I wanted to know beforehand and not be "surprised" aka disappointed at birth. I had a strong gender preference ...
My SIL did not find out and did feel quite a bit disappointed, BUT once she got to know her baby, she fell in love just the same.
Good luck!

i have felt the exact same thing when my last baby was born. I have had 2 boys before and was hoping and praying this one would be a girl. When i went for my first ultrasound he had his legs closed and with my other two they always had there legs wide open to be able to tell they were boys and since he didnt i really thought for sure he was a girl. everyone told me that more in likely he was a girl because a lot of girls have there legs closed i even went out and bought girl clothes because i was so excited about it. when i went back for my next ultrasound and found out it was another boy it was a bit dishearting. i was disapointed. then i came to realize there is so many unwanted babys out there with no homes and babys that are unhealthy that having another boy wasnt so bad as long as he was healthy. so i hope this helps you a little!

I SO have been where you are.
While I didn't care what my first was (a girl) I really wanted her to be a boy. However we love her to pieces and wouldn't change a thing- of course :)
I got pregnant very soon after our 1st (on accident) and wanted my little boy! The day of the ultrasound I was a bundle of nerves! While I was happy the baby was healthy I was a mess when the lady told us it was a girl! My husband was totally fine with it and was excited to tell our daughter she would have a built in best friend!
However I could only cry!
I felt guilty for crying and for wanting my baby to be a boy... I was worried I would take it out on the baby emotionally and just not connect with her like I did my first daughter. We too knew it would be our last baby, so I was just torn up I would never get my little man! I could cry now just writing this.... but when our 2nd was born it was instant love! She is just the best and sweetest thing in the world and I can't imagine a world without her.

Now do I still dream of my little man and wish he could be in my life - yes! I fear that will always be with me. I will always wonder what he would look like and how wonderful it would be to have a mama's boy. But my husbands vasectomy will forever take away that chance of knowing. I think the fact that my husband was so ok with her being a girl, helped me out. Also seeing my girls together is pretty darn cool!

I don't think you will ever forget the desire for whatever gender you did not get, but the love for your kids will over shadow it. Just give yourself some time and after the baby is born you will find a way to move on. For me I just laugh with my friends and say in my dreams my little boy is forever sweet and wonderful- I will never have to deal with his teen years :)

Good luck!

I know you may be disappointed but my uncle desperately wanted a boy and now has 5 girls and 3 boys.. first-fourth born were girls 1.5 yrs apart and then 3 yrs later came the first 3 boys and the last kid ended up being a girl.. cuz he wanted to then have 4 and 4... the ages are from 31 to 17!!! -- crazy if u ask me.. but in europe it's very common!

I can completely relate! I had always wanted a little girl, and when I found out I was pregnant with twins, I thought for sure I would have a daughter. Well, we found out one was a boy, and three weeks later we found out the other was a boy. I was disappointed, and my husband knew it. Within days, I was just so excited to be having babies, I didn't care what they were. I love having my two boys, and you'll be so excited about whatever you're having.

I desperately wanted a girl the second time around, but we got our gorgeous son instead. I kinda knew it when we went in for the ultrasound... mother's intuition I guess. My disappointment didn't last too long though. I immediately got out all the tiny little newborn clothes from my first son and that alone brought back all those memories of having a beautiful newborn baby. I will be honest though, I was also lucky enough that my sister had a girl at the same time, so I still had someone to buy pink clothes for! :-) Plus, it was fun to start saying things like "the boys" when we talked about the future and whatnot. Anyway, you'll get there! And congrats!

I understand! I kinda wanted a girl with our first, but we found out we were having a boy. I really hoped for a girl with our second, but lo and behold another boy. I have to admit I was disappointed, both times. But now - I could not imagine having had girls. I am so in love with my two BOYS that I couldn't imagine it any other way. I am sure you will absolutely love your little one even if its not the gender you hoped for!

I had just asssumed I would have a girl. Not because I preferred it but for 31 straight years there were only girls born into the family. When I found out we were haiving a boy I was shocked only becasue of family history. I was thrilled. It was MY family who was dissappointed at first. "What will we do with a boy?", "what stuff do boys do that girls don't?" "do we have to buy everything in all blue" I thought it was all too funny. When my son was born it took my family about 5 minutes to get over it and they LOVE him to death! I'm sure as you said you will accept your baby and love it and laugh at yourself for your initial concern. Maybe you should tell your husband share your disappointment and maybe he can help you feel better quicker than keeping it to yourself. Congrats on number 2!

I have 5 girls, no boys. We were hoping to have at least one boy, but God didn't have that in his plan for us. Now, we wouldn't have it any other way. They are all so different, but such sweethearts. We adore our little girls and can't even imagine it being different.

The second that baby is in your arms, nothing else will matter. Our children are given to us by God. We are the best parents for the ones He chooses for us.Your little one will be perfect for you.

My husband has two kids, boy and girl. There are tons of girls in my family. I so badly wanted a boy (and so did my stepson). When I opened the card the tech had written the gender in, I tried not to cry in front of the family. I was terribly, terribly disappointed at first. My husband was worried that I wouldn't accept or love a daughter. By the time she was born, I go over it and now I am very happy with my little girl. It took me a couple of weeks to adjust my thinking but part of me held on to "maybe" til she was born. I think that it's very normal to want things to be a particular way and when they aren't, you grieve the loss of what you hoped for. I would be honest and then put on your big girl panties and move forward. If you need counseling to do so, find it before baby is born. If you just need to go shopping to remind yourself of the joys of babies, go do that. I think you'll be fine once the kid is in your arms. When she was born, I wasn't thinking about her gender. I was excited, nervous, scared...all that stuff. I just wanted it to go well, and for her to be healthy.

I felt exactly like you when I learn that our second child would be a girl. Everybody was so happy for us (one boy and one girl, we were lucky), but I just wished another boy!
I was quite busy when pregnant working full time + studying in the evening, so I had no much time to think about it. But, until the delivery, I still hoped for a boy and was disappointed that the ultrasounds were correct.
Then she had to spend 2 week in the hospital and her health took over any feeling about her being a girl or boy.
She is now a very healthy 11 month old little girl and and love her as deeply as one can, just for who she is.
It's normal to feel disappointed for a while but in a few weeks you'll get used to the idea and feel good.

You've probably had a thousand responses exactly like this but I was also disappointed with the gender of our second child. Of course, I wanted one of each and had two boys. While I would be lying to say that I never feel a little bad that I won't have someone to do "girl" things with, I can't imagine having our family any other way! I adore my two little guys and I'm more of a tomboy at heart anyway. I can't imagine having it any different than it came out. It took me a little bit to warm to the idea and while I loved my new baby, I was mourning the loss of the dream of a boy and girl. Give yourself a little time and I promise you that very quickly you won't be able to imagine God giving you any baby other than the one that you received.

It is totally normal to grieve for the baby you were hoping for, and many moms grieve after delivery as well, because now all the different things you were imagining and hoping are gone. They are replaced by a flesh and blood real baby instead of the dream baby, and it takes time to make that adjustment. Don't feel bad. I was certain I was having a girl, so when I saw that boy part, I was surprised and sad. Later in the day we were out shopping and I saw the frilly bonnets and totally broke down crying at the store. It only took a couple days for me to adjust. And honestly I wasn't even hoping for a girl, I just felt strongly that it was. So if I had my heart set on a girl I can imagine it would have been so much worse. You will start to think of all the good things about having the gender that you are having, and get more comfortable with it. I still see pretty sundresses and sometimes wish for a girl to have the special mommy daughter bond, but it passes too. Especially when I am around my friend's high drama girls. Then I am SOO glad to have my low-maintenance boy.

Take your time and grieve if you need to. It doesn't mean you wont love this baby. Just catalog all the positives after you allow yourself a good cry. Good luck keeping the secret too, that is brave of you to even try! I never would be able to keep from slipping up.

Dear T.
I just wanted to write...I completely understand! Being disappointed about the baby's sex does Not mean we are not grateful for this child or for the fact that he/she is healthy!
As soon as my last child was born I was over the disappointment! You will love him/her and soon realize that you couldn't imagine it any other way :)
We are now pregnant with #4 and I so badly wanted another girl but it is another boy and this time I was over the disappointment a bit faster but it was there just the same.
Many blessings and take care! Remember how blessed your children and family will be by this new child and the wonderful fact that you are so honest with your emotions!

I was surprised to find out I was having a boy. I just had it in my head that I would have a girl. My son is almost 7 and let me tell you--I wouldn't have it any other way! God knows what we need. God bless.

No judgment here. Felt that way myself and still experience twinges of what I guess must be grief - I mourn the little girl I will never have. It doesn't take any love away from your baby-to-be to be honest about your feelings. Denying feelings will just let them fester.

I have two boys. I wanted to have the experience of a girl. I grew up with two sisters, but I fell in love with my second child the second he arrived. During my pregnancy I was happy, and honestly I thought for awhile whether I should go for number 3 and try for a girl, but I decided their were no guarantees, I had two children I loved.......I decided just move on. Having two boys was fun. Being the only "girl" in the house has its benefits. Plus you get a chance to teach your boys how to treat girls! I have sisters, friends and nieces. Truly, that is enough.

Yes, sometimes I feel a little sad because daughters and mom's seem closer as adults, but that doesn't make me love my sons any less......and so far my son's have chosen great girls!

It will be okay T.. Your desire for that "other" gender doesn't make you love the kids you have any less. If you are like me the disappointment was about missing that experience, not my kids. So don't feel guilty about it. Love your kids and enjoy. It will be fine.

Hugs, I'm sorry you're disappointed. I know a lot of people would say it's wrong to have a preference, but I did both times. Second time, did not get my preference - but I didn't find out ahead of time. I think if I did, it would have been disappointing. No issues when he was born though, and he's now a wonderful almost 11 year old. Whichever gender this baby is, let yourself think of the things you'll do with a child of that gender and allow yourself your bit of disappointment now, it's really okay and I respect you for being able to admit that, a lot of people wouldn't
BTW - when I was having my first, I also found out and told no one else, not even hubby who didn't want to know. It was really a very delicious secret and I felt like it gave me some special prenatal bonding with that baby, perhaps it'll come to feel that way for you also! Good luck.

Hi, T.,

I can relate to the disappointment. I always imagined having two kids (two girls or perhaps a girl and a boy). Instead, I got two boys. My husband and I had a heck of a time thinking of a name for the first one, but decided on one that both of us like. We could never agree on the second boy's name. My husband got his choice. I'm still not happy about the outcome, in terms of the name (although my younger child is now two years old), but I keep telling myself that there are more important things in life. Now, I'm glad that I have two boys, but I sometimes wish that I had a little girl to name and dress up--and I'm not even a girly-girl kind of woman! (Adoption is out of the question as we can't afford to support another child even close to decently.)

However, I remind myself how I felt after I lost my first two to miscarriage (and multiple rounds of fertility treatment), thinking that I would never have ANY children. Some of my relatives and friends are childless not by choice. Some of these have lost their children during miscarriage or shortly after birth. Their pain is much greater than mine.

Life does not always work out the way we hope. I hope that you can come to terms with the outcome and eventually feel at peace with it.

Best wishes,
Lynne

i'm curious to know how you'll be able to keep this from your husband.
I where my emotions on my sleeves, and sooner or later it's bound to be revealed, even if i don't say a word. LOL

btw, my first was a girl, which I was hoping for. And she was the perfect baby. And then I wanted another girl too..even my husband. Then we found out it was a boy, and a piece of me was disappointed, including my husband. But who would've known now, this little guy of mine is sooo freakin' adorable and i wouldn't have it any other way!

You will be surprised even thou you know! Its the feeling you get when your baby is born no matter what gender. But the want of a certain gender and not having it can be h*** o* a mom. You will accept it and then you will wonder why you would ever want it different. Your feelings are normal Momma!! I wish you so much happiness!!

Just be strong with yourself. You need to talk to yourself and say "I have no control over this--ever--and this little child deserves to be loved and cherished because of who he or she is--no matter what"! Don't even allow yourself to be disappointed. You do have control over your thoughts. Be strong. There are good and bad about either way it turned out. If you are having the same sex this time it is a good thing because every little girl needs a sister and every little boy needs a brother. If you are having the opposite sex this time then be happy because now you'll have one of each. It's all how you look at things. I hate to say this to you, but the reality of it is we are selfish sometimes and think of ourselves. You should be thinking of the children and how it can turn out really nice for them. Too many women are told to think of themselves and put themselves first and then things will be better. I can tell you that you can take that too far and living a life thinking about and concentrating on how you can make someone else happy is much more rewarding. In this case, force yourself to concentrate on the good aspects of this child's sex and how you can make it a positive experience. Remember, that baby is counting on your love and acceptance, no matter what. And don't feel guilty about your feelings. Everyone feels disappointment at different things, but just don't let it get the best of you and deal with it firmly. Always remember to be grateful for what you have.

I was dissapointed when I found out about my second, too. Even though I "knew" the gender, I was still upset when it was confirmed at the ultrasound. What made it better was that my husband was excited. I was mad for a little while, but then I had my friends and family showing me the positives about my situation, and slowly my attitued changed. Just before my baby was born, I was totally fine with the gender. And now I can't imagine not having my life this way, with my 2 kids, just the way they are. Is there any way your husband would be willing to "find out", so you can talk to him about it. It made it much easier for me. He might even find out on his own by the way you are acting. If that's not an option, maybe an anonymous friend (like us) or if it gets bad enough, a mental health specialist. I'm sure you'll be fine, though. It did take me almost 4 months to wrap my head around it, but it all worked out. Send me a message if you would like to talk. Good luck!

T.,

I felt the exact same way when I found out #2 was going to be a girl. I was so hoping for another boy. It took a good few weeks to get over it. And now she's 6 and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Good luck!

T.,

What ever you have, it's a blessing! Be grateful and pray that you have a normal delivery and a healthy baby. I didn't find out what my #2 was but did with #3, I too was disappointed but I accepted the fact that i was having another boy.

Days later I almost miscarried and I thought my world had come to an end. I was bedridden for the rest of my pregnancy and even though I was careful, I hemorrhaged during delivery.

It's been 15 years later and there's not one minute that i don't consider him a blessing. Remember, there are those who are not able to have any and may never know the wonderful moments of feeling that baby kicking inside you.

In reading the responses I find it intriguing that most of us were saddened when we learned that were not having Girls.
Have we all the same secret longing to shop in the frilly pink section?

My husband and I were both sad when we learned the gender, in fact my husband couldn't speak for several hours. He already had the nursery furniture picked out, chandelier and all... he outwardly wanted a princess, not a prince.

Though I wasn't as decidedly shaken as he (at the time) I admit that I got a lump in my throat during the sonogram.

I will forever tell the story of on the way home that day (in silence...as the husband not speaking) we came to a stoplight. A schoolbus was directly in front of us. And peering out of the back window was the most angelic boy who looked directly into my eyes and held eye contact with me for several seconds - Time stopped, it felt like a movie. I swear, had I listened hard enough there would have been a movie score playing in the background - everything was in slowmotion.

He held eye contact with me and then turned his head and bounced away, he had blond curls and blue eyes - surfer hair.
My son has blond curls and blue eyes. It was as if I had glimpsed the future.

I smiled at that moment and knew that God was telling me that everything happens for a reason. And there are still days that I ask why I couldn't be shopping in the frilly pink section... believe me - I REALLY REALLY want to, but I always think of that little boy on that bus and know that for some reason there is a plan. A curly headed plan.

- C. J

I understand completely! We had a boy first and I REALLY wanted a girl first so that I wouldn't care for the second. When I found out I was pregnant for the second time I was so anxious to find out the gender. If it was another boy I would have to prepare myself for the fact that I may never get my girl. Thankfully it was a girl, but I too would have been a bit upset if it wasn't what I was hoping for. It doesn't mean I would love the child any less, but I would need to mentally be ready to give up my dream by the time the child came. Children of all genders are a blessing, but I think it is normal to have hopes and to feel a bit disappointed if those hopes aren't realized. I think it was brave of you to voice this here.

You are fortuneite to be able to have children, I could not. I adopted. Even in the adoption programs, you can't choose the sex of your child.

I was blessed with a boy, My husband and I wanted a girl. A dear friend of mine once told me, "God with give you what you need". And she was right. I do not think about what it would have been like only if...

My son is what I needed.

Wow, I have so been there. First child was a boy. I was excited, didn't care about the sex, glad to have a healthy baby. Second pregnancy I wanted a girl soooo bad. Found out early I was having twins. I figured, ok, my chances of having a girl has doubled. After ultrasound I found out I was having healthy twin boys. I cried, and cried. I was happy about twins, I was happy they were healthy, but come on, no girl? I felt better over the weeks but everytime I'd go into the store and see those cute little dresses, I'd get a little down. I don't think I completely got over it until I heard my sweet little boys crying in the delivery room.

That was 2003, fast forward to 2009. Found out I was pregnant and again I'm praying for a girl. First and second ultrasound, the baby was turned the wrong way and could not tell the sex. Finally, when I was about 6mo, got an ultrasound and yes, it was a girl! Now she's 8mo and I'm so thrilled. I love my boys, I got my girl.

I do feel guilty about being disappointed about not having a girl when I had the twins. But I blame it on hormones. After I delivered them, I got over it and accepted the fact that I was only gonna have boys and just love them to death.

I think you should tell your husband if he wants to know. If it bothers you, you need his support and understanding. Good luck and I'm sure when you hear that little one screaming in that delivery room, all those feelings will vanish and you'll fall in love with your new bundle of joy

well actually I was disappointed when I found out the sex of my first daughter. I wanted my first born to be a boy, and obviously she was not. I cried as I left the building. After she was born I was instantly in love. My 2nd child I did not find out what I was having until she was born, and I never felt that disappointing ping. Again I had another girl, but with the third child I had a boy, and I didn't feel any different with him even though that is what I had wanted for the last 5 years. Once you hold that baby in your arms you will not care what sex it is.

I totally know how you are feeling right now!!!! When I was pregnant with my first, we didn't know the sex. I badly wanted a boy. Well, I delivered my daughter, and am embarressed to say that I was crushed right there in the delivery room. It probably took me a couple of weeks to get over it. Then I got pregnant again, but this time I was hoping for a girl, because I loved having a girl and wanted my daughter to have a sister. Well, it turned out to be a boy! We did find out ahead of time, so I could prepare also. By the time he was born, I was fine with it. Now I cannot imagine NOT having him here. Everything I was worried about, turned out to not bother me at all. In the end, I am very happy to have the babies I had.
Don't feel bad...it looks like alot of people go through the same feelings you are having. I think you will find out that you end up very happy to have the genders you get. Good luck!!

I am 33 weeks along with my second. My first is a son which I was really excited about and I wanted another boy. When we found out that this one is a girl I will admit I was dissapointed. A few days after the ultrasound I even walked through the girl section of Target and came home and cried. Now, I am totally excited! I think it took a couple weeks for me to accept it and then love the idea. Don't feel bad about your feelings! I know plenty of ladies go through it. Unless your husband is set on being surprised, it might help to talk with him, but that is totally up to you. Give it time, don't worry about being dissapointed. I just blame it on crazy preggo hormones! :)

We had a son and two daughters and got pregnant with twins. We didn't know the gender, but we talked endlessly about what we wanted. Everyone put their orders in. I told them that I didn't control the chef in the kitchen but I would do my best. When it ended up being two girls everyone was either 50% or 100% disappointed when they first found out, and my son said "Oh, man!". We all got over it in about a minute and we love our two little dolls to pieces and can't imagine life without them. Of course it's very normal to have a preference, but the way it works is that over a large enough population, half the time it's a boy, half the time it's a girl.

well when i was pregnant with my daughter it was an emotional break down when i found out that my daughter wasnt gonna be my first son but im so thrilled to have broughten her into this world dispite me wanting a boy i cried for 2 days straight

I so wanted a sister for my daughter but my son is the perfect addition to our family. I don't think you'll ever feel bad about baby #2's gender once he/she is born. It's ok to be dissapointed now. You won't later, I promise. You are allowed to feel a little disappointment. It's totally normal.

Don't feel too bad. We aren't in control of it and once the baby is born, you are going to wonder how you could have felt the way you did once you see that little face. We all expect certain things but we all become thankful that it's just a healthy little guy or little girl. Even if you don't feel happy about it, pretend to be happy and you will soon take on that feeling. Enjoy picking out things at the store and planning little games and outings you want to do. Imagine how happy and fun it will be. You'll soon be excited!

I understand what your feeling.

Just to let you know as a mom of 2 girls.....they have 2 totally different personalities.

I didn't stay disappointed for long...but of course there was some gender disappointment. Our family is complete now also. In your own time you will be fine and I wouldn't worry about loving this one any less than your first or what could have been. For me, I focused on the fact that I was having 2 girls which meant having a set of sisters which I was excited about, in the same way as I think it would be to have a set of boys/brothers. Now I am just doing everything in my power to help these two grow up to be close sisters.

Come to terms! My oh my! Secrets from your husband? When this should be a joyous time of sharing! What happened to God's plan for your life? Children are a gift from God and He plans every detail. This generation is too concerned with trivial things instead of planning how to make that child's life count for something on this earth to prepare for eternal life. Sorry my age is showing. I have personal experience in my family of what the cruelty of rejection/favoritism by a parent can do to the child. It's not pretty. Don't you realize this is selfishness? Tell your husband and begin reading Scripture to find an appropriate name for the child, whichever gender - and remember even ultrasounds are wrong sometime. God's in control of them too. Prayerfully considered and sent for your growth~