Just Found Out I Am Pregnant at 37 and Freaking Out.

A. - I know this can be a scary time, so sit down and breath! I am one that believes that everything happens for a reason. And even though things are scary, TRY not to worry about things so much, because worrying doesn't change anything! It only stresses you out more!

I was married & young when I first was pregnant with my daughter, but my husband was unemployed & I was only making about $15K a year, and we lived in a 1 bedroom apt we could barely afford. I worried all too much about finances! But in the end, things worked out. I can't say its always been easy, but my unexpected daughter was the best thing I could have ever asked for!

You have months to think about this, but if after time you decide it is still more than you can handle, there is always the option of adoption. I can't imagine how hard that is, but there are SO many wonderful people out there waiting for a baby to adopt. Some good friends of mine were finally able to adopt - the little girl they got was born to a husband & wife who already had 5 kids and couldn't afford any more kids.

I was in my 30's when I had my youngest. I was 36. And it was a very typical pregnancy. Don't freak out because that's not good for you or the baby.

A.,

I would give myself some time to adjust and talk to your boyfriend. There are plently of families out their looking to adopt if you decide that you cannot or do not want to raise another child.

I had finally found "The One"! The only catch?? While he loved my then 8 year old son, he did not want to have any children- he made it perfectly clear. I was 27, single mom, and I lived an hour away from him, and pretty much my whole family. I was in the part of my life I had hoped for- romantic vacations, late night hot tubbing, enjoying new wines, nice restautants- a grown up life I waited for. My boyfriend told me his company was closing- he was pretty nervous, but he is a planner and a saver so there was really no problem...until I found out I was pregnant! I thought long and hard about what to do, then I realized that I would have regrets either way- but I would have many more days that would make me smile with my baby, with or without his father. I drove all the way back to his house to tell him, he held it together, but freaked out. I can't tell you that I embraced my pregnancy and was happy, I was scared the whole time about being a mom after 11 years. Jack is now 2 years old- full of energy and makes me laugh constantly. I married his dad about a year ago, he found a job near where I live. I can't tell you life is calm and serene- we have crazy busy days, and keep telling each other one day it will slow down. But even my husband- the NO KIDS guy wouldn't change a thing! Well maybe our ages! (I'm 33 he is 42)- he even said if he were younger he would think of having more- what a switch!! This decision is yours, and you are the only one that knows what is right for you. Just take a few breaths, and a few minutes/hours/days and listen to what you already know is right in your heart.

Well where to start. I had a baby at 40 years of age with 4 previous girls when it happened. My oldest at the time was 16 yrs old, the next was 13 yrs old, the next 8 yrs old, and the last (we thought) was 4 years old. I too was not expecting to have a 5th child. I am now 66 years old and he will be 26 yrs old and he just had his first baby a month ago. Needless to say I have never regretted not terminating that pregnancy.

I understand everyone's situation is different and yours certainly is not without problems ahead too. But you know the old saying....if you wait till you can afford children, you'll never have them". So at this point I wouldn't figure his job, or money into the decision.

Every child is a gift and sometimes when we don't understand why things happen, it is for a good reason. There is always plenty of love on one's heart for another baby. Times are hard right now for everyone, so that's not a good excuse either. People have lived in dispictable conditions and raised 5 kids in a one bedroom apartment, but are the most loving and giving people you'd ever meet.

I have also had a sister and niece who have had abortions and to this day 20 years later ..... regret doing it and wonder everyday if God will forgive them when their time comes to meet Him.

My advice is to take one day at a time and start with telling your boyfriend and see what his response is. Once that happens you will move to the next decision and then the next. Pray for God to strengthen or diminish your desire about this pregnancy in whatever you finally decide to do.....give it a time period and then ask yourself the question am I still feeling very strong about what I've decided to do, or am I waining in my desire. Let some time pass and pray your prayer daily and see what happens. Goodluck and God Bless. In the end LOVE will conquer. C. S.

A., I empathize. I know I would have similar feelings if I were pregnant at this stage in life. But I think you have to have faith that everything will work out. Didn't you have similar feelings of worry during your other pregnancies? Do you regret those pregnancies? Of course not. This may well be a huge blessing in disguise. Don't panic. Eventually you will laugh about this, believe it or not!

No advice but maybe support, my Mom was 47 when she had me, I'm her 8th kid, there are 26 years between me and my sister who is the oldest and there are 6 boys in between us! My Mom was embarrassed at first to tell everyone as she was already a Grandma twice, my sister had 2 kids when I was born. She did say though that I was what kept her young, she is turning 80 this year and my Dad will be 83 in about two weeks, they still travel by car back and forth from Florida every year and they look and feel better than most of the older people I know at this age :) I loved having a different kind of family, it was a conversation starter for me and my nieces and nephews are more like my brothers and sisters, everyone loved me and I was a little spoiled, kind of still am, everyone looks out for their little sis!

A.,

Right now you're scared of all the unknowns. It will all come together and fall into place. This baby is going to be such a blessing for all of you! So many people to love him. (or her)

One little baby step at a time. Don't look at the whole mountain. I've recently been going through a divorce. We stayed separated for 1 1/2 years in the home for fear of the financial, what it would do to the kids, what everyone would think, etc. But it has been a relief to make the decision and start moving forward. If God can take care of me with no job and a homeschooling mother, he will take care of you and your family too!

Take care!
:o) G.

from an older sibling standpoint... I am 6yrs, 9 yrs and 16 yrs older than my 3 younger siblings... Wouldn't change it for the world!!! Since your 2 are older, just think of the help they will be to you... Plus it would give them the ability to realize that kids are work and to keep their future ventures into the reproductive world more responsible... :-)
I think everyone freaks out at first no matter what your situation in life is or if it was a suprize or planned... There is that shock of WOW!!! Oh no... what if... for everyone.
Take one day at a time...

Hi A., I know you are freaking out right now. But maybe you can look at this as a surprise blessing. Dont worry about your age I had my daughter at 37 years old and she is 18 months old now and I am planning on getting pregnant again. I know a lot of moms who had kids earlier think that this is old but I had no issues. Doctors are really good at watching you for problems and there are tests to see if there are any problems with the baby. As far as telling your boyfriend, since he already had children and grandchildren at least he would be prepared to be a father. Even tough he may not be happy initially especially with loosing his job I bet he warms up. Money is always an issue with children but you may be surprised on how much support you will recieve. Think about having a "srinkle" instead of a shower. That way you can put a funny twist on a traditional shower so you can get help with all the items you will need. ALso hit the resale shops this has saved tons of money for a lot of moms. Try to be positive and take care of yourself. Your kids are old enough to be big help to you (even though they have thier own issues)! There is a lot of new informatin for moms now, sign up on babycenter.com to get updates on your baby. Have a family meeting and rally the troops. I can understand how hard this is for you but know you have done it before you can do it again:) Good luck!

A.,

I know a bit how your feel. I have two boys and a wonderful husband of 27 years. When our oldest son was 16 we were blessed with our youngest. We tried for several years and finally gave up when a doctor said it was a chance in a million that we would ever get pregnant. We began to plan our empty nest time of life and then came the surprise.

When we told our son he was going to have a little brother or sister he was not very happy. I lost count of how many times we heard "You love the baby more than me" even after he was born. But now they have a special relationship even though our oldest is on his own and has been married for almost one year.

Our youngest was dx with Tourette's and Executive Dysfunction recently and our days are filled with tics and constant teaching on how to plan, organize and control emotions. I know how filled your days must be with your 14 year old and mine are!

Here is my suggestion for your upcoming event. Take a deep breath...count to ten...talk to your boyfriend...and remember everything happens for a reason...you may just have to wait for a while to know what that is. Maybe our blessings will grow up to be President or something much more important!!

K.

One day, you will look back and be shocked that you were ever afraid to have another baby. He or she will be a huge blessing in your lives. It's just the initial shock for you, your boyfriend and your families that you must hurdle. Once that is done, you will be amazed at the reduction in stress that you feel.
My last child was a surprise. I was in disbelief, in tears and so upset. I did not want to go through it again. She is now 23 months old and I could not imagine life without her. She completes our family. Everyday, she (along with the others) brings us love, laughter and joy.
Best wishes for you and your family,
J.

I am a mother of 6 children. I have three boys and three girls. My youngest is 10 and my oldest child is 28 years old. My youngest was not planned , in fact it was a last time thing that just happened and resulted in my son. I was 38 years old and my youngest at that time was 10. I was scared and I felt alone. I am a believer and I realized that the Lord will never let me go through anything without him. It was rough at first but children are a blessing. Things maybe hard with your circumstances, but rest assured you can and will make it through.

I would first breath and take a break. 2nd I would make it a point to have him come by and have a private conversation with him. Also be open to his reactions which are going to be probably opposite of what your thinking. Thirdly make sure you know what you want and things will go the way they need to.

Funny you should ask me a question like that today. LOL Happily married 4 times, also happily (Divorced) 3 times, and counting, LOL. Yes I have 4 beautiful daughters, not by all 4 husbands, 2 girls from dad #1 now 28yr, & 26yr, none by husband #2, 1 girl from dad #3, now 18yr, & my youngest daughter now 9yr old from current husband. Are you still with me, my oldest daughter had 1st grandson, 11 months after my youngest daughter, then 2nd grandson, 2yr later, then 11 mo later 1st grand-daughter, Wow, Now yesterday my daughter gave birth to 2nd grand-daughter, plus one step grandson now 5yr old. So my two oldest daughters now have a son, & daughter, the 26yr old has the step son, & new baby yestesday, the boys are 5yr & 5 1/2, who love their little sister, and both call me grandma. What ever you do, everyone loves a baby, how could they not, age, test, timing, childrens age, does'nt matter. You have been choosen to bring up this little child, Congraduations. I turned 36 during last pregnency, and refused most tests. Our daughter was 8lbs, 8 oz & 4 days late, 12/23/99, I am 5"1 and 115lbs normally, so this was a very big baby for me. I am the happest I have ever been, and a proud grandma, for a young 45yr. Just Breath, hope this message helps you, and your whole family.

Bree

Hi A.,

1st- I'd like to say, "Don't worry about what people will think." I am 36 and have a 15 year old and an 18 month old. People do occasionally ask if I'm crazy, or how I feel about starting over, but I'd do it again if I could. What they don't realize is that it took me 9 years and 5 losses to bring my son into the world.

2nd- Money is always an issue and yet we seem to get through regardless of how much we have. In our case, we are making 1/2 what we were 2 years ago but somehow we manage.

3rd- Like others have said, Children are a gift. We might want to lock them in the closet occasionally(joking) but they bring so much joy to life. I have so much more energy now that we've had the baby. Yes, it's different at 36 than it was at 21 but I know so much more.

And lastly, my grandmother was 40 and my grandpa was almost 50 when my dad was born. His oldest niece and him are only a couple months apart.....it happens.

I wish you the best!

I am 37 years old also and am going to be having my third child one week from today. This, too, was unexpected after a miscarriage two years ago. My other two children are also older and it was quite a shock to say the least to find out we were being blessed with another. I am a Christian and truly believe that this child (as well as yours) is a gift from God. No matter whether planned by us or just planned by Him, your child was planned as was mine. However, the best advice I can give to you is this as it really helped me through the last nine months and is helping me now as well. Take things one day at a time. I would start to worry about finances, other circumstances, age differences, etc. but God would continually remind me that my only job was to deal with TODAY with His strength. He will take care of tomorrow and when tomorrow comes, He will provide what is needed for that day as well. And, to be honest, He has done exactly that. We have been blessed beyond measure from trusting God and walking in obedience of trusting Him today and not worrying about tomorrow. It hasn't been all roses (there have been challenges along the way) and I realize that being 37 with a newborn is going to bring its own set of issues, but I'm choosing to focus just on Today - tomorrow is another day and not something I have to deal with at this time. I hope that helps. If you want to keep emailing me, I will be happy to correspond. I will pray for you and the months ahead.

Adoption is an option.

Take a deep breath and relax it will be ok. I was 39 when I had my first and 42 when I had my second, and couldn't feel more blessed. I am going to my 30th class reunion in a couple weeks and alot of my class has grandchildren or kids just graduating and going off to college and dealing with empty nest, not me. I am also not the only one with little ones in my age group, it keeps you going and I won't say keeps you young because sometimes I feel pretty old. They were both a surprise to me and I wouldn't change a thing even though I started out not wanting any children at all and I was not married at the time I found out about my first who is now 9. I told him we adjusted and got married and never really looked back (been too busy to) and loved her. Just try to embrace it and know that God has given you this gift for a reason at this time in your life. My prayers to you and your family that all will be well with you God Bless you K.

I understand your concerns. Have you thought of adoption? There are so many different ways you could go about doing this. I have seem this work great for so many adoptive parents and children. I could help with that part if you need me. Whatever you do if you consider every option and talk with your boyfriend, even kids, soul search and research all options I'm sure you will make the right decision for all of you. I hope I did not offend you by bringing up adoption, that was not my intent!

I had my children later in life. My first was born when I was 35 and my second when I was 39. And I must say I did feel that just even in that two year span I felt the diffrence in my energy levels.
No one Never said anything about me being older and having my children. I did not have any so before so I guess they were just happy for me.
My sister had her second child when her daughter was 16 and she is 2 years younger than me. There were a couple of comments not because of her age but because her daughter was 16 years old and she was starting all over.
I think as long as you take care of yourself. Exercise, eat right etc. you will have the energy to keep up with the baby.
Before I had children I was always afraid that I could not afford them. And you know after I had them I found that money is no where near the top 10 issues a parent face when raising a child (smile). You have so many other challenges to deal with. Not saying that money is not important its just that you have too many other problems to solve. With that said, I think the good always out weighs the bad. And I find it hard to believe that there is a "real" mother alive that would come close to regretting the decision to have her baby.
I live for my kids and I would not have it any other way.

A. - I am in the same boat as you, except that I will be 40 in September. I also am a single mom of a "very challenging" 7-year old daughter. I had told my boyfriend that I was seriously thinking about getting my tubes tied since I really didn't think I wanted any more children (especially at my age). Three weeks following this conversation, I found out I was pregnant. I am now 4 months along and he just recently moved in with my daughter and me. He was shocked and scared at first, but we are both looking at this as a blessing. There is a reason for everything. Don't worry about the finances... No one can ever really afford to have children! And who cares what other people think. This is YOUR life and you and your boyfriend's baby. Honestly, everyone has been so supportive, happy and excited for us. You will be surprised how supportive your friends and family will be. You are an adult, you've already got two children... you will be just fine. I know I still have my moments wondering what the heck I am doing pregnant at this age, but God has his reason.

Do not tell him over the phone if you can help it. Its best to talk about this when you are alone together. I told my boyfriend when he took me out to dinner. I'm sure your boyfriend's first reaction will be shock. But we have 9 months to adjust to the idea of bringing a new life into the world. Good luck and keep me posted!

M.

I believe everything happens for a reason and that you just have to make the best of the "cards that you have been dealt". I think you need to do what is best for you and your family and go from there and only you know what is best for your family.

Good luck!

Hi A.,

First thing you need to do is take a couple of deep breaths and relax. Things always happen for a reason and any baby is a blessing from God. I am a single mom of three special needs boys (autism, multiple emotional impairments, sensory issues, trichotillomania, etc.). I am unable to work due to their issues as well as my own issues yet everything has fallen into place and we are well taken care of. I don't have an excessive amount of income but the bills get paid, there's plenty of food on the table and there's enough extra for clothes when they are needed. You might be suprised to see how everything falls into place. Say a prayer and go from there. Put it all in God's hands and He will take care of you all.

S.

Hi A.,

I will be turning 36 in less then a week, and my husband and I are seriously thinking about having another child. We had our first when I was 34. In addition, I have one sibling ... a sister, who is 12 years younger then I.

As far as what other people will say.... no one will say anything. Older moms are very very common these days. I know SEVERAL moms who are all my age or older who have children around my daughters age. So that really isn't an issue honestly.

I can see how you would have concerns. You have a lot on your hands already with your oldest son. However, as someone already said, I do see each child as a gift. I do believe they each deserve the right to life. If you really feel you can not handle raising another child, adoption is a great option. A friend of mine just adopted a little boy through an open adoption. She and her husband have been trying unsuccessfully for more then 5 years to have a child and adopting this little boy has brought more joy to their lives then I can ever explain.

The open adoption allows the birth parents to receive updates, photos, and schedule visits from time to time in order to see how their little boy is growing and how happy he is. There is no confusion over who is 'mommy and daddy' ... the open adoption is just a way for the birth parents to see they made the right decision and their little boy is growing, happy, healthy and loved dearly. My friend said at first she was very cautious of an open adoption, but now feels it actually helps relieve the biological parents fears and worries and thwarts the potential that they will want the child back because they see how loved he is... and say so.

I will say, for myself, having a sister is 12 years younger then I was great. We are, and have always been very close. There was never any sibling rivalry or anything like that. I helped take care of her and when I was older we would have our special days together and I would take her out to lunch or someplace special. We had a great time together. I think if you talk with your 12 year old and explain the situation and are open and honest with him about what you will need from him you most likely will find he will be a great help.

Financially, yes... kids are expensive. But there are always ways to get through that. I truly believe where there is a will there is a way.

So, you do have a lot to think about ... but I think you have some very good options that go beyond terminating the pregnancy (and you didn't even mention if that was an option for you... hopefully it is not).

Take your time to make your decision, talk to all the people in your life this will affect and then make a decision together.

You CAN do this. Sometimes the unplanned things are our greatest adventures.