Just Found Out a Friend Has Cancer

Updated on September 26, 2010
C.B. asks from Fort Worth, TX
9 answers

This is more of a vent, I just found out someone I know has cancer, the worst part is that she is 6 months pregnant. I feel horrible. I am confused as to why the Doctor didn't catch the cancer earlier on, she was overweight when she started her pregnancy at around 200 lbs, she lost 45 lbs during the 6 months and constantly complained about not feeling well and having pain. Last week the doctor sent her to a specialist who found the cancer in the liver after more checking they realized the cancer has spread to the intestines. I feel so bad for her family. This is the couples first baby, they are both teachers and were really excited about the birth of their daughter. I am also angry that the doctor failed to listen to her concerns. Right now they are giving her steroids to try to get the baby's lungs to mature, in a week they are going to induce her and after she delivers they plan on sending her to Houston for cancer treatment. Please keep her in your prayers. thanks for listening.

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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

my prayers are with your friend and her husband and baby...what a sad, tragic situation.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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M.V.

answers from Dallas on

im so sorry for what your friend is going through. my husband also passed from cancer two years ago and he was only 34 years old. i wish there was a cure from cancer its so sad to lose so many lives to this desease. its so hard espically when theres children involved that will end up losing there parent or parents. ill keep her in my prayers along with everyone else out there with cancer. there must be something we can do about it soon!!! how does it develope why? and how can we cure it??? agian im so sorry for what your freind and her family are going through godbless i hope she gets trought it!!!

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

I am so sorry to hear this. This same thing happened to me twice this year. A friend and a family member. I don't understand why cancer is so hard to diagnose. We practically diagnosed them ourselves... my prayers are with the family and with you too. Keep us posted if you can. HUGS!!

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C.W.

answers from Las Vegas on

Wow how sad. They will be in my prayers! I'd be upset with the doctor too. My mom's old doctor was the same way with her when her breast cancer spread to her lungs, he was so indifferent and almost seemed like he didn't care if he was the reason she died.... it was so sad! My heart goes out to ya'll

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

You obviously care deeply about your friend - it's important, she's going to need it.

I'm a cancer survivor. I was diagnosed 1 day before my son's second birthday, and a few days before my daughter turned 11 weeks old.

Had it not been for my own instincts, my cancer would have gone undetected for a LONG time. I had no symptoms that were irregular for a postpartum woman. Was I fatigued? Ummmm. Yes. I had 2 kids under the age of 2 at home. Had I been losing weight? Ummmmm. Yes. I had just had a baby. Did I have night sweats? Not really. Did I have nausea? No. It even took 3 pathologists to correctly diagnose it.

My cousin was just diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer, again a few days before his 36th birthday. His daughter was 18 days old.

I share those stories because it can be really difficult, especially when a woman is pregnant, for the doctor's to differentiate between pregnancy related issues and more serious conditions. I don't make excuses, just trying to provide explanation so all of you can turn that energy into getting her to a place where she has a healthy baby delivered and the best medical treatment for her diagnosis.

Friendship is the MOST important thing now. Let her be the guide of how the conversations go - if she needs to vent about it, let her. If she needs to pretend nothing's going on, do that to.

One thing you'll realize in the process is that she will comfort you more than you may be comforting her. Something happens when you have cancer and treatment - you feel the need to reassure other people things are going to be OK to a greater extent than you need to receive it.

Be there in little ways, not the big ones everyone always assumes (like meals). Buy a random magazine. Show up with a movie and popcorn for a girls night. Mow the yard, pick-up a pack of diapers or some clothes for the baby if possible.

The best thing people could do to support me during my treatment was to wear a Livestrong bracelet in my honor. I notice those who still wear it and those who have removed it.

Thanks for being a good friend to her - my last advice, connect with an organization like Imerman Angels that connects people in similar situations as mentors and friends through the process (both for patients and caregivers). It's free, and they really try to find someone in as similar of a situation as possible.

Last thing: her husband will need as much, if not more, support as she does. It is often hardest on the spouses, and that was definitely true in our situation.

This article may provide inspiration as well. Unfortunately, Anna, passed away last week, but her outlook in this article is contagious.
http://www.indy.com/posts/support-is-key-in-cancer-fight

Prayers for her family.

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D.C.

answers from Chicago on

So sorry for you, your friend and the family.
You are a great friend and she will really need you now.
I don't have any great words of wisdom ... just know that we are all here and will continue to be here for you when you need to vent, etc.
Prayers and blessings are coming your way.

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C.H.

answers from Dallas on

That doctor seems unreal to me unless she told him that she was eating a lot less food. Anyone who is pregnant can feel not well but not pain! I don't know if she can complain to some medical board about it and do factual reviews on the doctor review sites on the internet. But it should be her or her husband as your information is heresay. But I hope she tries to save the next patient from being so negligent!

Probably everyone who is diagnosed with cancer in a late stage is angry at their doctor for missing something. Sometimes they just had physicals a month before the diagnosis.

To make a real difference, I wish there was someway we could petition family doctors to have a rule about annual physicals and have standardized questionnaires for patients to answer while they wait for the appointment. After the symptom line, one could rate it for the intensity, how frequent, how long. Perhaps that would help.

There are just too many subtle signs of cancer that it almost boils down to any difference in anything that lasts a few weeks (from bloating, to frequent urination, to gas pain in an unusual spot, to new moles, 5 lb weight loss or more when not dieting, etc).

I wish I knew how or where to start that campaign!

C.M.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

C., I am so sorry!
We found out about a month ago my dad has lung cancer, when they the next scan a week after diagnosis, it had spread to his hip bone! So with all this, the best for me and my family, having our friends there to cry with, they are so many tears that we have shed, and the battle has just begun.
My mom needs "me time", have your husband take him out to play golf or a beer. My dad completely understands my mom needs that, and encourages her, my dad's cancer center is 2 hrs away, and they go there several times a week, so as much as your are there for your friend, please also think of her husband, it is so much to soak in!!
Best of luck to your friend, I will praying for her and her family!!

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