JFF When Did You First Feel "The Burn" by Your Child?

Updated on February 11, 2012
B.S. asks from Lansing, MI
11 answers

So yesterday, my parents were over. My oldest daughter is VERY close with my dad. We started talking about school and she told us about how she made a special valentine at school for someone special today. I said, Awe is it for me? She looks back towards my dad then back at me and says "I haven't decided who I'm going to give it to yet" Ouch! Of course I know Grandpa is so much cooler than mom. My dad gives her the world and when he can't he leaves the room. LOL (He knows when he can't step over me but he also can't tolerate her tears of sadness) He's a good Grandpa!

Oh and last weekend, we were on our way into my oldest school for a fun fest and I told my daughter she had to hold my hand through the parking lot. She saw a friend who wasn't holding hands with either of her parents so she stated she would walk by me but not hold my hand. I knew why she was saying this and as long as she stayed near I did not have a problem with this. UNTIL....she slowed down and grabbed daddy's hand, LOL. In my mind I started thinking "Oh geeze she is ALREADY starting to go through the mom is not cool phase." Sigh......

She is 6. And let me just add I HONESTLY don't take any of this to heart. Although, my youngest is still in preschool and I'm still her world. So, I relish in those moments maybe a little more than I should because I realize they won't last long. LOL But when did you first feel that, ouch? (She still prefers me to tuck her into bed over dad and insists on 3 hugs and two kisses...so I"m not completely out yet!)

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answers from Washington DC on

My first was when my oldest was in 4th grade. I drove him to school, I went to kiss him goodbye and he said, "MOM!!! Not in front of the school!"

He now gives me the biggest hugs when he comes home. He is 22 and in the Navy.

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answers from San Francisco on

Oh, don't be sad, you've got about 5 or 6 more years. You will still get those moments here and there where she will pick you. And then she will turn into a teen.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

A couple of years ago my GD whom I am raising was a member of a Kids Group. At the end of the year they had a little gathering where one staff member got up and said something nice about each child and then presented the child with a rose that that child was then supposed to present to the person who had supported them in the group. My GD got her rose and came back to the table. I looked at her and she told me "I'm giving it to my mom." Ouch! I know she loves her mom and she should, but I was still hurt because I was the one who had supported her in the group. She also does that on Mother's Day. She does not wish me a happy mother's day or give me a card because I'm not her mom. That really hurts too, but I suck it up and don't say anything because that what we do as adults/parents/grandparents/guardians.

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answers from Kansas City on

Last night on our way home from indoor soccer, I plugged in the iPhone for some fun music for us (just my daughter 6, son 4 and myself in the car) driving down the deserted back roads...

I started singing super loud and belting out the song, just to have some fun. (I can't sing but it's never bothered her before) and when we got home she says to my husband "Mom is the most embarrassing person dad...she sang so loud and it just embarrasses me"...

Really? it was just us in the car!

I'm not completely out yet either cause she says I have to be her Girl Scout leader forever!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Allentown on

I have been a single parent since my daughter was three. IO used to feel the burn when she would be ages 3-7 and cry when it was time for her to come home and leave her dad. Oh my heart broke for her and my heart broke for me because I knew things about her dad she didn't.

Now she is 13 and she knows how her dad is. I am thankful to say at 13 I have never "felt the burn" (knock on wood). I know things will be different now that she is a teen but we have a good relationship.

This to shall pass. She is little. She loves you and you know it. Sorry you felt the burn. It wont be the only time..lol..Just hug her and say I know you love your mommy because she is the coolest mom ever and you will realize it when you are 30!!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I recall when my son (about 9) told me that he loved his G. (my mama) more than he loved me. It was not an angry moment, just a matter of fact to him. I told him that I was okay with that and that most of the grandchildren in the family felt that way about her.

He is now in his last year of college and she is in Heaven. I am glad that he had that kind of loved for her.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Raleigh on

My first real burn came early last school year...my oldest was about to turn 8. If I saw her in school and went up to her I'd get the "stiff arm", as she's looking around at her friends with the look in her eyes that says I have no idea who this crazy woman is! I had a talk with her after the 2nd time...saying it's hurtful to put her "stop" hand up to me, that ALL I was going to do, or will ever do in public, is to just talk to her. It's not like I was going to smother her with kisses or anything! Now this year, in 3rd grade she will hug and kiss me again at school. It's hard for them....to fight for independence at the same time as wanting to be under your wing.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

my daughter is 5 and I get "the burn" all of the time. She asks whose house she is going to sleep at (mine or her dads) and gets sad when its mine/ours. I kniow she J. misses her dad because I have her more, and I'm trying to get him to be able to get her ne more day in the summer so they can bond. I still get a zillion hugs and kisses at school though but shes only in K.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lincoln on

The first time I realized that I annoyed my 6 year old son was in a story he wrote at school about his tooth falling out.

Tooth fell out, Tooth Fairy came etc. She left me $5 (Tooth Fairy didn't have any change in her wallet!!) My mom said that was a lot of money. She kept saying it over and over. I got sick of it.

Ouch... I did get a good laugh about it, but dang, I thought I was being enthusiastic, not annoying. :-)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My youngest is like that. If we are walking in somewhere he does not like to hold my hand and I make him cause if I don't he will decide he needs to run somewhere. Or we will be with my hubby and he will hold his hand and not mine. My hubby has started telling him if I ask for his hand he better give it to me. Even if that means he's holding both our hands.

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answers from Biloxi on

Oh my, I have a 15 year old son. I am lucky he even speaks to me in public, much less let me touch him! Huge no-no. LOL

I think it was in about 3rd grade when he asked me not to tell to him "I love you" when he was getting out the car at school in the morning and I was no longer allowed to walk him into school when he was in 2nd grade. He began to give me those, hand by the hip, bye bye waves also.

But, at home, he was, and still is, a loving child who often gives me hugs and tells me he loves me. So, I can let him keep his cool pose when we are out in public.

1 mom found this helpful
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