JFF: What Do You Consider to Be a "Big" Family?

Updated on May 22, 2013
X.O. asks from Naperville, IL
53 answers

I can't believe how many people look surprised when I tell them that Baby #4 is on the way. In the community in which I was raised our family of 5 kids was considered average size.

So, what's the magic # to you?

For me, it is anything over 6 kids.

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So What Happened?

My mom was 7th of 8; my dad 3rd of 3. Family parties on my dad's side were so SMALL--only 3 cousins. My mom's side, I have 27 1st cousins. Always showers, babies, or weddings to celebrate.

My sister has 2, and I think that is about her limit, as she and her husband are small biz owners and don't really have any more time to offer additional children without their business suffering (and therefore, their employees suffering).

I feel incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with my kids--it wasn't even a remote possibility for my own mother. I know if I HAD to work FT we wouldn't be able to afford daycare for more than 2 kids. Just kinda sad how expensive life has gotten, and how it has forced so many of us to limit our family size when I am hearing from so many of you that you'd love to have more.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

I have one, and anything more then that seems crazy to me ;)

Really, over 3 seems so big to me. I would call that a "big" family.

8 moms found this helpful

V.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

My SIL just gave birth to her 5th baby last night... Had to brag, sorry :)

I think that 3+ kids equals a "big family" but 6+ kids equals a crazy family, Lol

5 moms found this helpful

S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Anything over 5. For some reason, 5 seems manageable. 6 and over, you need meds.

I would love tons of kids! The bigger the family, the better in my book. I need to keep those drug companies funded!

5 moms found this helpful

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Not judging anyone else's choices, but anything beyond three seems 'big' to me. (We had five kids in our house growing up at one point.)

8 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

To me, 4 or more is a big family, because only 3 kids can fit in the back seat of the (average sized) car. :-)

If you have to get a family-specific car to tote your kiddoes around, you have a big family.

7 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I have four and most consider that a big family. Around here most have two though most of my friends have three or four.

We have a family in the parish that has eight, not sure if I would call that big so much as crazy. :)

7 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Houston on

Four or more kids translates to a big family for me. I grew up with families of two kids.

The other day we saw a family with seven boys. Holy mackarel, Batman. All that energy...my hat goes off to people who enjoy lots of kids. I can't do it. It is a limitation of mine and something I just know about me.

6 moms found this helpful

☼.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

4 kids is a "big" family to me

But then, I have one! :)

5 moms found this helpful

⊱.✿.

answers from Spokane on

In our group of friends/family the average is 2 kids so I would say 4+ would be considered large.

5 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Detroit on

In my mind, anything more than 3 kids. My parents just had us 2, my aunts/uncles all had 3. Most of the families around us growing up had 3 kids max. My husband was the oldest of 5 - his mother married twice, had 2 kids with 1 husband and 3 more with the other, and she herself was the oldest of 9 (and was actually a twin, but the other twin died when they were only a week old). My mom was the younger of 2, while my dad was the youngest of 3.

5 moms found this helpful

J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

4 or more is big to M.=) but doesnt mean i still dotn think its awesome. yes at times i see families with 4 or more and think wow they're brave...but thats about it.
honestly if i was rich and could stay home i'd have 4

4 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think of four kids as being a big family. I think of five or more as being huge. Here's why four is big in my mind:

1. You no longer fit in a sedan. You are forced to always drive an SUV or Minivan when the whole family goes out.

2. More often than not, at least two of your kids will share a room. Where I live, almost everyone has a three or four bedroom house. Very few people have five or more bedrooms. Everyone I know with four kids (or more) has at least one pair that double up. There's nothing wrong with it, it just tells me that your family is big.

3. The majority of families have three or fewer children. There aren't nearly as many that have four or more.

I realize there are communities and religions where having more kids is the norm, just not where I live. If I was a better, more patient, more nurturing mom, I would have a third child. But the two I have drive me crazy so I had to stop!

4 moms found this helpful
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J.K.

answers from Kalamazoo on

More than 3 is a big family to me. Once you cant all fit together in a standard size car, thats a lot of people.

4 moms found this helpful
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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

I'd say over 3-4, but that's just me. I wish I had more!

One of my good friends has 5 children and she says it is amazing how many people comment to her (which, unless done nicely, is somewhat rude imho).

It's really funny when my son is with them (good friends with her son) and it looks like she has 6.

She is a smidge older than me and much thinner and always looks good. I don't know how she does it. Plus she homeschools. Meanwhile I go around town looking like a bag lady half the time. :P

3 moms found this helpful
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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

A big family is anything more than two kids. I am from a family with three kids and very very few people I know have that many nowadays.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

More than 3 kids is "big" to me.
I have 2.

When I was a kid, there was a family that had, 12, kids.
6 boys. 6 girls.
Now, that is big.

3 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from New York on

I'd say 2 seems to be the average these days. 3 is still pretty common so 4 and over is large. I was one of 5 so I hear you.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

You're right, it depends where you're from. I think on average most families today would consider 3 kids the max. 4 and above would be above average. I have 5 kids, only because my last 3 were triplets. We would have stopped at 3 if it were a girl and I may have pushed for a 4th to try to finally get that girl but I'm sure my husband would have stopped me saying that 3 boys are fine, lol.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

3 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

A family with half a dozen people seems big to me. More than that seems huge to me..I keep remembering the rules in daycare and how many children of a certain age to each teacher at a time..the moms with many multiples...I am always impressed..

Family of 6 or more....Transportation, food, housing, healthcare, gifts, sports and activities, clothing, shoes...college educations..bikes, vacations...oh my....

3 moms found this helpful
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T.T.

answers from Washington DC on

I consider 4 kids a big family, but 3 would have been too big for me.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.K.

answers from Bloomington on

Just had my 4th , a couple weeks ago & it's proving to be quite the adjustment. So, right now , I'm thinking anything over 3 , is big.

3 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

heh. i come from mormon stock, and my dh from catholic. my family has 6 kids, his 5. we were both pretty surprised that we ended up with 2 kids!
but it's pretty rare any more.
i think anything over 2 kids is a big family.
khairete
S.

3 moms found this helpful

M.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'd say 5 or 6 kids but I am from a family a 4. my parents from from 8 and 10 So 4 kids is normal to me. I would say its too big if you cant afford them.

3 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

More than 3 kids is a big family to me. Most people I know now have two kids, and only have a third if they have two boys and are trying for a girl or vice versa. Growing up most families only had two, although in my family there were four and my best friends family there were four. In the case of my family and my friends family the kids were so far apart in age that there were only ever two kids living at home. My mom grew up in a family of four kids and my dad in a family of 10 kids. My dads family were farmers so they needed to have kids to run the farm.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

You are the only one to answer that question because it is your family. What are your goals for your family? What do you want to be able to do for your kids? My parents paid for us to go to college and that was one of our goals. We wanted to take our kids on a camping vacation every year; something my parents were able to do as we were kids. You have to decide what is important to your family and that is all that matters.

3 moms found this helpful
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B..

answers from Dallas on

Well, my mil was the 19th of her Dad's twenty kids. That's big. 2 mom, one had 5, one had 15. No wonder she is the hoarder that she is.

3 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

One girlfriend I have from high school is one of seven kids.
Her Mom had 10 siblings and her Dad had 12.
I never knew anyone with 22 aunts and uncles before.
One of my friends from work is one of fourteen kids.
Family sizes in general have become smaller.
I think the current average in the US is something like 1.82 kids per family.
I think anything over 2 kids is a large family.

3 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Dallas on

4 or more kids. My great grandma had 18 kids, that's a REALLY BIG FAMILY! LOL

3 moms found this helpful
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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Congrats on baby #4...that is wonderful!! I wouldn't give you a second look if I saw you carting around 4 kids....no biggie in my book. Except I would notice because it would tug at my heartstrings.

Oh...how we wanted 4...but it wasn't in the cards...I lost him when I was 5 months along.

Enjoy your kiddos!!

I think over 6 seems large to me...but not crazy...just crazy fun!! I admire those that enjoy having large families...and can take care of them emotionally and physically.

Good luck and best wishes!!

2 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

More than 4 kids.

One kid is a small family.

Three or four is medium (we have 3, if you consider the stepkids "kids" anymore) but more than 4 I consider large. Most vans only take 7 passengers so five kids and 2 adults and it's full.

2 moms found this helpful

O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I have 3 but it seems like 10 sometimes. lol I think 5+ is considered a "big" family to me. However, I live in a huge Mormon population so most everyone I know has a "big" family. I wish I had more, but it wasn't in the cards for me (I'm not Mormon). I'm an only child and always wanted 4-6 kids. But I'm happy so I can't complain. =)

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

Mosst Familes I know have 2-3 kids.. more than that I would think of as big. But, I think we also think with dollars.. It would be much easier for a stay at home mom to have more kids, than a working family with daycare costs etc.

I came from 2 kid family, my husband had 2 siblings he is the oldest of 3. But we are content/perfect with our 2.

2 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Our magic number was 4 - but it was not to be!! We wanted 4 - husband wanted two of each. I wanted 4 boys...like you!!

Like you - 6 kids and over is too much. If they can afford them and provide for them - I'm all for it! But if you can't and rely on public assistance? Nope.

My family was a family of 5 - 3 kids, 2 parents. I was raised military and saw many large families. I personally know one family who has 10 kids. For me - when they had #6 (I was there for that one) it was enough for me. The home, while clean and efficiently ran - was always hopping! They had to buy a large passenger van/bus to be able to go places together as a family.

While living in Germany - they had to travel in 2 cars because there weren't options for them to have a big van like that.

We are a family of 4 - 2 boys and a parents. My daughter is grown and lives near her dad...

2 moms found this helpful

R.H.

answers from Houston on

As I age, I become very nostalgic for the old world USA. I am like Scarlett, I would have loved to have a large brood of kids. I have one.

I guess 5+ is large.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Big? Plus 5 kids. Large, 3 plus

2 moms found this helpful
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L.H.

answers from Duluth on

I have 5, but for this area that's average. I feel like I have it pretty easy (most days), but I grew up in a family of 17.

2 moms found this helpful
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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

4...Anything that out numbers the parents is a big family lol.

2 moms found this helpful

C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I think 4+ kids is a big family

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Well we stopped at three so anything more than that seems big to me!

2 moms found this helpful
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M.L.

answers from Cleveland on

one for each hand is great for me so 3 is too big, and an odd number so no go on anything more than 2

I guess i just don't understand how you can have time to invest in a large number of kids all at different stages, don't you then become more of just a cook than a mom? or maybe kid number 4 gets some of your attention on tuesday and kid number 6 get some on friday and the youngest might get alot but the other 8 are on their own. is that just the introvert in me??

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J.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

I consider 4 kids to be a big family. I have two and two steps.

My grandpa was one of 17 (all single births and all lived to be adults from a one room sod house in North Dakota). My dad has around 100 first cousins and they played a lot of baseball :)

2 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

I don't really think anything is a big family.
If you can care for them all then it's perfect for you.
I never thought I wanted more than 2 kids, then had my third and I couldn't be happier and couldn't imagine life without her. While I don't plan to have a 4th, if it happens then so be it.
When I see families like the Duggers with 19?/20? (where are they now?) I know I don't want that for myself but they seem to be doing just fine so I guess it's not too big for them.
On a practical side, our mini-van only fits 8 people so I guess adding more than 3 more kids on top of our 3 would be too much for us because we'd have to take 2 cars everywhere after that LOL

2 moms found this helpful

Y.M.

answers from Iowa City on

Four plus kids, two adults.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

A large family around my area seems to be anything beyond 2-3 children. I grew up in a large(massive?)family albeit it was extended beyond typical imagination.

In my opinion anything beyond 6 is quite large but at the same time I have relatives that have 10+ so perhaps my bubble is actually quite small.

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Growing up, I knew only 2 or 3 only children, a handful of doubles, and most of the rest were 3-5 kids per family. The large family had seven kids (the last was a surprise). It wasn't until I went car shopping while pregnant with #4 that I realized how much family sizes had changed in the last 20 years.

So I guess 5 and up would be considered big to me.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I've found that people consider our four-child family to be huge. Cracks me up because I'm one of 5, my dad is one of 7, I have a family of cousins with 6 and grew up with quite a few families of what I consider huge numbers (7+). But given that most families have 2-3, I can see how 4 or more looks big by comparison.

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T.F.

answers from San Diego on

I think anything over 3 is a big family. I come from a family of 5.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

to your question: a big family to me is 4 or more.

After reading your SWH: I agree with you, how sad that we have to stop our family size from growing due to economic/environmental and other reasons.
in my case I would LOVE to have two more kids. Hubby was going to get a vasectomy last year but decided against it and even though we are probably done having kids, it gives so much hope that he didn't go thru with it. maybe one day...

we 3 daughters and they are sooo much fun and makes us laugh every day. Our finances are great, we have no debt, we live in a very modest house but a safe neighborhood. Oh how I would love to try for a little boy, my girls always tell me they want a brother Lol maybe in a few years but I'm getting older and right now is just not a good time.

Sad how the world has changed so much that staying home is a luxury for most parents.

By the way my mom is one of 12 children(she is the youngest girl) my dad is one of two boys(he is the oldest) . when we were younger we loved going to my mom's side of the family for vacations because we had the best time with so many cousins.
Hope my girls can enjoy each other's company when they grow up and their kids are close.

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M.C.

answers from Dallas on

The way I see it:
1 or 2 kids is a small family
3 or 4 is a medium sized family
5 or 6 is a starter big family
7 to 10 is a big family
more than 10 is a really big family

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G.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have four and a stepson and when I'm out with them, people stare, comment, count, ask if they're all mine, etc. I do feel like my family is large, but probably not as much as others view it to be. I guess I'm with you and I think I would be totally overwhelmed with anything more than what I have. I only have one sister, so compared to that, my family is very large.

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think 4 kids is right on the border. 5 kids is definitely a "big family".

I come from one myself (6 kids) and my parents too (dad is one of 7, mom is one of 9). But I notice in this generation, people don't have time or money really to fit in more than 4 kids. People are getting married later and women are working outside the home. At least in my family, amongst my cousins. I have 2 cousins that have 4 kids but the rest of us seem to be working around 2 or 3. I always thought I would have 5+ kids but the reality is that realy can't happen with my lifestyle and career and the age I got started... so I'll probably settle on 3 (God willing, 3rd hasn't happened yet) and leave the door open for a 4th in the hopes I may someday convince my husband.

1 mom found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I know way more families with 3 kids than 4, so I guess my view is that 4 kinds makes it a "big" family.

I am the second oldest of 5, so I know I come from a big family. I have neighbors who are about to have their 8th baby, that's a HUGE family.

A 4th kid makes your family a little larger than the "average" so that's why people would consider it large.

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N.W.

answers from Eugene on

Anyone who has more kids than I do (4).

If they have more kids than the family I grew up in (6) that's a really big family.

1 mom found this helpful
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